IfoemaUS

From experience, what children say and actually mean can be different. Talking with the children on the phone and Skype are totally different then being together. For months before my now husbands first visit they would talk, laugh, and carry on and get along great, (they were 12,10 & 8 at the time) and my 3 kids absolutely adored him (I'm pretty sure it was the accent more than anything lol) and vice versa. Thankfully when he arrived my kids were at their dads for the 2 weeks (school holidays) so I was able to introduce him to them slowly before they came home to having another man in the house, by taking them out for a day here and there to get to know him. He stayed for 6 weeks. During this time overall it was great but there were the odd occasion when he and my 10 year old son at the time would clash,and moments when you could tell the kids were not happy. 7 years have passed and in that time my husband has spent a lot of time here with us, now especially since they are older they look to him more now than there own father. Blended families take time, it's not going to be all bells and whistles straight up. As for the ex...well I think he has right to know about the new person, as his s concern is for his kids. I kept my ex informed, I didn't have to, but I chose too, after all he is the children's father and has a right to know, and once they did meet he was totally fine.

Thanks so much for that insight! I can see what you are saying. My kids go to their dad for the summer too so I'll use that in a like manner.

Just for clarity...again, I never said he doesn't have a right to know about my fiance as he already knows (I told him) and he will have an opportunity to meet him as well. However, I don't think he has to know about the visa process. That's our personal business.

So you argument is he didn't inform you about his personal life so because of that you aren't going to let him know? Normally that wouldn't really be a big deal if it was just some petty power struggle between you and your ex husband, but when you have kids involved then it's always best to think about their well being. The thing about consideration is that it's not actually considerate if you always expect the same thing in return. Just be the bigger person.

I'm curious if you've read the whole thread or just bits and pieces? I never said I would not let him know...he already knows, which is the premise of the whole thread. What I said is that he does not need to know that we are going through the visa process. I have said several times that he has a right to meet him...in fact, I was the one who told him early on that I was serious with someone and getting engaged...so I have definitely been the bigger person and that is not my argument. I only bought that up because someone said to put myself in his shoes and I explained that I was the first to be in the position of "other parent".

With all due respect, I believe you are wrong. Your engagement and subsequent marriage will directly impact and has everything to do with your children.

What if they just don't get along in real life? What then? Just because you Skype with someone for a while here and there, that does not mean either of them can put up with an actual person to person relationship... With authority and everything that comes with stepfather/stepchildren relationship.

Two kids from a previous relationship and at the ages that you mention are not as easy to introduce to as, say, babies.

Nobody has a right to tell you what to do, but since you are asking for advice, I would not bring my fiancé to live with my kids when he is largely a stranger.

Maybe you can visit him in his home country with the kids for a while... Maybe he can come to the US a couple times to actually interact with them in person and see where it goes from there.

Just a respectful opinion.

I do wish you the best of luck.

Wrong about what exactly? I never said my engagement and subsequent marriage will not directly impact and has everything to do with your children. What I did say is that my ex does not have a right to know about the visa process.

Luckily, I don't have quite this situation. My child (19) lives with me. They are very shy and have difficulties with meeting new people. My ex however is not part of this process at all. She doesn't even know I am engaged. Which is the way it should be since my child is over 18. I was concerned about how my child would be with a new person coming into the house. So, having my fiancee come here in December and live with us for a week was a great way for the 2 to interact beyond the occasional SKYPE conversation and me keeping my child updated on the process. I'm sure there will be an adjustment period. Isn't there always? I'm more concerned about when my ex finds out about the new marriage.

Yes, there is always an adjustment period no matter how we go about it. Now that I think about it...I was a child who had a step-parent enter the home. I knew my step dad from church...I knew who he was but didn't spend a significant amount of time around him...just that he was a nice guy and treated me very kindly. He moved my mom and us in with him and it just went from there...small adjustment period but it didn't last long before I felt he was another dad to me. Now that I'm really thinking about it, I love my step-dad so much for how he was careful not to rush us even though we lived with him...he gave us time to establish our relationship with him in the way we needed to. That experience is coming in handy for me now as I type this. I'm feeling optimistic.

Maybe you read what I wrote wrong as I never stated that your new relationship needs the approval of your ex husband I totally agree with you there however your ex husband really has a right to know who will be in his children's lives and what impact they will have on them.

Yes I agree he has a right to know who will live with his children. I never denied that, in fact I have always stated that I think he should and will meet my fiance at the appropriate time. What I disagreed with from your writing was that the ex has a right to know what about the visa process and plans with my fiance...he doesn't...because that does not directly impact the kids. It seemed to be inferred that his approval is needed if he has those rights, so I don't agree on that point. But I get what you are saying and I appreciate the feedback.

Not saying your fiancé is like the example below but your ex might be imagining the worse or had heard something similar to the below so is freaking himself out.

There was a women on here who had her new guy come over, he started walking around naked in front of her child. She asked him to stop but he refused, saying it was normal

so he can do it if he wants to.

I would have your fiancé stay elsewhere as others have suggested, have the kids spend time with him and also have the ex spend time with you, your fiancé and the children so he can see you all interact. This should help alleviate any fears he has.

I know he is imagining the worst..and I think any parent who is in the position of having a new adult step into a step parent role would feel the same, so I get it. I just feel that I don't have to over-extend myself for him to feel ok about it. I respect him enough to have him meet my fiance and to allow a week or so before he moves in.

I was in the same situation with 2 children 12 (daughter) and 7(son) when my fiance got here in January. My ex had a lot to say about how he felt but for me how he felt was not the issue it was only how my children felt that concerned me. I made sure they were aware of what we were doing and asked how they felt about him(who was pretty much a stranger that they would talk to on the phone or video chat with) moving into our home. My son was super excited probably wouldnt have let him stay anywhere else even if that had been the decision we made, my daughter didnt have much opinion on it at all(shes almost a teen if it doesnt involve her phone she doent care). It should be about how you and your children feel about the situation not you ex.

Now with him being here for 5 months I have no regrets with the way we handled it when he got here the kids viewed him as a friend and now they view him as another parent in the house.

Thanks so muck for that feedback...it sounds like your situation is very similar and it sounds like your children are like mine too. My 5 year old is super excited and tells me that she can't wait til he gets here...my son is 12 and like your daughter (pre-teen) likes him but likes his friends more lol...he has given his blessing. I imagine things will unfold the same way but I will (for good measure) make sure they meet him a week or so ahead of him moving in to make sure all goes well.

I took my sons to JA last summer to meet my fiancé. We stayed with him for 2 weeks. Even though they Skype and talk on the phone I was very glad they got to meet and had a little chance to get to know him. I think they feel better too. Everyone got along great and they are even more excited for him to come to USA.

Thank you LionessDeon. I plan to make sure they have a few weeks to interact before moving forward.

Another vote for meeting before the big move.

I've always intended on a meeting prior but it my ex wants there to be "long-term" face to face interaction beforehand and that's the issue. So I'm trying to determine what's sufficient for meeting. (?)

While I agree with you, think about how you would feel in the same situation in regards to your children. He's being cautious so dont take it personally against you, but rather know he's coming from his fear for his children's safety.

I get it because I've gone through a similar situation when my husband met my daughter in person for the first time. I think a hotel or staying with your friends is a good solution for the first week.

The thing is, I have been in the same situation when he married...circumstances were a bit different but same outcome. I found out through 3rd parties that he was engaged and then later when they married...but he wants to have advanced notice of my actions. He claims he only did it because he married the one that finally ended our marriage and he knew how I would feel...however, this is supposed to be about our kids and I didn't get the same consideration he wants. He says the difference is they were exposed to her (never mind the fact that it was under scandalous circumstances) so that makes his point valid. The thing is, I have no issue with him speaking to or meeting my fiance...also ask the kids how they feel, but I do not feel he has rights whatsoever in regards to my personal life and I will make sure the kids meet him before he moves in.

It's always a tricky situation when introducing a new partner where children are concerned not only for the children but for the other parent as well. In my case when I had an established relationship with my now husband I had my children 9 and 15 Skype and chat with him as much as possible, after I visited him by myself he then flew out to Australia to meet with my children, personally I feel this was an important step to help us all with further bonding. Is it not possible for your Fiance to meet with your children before he moves to the States?

I feel your ex husband has a right as the other parent to know your plans with your Fiance in regards to his Visa application and your future plans. If you still have a good relationship with him why not get him and your Fiance to have a chat together so to put your ex husband more at ease with your situation and to see that the children will remain a top priority.

All the best.

The children will definitely meet him in person once he gets here. I have to disagree in regards to my ex husband having any rights to know that I'm going thru a visa process because (him coming on a visa) has nothing to do with the kids directly. I have always told him that he will have an opportunity to meet and talk to my fiance because he is my kid's father but to me, that has no relation to the fact that he is coming on a visa. It's just that my ex husband wants to be more involved than I feel he needs to be. Introductions and getting to know him are enough...needing his approval is overboard.

When my now husband first arrived he stayed with a friend ( his uncle) for 2 weeks while I introduced him to my children and they got to know him. If you don't have a friend he can stay with consider a hotel. It is always best for them to meet the first time on neutral territory

I think this is a good idea. His family lives on the west coast and I'm on the opposite side so he has no direct family near me but if we have to do a hotel then we will. I really don't think it will take long for everyone to feel comfortable. My children and him already have a great time talking and laughing on the phone/Skype. He is very involved in our day to day routines and activities. He even skypes in for the kid's sports activities. Saying all of that to say they already have a good foundation and everyone is comfortable from conversations I've had with each separately.

Ok so I'm being a little vulnerable by asking for feedback here but I'm more likely to find others with similar situations on VJ than anywhere else. I am currently engaged to my fiance and we've been together since Dec 2014. I was previously married and from that marriage have 2 children (boy 12 & girl 5). I've visited my fiance but my children have yet to meet him in person. However they speak to him every day via phone and/or Skype and have a great connection. My ex-husband feels that since the kids haven't met my fiance in person that it's a problem if we marry and he moves in when he gets here. My ex husband really doesn't know any details in terms of us going through the visa process...all he knows is that I'm engaged and my fiance lives in another country. He doesn't like the idea of him moving in as soon as he relocates here. I didn't ask for his opinion...just simply informed him of the engagement so that the kids wouldn't tell him first. Has anyone else experienced an ex with this concern? Thoughts?

I am a black American woman and my fiance is Nigerian...close in age and really no issues between us. We met a year and a half ago and still love struck lol...he has family here already (on the opposite cost from me) his mom, sis, and aunties/cousins. I speak to his family at least once or twice a week and we've become very close. The only thing I worry about at the interview is that I've only visited him once for a week due to work (vacay time) plus the fact that I can only really take that type of trip in Summer because my children are in school the rest of the year...also the expense of the flight is another challenge, so I hope the CO does not take that as a problem. I'm so ready for my sweetheart to join us!

My NOA1 date was 3/2/16 and still waiting on NOA2...wondering if it usually takes this long as well. According to VJ processing times, my NOA1 date is processing today but I'm not sure how accurate that is. Fingers crossed that it's this week. I've seen other timelines where NOA2 was issued in 1 month so it's just my luck that things slow down on my turn

There is a sample form here on VJ or you can google a sample like I did. I agree with the former post, you can put something like "N/A (current K1 visa application in process)

No because I wanted some advice first just in case. Because the lease agreement says that visitors staying more than 2 days must have a background check and file an application. I'm afraid once she hears "he's coming on a visa and has no record and you can't do a background check" she's going to immediately say no and my fiance has no where to go.

It sounds like that could be considered discrimination if she declines him based on him coming on a visa. Also, he had to have a police report during the visa process so you can offer that as a supplement.

YES that is true Q-LIFE usually takes like a week, that's where i use, cost me 43k, try have the money on your debit card, that way you save yourself time, if not you'll have to go and pay in the bank and still come back and meet the queue

Do you know if the same is true for Children's...that you have to pay at the bank if not on your debit card?

o gotcha thanks ! and looking forward towards the good news !

Thank you! Same for you!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Hello All,

1. When I met my fiance, he was working in Qatar. His contract expired and he went back to Nigeria. He hasn't worked since being back to Nigeria. Will that affect his ability to be issued the K1 visa?

2. We are awaiting the NOA 2, which according to the TL should be issued sometime next week (praying no RFE)...I want to know how much is the fee for the DS-160?

3. I read something saying K1 applicants need to fill out DS-156 in addition to the DS-160...is this true? If so, is there a fee?

4. Can I complete the D-160 online on my end (for accuracy) and then have my fiance do the electronic signature on his end?

5. What is the estimated cost for medical exams in Nigeria?

Thanks so much for any/all help!

I'm in K1 process and I emailed them ahead of time about this as my fiance is in Owerri...they told me they will not mail anything but would call him for interview and email also.

The credit check service that the apartment complex uses may not show your accurate score. I am a Realtor / property manager and I get "score not available" or 0 score on reports quite often.

The services we use also do not access full credit reports. Most reports I see only show the negative items and not the accounts in good standing.

Open a "no annual fee" card that gives you your credit score every month. More accurate than anything other service except for getting your information directly from Equifax, Transunion and Experian.

This is correct....they may be using a 3rd party service and not direct from the bureaus.

OK, got it...thanks everyone!

I'm sorry I thought the i-134 was the Affidavit of Support form. There was a form my spouse had to sign. I can't remember what it was, but I scanned and emailed it to him, He signed it and sent it back by Postal mail, it took about 2full weeks to get to me in the states.

I think I got the "AOS" mixed up...I thought you were referring to "Adjustment of Status", my mistake. As I was looking at the 1-134 form, it appears that me as the petitioner has to sign it to agree to provide support to my fiance once he gets here. I just wanted to know if it had to be a wet signature or if I can scan it to him. I think the wet signature is the best route from the feedback.