Igsy

Sorry for the second account. I will be deleting it. It seems that she is very upset that i won’t be helping her, but i feel that there are couples that are waiting for their case to be processed and I don’t want to take advantage of the system, especially when people rely on it.

unfortunately , she posted lies about me on Facebook saying that I abused her and she posted pictures of the bruises. At this point I’ve blocked her and I don’t know what to do. 

“Did you file for divorce yet ? If not, do that today, Filing the Divorce Petition (short form) with your county courthouse.  You can amend things later after this first filing ....   “

On 11/26/2017 at 8:26 AM, Darnell said:

i assume she has the 2 year card already, 

and she's realizing it has an expiration date. 

 

So, a limbo state, seperated, is still deemed married by USCIS and the deadline is a solid one. 

 

If divorced (not just filed for divorce) then the date moves , never forward on a calendar but backwards (a date before the expiration) . 

 

So, not being divorced, she cannot file it herself. 

If she was actually divorced and living in the USA, she could file it herself. 

 

 

I’m confused. So we are in a limbo state , separated from eachother for several months. Can she still file jointly since we are married? Doesn’t she need my approval or signature? How could I tell uscis that she’s trying to work the system? Because that’s what it feels like she’s doing

Hello. My wife went back to her country, found new lovers and abandoned her life here, in the states. I begged her to come back and seek marriage counseling, but I was unsuccessful.

she wrote me the other day , after what I can assume is her realization that she’s about to ruin her chance to live in the states.

if she comes? What can I do aside from already filing from divorce / separating joint accounts? Already did that.

she doesn’t know how to file, because I did all the filing- and I still have the packet I used with all the info. 

Ps she wants me to lie and help her get her filing as if we’re married

29 minutes ago, Tahoma said:

It doesn't matter whether the bank will close your joint account.  Don't risk leaving your money there, because she may withdraw it at any time.   If the bank won't close your account, withdraw all the money in your joint account (except for one dollar), and put it in another account.  Chances are good that she won't be hiring an attorney to contest the divorce, and she likely won't even respond to your divorce petition.  That being the case, you'll keep your money.  

 

And since you've been married for only two years, she'll likely get nothing in the divorce, contested or not.

 

Also, your chances of ending up on the wrong side of your I-864 is nearly zero, so don't worry about that.  

 

Get a divorce and move on.

Thanks for your advice. I will change my direct deposit for now and make those changes to my account. I agree that she has a small chance of hiring an attorney. I'm relieved about the I-864, and I just wanted to be sure because supporting someone that you aren't married to for 10 years sounds like a nightmare.

Will divorce and try to move on. Thank you, Tahoma. Appreciate your non-biased response.

17 hours ago, Roel said:

I wish we could hear her side of the story. I have a feeling (judging by your posts and words you use) that she'd have a very good reason to leave. She's an adult and doesn't need your consent for anything. 

 

Anyway. Divorce and move on. She can come back to states whenever she wants. You still signed paperwork stating that you'll support her and if she becomes a public charge, the US government will have a right to sue you for support. 

I know that she cannot give her side of the story, and I may come off as a jerk husband to you but it really doesn't matter at this point. I said in my first post that i am not here to bash on my wife. I obviously can't give the entire story in a forums board and i'm trying to get help so that i can avoid any emotional or financial fallout.

By the way, I did receive a letter in the mail saying that we need to file a I-751 so how could she come back to the states if her Conditional Permanent Resident expires in October? I'm still reading the FAQ on this site to try to avoid the affidavit of support.

sidenote- Yes! she's and adult and she can do whatever she wants without my consent, but good luck to you if that's how your two-dimensional, black and white ways of viewing relationships/marriage is.

What if the marriage is less than 2 years? What alimony could she get? plus i am using the GI Bill so i'm technically unemployed with an annual income of 0$. The bank account is joint, which i should fix ASAP, but aside from that, We did not purchase a vehicle or a home together (luckily).

She COULD come back to the U.S. but i doubt she will be capable of living by herself, especially if she won't have anyone to support her.

Anyway, thank you for your replies. 

46 minutes ago, f f said:

she does not need your consent to do anything on her own.

you can divorce her in california if you like. she will of course have a legal right to contest the divorce and argue before a judge that she deserves compensation.

you can't stop her from coming back to the us and if she decides to get benfits you are still on the hook for the i864.

do not throw her stuff away it is still hers and she can come after you for destroying it, it dosent matter that you bought it for her. it is hers.

You are right. Technically she does not need consent to do anything, but there are disagreements that happen, and consequences to her actions , like divorce.

12 minutes ago, Boiler said:

She moved and smoked marijuana without your consent but I am not clear about the affair? 

what's not clear? she told me she had sex with a 22 year old.

Hello. 

I posted here a while back, and I hope this is the right place to ask my question. (if not sorry mods)

My wife and I were having issues and I found a suicide note typed in her phone. We did not seek help and instead, she went back to her country. I thought having her go back to her country would be a great idea because her grandfather is terminally ill and she was sitting at home all day. I saw this as a "two birds with one stone" situation , because she gets to de-stress and at the same time, support her grandfather. We also got in a disagreement before she left and she threatened to tell the police that i beat her, after she beat herself.

Things did not go according to plan, she visited her grandfather one time but then she re-connected with her old friends that live in Saint Petersburg, Russia. After spending about a month in her hometown, she moved to St. Petersburg (without my consent) , smoked marijuana (without my consent) and now she is having an affair with another man. Side Note: She wants money to go to Isreal and she said she needs 600$-1000$ for entry so that (Israeli Government or customs?) knows she can sustain herself. I know this because she opened up to me. I pretended to be lenient and calm.  I have messages saved on my phone. 

Tldr - Mentally unstable wife is out of the country and I want to divorce her the easiest way possible without being bullied by her

My question - Can i divorce her in California if she is out of the country?

                       Can she do anything to retaliate?

                       Is there a way to make sure she doesn't come back to the U.S.?

Link to my initial post

Mimilicious, I'm sorry to hear about your son. I hope he feels better, but I'd like to say something about people with depression and suicide.

ive been depressed before. Sure , I didn't have suicidal thoughts but when my wife injured herself , it was extremely selfish, careless and awful. Carless because if she's thinking about taking her life , and if she was successful  (god forbid) she's choosing on taking the easy way out - leaving me with all of our problems (physically and mentally). And by hurting herself - what stops her from calling 911 and claiming that I abused her?

spousal abuse claims are very serious. I could be charged with a felony and one thing I learned from my friends/family is that women are good liars. When I saw what my wife had done to herself, I'm sorry but I felt sick to my stomach.

as I said , we will get treatment and I'm sorry about your son , I hope he gets better but nobody should take the blame for someone else that takes their life. 

If if someone goes for treatment and they are not doing it for THEMSELVES, most of the time they will FAIL. 

Again , a big thank you to the VJ community. I will fight for my marriage. We will get help.

Thanks to everyone that replied. This really opened my eyes and I know I can't take this lightly.

My brother offered her a job (he's a manager) in a well known electronics store and she expressed that she did not want to work in retail, and that she doesn't drive so she wouldn't be able to get there. 

We used ECE to look at her foreign diploma but she decided that she doesn't want to be a teacher so I told her she should go to college here and discover what she wants to do. 

The good thing is she will qualify to enroll as a resident this summer / fall.

as far as sex goes, thank you for addressing the fact that if a partner does not want to have sex, they shouldn't need to. It's not supposed to feel like a "chore". 

My situtation cant be examined in a forum. I mainly came here because I found the message she sent to herself, and I want to know what options we have. I did not think her depression is a sickness, because honestly what does she have to worry about? I support her financially and we're the same age. I feel like she's my daughter more than a wife. 

Anyway, thanks everyone for your support and like I said, we will get help. I've already set an appointment for her.

She gave herself the bruises by punching herself. It is really bad and frightening because I care about her and I don't know how she can be so careless. 

Thanks for for the help everyone. I am getting her a doctor , and a counselor for us. I know she gave yo her life by moving her but I didn't expect she would turn out like this.

and clearly shes depressed, I understand that, but I feel there is a misunderstanding. I want to send her to Russia to unwind. It would be good to visit her friends and family, and especially her grandfather. I'm not trying to divorce her or abandon her. I'm simply suggesting a vacation while she clears her mind.  It's better than having her feel "stuck" at home. If you're curious, she doesn't work, or drive.

im not even going to mention driving because I feel I could write an entire essay on that.

She's with me, I didn't work today. I'll get counseling. The reason why I sleep on the couch is because I snore, and she says my leg shakes. 

Honestly, i think she needs to consider moving back to Russia until her depression gets better. I've talked to her (it's even in her message). One thing I did not mention is that her grandfather (father figure) was diagnosed with cancer. I care about her and support her but I can't just be home like her.

out life would be so much easier if she put effort into driving, too. 

Hello. Throwaway account for identity reasons. Me and my wife have been married alittle under 2 years now. Our marriage was great but the past few months have been daunting.  

I think I made a mistake by getting married , and I also did not pay attention to some red flags. I don't want to bash my wife on the internet but she can be very hysterical sometimes. I have never witnessed anyone in my life ever behave like her. 

Last week we got into an argument because I haven't had sex with her (my mind isn't into it). And I went to sleep on the couch, after work and school I came home and found that she was wearing a long sleeve shirt. I looked closely and saw bruise marks all over her arms, and she had them on her legs, too. I'm shocked and speechless, so much that I don't even know what to do.

last night she asked me why I was online on VK (vk is like a Russian Facebook). Again , I'm sleeping on the couch and while we bickered on our phones, I fell asleep. Apparently she took offense to that. As I'm leaving work, i see her sleeping at 8am. I come home and prepare for my night classes at 4pm and she's still in bed. I think to myself "ok she must be sore from the gym or maybe she had a headache". After I came home from school at 9pm, she's still in bed!

I convinced her to get up and we went to buy some food. We came home and I grabbed her phone that she left on the bed. I opened her vk (like Facebook) and found this message in her chat (she sent it to herself)

"For asdf
I hope you'll find this message. Send the part of it to girls and my mum. I recommend you to block my mum after because she's hysterical. 

I don't want to live. I feel like I'm stuck in prison and I don't know what did I do wrong in my life. 
I can't go back, I can't stay here. I just can't be happy. I tried but I just can't.

You already know everything, we talked a lot. You know how depressed I am, you know all the reasons. 

A part for my mom and friends: я не чувствую себя счастливой. Мне жаль. Не расстраивайтесь. Никто ни в чем не виноват, это все я и особенности моего характера. 

Goodbye and have a good and happy life."

what in the hell do i do? I'm scared and thinking of sending her back to her country, at least for a vacation.