Protection and Self Defense Outside of the Home

[one...two...tree 2,762]

What do you do to protect yourself outside of your home? Walking to and from your car? When going for walks? Jogging? Using an ATM?

Edited August 15, 2007 by Mister Fancypants

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Q:

When in public, say a cafe, and you find somebody trying to stare you down, what's the best action? I've run into this many times over the last 10 years or so. My action most of the time is to face the clown, but pay no attention. On rare occasions I will engage the stare until it ends. I've said something only twice.

A:

Sounds like you're doing everything right from my perspective, considering none of these encounters have resulted in an assault or a fight. Most of the time I've run into this it's been from people who are not really paying attention or they are so rude that they continue to stare at you (or your girlfriend).

If they are mad dogging you, then it's different. It also sounds like you are not mad dogging someone back because they apparently don't have a real problem in the way you are staring back at them.

This sounds weird from a nice person's perspective, but I learned at one point that there are certain people out there who "practice" on others in public. I don't know if I've run into anyone who is doing this...but I've run into a few guys who have had NO business trying to stare me down. I almost have to laugh and say, "do you have any idea what kind of trouble you are getting yourself into?". But I don't (normally).

Like you, I normally don't say anything if it's apparent that the guy looking at you is just not aware of what he is doing. But, I also routinely will start to take a keen interest in someone who appears to be working up to a confrontation.

However, because of my heightened sense of community service, I have been known to confront tough guys who need a lesson in manners or humility. I've also taken strong exception to a table of guys who were painting me with a laser. It turns out it was just one of those cheap pointers, but I hope I impressed on them that you don't EVER put a laser sight on someone.

I've also taken strong exception to punks trying to intimidate women or kids.

However, be aware that when you "stare down" someone, you should be prepared to deal with the question that has no answer and that is a GUARANTEED preindicator of a fight: "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?"

Now you are fighting. No question about it.

So you need to be prepared for the logical consequence of your actions. You can avoid this response most of the time by "gazing" at someone rather than "staring" at them.

For example, you feel someone staring at you. You meet his stare and keep it. He continues, you continue. Probable result? Worlds collide.

A different example. You feel someone staring at you. You catch his stare and you hold it just long enough so that he knows you have seen him. You might even look him up and down once in a non-critical way. You slightly move your sight off of his and take in the scene around him so that your general gaze is his direction, but you are not staring at him. Now break your gaze by moving your sight line along a horizontal plane back to your original position. Try not to look down.

Occasionally direct your gaze back in his general direction so he knows you are scanning the room. Your body posture is relaxed, but you might have even moved your chair into a position that lets him know that you cannot be ambushed.

This method is far less confrontational, but the guy gets the message that you are not about to be surprised and that you won't readily back down.

If the bad vibes continue, do the easy thing and leave. It's not worth the hassle of pounding this guy only to have him trash your car in the parking lot.

If you cannot leave, then immediately point out the guy to the bouncer, doorman or bartender. Bars value their liquor licenses and they don't like troublemakers. Get him identified as the troublemaker first. Then if he comes up to you, now you have the bouncers behind you as well.

To sum it up, I'm not going to let myself get ambushed, but I'm not going to let some loser ruin my day or my date by dragging me into a fight.

Also, remember that if you are armed you must have a very LONG fuse. Do not get sucked into a situation that requires the use of deadly force when it could have been avoided.

http://www.defendu.com/questions/quest37.htm

[MaRob 0]

Maybe he's staring cause you have something on your face or a huge booger... hehe.. and then your like "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT FREAK?!?!" ummm... that huge booger...

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

My brain.

ie: I don't use an ATM in Newark at 3 am.

[Caladan 19]

For me, a lot of common sense. New Haven is safe in some ways, but notorious for muggings, especially around the university area. I don't live in fear, but it is best to stick to area with a lot of lights and foot traffic after dark, or to walk in groups. It's easier when C.'s here as he's a rather beefy guy.

I was followed down a block once last summer. I was coming home from visiting a friend in the university grad tower, and as I crossed the street to go my usual way home some guy started calling out threats and innuendo. And started following me. So I told him to go to hell and altered my route to take me past all of the outdoor seating areas at the local bars. He gave up after a block, but my plan was to find the bouncer at Sullivan's and say 'This guy is following me' and let testosterone take its course.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My brain.

ie: I don't use an ATM in Newark at 3 am.

Do you have a concealed weapon license or are there situations that you get into when you wished you were packing?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

The last time I truly felt threatened was back in college, on campus. And I knew the guy, got into what I thought was a harmless flame war with him online and things took an ugly turn.

I don't think it would have helped if I had a gun.

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

My brain.

ie: I don't use an ATM in Newark at 3 am.

Do you have a concealed weapon license or are there situations that you get into when you wished you were packing?

Don't have one in my new state yet.