Taking My Daughter to USA

[BH45 0]

I noticed on Jeremy and Kristy's review about taking her daughter to the USA.

Here is my scenario - I have sole custody of my daughter. However, my order states that her dad can see her anytime, giving my reasonable notice. In the past 10 years, since our split, I'm guessing he has seen her for a total of 4 weeks to maybe 6 weeks. He is very sporadic with phone calls or end chatting with her online.

I've spoke to him and he is aware of my plans to move to Chicago and get married. Kelsie is not 100% thrilled about the move cause of friends, etc. So she will remain here until she graduates from grade 8. She thought she would be smart and approached her dad about buying a house here and her living with him. He told her she could live with him any time, but in BC. That, of course, was not the response she was hoping to receive.

He has left no forwarding address for her to contact him. So I have no way of reaching him to ask him for a letter supporting this move? Will my court order suffice?

[Delicia 1]

That's a tough one. You may have to prove you attempted to locate him to obtain specific approval for your move. I would do everything I could to find him (talk to his relatives, etc) and get him to put in writing (and get it notarized) that he approves with moving your daughter out of the country. Short of being able to locate him, you might have to prove you tried by providing copies of letters written to him or people who may know where he is.

When I was getting divorced, my soon to be ex just disappeared and my attorney had to place ads in newspapers and such in an attempt to locate him to prove to the court that we tried to find him. The divorce was granted as a default only after all that was done. I too was granted sole physical custody but we have joint legal custody and visitation was at my discretion (of course there were only abut 5 visits in the 13 years I have been divorced and I haven't heard from him at all in the last 5+ years).

Edited November 10, 2007 by Delicia

[BH45 0]

That jerk of an ex just called me and said he wouldn't approve the move. He claims he never gets to see her - well d'uh...he lives in BC and she is in ON. As well, he spent 3 months here in 2005 and saw her all of 3 times. All because she didn't call him. He expects her to make all the contact for visits, calls, email, online chats....

Now what? I certainly don't want to waste time and money in court. Has anyone been able to take their child(ren) to the USA with just their court order that gives them sole custody?

[Delicia 1]

there is a big difference between sole physical custody and sole legal custody here in the U.S. Getting sole physical custody of a child is fairly common. Getting sole legal custody is very rare. The non custodial parent has to either 1) voluntarily revoke their parental rights; or 2) voluntarily revoke their rights to allow for an adoption (if the other parent has remarried, for example); or 3) have their parental rights revoked by a court because the noncustodial parent is incarcerated or deemed to be a threat to the child (child molester, violent/criminal history). Since your former spouse still has join legal custody, you are going to have to find a way to get him to agree to the move.

If the former spouse is motivated by his wallet, this may be an option (and one I pursued). All my former spouse cared about was the measly child support that was garnished from his paycheck. So, when I told him he doesn't have to pay child support after he relinquished legal custody, he was all for it. It's a little hard to get it through a judge (but I had other issues such as my former spouse's history of violence and criminal convictions to support the action), but perhaps you should consult both an immigration and a family law attorney and see what your options are.

I know you are dealing with Canadian law here, so things might be different. I am just trying to provide you with some alternatives you may want to explore. Is your husband planning on adopting your daughter?

Edited November 10, 2007 by Delicia

[BH45 0]

there is a big difference between sole physical custody and sole legal custody here in the U.S. Getting sole physical custody of a child is fairly common. Getting sole legal custody is very rare. The non custodial parent has to either 1) voluntarily revoke their parental rights; or 2) voluntarily revoke their rights to allow for an adoption (if the other parent has remarried, for example); or 3) have their parental rights revoked by a court because the noncustodial parent is incarcerated or deemed to be a threat to the child (child molester, violent/criminal history). Since your former spouse still has join legal custody, you are going to have to find a way to get him to agree to the move.

If the former spouse is motivated by his wallet, this may be an option (and one I pursued). All my former spouse cared about was the measly child support that was garnished from his paycheck. So, when I told him he doesn't have to pay child support after he relinquished legal custody, he was all for it. It's a little hard to get it through a judge (but I had other issues such as my former spouse's history of violence and criminal convictions to support the action), but perhaps you should consult both an immigration and a family law attorney and see what your options are.

I know you are dealing with Canadian law here, so things might be different. I am just trying to provide you with some alternatives you may want to explore. Is your husband planning on adopting your daughter?

It's not joint custody....I have sole custody. He has access with reasonable notice. My future hubby would like to adopt her but will discuss it with her first.

[Ontarkie 13,960]

ok as far as ive been told by my lawyer sole custody or just plain old custody is the same thing Canada uses them both but mean the same. Since he has access thats what montreal is going to tell you that you need consent. Well if you can talk to him without a yelling match try again, remind him his custody does not change or his access that you will give him your address and phone number and he can call and she will be able to call him, this is all things my lawyer put in my consent letter. And you can always remind him that if you have to go to court he is going to have to come to you since that is where your daughter lives and that it would be possibly more then one court date. Dont wait if he wont give consent or risk getting to montreal for them to tell you no.

The lawyers maybe able to figure something out that they never told me.

The laws changed in January here in Ontario it is something your going to need to get a lawyer right away if he wont give you consent not sure what the court is like there it may take you a few months to get a case conference and you would have to go to 2 at least thats what they set up in the books. Now i'm not a 100% if you have to go that route but its what i was told is the only way since January and its both ppl have to attend. I'm sure he probably would be able to pay a lawyer to be there instead of him just my thought there but would be expensive.

My ex didnt want to sign so i was taking him to court once he got served and saw what my lawyer wrote he called me up and signed the consent letter (I had alot of dirt on him and i didnt even get into the big stuff)that letter went back to my lawyer and she had a judge endorse it 3 days later it came in the mail as a court document signed seal and iron clad lol, so he cant even change his mind without going to court.

Danielle

Edited November 11, 2007 by Ontarkie

[Jeremy + Kristy 0]

ok as far as ive been told by my lawyer sole custody or just plain old custody is the same thing Canada uses them both but mean the same. Since he has access thats what montreal is going to tell you that you need consent. Well if you can talk to him without a yelling match try again, remind him his custody does not change or his access that you will give him your address and phone number and he can call and she will be able to call him, this is all things my lawyer put in my consent letter. And you can always remind him that if you have to go to court he is going to have to come to you since that is where your daughter lives and that it would be possibly more then one court date. Dont wait if he wont give consent or risk getting to montreal for them to tell you no.

The lawyers maybe able to figure something out that they never told me.

The laws changed in January here in Ontario it is something your going to need to get a lawyer right away if he wont give you consent not sure what the court is like there it may take you a few months to get a case conference and you would have to go to 2 at least thats what they set up in the books. Now i'm not a 100% if you have to go that route but its what i was told is the only way since January and its both ppl have to attend. I'm sure he probably would be able to pay a lawyer to be there instead of him just my thought there but would be expensive.

My ex didnt want to sign so i was taking him to court once he got served and saw what my lawyer wrote he called me up and signed the consent letter (I had alot of dirt on him and i didnt even get into the big stuff)that letter went back to my lawyer and she had a judge endorse it 3 days later it came in the mail as a court document signed seal and iron clad lol, so he cant even change his mind without going to court.

Danielle

This sounds like a good plan. I don't think we would have been approved for the K-2 with the court order alone. However, as it's really hard to get things notarized in Canada (we can just go to a bank, here) the letter wasn't notarized. Getting a letter was stressing us out a lot.

You will probably have to pony up for a lawyer, as duty counsel was useless, really. The guy at the window did ask if the ex was involved, at all. We said yes, as he is, but very sporadic. Sounds like your ex, really. Even when he didn't live over two hours away and only lived on the next street over, he still only saw his daughter every three wmonths, or so.

As long as the consulate believes that you have tried to make contact and that you're not kidnapping your own daughter, I think you are all right. It's not even that you are really asking permission, I don't believe, but rather only that he knows that you are moving. I'm assuming that he moved first, so you have that on him, too.

Anyway, I'm not a lawyer, but he lucked out at the last possible moment getting that letter. We even got him to change the visitation with that letter from every-other-weekend to reasonable access after I pointed out to him that if he doesn't show up for his weekend, that we can charge him for the babysitting.

So, now that I'm typing, that's one thing that's different between our cases. Since he has "reasonable access" now, he still has "reasonable access" after you move, in my mind, anyway. Kristy's ex actually said, "well, if I commit a crime or something then I won't won't be able to see her." Well, jackass, don't commit a crime, then.

I'm not sure If I stressed you out more, or gave you some relief. We booked an appointment with a lawyer before getting the letter, but got the letter before the appointment. At the initial consult the lawyer said that everything looks great and you shouldn't have any problems and there wasn't a charge.

[lynamon 0]

I've sent you a PM regarding my situation ... I also wanted to add that the only thing that my ex can do at this point now that I'm here is request a change to the amount that he pays for child support. Considering that he has reasonable access on reasonable notice he can request to have the monthly amount lowered so that he can put those funds towards a hotel room to visit.

[BH45 0]

ok as far as ive been told by my lawyer sole custody or just plain old custody is the same thing Canada uses them both but mean the same. Since he has access thats what montreal is going to tell you that you need consent. Well if you can talk to him without a yelling match try again, remind him his custody does not change or his access that you will give him your address and phone number and he can call and she will be able to call him, this is all things my lawyer put in my consent letter. And you can always remind him that if you have to go to court he is going to have to come to you since that is where your daughter lives and that it would be possibly more then one court date. Dont wait if he wont give consent or risk getting to montreal for them to tell you no.

The lawyers maybe able to figure something out that they never told me.

The laws changed in January here in Ontario it is something your going to need to get a lawyer right away if he wont give you consent not sure what the court is like there it may take you a few months to get a case conference and you would have to go to 2 at least thats what they set up in the books. Now i'm not a 100% if you have to go that route but its what i was told is the only way since January and its both ppl have to attend. I'm sure he probably would be able to pay a lawyer to be there instead of him just my thought there but would be expensive.

My ex didnt want to sign so i was taking him to court once he got served and saw what my lawyer wrote he called me up and signed the consent letter (I had alot of dirt on him and i didnt even get into the big stuff)that letter went back to my lawyer and she had a judge endorse it 3 days later it came in the mail as a court document signed seal and iron clad lol, so he cant even change his mind without going to court.

Danielle

This sounds like a good plan. I don't think we would have been approved for the K-2 with the court order alone. However, as it's really hard to get things notarized in Canada (we can just go to a bank, here) the letter wasn't notarized. Getting a letter was stressing us out a lot.

You will probably have to pony up for a lawyer, as duty counsel was useless, really. The guy at the window did ask if the ex was involved, at all. We said yes, as he is, but very sporadic. Sounds like your ex, really. Even when he didn't live over two hours away and only lived on the next street over, he still only saw his daughter every three wmonths, or so.

As long as the consulate believes that you have tried to make contact and that you're not kidnapping your own daughter, I think you are all right. It's not even that you are really asking permission, I don't believe, but rather only that he knows that you are moving. I'm assuming that he moved first, so you have that on him, too.

Anyway, I'm not a lawyer, but he lucked out at the last possible moment getting that letter. We even got him to change the visitation with that letter from every-other-weekend to reasonable access after I pointed out to him that if he doesn't show up for his weekend, that we can charge him for the babysitting.

So, now that I'm typing, that's one thing that's different between our cases. Since he has "reasonable access" now, he still has "reasonable access" after you move, in my mind, anyway. Kristy's ex actually said, "well, if I commit a crime or something then I won't won't be able to see her." Well, jackass, don't commit a crime, then.

I'm not sure If I stressed you out more, or gave you some relief. We booked an appointment with a lawyer before getting the letter, but got the letter before the appointment. At the initial consult the lawyer said that everything looks great and you shouldn't have any problems and there wasn't a charge.

You haven't streesed me out. If anything, my ex used to stress me out....now he just ticks me off. I spoke to my lawyer today and my court order states sole custody with reasonable access with reasonable notice and has no residency stipulations. I will draw up a list of physical visits from him and indicate that in the past 2 years there have been sporadic telephone calls, online chats and emails.

Thanks for your input. It is a great help.