davenjanet

There are tons of opinions out there about age gap marriages.... opinion and butts (cleaned it up for the forum), everyone has one, doesn't mean the next person wants to know about either.

No you didn't brand the Philippines... actually the other poster did in MY opiinion.

No worries.. be happy... enjoy...

And all the best!

Thanks!!

The truth is that in our culture marriage is challenging enough without listening to strangers who for their own reasons decide they are against yours.

Well, in that last paragraph, you completely missed my point. You're 60, so technically you could have had a daughter who would be 40 years old.

Maybe I just follow a different set of morals and standards, but I also try to look at the big picture. My wife is 4.5 years younger, which is nothing. When I retire, she'll be pretty close to retiring too. When I'm old and in a nursing home, I'm not gonna be leaving my 20-something year old wife to take care of the kids by herself. If you think that's OK, then that's your own selfish desire. Just because it's legal, doesn't make it right.

Nope, YOU missed the point - completely. While at age 59 (I got a couple more days to go till 60) I could in theory have a 40 year old child, I don't. I could just as easily have a 3 year old child.

In short life does not work on an actuarial table; you can't define when someone could or should get married, have kids, get old, enter a nursing home, or die. Case in point - my mother died (and quickly) at age 40, my grandmother had a stroke and entered a nursing home at 54; both long before it was supposed to happen. So to use a well worn cliche "life is short - enjoy it while you can." Personally I intend to. If someone has a judgement with that - it's their issue not mine.

As to "just because it's legal, doesn't make it right" who decides what makes it right? While possibly some family input is justified, certainly the couple ought to ultimately decide. And never some anonymous guy on the Internet.

You kind of just branded the Philippines as an easy place to go where old people can get young girls. It's not a place to fulfill a fetish that's very hard to accomplish in America. It's very rare to see a couple of white Americans with a 35 year age gap, mainly because it's not the norm in America (how much disgust did America show to Anna Nicole Smith and that 80 year old guy?). So why is it that most of the white people I see in Phil (outside of Manila) are old white males picking up their young Filipina tart?

Age shouldn't make a difference in a relationship, but some people need to ask themselves a question or two:

Would you marry your daughter's best friend?

Would you marry your granddaughter's best friend?

Let the fire begin, but I'll still stick to my "keep it within 10 years" rule.

Well I now know one person who isn't coming to the wedding lol!

In no way did I brand the Philippines as anything. If you read my posting the point I made is that because I had already had a younger gf in the US by th time I visited the Philippines I was open to the possibility and it didn't bother me when I saw many older men with younger women there. Nor did it bother me when many younger women, some much younger than my fiancé, expressed interest in me.

You said that age shouldn make a difference in a relationship but then contradicted yourself. Why do I have a "young Filipina tart" but you have a fiancée?

No, I would not marry my daughters best friend for a variety if reasons. The biggest reason is that my daughter is 13! Not every older guy is a grandfather.

I had had one experience with a younger woman (20 years difference) here in the U.S. several years ago. She was sweet but I knew for several reasons we would never marry. Frankly I felt a bit guilty, or more accurately I felt that I ought to feel guilty about the age gap. But the relationship helped me get that self-doubt out of my system. Now she is a good friend and a big supporter of my relationship with my fiancee.

So by the time a good friend of mine (who has a delightful Pinay wife) told me I should check out the Philippines for a potential partner I was more ready to have a relationship with a younger woman. But I was not ready for how many Pinays were readily open to relationships with older men. I asked several girls why they would consider a much older man and invariably they had thoughtful answers that most of you have probably heard.

This issue is on my mind a lot recently since I am about to hit the next major milestone. Next week I turn 60. My fiancee says in reality I am younger than she is. But our Avatar pic says different lol!

At 35 years what do we win if we have the largest age gap on this thread?

To the OP- age doesn't matter.. Inlike the poster eho said you have to have confidence... Good comment.. I like to say, if it's true love and your crazy like a couple of kids you wouldn't be asking these questions. These questions are asked by someone who is unsure and maybe needs to put more seat time(time spent together in person) in.. It's all up to you if it's going to bother you and if you can't accrpt somr loss of friends and family..

Hmm. I asked what I thought was a simple and common question - what response people have received in the US and how did they handle it. My fiancee who naturally knows little about the US also has asked about what reaction she might get. A forum filled with Phil-Am couples seemed like a good resource to ask such a question.

At almost 60 I don't do anything like a crazy kid - at least nothing I am going to admit to on a public forum And if I needed therapy or a confidence boost I'd watch Dr. Phil like the rest of America.

Thanks to those who answered the question and the few who contacted me offline.

I think this has run it's course for me.

No problems here, in fact mixed race/ethnicity is very common here. Still there is some stares if the age gap is big or noticeable. Also Portland is pretty liberal, so should be no problems. In fact that area is nice and go beavs.

Go Ducks lol

Here's my answer:

We have an age gap of a mere 24 years but maybe my experience can help. When we're in the Philippines, we get a few stares, but that's just because I'm so darned good looking. Here in the US, we get a few stares, but that's just because she's so darned good looking also. We're just a really darned good looking couple.

I'm not so old that I don't care what anybody says. If people have a problem with me or my wife; it does matter to me. And, looking back, there might have been a few family and friends that had doubts in the beginning about a marriage with such a difference in culture and age; but after they got to know her, they understood how lucky I am and how happy we both are. She won everybody over, so there is really no issue. She won everybody over so much, everybody loves her more than me now.

Good luck in your journey and welcome to VJ.

Thanks for this. I assume that we will have a similar experience. All my relatives and friends who have gotten to know Janet (mostly online) love her.

Obviously I was exaggerating when I implied that I won't care at all what reaction we get. At some level I will care, though less that I might have when I was younger. I have already been in an interracial marriage, so I do have some experience as to people's reactions, though in that case they were mostly positive. Had it been a generation before the reaction would have been different.

As to the age thing I have already heard plenty of the standard cliches. As a writer and a bit of a smart-####, I am perfectly capable of defending myself verbally and then some; but as a mature man I hold my tongue. I tend to be very open about my life at this point, which wasn't always the case. Post divorce I had a younger gf here locally, tended to feel guilty about it, and hid the relationship from most of my friends. No longer. Janet and I are open on Facebook; most of my friends are supportive, a few aren't. All of Janet's friends seem positive, though she too hears cliched comments about how I must be rich.

I did not mean to stir up a hornet's nest on a lazy weekend. It's genuinely something I have wondered about. I have other friends in Phil-Am relationships, but not in my city. I hope to find a small group of similar couples here. I also have a number of male friends with younger, foreign wives, though they too are scattered all over the globe.

I suppose the bottom line is that this is my problem to work out and I have no doubt I will. Just hoping to get advise about what some of you experienced and how you handled it. But I also well understand if it's a prickly topic (pun intended).

This is my first posting and I hope the topic isn't too controversial. I just filed my forms (YAH!!) and now the wait begins. Great information here and I am sure I will be using this place lots in the future.

But my question is for those who have completed the process and married their fiances and are living in the US - what kind of reaction have you received? I know even at this point I have gotten comments already. Back in Leyte, so has my fiancee. Mostly they are good natured, but still have a bit of an edge and a judgment to them.

I am too old to really worry about what people think about me but am a bit worried about my fiancé, although she seems more calm and mature about this than I do. I mostly want to have a nice supportive group of Phil-Am couples that we can interact with.

And like some others we have the doubles issues of a different culture and a considerable age gap, both of which I know can cause judgments.

However, I have noticed that even some people who have gone though the process successfully have some weird attitudes about others and I have already read comments about poor desperate Filipinas and old lecherous American men

I am sure we can handle whatever reaction we get, but just wanted to know what the experience has been like for you and what sort of support system you have been able to develop.

Thanks!