gretchen_darren

perhaps it had to do more with her age than ethnicity. maybe it's more than just a single factor.

it may be more then one factor....pregnancy, work, her being shy, I don't know...maybe she gets invites I don't know about until later on.... I have noticed in her family there is always the "don"t tell dad rule" what he doesn't know won't bother him. (I think this partly translated to "don't tell hubby" rule... I have been working hard on getting us over this one...) The hard part has been getting bank accounts setup with her on them so she can take care of bills, plus know where money is going... there has been the perception of us having lots and lots of money plus also the shock in cost of items in the USA being more then expected by her standards.

darren's top 20 fun and light-hearted comments

darren, if those are your top 20 fun and light-hearted things, i'm pretty sure i don't want to read your bottom 20.

You know... I think you hit my bottom 20 with that list...

......not the top 20.....

Top few:

number 1, would be married to a wonderful, loving caring wife.

number 2: my kids and my wife accept each other

number 3: despite all my faults, my wife accepts me, and knows I am trying to improve

number 4: i accept her as she and try my best not to force her to be what I want.

number 5: I can't stand being away from my wife. She is wonderful. Home is very tranquil and peaceful. What I love most about her is how she loves me. She tries her best.

number 6: she accepts my work and the crazy hours it brings....

I should stress the reasons I post on here are to help me with my wife. the cooking and throwing out of food bothers me (besides reading with the kids at night when we have them here).... cooking very, very much (just one of those childhood things)

the cooking bothers me because of my ex, and how II had to make my own meals with my ex the last few years of marriage.... it sometimes had me "feeling" like I am still married to my ex. I am trying to get over this by reminding myself of other things with asawa ko. Plus trying to find a way to talk it over with her, realizing this may just be pregnancy related right now, or may be something I need to deal with.... but don't know how much relates to pregnancy since I do not know how much American food she likes.

I am drifting back to watching more cooking shows again... I just don't know if it is for her benefit or for mine.

I notice a LOT of visayan conversation at the family home to the point of exclusion of the Americans there. (there are just 2 Americans there, me plus the other guy.) I know he gets extremely frustrated because of it. Me, I am learning visayan so they cannot shut me out of the conversations....

Everything you have posted may be the "typical" routine and "RITUAL" at your wife's area BUT, DO NOT include me (my family and ours) in ignorant BS stereotypes!

What I am trying to do is to get people to post about differences in THEIR areas of the Philippines versus THEIR areas here in the USA.

This is not meant to stereotype but to enlighten each other to the differences and culture adjustments BOTH asawa and bana have to make for each other regarding the differences.

I am trying to focus on those things to help people out, and make it lively and heartening....

I could rant, rave, get angry, be upset over food. the cost of food, the differences in food. The fact my wife does not eat much american food or even cook american food yet in the 9 months of being here. She does cook mac and cheese for the kids, help with cereal, and occasionally cooks me red beans and rice, normally in the morning brings me hot chocolate, but meals are still not cooked. I make 90% of my meals or stop to buy something on the way home from work. If I focused on how tired I was from work, then had to cook or make my own meal and eat alone...I could get extremely frustrated. I grew up in a family home where family ate dinner together at the family table at night. We waited on dad to come home or we had a different family meal such as breakfast or lunch. I MISS those. I WANT it for MY family, but I am trying to adjust because of her being pregnant and the strangeness of most American food (the difference in tastes)

I am trying to keep my mind off the fact because of my wife being pregnant. I know what she is going through with how strange American food is, then to be pregnant on top of it. I could express how frustrated I am in going over to the family house, how there is not typical American comfort food found. (salted fish, pancit, etc... lots and lots of Filipino food. I miss my parents, siblings, family and friends going over to eat and having typical American meals.) How much I miss a good pot roast, meatloaf, chicken and dumplings, stuffed pork chops, borscht, sour cream, homemade mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, biscuits, etc. i made swiss steak, and threw most of it out because my wife did not eat any. I could fuss on how I just threw out $15 dollars in steak (4 tenderloin steaks) which were never cooked. Or how I threw out half a pound of sliced turkey breast, and half a pound of ground hamburger. Or how most leftovers are never eaten, being thrown out unless I eat them. I am throwing out $200 in food each month, over 10 months that is $2,000 or more1!!! I am at the point where I have just about given up on Food and making any "family" meals anymore....I miss something so much as a kid that I wish for it so much.... I am very, very, very happy with my wife. I love her very much. I am just trying my utmost right now to deny myself this one thing which aggravates me to help our relationship.

I am trying to learn from others on here.... and not cause stress right now to asawa ko or to our marriage. Kroger, Safeway, Food lion, Albertson's are "not her food stores", only the Asian market is "her store". (she actually said this recently, I boiling mad inside, but I did not say anything.)

I am not trying to stereotype, but to remind me of how different life in the Philippines is from living in America.... and to help me understand what she is going through... including being pregnant in a foreign country without her close family nearby. You want to beat me up.... go ahead.... but realize the tough situation I am going through.... asawa ko is pregnant, she is teaching me visayan, her family she has not seen since last September. I have not talked to my family since December. Have not seen my parents for 2 years, my sister for 5 years, and my brother for 7 years. All of my closest family has disowned me. My brother in law comes to Phoenix but never, ever looks me up or visits. I have an ex-wife who takes me to court just about every 6 months which means another 30 times in family court at the least. I lost a lot of friends in my divorce, then lost more when marrying a Pinay. I could go on about educating my wife's family on how Americans are not rich and more.... but what I am trying to do is bring some light hearted things to mind... things which may be funny, but also make us realize what each other is going through to adjust....

what i find most disturbing on VJ is the amount of attacking people do.... why can't we just help each other??? is it necessary to attack someone over an idea, concept, or belief which is different from your point of view????

Darren - I'm having some SML's with my fiancee and her friend and I called them browntail Tuna>> They laughed and said yes of course we catch and like tuna> Both girls are from poor fishing communities just like yours.. Am I missing something?? Is Greatchen a browntail Tuna? Is that what you call her? Is this an American thing or a filipina thing? Please explain as were all confused??

This is a derogatory comment most Pinays and Pinoys miss. It was posted on a fb account (which shall remain nameless)... It infuriated me, and made me extremely upset.(when I read the post on FB, I was ready to "Pac-man" the guy.)

I would NEVER EVER use the term. Somehow, some people on VJ thought it was "me" saying the term because the "quote" was understood wrongly. I grew up in the deep south. I Know I may be a "little" racist (I know I have a big problem with alternative lifestyle people.), but working as a supervisor and manager, I let people decide how they want me to treat them regardless of race, color, religion, etc.

I have been trying to not post the exact quote from the person's fb account. The post on the fb account is something even my wife did not understand.

all i am going to say on the subject.....

when I am around other Filipinos, I find myself often saying asawa ko, pinay ko, her nickname, or something to that idea.

when I am around Americans, I call her honey, sweetie, my wife, sometimes to shocked looks....

she can call me anything she wants.... as long as it is not late to dinner....

ah - rice dispenser. I found one at a garage sale for 2 bucks - steam cleaned it (cause ya never know) and fiddled with the dispenser bits - it works. Best 2 bucks I've spent for April

I am going to start looking for one of these.... never heard of it until now....

the only potato dispenser I heard of was called a "potato bin" usually in the basement.... you send the kids down to get potatoes when you need them....

yes, a lot of my observations are in the provinces and not in the city. City life tends to be similar no matter where you go in any country. There are some city life differences, but not many. What I find interesting is the differences in the country life or the cultural differences.

Philippines is more like USA in beaches, whereas Europe is much more liberated.

what I find interesting in the philippines is the ease of getting around without a car. Even in rural areas. that is hard and difficult to do in the USA. You live out in the "boonies", doubtful if you will find a taxi.

traveling 23 miles for $2 USD. But takes nearly an hour or more. If traveling by jeepney, you can expect 3 hours.

You can buy an average new motorcycle for under 65,000 php ($1,500 USD) plus a used multicab or used jeepney for under 100,000 php ($2,300 USD).

hehe, I just think the guard wants his pencit.... or wants to know if he won the bet....today marks 2 weeks since Biometrics... Guard thought baby would be born in 2 weeks...I said June 24, probably July 4 during the fireworks... He said she ain't going to make it until July 4....no way.

wasn't saying anything about dogs... As a matter of fact, dogs wasn't even mentioned. I was thinking more of "goldfish", "pigs", or "chickens/roosters". You went there on your thinking....

the main thing which got me was taking Gretchen driving around the other day...there were many reward posters out for missing "pets", including dogs, cats, birds, a snake, and I can't remember what else.... one poster had a $3,000 reward... It shocked her.

we also talked about county fairs... and what it is... we eat the "winner". the look on her face was priceless...you don't eat the "winner" in her village....

wow.... need to do more research on the costs..... please note my costs are excessive in some ways because I include costs to support the family. But I msut say, some of your costs I never encountered....

MAde 3 trips to Philippines in 2011.

Trip 1) meeting: cost with airfare: $4,000

trip 2) santacruzen, quick weekend: $2,300

trip 3) manila/usembassy/CFO with parents/bring Gretchen back home: $6,000

wedding: $2,500 ($700 on chairs/tables, $1,300 on food, $100 on pastor, $250 on photographer, $100 on cake, $75 on bouquet, nothing on videographer, married to a wonderful Filipina: priceless )

Total spent last year: $18,000 (trips, visa, wedding, family support, etc)

total spent this year: $5,100 (no trips yet, includes family support, have 2 upgrade certificates with PAL this year to use as well. Will probably continue to get at least 2 upgrade certificates per 6 months from now on.)

Expenses for visa:

1) passport for gretchen: $40

2) NBI/birthcertficate/ppostal: $40

3) vaccinations: $150

4) Visa application fee: $350

5) st.lukes: $250

6: us Embassy: $340 (forms no cost, mailing visa in passport, no cost)

7) CFO: $20

8) plane tickets: Domestic (free for all of us) used airline miles transferred to parents and Gretchen for free round trip tickets for them. (it pays to fly PAL from US, each round trip from US = 1, almost 2, free round trip domestic tickets)

9) City Garden hotel manila: 1 week, 2 rooms: $700

10) hotel in Butuan: 10 days: $330

hope it is a baby on the way......

only 21 days left for us...squashed, crushed, burning up....and nowhere to run...desert heat kicked in now as well.....

Don't have AP or EAD approval yet. but got a date for AOS interview.... July 17. Hopefully, Gretchen is doing ok by that time. We may have to reschedule depending on baby... what a fun day that will be.....

in the Philippines, they eat the loser from Friday fights.... chicken dinner Friday nights...... in USA, many, not all, have have Friday Fish Night.....(and in USA rarely do you eat the loser, usually the winner is sold at auction after the State or local county Fair)

USA has the 4-H county/state fairs where animals are judged by raising and common traits... not by who survives....

USA, pets are treated almost if not better then humans, including having insurance. Sometimes rewards are posted for a "pet". In the Philippines, sometimes they have pets, but in the end, the "pet" gets eaten....

Bartering for goods and services is more prevalent in the Philippines. Trade some fish for some rice, or piglets or chickens, trade the piglets for a big pig, trade the big pig for a boat, catch some more fish, trade the fish for nets, catch more fish, trade the fish for rice, and gas... bartering is not a typical way of life in USA.

hey, arent you the guy who came back from the philippines with your credit card maxed out and so broke you only had a few dollars to eat on for the next couple of weeks? you dont look like a filipino in your photo.

hehe, the problem was my manager did not let me bill comp time the first visit on vacation.... so I had to eat food in the pantry... Still had steak, chicken, etc. Just no "nice meals" dining out.

But a good point almost all Americans have bank accounts and savings plus credit cards. Some Filipinos do not have bank accounts or a savings account...

Plus, as others have pointed out: most Americans compete with the "Joneses" on things while many Filipinos just get what they need to live.

darren-

1. Stay out of it.

&

2. Tracing phone numbers without the proper authority through your job is terms for dismissal and illegal.

2. I tracked the numbers online.... amazing what you can find on the internet....I don't have access to the applications at the office.

(I try to stay out of it, but since the two girls are like sisters... I get dragged back in like a riptide.)

1) the only reason I got involved was:

A) I never heard of this guy until after engaged to my fiance.

B) He was the first person to befriend my fiance while I was in the air coming home.

c) His comments on FB made me think he was chasing "browntail" tuna and not in for a serious relationship. Besides, I spent a lot of time with "his" girl as our escort, I thought he might want answers to questions, or to know more about the village and her from me.

D) I just got engaged, I was curious to what was going on that I did NOT know about.

E) after getting my fiance to the states, she talked to him on the phone within a couple of days at the family house. He did not call her number or my number to talk with her, but waited until she was away from me. The family was sleeping at the time. It really raised my eyebrows on what was going on and should I be concerned. My wife and I had a long conversation then on her intentions. I explained to her how I felt about him, and left it alone after that.

F) this guy recently came up with some hair brained scheme to catch one tuna with a banka boat and run up to the Japan market to make money. He was going to bank the money and leave the village hanging. I refused to go in the venture with him which ended up with him cussing me out.

G) this guy sent money to the family INTENDING the money to be used for a business but the family used it for their needs. What was done, and what was INTENDED were not communicated.

h) This guy has been auditing all money spent and brought in by the boat he bought for the family. He wanted to know how much money was being made on a daily basis. He considered the boat his, and not the families.

I) the guy has stated he will not marry or bring the girl to the US but leave here there in the village. His intent is to have them work (boat/some girls run a sari-sari) while he lays on a beach drinking Mai-tai's, san Mig, and tanduay.

J) the two dads are brothers (my wife and this girl). So no matter how much I try to stay out of it. I still have issues to deal with in my in-laws because of what he is doing to the other family.

k) the village is a VERY, VERY close knit family. (think of Hatfields and McCoys) Even if you are not related to the other parts of the village, you are considered family. (of course there are a few exceptions.)

L) the girls are like sisters, if she ends up marrying this guy, I will no doubt be seeing a lot of him no matter where in the world they are. I was trying to extend friendship to someone who would be an extended part of the family.

your husband is a normal american guy.....not that strange.... some of the breakfsast things:

A typical American breakfast menu will vary from one part of the country to another. However, on a general note, an typical American breakfast comprises eggs in some style (hard, sunnyside up, over easy, scrambled, benedict, boiled, 3 minute), bacon or sausage or steak, cereal, baked foods like donuts, muffins, etc. washed down with some coffee, milk, hot chocolate, or juice.

Just look at Denny's or Bob Evan's to see typical American breakfast or "comfort" meals. Bob Evan's even has some breakfast and other recipes on their site.

(you can always use tapa for the steak and rice for potatoes.)

steak and eggs with hash browns

bacon and eggs

ham and eggs

biscuits and sausage gravy

sausage biscuits

hash brown and eggs

omelets and hash browns

french toast/pancakes/waffles and bacon or sausage or eggs and/or steak

(the hardest part is finding a "true" waffle iron these days... most are the Belgium waffle kind.)

oatmeal

cereal with milk

corn meal mush

some breakfast side items:

homemade cornbread

cinnamon rolls

coffee cake

donuts

muffins (blueberry, english, or others)

toast

jam/jellies

butter (not the margarine junk)

biscuits

grits

gravy

hash browns

fried potatoes

potato cakes

bacon

sausage

fruits

common drinks:

orange juice

apple juice

coffee

tea

milk/chocolate/strawberry

grapefruit juice

grape juice

hot chocolate

Please note: pure maple syrup is almost a staple in the Northeast/Midwest. Nothing like pure maple syrup on sausage, pancakes, waffles, mush or french toast.

things you could put fish in:

breakfast burrito (tortilla with eggs, cheese, potatoes, sausage, bacon)

omelets (you can always put some fish in the omelet, many things can go into an omelet from just cheese to onions, ham, sausage, green peppers, tomatoes, etc)

corned beef hash

breakfast casserole

ok, sorry for some ambiguity in the posts (sometimes I lose clarity because my typing skips a word or two. (I try to proofread my posts, but sometimes I miss things.) I am not better then this guy. I am only concerned on the repercussions this situation may cause to Kanos in the area.

The girl is related to my wife. She was our escort (me and my then fiance) when I first visited the village. I ended up paying for her meals/transport/etc plus my wife (girlfriend/fiance) at the time. I am glad I knew of the "escort" rule in the philippines before I got there. I spent a solid week (24x7) with BOTH girls before I finally got up the nerve to ask her, plus Gretchen's parents to allow me and Gretchen have some time alone before I left to go home.

No, I did not introduce this guy to them. He was talking to them long before I was. While I was in the air coming back to the states, he befriended my fiance on FB before I was even aware of him. Of course being curious and wondering who this kano was befriending my fiance even before her family and friends or me, I contacted him and asked to know more about him, and his relationship in the village. I offered to meet the guy face to face to know more about him, the "run around" then proceeded of where he was. I traced his phone numbers to relay numbers in California and realized he could be anywhere in the world for all I or anyone knew. I urged the girls and families caution with this guy and to be extremely careful since something just did not feel right to me. Then left is alone. I focused on my relationship with Gretchen and her family plus getting to know others in the village as well.

the only reason the family is involving me is because of telling me what is going on. We plan on visiting the village every few months, plus the "grapevine" is very active between the family here in Phoenix and back in the village. You want the village to know something, just tell the "right" girl in the family. It will be all over the village in 24 hours and vice-verse. (it also helps me to know how gossip spreads and who the key players in the village are. I am getting to know the grapevine lines now.)

the father of the girl will not talk to him or return his calls. The girl is still engaged to him on FB, and from what I gather still very much in love with him. But I do not know all of the story yet. All I know is this guy plans on showing his face in the village after this latest episode with his fiance.

This girl is like a sister to me and my wife. She is very headstrong in her own determination but also young and naive. To see a Kano treating a girl this way infuriates me. I am trying to help the village understand not all kanos are like this. This guy is not only hurting himself, but me and other Kanos as well. My worry is not only for him, but how he may affect me and other kanos coming to the village in the relationship to the village. The only safety and saving grace I presently have is being "adopted" into the village family plus the local catholic parish.

This village is hurting massively right now from the 5 floods since June 2011. Last October my in-laws house flooded for the very first time since building. The area where we had the engagement party in February 2011 is now under water. The basketball court is gone. my biggest worry is this guy may louse things up for other kanos.

this girl was asawa ko and my escort during my first visit there and is related to the family.

That may have been what you were "trying" to point out, but your examples are not typical of either.... if you were shooting for sh_t you would get a wiff...

dries out too quickly in the desert....

here's one difference, i told my ex-mahal, i will go get sodas for everyone at canteen down the street from her appartment ! so i ask for 6 Coca Colas, they proceed to hand me 6 bags that dont have a seal on the top with 6 straws !!!! there i am walking down the street trying not to spill the 6 sodas !

Yep, I forgot about that.... saw it a lot in the village, but not a lot in butuan...because I would buy soda in the mall or resort where I was staying.

But then again.... those mcDonald cups in a cardboard drink carrier aren't much easier....

one major thing I noticed.... garbage just thrown on the ground or maybe burned.... while in USA we get fined for littering.

right. I note EAD is approved within "typically" 2 to 3 weeks from BIo date. (sometimes sooner) The hard part is lining up those with EAD and AP together. I am just trying to get a "feel" for the process after the Biometrics.

The AOs I figure is another 7 weeks to interview based on phoenix timelines.

Sorry I come and go right now. But i am dealing with a major problem in the village form a bad American.

the first time they met, he would not let her look at his passport, nor see his airline tickets or anything. She was not allowed to touch ANY of his belongings. (no engagement party) He spent the whole time basically drunk. He also invited people to drink with him but only bought them one bottle to share. He also told the girl he is engaged to, he will not bring her to the USA but leave her there in the village and help out. This guy also spent 3 days in the village nipa hut without a shower or shave and couldn't walk a straight line if he tried. He also did not eat any of the native food as well. (I don't like tamban or the "duck eggs", but I will try just about anything you put in front of me.)

He bought a boat for the family, with no engine. said they could paddle. Then bought them an engine. then nets. Just a little at a time, like watching what I did then copying what I did.

According to information from a very, very, very reliable friend of his, this guy has another girl who he fathered a daughter with in another part of the same island.

the next visit This guy fly's her from the village on a one way ticket. (He claims to be engaged to her, but said the only way to see him is her come to him in that part of the Philippines.) (again she is not allowed to touch his things)

They got in an argument about her family spending money on a gas stove and other things for the family. (now mind you, this guy sent money for a boat with no engine, told them they could paddle, then sent money for an engine, then nets, and some money for hte boat and home improvements.) He has been auditing every single penny sent to the her.

She walked away from him. Went to a cousin's house. and called her parents. Her mom took a ferry and went and got her. Her parents then brought her back to the village at their cost via the ferry.

the guy merely called to check to see if she was back in the village.

He is now in another city on the same island. According to information he is planning on taking the PNP to the village with him. Maybe he is afraid of her father. I do not know.

this guy has made it extremely clear to the village him and I do not get along.

i have ben trying to stay out of this situation, but I am getting dragged in. To me, this guy seems to be using the village naivete against them, plus since it is a remote village able to string them along as well for however long.

congrats....It may take up to month to get to NVC from CSC.... Prepare now and get ready. Once you get the MNL case number from calling NVC things go fast......

Don't know on interview. I had to wait outside in the waiting area while they took her back for the biometrics... the only thing she was told, was she was fine and not to worry. WE were number 65 at 11 am. they were only at number 59. Took a while. She had only shown the one letter for the appointment that day, not both. I was quick to add in the other letter when I saw it. The person at the desk was glad I showed both letters. It saved them time as well as us.

I must say they did a good job soundproofing the building.... it is right in the flight path and those jets are very noisy. Don't let the friendliness of the guards fool you. One wrong move and you are going to federal prison or getting a one way ticket out of the USA...doesn't take long to get to the airport from there. After he commented about the the pancit . I noted the lack of food around the place and commented about such a small office area inside for such a huge building. He said this is not just an office...I joked "Sheriff Joe" must keep them very busy.... and they probably feed those waiting deportation Burger King and pub grub until time to leave....

side note... never say or yell "hielo" in Phoenix.....