JulesOz

Yep that's a very good point. I'm pretty sure I didn't disclose the 2009 thing because at the time I didn't think it would show up. I think I already knew the answer, just wanted people to reiterate the sensible thing to do... disclose. Thanks to everyone who gave me the advice I needed.
 
Additionally, has anyone filed their application with something on their record? Any tips?
 
Cheers,
 

Most of your sins, at least those that have a paper trail in the US,  will show up in an FBI background check. So just make sure you list them up.

Definitely disclose. Besides, you disclosed them when applying for your B2 back then. What you disclosed during your B2 application is probably on the embassy's system already for the CO to see so you'd want to be consistent

I'm not a lawyer, but.. if it was me I'd disclose. If you are asked the question you legally need to answer it correctly, obviously if not asked you don't need to tell. BUT if you don't disclosed when asked you can lose everything. 

I would declare.  These things will show up on a criminal records check if that check includes both spent and unspent offences (which is what they normally require).

Yeah, you can adjust status from a tourist visa as the spouse of a USC. Just follow the guide here:
http://www.visajourney.com/content/i130guide2
 
I can't speak for the solid residential address piece, but as a freelancer, you are self-employed. You will need to show that you are able to support your spouse via an I-864....requiring 3 years of tax returns (transcripts preferred, which are free). You must show that your income is 125% of the federal poverty line for your household size, or use 3x the difference in assets if income is insufficient. You may also use a joint sponsor if you don't meet the requirements by yourself.

USCIS isn't the IRS but they will look at the tax transcripts, in part, to determine if the requirements are met.
 
Having a joint sponsor is probably for the best. Good luck.