jenkatx

S_R, I believe you are correct. Eye contact conveys confidence. NigeriaorBust I think you were blessed to not be hassled about the identical traditional clothing in the pic in front of the marriage registrar. Maybe if it wouldn't have been the job issue they would have picked on that just to pick on something like they do.
If they believe half will not stay then they need to have stricter requirements/guidelines as they are against regulations to deny due to assumptions without hard factual evidence and are wrong to return petitions under the catch all umbrella " for immigration purposes only" without the facts. I disagree that for Lagos it's about correct answers and sufficient evidence as we see time and time again a truck load full of evidence does not matter and SO's who answered every question correctly get disrespected and not approved.
Glad you made it and are together now and it was all worth it, you both were strong enough to stick with it.

Seriously, what is he hurting you? I am pretty sure poster was not posting this information for you personally.

Kingswife- I am SO HAPPY!!! You made my day! Praise God for giving you guys a second chance! We will continue to pray for ya'll. Do you know when he goes back yet?

I have to agree with you. There are definitely some members here who get their kicks out of belittling others. It is sad to me that they need to get their power in life by angering or hurting other people, but as Jim said this is an online forum- it is what it is. The issue that really bothers me is when people respond to a question about a particular area that they are not experienced in. For example when someone from a low fraud country does not understand what people in a high fraud country deal with & end up seeming as they have not only no compassion but no sense either. The bottom line is we are all different, different cases, countries, issues, personalities; but we all deserve to be treated with respect.

I was also in Lagos on August 18th for my husband's interview and was outside as well.It made no difference at all,my husband even asked the interviewer if they would like to speak with me and he said it wasn't necessary.However,I do think it makes a difference somehwhat for them to know that you(the US citizen) has made the attempts to come to Naija. I have been to Lagos 4 times in the last 2 and a half years so they know that MY feelings are real.Its all about the Nigerian spouse proving THEIR feelings are legit.My husband was also given the standard letter,that stated the application was being returned to the states with a recommendation that it be revoked.We have not received any emails regarding this yet but I have,as well as my Congressman's office have been in contact with the Consulate and we have been approved to have his intervii=ew rescheduled.
Hopefully,this will be our last step!

There is a difference that we need to draw between "degrading comments" and honest comments that intended to help OP but OP does not like them. The bottom line is
1) that if you do not want to hear advice that you do not like do not post anything. This is not the place to seek approval of your actions (sometimes illegal or silly). This is the place for seeking help
2) If you are voicing your opinion be prepared to hear opposite opinions, which do not agree with yours
3) If you are committing or trying to commit clearly immoral acts such as: a) Trying to make co-sponsor to pay your bills despite the fact that co-sponsor was nice enough to sign I864; b) Commit immigration fraud; c) Seek advice on how to immigrate into US illegally; d) Divorcing your petitioner after receiving temporary card after clearly fraudulent marriage and trying to stay in US; and many-many other questions on committing acts of immoral nature that I see on this site. BE PREPARED TO NEGATIVE OPINIONS.
If you follow these 3 simple rules you are OK.
The only time I agree with the OP where there is no place for negativity is when people ask questions, even seemingly stupid. Either answer question or move on. This situation I agree with OP.

I agree that there are some people that have a very direct way of making a point. Also, there are some people that are just plain mean.
Even when speaking face to face with a person it can be difficult for some to accurately convey a thought process or make a point in the way it is intended. Often times it is only the way something is received that seems harsh or rude. Now consider that information on VJ is written and not spoken and often it is an exchange between people with different cultural backgrounds. Also consider that these situations are usually emotionally charged. It's a perfect recipe for misunderstanding.
I agree with the philosophy of "If you don't have anything nice to say..." though truthfully I don't always practice it, but i think that people also need not be so thin skinned sometimes and feel personally attacked if they disagree with "advice" someone is giving.
Just my humble opinion.

Seriously, what is he hurting you? I am pretty sure poster was not posting this information for you personally.

I have to agree with you. There are definitely some members here who get their kicks out of belittling others. It is sad to me that they need to get their power in life by angering or hurting other people, but as Jim said this is an online forum- it is what it is. The issue that really bothers me is when people respond to a question about a particular area that they are not experienced in. For example when someone from a low fraud country does not understand what people in a high fraud country deal with & end up seeming as they have not only no compassion but no sense either. The bottom line is we are all different, different cases, countries, issues, personalities; but we all deserve to be treated with respect.

i had to google "negative nancy"..

The CO was impressed with the number of times I had been there. I sent in my passport & when he saw it he asked am I here now in Lagos. Because it is Lagos & because we have red flags, we thought it would be best for me to be there to show my support. Someone who was denied on here, was told by Mark Ellis that it makes a difference in some cases. While it may be ok to just visit once in some countries, in our case that is probably not enough. However, another member who was recently denied was there as well & it made no difference in her case. I would say if you can go, then definitely do so.

Well, that's the nature of internet forums. Sometimes something has been said so many times that people just get the sense that it's common knowledge. When someone comes along and challenges it then some people's instinctive reaction is "What the hell are you thinking?". Sometimes people gradually get dragged into being rude.
Can I do this?
No, that's a bad idea because...
But I only want to do it because...
It doesn't matter why you want to do it. It's still a bad idea.
But my MOM says...
Your mom is wrong.
But my best friend got the same kind of visa, and she said...
!@#$%^&*!!! It's a BAD IDEA! DON'T DO IT!
...and things go downhill from there.
I've been "schooled" a few times on online forums. I try not to take it personally unless I think the person who posted it meant it to be taken that way. In most cases, I think most people here who react that way either think the poster hasn't done any research yet, or they're ignoring any advice they're getting that's contrary to what they really want to hear. There are a few VJ members who have a habit of shooting first and asking questions later, but you'll recognize them if you read the forums for a few days and you'll know to take their posts in stride.

This website is amazing and has some of the best people. That being said, there are some people on here who seem to just want to make people feel stupid or bring them down. I have seen posts asking about booking flights and scheduling weddings and yes, you shouldn't do any of that until the visa is in hand but NO ONE IS PERFECT. People get excited and may get bad advice and jump the gun a bit. Does that give anyone the right to be mean or disrespectful to someone else? We are ALL on here b/c we want to marry our loved one so maybe people could try having a little compassion for the other people on here. If someone asks a question that you think is stupid, JUST DON'T REPLY!!!!! My mother always used to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Maybe some of the people on here need to follow that mantra. Just b/c you're miserable doesn't mean you have to try to convert everyone else into a life of misery as well.
Good luck to everyone and God bless!!

Maybe we can add to the VJ lingo. NOA 3 can be the big approval! As in they FINALLY got the VISA kinda approval!

So when they say that about 95% of K1 visa's are approved, does that mean the remaining 5% of denials mainly come from Naija Lol...ugh

Seriously, what is he hurting you? I am pretty sure poster was not posting this information for you personally.

Maybe we can add to the VJ lingo. NOA 3 can be the big approval! As in they FINALLY got the VISA kinda approval!

Our NOA3 was 1/5/2011

Why can't we all just get along?????
If you don’t have anything of substance to say then keep your nonsense comments to yourself...OMG!! What's the problem??? Some people act like they own this site and no one can post topics that they feel...Seriously lighten up!! It’s only a forum....And a forum that’s supposed to be helpful and fun and we prepare for our loved ones to come and be with us. If you want to belittle people this is not the place....And to need to keep it movin....
S_R thank you for your post...It was very helpful to me and I am sure it will be very helpful to others who are going through Lagos!

Thanks Dear..
I will always share ANY info i find pertinent to this process. 9months is a long time and to have to repeat the process when it could be avoided isn't fair.I normally go back to the Vj timeline once a week to look at those who are still waiting for their NOA2's since 2010 and my heart bleeds. It's a privilege to be approved in record time but its even more of a blessing when we inform those coming behind us of the pitfalls to avoid in this whole maze.

I agree jenkatx! It seems some VJ members have nothing but time on their hands to beat the ones down, or criticize others. Thanks again S_R for caring for the Nigerians on this site. As a VJ member, I appreciate your comments and information. Keep the information coming.

Seriously, what is he hurting you? I am pretty sure poster was not posting this information for you personally.

Seriously, what is he hurting you? I am pretty sure poster was not posting this information for you personally.

Most of us would agree that our family based immigration system is a mess. We have all heard the horror stories of people in very legitimate relationships being denied, as well as the stories of fraudulent relationships sailing right through the process. Often it seems that this is more the rule then the exception. For many years our politicians and civil rights groups have talked about immigration reform but little has been done. I believe that we need better ways to detect those who are committing fraud, as well as a more in depth set of guidelines to refer to that is published by either the State Department, or USCIS. My question to you all is what can we do to prevent fraud? Some suggestions on another topic were requiring a thermal lie detector test of the beneficiary, conducting an internet search particularly of dating sites to catch those who are phishing for a spouse, and to lengthen the time for removal of conditions.
I would hope that with all of our experiences we could come up with a concrete plan and send it to our Senators, Congressman, and the Department of State. Possibly with a petition requesting that the entire system be revamped. What are your ideas to make this process easier and more streamlined as well as protecting the real relationships & stopping the fakes.

pics are very important! my fiance didnt get her visa due to lack of pictures.. make sure u have lots of pictures!!!! Also make sure other people are in the pictures with you guys such as friends and family members.. we only had pictures of me and her together and the interviewer at the lagos consulate office told my fiance that that wasn't enough proof.. he wanted to see friends and family with us in addition to pics of just us together...