how do you say "no gifts, but money's ok"

[Fandango 1,440]

a) he doesn't like traveling, and he especially has no desire to visit Tanzania. Too many black people. (Don't worry, he's not racist. He just has certain "values".)

What 'values' makes him not like being around 'too many black people'?

As to the $$$, I say be happy with whatever people decide to give you....

[Fandango 1,440]

I understand that. As I said, I don't like receiving gifts, especially not at times when I didn't really do anything (like XMas or my birthday). It makes me feel really guilty. But at the same time, there are people who feel guilty going to weddings empty-handed. That's what I'm talking about; a sort of "in lieu of gifts, please donate to such and such charity". But instead of a charity, it would be an account for a plane ticket.

You feel guilty receiving gifts but have no problem with money?

Money is a gift too, yanno?

[GeordieWife 1]

In many areas, a 'wishing well' is placed in a conspicuous spot in the reception area. That is where guests may deposit a card with checks or cash as a gift. Often guests will do this in addition to a gift especially if the reception is a fine sit down dinner. I've noticed this more often with weddings in the northern parts of the U.S. however. I think this would be a more 'polite' option rather than asking for money in lieu of gifts, which I believe would be a faux paus at best. Best wishes to you!

[Marilyn. 340]

ok, I was trying to locate our wedding invitation to see exactly what I wrote... actually my sis-in-law helped me write it...

We are starting a Plane Ticket Fund...

contributions would be considered an investment in our marriage and would be greatly appreciated...

well to be fair we didn't come right out and say "give us money"

we had a really small wedding anyways, and most of the people there were family, they really didn't mind nor did they find it tacky...

[Fandango 1,440]

In many areas, a 'wishing well' is placed in a conspicuous spot in the reception area. That is where guests may deposit a card with checks or cash as a gift. Often guests will do this in addition to a gift especially if the reception is a fine sit down dinner. I've noticed this more often with weddings in the northern parts of the U.S. however. I think this would be a more 'polite' option rather than asking for money in lieu of gifts, which I believe would be a faux paus at best. Best wishes to you!

But the wishing well can't change anything, if the guests are already there with a wrapped gift.

Sorry, GL....imo, putting it there for the odd chance of a double gifter seems even tackier than asking for the money upfront. I personally would do neither.

But you're absolutely right; in most northern states (well, NY at least), most ppl wouldn't dream of bringing a gift to a wedding...it'd be cash only.

OP, if you get 20 grillion toasters, how bout donating them to a charity shop or something? But if you're really happy with guests bringing nothing, then just state that in the invite.

[TinTin and Samby 11]

I was always taught that proper ettiquette requires that one never mentions gifts in a wedding announcement. Even comments such as "No Gifts, Please" are inappropriate since they infer that the guest was going to be giving a gift - a presumption that the potential gift recipient should not have or, at the least, not ever communicate.

On the other hand, Wedding Registries are meant to be helpful pieces of information that guests may or may not utilize in determining what gift, if any, they would like to give. The Registry Information is never to be mentioned in the wedding announcement, but rather is expected to be communicated informally through the Bride's Maid of Honor, Groom's Best Man or Mother of the Bride/Groom - not the Bride or Groom themselves (again - this would generate an appearance of a presumption of receiving a gift - something the recipients should not have, or at least, not ever communicate.

One possible solution for the OP is to sign up for a TRAVEL BRIDAL REGISTRY, rather than the typical RETAIL STORE BRIDAL REGISTRY. These are quite common today - many times they are used for the Honeymoon - but they can also be used for other purposes - like providing travel for one's family. Do a goole search for TRAVEL BRIDAL REGISTRY - there are many many options.

Here is a sample: http://www.preferredtravel.com/default.asp...0&pid=10147

Good Luck with your Wedding Planning!

Best Regards,

Samby

Edited August 2, 2007 by Samby

[Marilyn. 340]

I think people put too many rules on weddings, it is your day just do what you feel is best...

[Caladan 19]

For our wedding the wishing well was there just for cards. No expectation of money, but most of the guests brought a card with a check anyway. Trust the generosity of your friends and the subtlety of your bridesmaids and family.

[Clarky and Tarah 0]

I think people put too many rules on weddings, it is your day just do what you feel is best...

Exactly. Anyway, you know the people that are coming to your wedding. You probably already have an idea of what they would find "tacky".

[TinTin and Samby 11]

I think people put too many rules on weddings, it is your day just do what you feel is best...

Ohhhhhh....my grandmother and mother are turning over in their graves...... Its a day of union between 2 entire families. That union is being presented to society. There are standards of decorum and etiquette, within which people can inject their own personalities and wishes. But to "just do what you feel is best".........

Warm Regards,

Samby

[essjay 0]

For our own wedding, we really didn't want or need gifts. We said nothing in the invitations. When guests replied to the invitation, they invariably asked whether we had a wedding list. We sent out replies basically saying that gifts were unnecessary, we just wanted people to come and celebrate with us. However, if they really wanted to give something, we had set up a Wedding Day webpage with Cancer Research where donations could be made, and if anyone really wanted to give us an actual gift, then thank you.

It worked so well for us, we had a few really unusual personal gifts from guests, but what truly amazed me was the generosity of our guests in making donations to charity in lieu of wedding presents. It allowed people to donate, and leave personal messages on the website for our day.

One other suggestion I have seen recently on a different thread was to have one of the mother's handle all of the invitation replies. When guests reply, they can ask the mother whether there is a Gift List. The mother can then tactfully say something along the lines of "the happy couple are more looking forward to seeing you on their special day. However, I know that they are saving up for x. If you want to give something, why not contribute to that".

Good Luck with whatever you decide. After all, at the end of the day, it is YOUR DAY and you must enjoy it. That is the most important thing.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

a) he doesn't like traveling, and he especially has no desire to visit Tanzania. Too many black people. (Don't worry, he's not racist. He just has certain "values".)

What 'values' makes him not like being around 'too many black people'?

That was what I was wondering.

[KarenCee 3]

Playing semantics here but....it's not YOUR day....it's OUR day....it's not just the bride, it's the groom too. I hear that a lot, how "IT'S MY DAY"....

To the OP: IMHO, I'd just leave off any mention of gifts and let guests do as they feel. If the majority know your situation (immigration) then it's quite possible both of you will wind up with gifts of cash. We certainly didn't ask for gifts, nor did we register. We certainly DIDN'T want or have receipts (gawd, how tacky to even think of asking for receipts!) since we had no plans of returning anything given to us. We were most appreciative of the gifts we did receive, some of which was monetary. All of our guests knew our situation and personally came to us and said they gave us cash since they knew immigration was a financially draining thing (to some anyway). We also received some nice pressies too...which we still cherish to this day.

[wherezdabearz 1]

a) he doesn't like traveling, and he especially has no desire to visit Tanzania. Too many black people. (Don't worry, he's not racist. He just has certain "values".)

What 'values' makes him not like being around 'too many black people'?

I think the OP was being ironic.

[Emancipation 2]

I told 4-5 people that I knew would be asked "what do they want for wedding prezzies".. that we did NOT need physical gifts. I said nothing on the invite, but word got around that we didn't need more "stuff" esp. when I had to get rid of so much of my stuff that I loved already cause it wasn't worth trucking it to the US. SO.. word got around that way.. plus people are smart - most of our friends realized what a financial burden moving to another Country is/was and gave us gifts of money.