InHisTime

Hi OP! Don't give up, soon you will finally end the process and be with the love of your life. Time flies very fast. At least something will gonna happen soon and that is worth waiting for. It maybe slow, but it will definitely have an end.

There are pros and cons in K-1 as well as in CR-1.

For me, spousal visa is best of all especially when the beneficiary is sincere as it really protects her legally in the US. As you know, it is not easy moving to another country especially when you have established your life and have a good job in your own country. It is a sacrifice to leave everything behind at all because of love. But, with K-1, the beneficiary may get in trouble establishing legal stay in the US, if the petitioner has issues that haven't discussed or seen before moving. After marriage, the AOS has to be filed with support of the petitioner to get work authorization and GC to start a new life in America.

On the other hand, K-1 is also good, as it gives time to think upon arrival in the US, when the K-1 fiancee is not being treated well, while CR-1 is closed -- when it doesn't work, it goes to divorce. While K-1 fiancee could still move backward by not pursuing marriage and come back home before 90 days expiration.

I think in everything -- whatever immigration route it is, the heart is what matters most. It is important to know the real intention of petitioners and beneficiaries. It has to be real love and got to have lots of patience and determination. There is no certain in life - so keep moving forward.

Remember things happened for a reason. So be glad in it and have faith.

I wish everyone here in VJ a successful journey. Love your partner like there is no more tomorrow -- give love to the fullest! God bless to all !

Congratulations!

Hello everyone. Just saw all your posts and comments or should I say "help" for my fiance's questions.. We really need your help but not the judgement. But I do understand. No offense taken. Anyway, I can give you the exact question and answer story coz I was the one who got interrogated by the Filipino guy who wears an NBI ID. Im not sure if he is an NBI but Im pretty sure that the USEM wont allow him to wear a badge if he's not. And so the interrogation started.. He reminded me that if im telling a lie or some of my documents are fake, I'll be black listed and wont be able to get in the States for the rest of my life. And so I said, Yes! Im definitely telling the truth and all my documents are not fake. And then the first question was "Who's your bf?" I gave him my fiance's full name.. and then he said "No! I mean your other bf.." I said There's no other boyfriend.. Im engaged with him and we've been together for two years.. And then he said tell me how did you meet him.. And so I told him starting from the very first day I met him til the day before my interview.. And he asked me about any pictures.. I gave him all the pictures I have (More than 100pcs), receipts, facebook chats, airline tickets, copy of his ATM Card.. long story short, before the investigation/interrogation/interview ends(not sure what to call it anymore), I asked him "Sir, obviously my case is not the same as what other K1 visa applicants have because of all of these questionings,etc, I hope you dont mind, Is there a problem with my application?" He answered, "No! Dont use the term "problem" coz there's no problem. American Consules have limited time to interview an applicant. If he didnt get satisfied or still need more information about the whole relationship, they pass it to us. Coz obviously Ive been asking you for an hour already. Anyway, goodluck and If you know there's nothing wrong with your case, you have nothing to worry about. We just really need more information." I asked him "How long will it take?" He said "No definite time. I'll do my research then just tell the consul about everything you told me then the consul will still decide for your case. Just wait for our call! Goodluck! (Smiling at me!).. I still said Thank you and I really hope everything's gonna be ok." He said "Say Hi to Rolan for me! (my fiance)". I said I really wish you can personally talk to him so that you would know how we really love each other. He said just by talking to you and hearing your story, I somehow know you and your fiance... It started bad but ended ok.. And to answer all your concern about me cheating, NO! I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM! NEVER! I EVEN GAVE THE NBI INTERVIEWER ALL MY FRIENDS' NAME, NEIGHBORS AND RELATIVES WHOM HE CAN ASK WHATEVER HE NEEDS TO HELP THE WHOLE INVESTIGATION. I just wanna personally thank those VJers who simply helped my bf and not stressed him out more through judging me.. I just think I need to post this not to get more judgement but to get help from those who have any idea about Administrative Process/Review.. Thanks a lot and May God bless us all!

I hope that you would receive your visa soon. I just think probably the embassy received negative information about you or someone has provided confusing information to the embassy, it could be anybody of your friends, family, relatives or maybe from the side of your Fiance. As you know, in this life, there are people who have crab mentality -- they wanna see you down or frustrated. They are jealous. I hope I was wrong, but just be careful. You don't need to worry too much as long you are telling the truth. Truth comes out. Good luck and God bless!

Our love has endured and we wont give up. Thank you so much for the encouragement. GOD bless you and yours. Miracles, love and blessings.

Ohh thank you!

There is no dress code during the interview. But, I highly recommend business attire. Wear something that looks decent and pleasing to the eyes of everyone. Yes, it could be pants with blouse, preferably with collar. Good luck and God bless!

Btw, I wore whole dress (business attire), when I had my interview. Something that I am comfortable with and appropriate to the occasion.

Hi guys,I just want to know what should I wear in the interview? suit or pants and t-shirt or what? what is preferable?

There is no dress code during the interview. But, I highly recommend business attire. Wear something that looks decent and pleasing to the eyes of everyone. Yes, it could be pants with blouse, preferably with collar. Good luck and God bless!

No offence, but you have no right to judge people at a young age on what we do and say we're clueless. For my age actually I'm very mature, whilst most 18 year olds want to party and "YAY DRUNNKKK", I'd rather not because I know that's stupid. At my workplace I'm even assistant manager, and when my manager leaves on long breaks I manage. Maybe at 25 you were still not mature enough and married the wrong person, doesn't mean other people will. FYI, many couples these days get married in their early 20's and have long and happy marriages. My mother married at 23 and was married to my dad for 13years and my mother always states it would of been forever if it wasn't for their divorce(divorced for personal reasons). All my grandparents married young too and are all still together now as well. Not to mention nearly everyone I know got married in their early 20's.

So you can't judge because of age, I matured during my teenage years and even now most people who know me state that I'm very mature for my age. So don't judge 18 year olds.

I do agree with you. Age doesn't matter. There are young ones who are even better and mature than older people. But we cannot generalize this to everyone. Everyone differs, and based on realities of life and experiences, there are those who got married at very young age and no preparedness at all have failed in their marriages especially when they got wrong partners.

I think only small percentage of young ones who married early succeeded. I sense that you are mature and responsible enough. That is good and may God bless you more.

Marriage is a lifetime commitment. As you can see there are those who got divorced even after 15, 20 or even 30 years of marriage. So for now we cannot really tell what the future holds for everyone. Life is uncertain. My advice, always continue to work out in your marriage, don't give up too soon if there obstacles. Overcome, be strong and stay positive always.

Look i've thought of everything. She can't come study in my country as we have no big Universities and if i study in the US it costs alot of money which again i do not have. We made a deal we'll meet when we both make a bit of money and then we'll see what to do. Thanks for all the answers i appreciate it.

That's a good deal. Preparation is important to achieve success. VJ members gave you a very good advices based on realities of life. Glad that you listen and appreciate. It is for good of you and your girlfriend. God bless you and good luck !

Congratulations! Best wishes and have a safe and enjoyable trip to the USA...

Well, it has been a week since my fiance's visa was denied based on marijuana use and failure to prove that this is a bonefide relationship and not just for immigration purposes. We are still crushed but more determined than ever. I was in Jamaica for 5 days with him and we are even more in love.

At the interview, he was given a letter stating that he failed to prove that this is a bonefide relationship. But he wasnt given anything concerning marijuana use or a ban? Should he have been provided with something written, explaining all of the reasons for the denial and what the options are?

We are considering just going ahead and getting married in Jamaica. I know that if we do that, it will change our status and we will have to start over. How long does it normally take to get a visa approved for a spouse?

Thank you all for your help and your words of encouragement. GOD bless you all and miracles, love and blessings to you and yours.

Well, congrats for staying in love, still! That is awesome! Glad for both of you. Keep loving always. Yeah, it is better to marry and apply for spousal visa. It is a little more wait than K-1, but, at least your fiance gets GC few weeks after POE. What matters most is you two love each other forever and ever ! God bless you and your fiance.

They are asking for the Annotated Marriage contract from the NSO

Aside from the annotated marriage contract from NSO, it would be helpful during the interview, if your fiancee could also request for her updated certificate of marriage -- NSO will certify that her previous marriage was annulled.

Actually after you get the finality of the annulment..that paper needs to be registered with the local civil registrar where the marriage happened and also at he local civil registrar where the annulment was granted..after that, the Local civil registrar where marriage happened will register the annulment and will forward the paperwork with the National statistic office. Then you will be advised to wait a certain period of time and after that to follow it up with the NSO of they got the papers. Ones NSO gets the paperwork they will update the annulment information in their database and then you will be given a period of time as to when the annotated Marriage contact will be secured. Basically, the official finality of the annulment process ends when the NSO is able to anotate the marriage contract and be ready for issuance.

Dean_De has correct answer! Having a court judgement / finality of the annulment is not enough. It has to be annotated in the previous marriage contract. Also, this must be printed out in security paper issued by NSO.

My wife and i have been married for 3 months but it is just not working out. Sshe doesnt work and i need ro know what would happen to her if i divorce her while she still has a cr1 status. Will she be deported? There is no domestic ciolence or anything like that. She just isnt the same woman i married. Any help would be appreciated

Hi Sir! I just think that you need to give more patience in dealing with your wife. As this point, I guess your wife is very homesick since it is now more than 3 months she is away from her family. Know the reason/s why your relationship is not working. Listen to what she is saying and try to create a positive environment where she could feel ease and at home. I know it is difficult, but, if only you try to listen and make things easier for her adjustment, I am sure she will be sweet like before.

Not all foreigners could adjust life in America very fast especially those ones who have good, happier, and easier life in their home country, and who normally has the freedom to do things on her own. Trust me it is not easy, as I've been there. It takes a lot of love for her to get to the USA, so please give a little more time. To divorce her at this time, for me, I guess is not proper, unless she is dishonest or have betrayed you. Things will get better in time if you show true love, understanding, respect, and compassion.

Marriage is a commitment. If something goes wrong, don't resort to divorce quickly. If possible, never ever use the word "divorce" in any of your arguments. Try to seek God's guidance and wisdom. Hopefully, what you are going through right now is just part of trials or adjustments in life that we all need to overcome so we could become better persons. Don't give up too soon, continue to work it out. Good luck and may God bless you and your wife.

OMG! She's a Filipina. May God bless her soul to have rest in peace! My condolence to the bereaved family of this late Filipina. Instead of having a good life in the USA, it turned out to be very awful one. The couple has 40 years age gap -- Hope there was true love between them when they started life together. I wonder what could be the reason behind of this murder ? Anyway, thanks for sharing the info. God bless everyone!

Hello Sis! I'm sorry to know your situation. How I wish I could give you the best legal advice. Hugs! Seems this guy (your husband) is so selfish.

For now, I just wanna say, be strong! take time, don't lose hope and faith...and cry out to God for His mercy. I'm sure God will direct you to the best effort that you can do in getting divorce or maybe annulment. God knows the desires of your heart so never give up --

I'm sure there would be other VJ friends could help you with good legal advice. Hang in there!

Thank so much..i feel much better now,my concern is just our age gap it seems its not an issue in USEM..Cuz in terms of financial we are not worry on it,My husband run his own business and he earn more that what poverty average income needs..Thank you for sharing the story..it really helps me a lot on my interview day.

You are welcome! Good luck!

Considering that you knew before hand that recently smoking 'weed' carries a one year ban then I don't think you should be disappointed. Did your fiance admit to using or did the doc find marijuana in his system?

You being denied as well because of a lack of a bonafide relationship between you and your fiance should be an eye opener. Not saying that there isn't a genuine relationship between you both but this is a good opportunity to look at your relationship under a microscope. Maybe have an 'outsider' (someone who is objective and you trust) look at your cell messages and or IMs and tell you their impression of your relationship. The fakeness of your relationship may have come across to the CO due to how your fiance answered his questions eg: too confident/rehearsed, not confident enough, hesitation, nervousness, not knowing basic must know info, vague answers, answering 1 question different times with different answers, story not adding up. Your fiance's denial may also be due to the relationship comming off as a 1 way relationship eg: too many trips in one year to JA by you, too many Western Union receipts (for such a short relationship), the amount sent via Western Union, the converstion in the chat evidence (you're obviously more into it than him/he's professing love very soon after knowing you) etc. Take this one year a chance to see if your relationship is true. Don't rush into anything.

I am sorry to hear about the denial. However, the above post is very good. Hope the OP would consider the suggestions. I think the above post could help you out in the next visa petition, should you wish to do it again. God bless !

Can i bring my husband on the said interview?

Yes, it helps if you could bring him. But, don't worry --you will be fine. Just be ready to answer the questions during the interview with evidence of genuine relationship. I have a co-worker, his daughter was only 22 and the man was I think like 60 when they got approved of CR-1 visa. Good luck!

Hello Sir,

I think your case is going to be very complicated. Despite of all the lies and fabricated documents, the USEM will have their own ways to know the TRUTH. The interview is going to be very easy if there is nothing to hide. Knowing the real situations / circumtances, you should have not proceeded on her immigration to the US without first clearing her documents / past. The truth will always surface. Even if you hire a lawyer to help cover past actions, still it will not prosper, as the USEM will be able to determine -- she is same person. They are trained / experienced to do their job. Why not tell the truth and maybe see what the USCIS could advise you on "what to do", probably the lawyer this time could help you out on preparing the needed documents. It would be a long journey, but, at least you would have peace of mind and feel better for a lifetime. Remember, after she arrived in the US, after marriage, you have to adjust her status... still have lots of paperworks to do.... she needs to remove conditions of her GC after 2 years, so another paperwork. There would be time, in any of the whole immigration processes, that your fiancee's case would be revealed, reviewed or scrutinized -- it is high risk for DENIAL.

I hope you get sort out this issue before the discovery of USCIS. Hope you do the right thing.

Further, if things won't work out, maybe, if you really want to be with her, in time, you may consider relocating to the Philippines.

Good luck and hope God would give you the best guidance and wisdom. God bless !

Thank you all i really appreciate your advice .I have another problem though if you please can advise me, My son needs a surgery he was born with (Hypospidias) It was supposed to be done when i go to the Us this october. My question is can i use the K1 Visa to enter Usa and do his surgery and leave after his surgery is done.I wont be going to Atlanta where he is, i will be going to Connecticut to some friends. Please advise me.

Thank you again.

If surgery for your son can only be performed in the USA (not available in your home country), then you could use your K-1 visa to help benefit your child, but you MUST return before the 90 days expiration. Don't ever overstay. Hope you would be strong to face your challenges and not complicate life with your Fiance -- who is not worthy of your pure love. Take care and God bless !

This is going to be a very complicated case. Just concern of the very short time "6 months" - she just arrived in the US through K-1 visa, got married, filed AOS, now met someone new and wants to divorce the husband and get married again with another man. For me, it is too fast to fell out of love, at same time, again, falling in love. It is very alarming and this may sound Fraud to the USCIS.

It's good that you are giving yourself time to THINK about your decision, as I guess you don't want to end up spending too much money paying for attorney then still the outcome is not good. Hopefully you would arrive on the right decision that is worthy of your heart and money. God bless !

Hello there! I feel you are taking a big risk. Please don't create more problem. It's fine for your son, as long you show him the best of mother's love. You have a good job in your place, do keep it and thank God for his blessings. Don't make your life more complicated. You cannot stay in the US without marrying, it is the condition of K-1 visa. Also, you don't want to be hurt seeing your Fiance having another wife. That is traumatic. Hope you would be strong in doing what is the right thing for your child. Don't settle for less. God bless !

I apologize for not giving out more sensitive information about this, on a public forum. Trust me, if it was up to me, it would not have happened. But I think I will be fine and I will have regular contact with my daughter. She is growing fast and soon it will be up to her to, how often we will meet. I have suppressed my emotions, I swallowed my pride, and I will compromise with whatever is necessary, to be with her on the regular bases. I was promised that it will not be a problem.

The purpose of my entry was not to discuss the custody. I just included it, so people could see, how far some would go to destroy another person. The human hatred has no limits and revenge can kill and will kill, again.

Laci

Yeah, I feel your pain and I understand your reason for sharing this in VJ. Thank you.

Consequently, it is highly suggested that when looking for life partner, it is wise to choose the one who fears and loves God -- in short, try also to look at the INSIDE (heart) of the person, not just outside. This is very important for a lasting relationship as no matter what will happen, this person would always consider his / her conscience in doing things as he / she fears God. Before doing certain action, a good person would always think or ask if what he / she is about to do will please or delight God ? Hope this helps others who have experienced troubled and painful relationships. May the Lord bless everyone !

Thank you All for opinions, advice and encouragements. I will answer few of the questions you put forward. Before I do so, I need to tell you that I am fine and I have moved forward, already. My intention with my post was not single out any nationality, or to say that all foreign spouses are with an ' agenda '. I believe that marriage is possible between two different citizens. I just wanted to share my bad experience and to show that things can go wrong and it is a good idea to be well informed. There is too much at stake and many dreams can fly out the window.

Some of you wanted me to write in more details what really happened. I am reluctant to do so, but I do understand that it is important for other to get the real picture about my story and the lessons I have learned. So, let me try again.

I have my ex in 2010, but our relationship really started in January of 2011. After two months of internet dating, I felt encouraged enough to make a short visit to her city, to meet her in person. I have been searching for a wife for years, after my previous divorce in 2005, and I know that it is important to meet in person, before you can make a serious commitment to anyone. My trip was brief, just a weekend. But we had a wonderful time and I felt that my search was over and I have found the person I was looking for. She was attractive, she spoke very good English, she had steady income from the properties she owned, and she was a widow. A dream come through for a father like me. I need to add to this that I was a single parent with a little daughter and I had custody of her, after my divorce in 2005. My previous wife left me for another man. I cared for my daughter alone, since I do not have any living family members. I was in my fifties, so it was not easy. This was the main reason why I was desperately looking for a new family and a loving wife.

After my return from Colombia, we continued the internet relationship. This involved daily communication over phone, Skype, messenger. Soon, we decided to file for K-1 and we planned to have a vacation together with our daughters. She also had a daughter, same age as mine, and it looked like a dream come through. The vacation planning was exciting, although, it scared me a bit how much money you need to spend a week on the San Andres Island. I am not a wealthy person and I had use all my savings to make this a reality. But I felt this is a good cause to spend the money on. I was building my new family and happiness. Well, the vacation started nicely, but some issues arose. It was mainly about the money I did not have and she felt that I am cheap and I do not want to spend my money because I did not like her daughter. This was a bit strange to me, since I love children and I really wanted a sister for my daughter. Later, she was busy doing all the papers, exams, translations. But we did have some arguments. I brushed away the thought that she might not really love me. I figured this was the cultural difference, perhaps the language, or just the upcoming changes in our lives. I would never think about another man, or an ' agenda '. As the interview at the Embassy approached, (we got approved for the K-1 in two months!), she started to beg me to come again, so the interview would be more secure. She was told that she had a better chance to be approved for the visa, if the groom was there, as well. I had no desire, nor the money, to travel again, since I had to work and care for my daughter. Obviously, my daughter's mother increased her attacks against me, as soon she found out that I might have a serious relationship. So, I had to fight toward two directions, to achieve peace with everyone. The interview was successful and I bought the tickets for them. A month later they arrived to my city.

The first days were busy with shopping. They needed warm clothes and items for their new life. We had to organize our marriage and file for I-485, travel document and work auth. I paid for everything. Although, I knew she had money, (actually more than I did, at the time) but I never asked her about her financies. It was strange though that she has never offered me any help. Today, I know for a fact that she did have significant amount on her bank account, when I was struggling to pay the bills. I believed, as a man, I was suppose to provide to the family. This is all fine, when we have the means. But I did not have. Plus, where I grew up, a married couple would share everything, good or bad, including the bills. Different culture.

Soon after the filing and paying for the I-485, things started to go downhill. The arguments increased and many times I did not know what to think or feel. I just could not understand why did we argue over simple and unimportant issues? Why we would not talk all day and then suddenly she would change and allowed me to make peace with her? This was very confusing to me. I believed that a loving couple can overcome almost everything, as long they are willing to listen to each other and they are willing to deal with the issues together. But this was very one sided situation. It was always me who had to give in. I don't mind doing it, but I need to see some improvements over time. Well, I was busy working and caring for the kids. They both attended private school, so the expenses were significant. I helped my stepdaughter with English and I did the homework with mine. Those were difficult days, but I looked forward to easier times, when my wife would work and help with the finances. In February, when we found out that the work permit and the notice for the interview was mailed to us, we started working on her resume and look for jobs. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt that the lowest point of our life would be soon over.

On the last Sunday of our relationship, before separation, she started another argument over something unimportant. She went on almost all day and our day was ruined again. I came to the conclusion that something was really wrong with this marriage. I just could not understand the reason of this situation. We were suppose to be all happy and loving. Instead, we had almost daily fights. Well, when the kids went to sleep that night, we started our regular analyzing what happened and who did what and why? This was the moment to me, when I realized that I could not do this any longer. No matter how much I have invested into this marriage and no matter how much I was dreaming about this, I just could look forward for a relationship, where the arguments are day by day, where my daughter is distancing herself from me, because she felt I neglected her, where I was accused of mistreating my stepdaughter, and my wife just was not happy with me or with our situation. This was not my dream to be. I told my wife that I do not see any chance for our marriage and it would be better to divorce. She was constantly bombarding me that she would return to Colombia, where she had a happy and comfortable life. I felt that she did not really wanted to be with me, or in this country. It was better to stop the damage, before there was no return. We could cut our losses and perhaps start over somewhere else. Well, she accepted my divorce idea and to return to her country. But in a sudden turn, she asked me if I would support her green card process and she would wait with the return, until it was final? Separately, of course. The lightning just stroke me! First time in our relationship, I have realized that perhaps this was her only goal with this marriage! Of course, I refused to support her green card deal and we were separated that morning.

On Monday, after my return from work, I went on with my daughter's homework. However, my wife would not let me do it and she was saying that we must talk things over and see what we can do. At this point, I was already determined to finish this marriage, so I refused to talk about this and I offered her to revisit the subject when the children were not around. She did not care. She followed me everywhere. To cool myself down, I decided to leave the house. She did not let me. She blocked the door and was yelling into my face. I could see that she was getting really angry, so I forced the door open and left. I thought, this was the end of it. I was wrong. When I returned and started the homework again with my daughter, in few moments, my wife and her daughter ran out of the house. This was strange, so I looked out the window and I could see that the police patrol was entering. The officers came in and they interviewed us separately. I found out that my wife recorded our argument on my iPhone, which she was hiding in her pocket. She played this recording to the police, outside of the house. The police found that there was no crime, so they left us alone and told us to cool down. Normally, the husband goes to gail, when there is a domestic violence call. Obviously, I was shocked, because I have never had anything to do with police in my whole life. It was hard to believe this could happen to me. After the police left, my wife asked me for her passports and our marriage certificate. I still believed that she was going back, because she told me that she talked to her family about this, already. Well, the next day, after I arrived from work, she was gone. Her and her daughter disappeared and all her belongings. I could not really understand, but I thought she was on the plane back to her country. I purchased roundtrip tickets for them, so it was not impossible. The silence was strange, not having them there.

Two days later, when I looked at my phone records, I could see that there was a call between my daughter's mother and my wife. This was very odd, since she hated her and she was jealous of her. When I asked my previous wife about it, she told me that, yes, my wife contacted her and it would be better to talk in person immediately. At our conversation, she told me that I was in deep trouble and I could loose my daughter easily. I was shocked, but once she told me about the events of the last few days, I did understand the seriousness of my situation. So, my wife contacted her and asked her for help to get to the agencies and shelter. In return, she offered her assistance to take my daughter away from me. Well, my ex came to the rescue and helped her to the shelter and they had a long talk. Without going into details here, I had agreed to transfer the custody of my daughter. Why? I had no choice. This was my only hope to be able to see her, in the future. It was not easy.

My ex told me that my wife recorded everything and she was accusing me with terrible things. Very soon I found out about this, too.

A week later, I was served with court papers. My wife filed for OP and RO against me on the bases that I was abusing her psychologically and she suffered terribly during our marriage. As you know, an immigrant person, who was abused, automatically receives government assistance. Cash, food, shelter, health coverage, education and legal assistance. All totally free. But it is me, who has to prove that I was accused without any bases and I was innocent. She wrote horrible things into her declaration. She was also coached, what to include and how to say it. I just could not believe those terrible accusations. Either way, to avoid going to jail for abuse, I had to hire an attorney. As you know, this is not free and very pricey. What could I do? I could not risk anything to defend myself. I had a little daughter in my life. Of course, on advice, my wife played the game with the court with ' discovery ' and ' cannot read English ' game, so our hearing was postponed 3 times. Finally, the commissioner said, no more! The hearing ended up dismissing the OP, but allowed the RO for the duration of our divorce. I filed for Annulment a week after our separation. I thought that the hard part was over. I was wrong. My wife filed for divorce. In our state, both parties can file. This resulted more court appearances and more nerve tearing to me. I hired a divorce attorney, but it was a bad move. I got terrible advice and my case was going down. Meanwhile, my wife filed for spousal support. Normally, there is no spousal support after 2 months of marriage. Not even temporary. But in my case, she was awarded 5 months support, which I am still paying for her. This was the point when I realized that I do not have any chance to fight the system. The system supports the immigrant, no matter what the cost. So, I decided to offer her a settlement. I suggested that she could keep everything she took from me and I was going to cancel my filing and any investigations. She accepted it and now we are divorced.

Here I am now. My house was sold on short sale, I lost all my savings, I lost my daughter, I lost the dream to have a family. I am close to retirement, so not much time is left to recover financially. Luckily, I am a person who can live a very simple life. As of the relationships, I am not in the mood. There is no reason to get married again. I will have friends, but I don't think I can trust again. Regardless, I will recover and move on. I already did. I moved to a new location to be close to my daughter. This way I will be able to see her frequently. I found a very nice place to live and I love my work. Things will get better.

The lessons I learned:

- Don't rush, take your time.

- Travel there, or better yet, live there with her, if you can. Spend time together and with her family more.

- Make sure you both speak the language and communicate fluently.

- If money is an issue, be aware of no commitment on her side.

- If children are involved, be very careful. Set the rules and guidelines ahead. Make sure you are on agreements.

- Don't believe this statement ' age does not matter, what is in your heart important only ' It is not true.

- Use all communication platforms and show every little detail of your life, as it was suggested by someone here.

- If arguments start and increase, slow down, don't file just yet.

- Select wisely, so you match intellectually and physically.

Well, there is more, but I do not want to make this too long.

At the end, I wish to quote a friend about the signs of a person with an ' agenda ':

a. Your spouse hides his/her internet use from you, or won't use the computer with you around.

b. Your spouse is visiting dating sites.

c. Your spouse keep secrets about who phone conversations are with.

d. Your spouse avoids physical contact with you. Your spouse frequently "has a headache" when it comes to intimacy. Your spouse makes excuses for this. You feel more like roommates than you do a married couple.

e. Your spouse is trying to gain control of your finances and your assests, but surprisingly has a separate bank account. Your spouse wants access to your assests, but does not want the responsibilities for your liabilities.

f. Your spouse tries to provoke confrontations with you, over seemingly trivial things.

g. You have an unexplained feeling that your spouse wants you to become physical.

h. Your spouse calls 911 after a verbal argument, and complains of physical abuse.

i. Your spouse tells family, friends, and neighbors stories of physical abuse.

j. Your spouse begins talking to a women's shelter.

Again. I just wanted to help those, who could be in trouble. For all the other happy couples, I wish the best and I am happy that you found the right ONE. I did not and I made lot of mistakes. You should avoid them. I just wanted to help.

Laci

Thanks so much for your effort in writing your experiences. I'm sure your sharing could be very helpful in some situations especially the very good tips. I hope in time things would be more better for you and your daughter. Always remember God could see us through --- God knows best for us. Take care and may the Lord bless you and your daughter.

Thank you everyone for the support and well wishes.

@ Gowon, agreed definitely better now than later. I didn't expect to be a single mom, but I am looking forward to motherhood and getting to know, enjoy and teach our little boy. You're absolutely right. According to my lawyer, my husband can not prevent the divorce. It will take a longer and be more expensive, but it will be finalized.

@ NigeriaorBust, thanks for the support. Divorce is really common, but I never thought it would happen to me. I'm hopeful that things will continue to get better.

@InHisTime, thank you for the encouragement. I'm thankful that my dissertation committee is supportive of me. They all knew my husband well. They've really rallied around me during all of this (no objections to moving out of state, glowing recommendations for my new positions, and getting timely feedback to me in hopes that I can complete dissertation writing before the baby arrives. I'll defend/official complete my PhD after the baby is born). I'm confident that there will be new opportunities and lessons from this experience.

You are welcome! sure you will reap your success ! I'm too a single mom but I'm doing great, got a good job and enjoying life -- you will make it better for sure, just do your best and let God do the rest. Good luck and God bless !