What to do about Fiance's son ?

[foo 0]

Hi All,

Sorry for the long post, please bear with me. I was thinking this might go on the K-1 forum, but I think its more of a regional/cultural issue/questions that people in the Phils could relate to, so I thought I should put the question here instead and get some advice here from all of you experienced people

My Fiance' has a 14 year old son. Since she was a single mom, her son stayed with her mom in the Provence while she worked in Manila for all these years and she supported and visited them when she could. As a result, Grandma and Son are very close.

I want my Fiance' to come live with me in the US for at least the next 5 years so she can get her citizenship and the benefits of doing so, and I will be in good enough financial shape to retire. Then once her immigration status is taken care of, we can discuss moving back to the Phils as I am open to do, if she wants to at that time.

When I asked my Fiance' about also bringing her son to the US, my fiance said her son would be staying in the Phils with Grandma to take care of her! I was very surprised at this, but she gave the following reasons: 1. Grandma and Son are so close that Grandma and son would be so lonely being apart. 2. Fiance wants Son to be there to take care of Grandma because she is old and does not have anyone there to watch out for her directly as the son could do. There are other siblings who could help, but she wants her son there watching out for her. 3. Schooling for him will be less expensive in the Phils and it will be less disruptive for him to just stay there until he is out of school.

I can see the logic in what she is saying, but it is a little difficult for me to understand the personal cultural dynamics going on since I am not used to this kind of thinking. I would have thought that mom would want her son with her, but I can see she is trying to do the best thing for all concerned especially her mom. I can support both my Fiance and her son here, so that's not an issue. If she thinks her son is better off staying with her mom, then I guess I will go along with that since I feel she knows what is best at this point regarding these concerns.

But this leads me to the question of what to do with the I-F129. I was reading how hard and how long it takes to petition additional family members. I am wondering if that also applies to children? If so, should I go ahead and list him on the I-F129 just in case things change? Should I try to get him here to the US to make sure immigration here will be taken care of for the future if he wants to come here, and then send him back to the Phils to be with Grandma? I am kind of at a loss of how to think of this and would appreciate any guidance some of you more experienced people can provide.

TIA,

Mac

[foo 0]

oops, I-F129 is supposed to be I-129F. Strange, for some reason I can't edit my initial posts, only the replys to it?

[Ta Ta 1]

I would definitely include him on the petition.

Things change and if he gets his status adjusted here he can go back.

Why take a chance with the proposed immigration changes involving children

over 21 ?

In the mean time someone else can take care of the grandmother.

Don't do anything you may regret by not including him on the petition.

He has a year to follow.

[island_princess 2]

Regardless if the child is coming or not, you should list him in your I-129F. Don't forget to include the child's birth certificate and 2x2 ID.

Honestly, I can not understand your fiancee's way of thinking too. It's not typically Filipino. Let me see...she's going to the US to complete her family, right? It seems like her "family" does not include her child. Anyway, to her/his own.

Hi All,

Sorry for the long post, please bear with me. I was thinking this might go on the K-1 forum, but I think its more of a regional/cultural issue/questions that people in the Phils could relate to, so I thought I should put the question here instead and get some advice here from all of you experienced people

My Fiance' has a 14 year old son. Since she was a single mom, her son stayed with her mom in the Provence while she worked in Manila for all these years and she supported and visited them when she could. As a result, Grandma and Son are very close.

I want my Fiance' to come live with me in the US for at least the next 5 years so she can get her citizenship and the benefits of doing so, and I will be in good enough financial shape to retire. Then once her immigration status is taken care of, we can discuss moving back to the Phils as I am open to do, if she wants to at that time.

When I asked my Fiance' about also bringing her son to the US, my fiance said her son would be staying in the Phils with Grandma to take care of her! I was very surprised at this, but she gave the following reasons: 1. Grandma and Son are so close that Grandma and son would be so lonely being apart. 2. Fiance wants Son to be there to take care of Grandma because she is old and does not have anyone there to watch out for her directly as the son could do. There are other siblings who could help, but she wants her son there watching out for her. 3. Schooling for him will be less expensive in the Phils and it will be less disruptive for him to just stay there until he is out of school.

I can see the logic in what she is saying, but it is a little difficult for me to understand the personal cultural dynamics going on since I am not used to this kind of thinking. I would have thought that mom would want her son with her, but I can see she is trying to do the best thing for all concerned especially her mom. I can support both my Fiance and her son here, so that's not an issue. If she thinks her son is better off staying with her mom, then I guess I will go along with that since I feel she knows what is best at this point regarding these concerns.

But this leads me to the question of what to do with the I-F129. I was reading how hard and how long it takes to petition additional family members. I am wondering if that also applies to children? If so, should I go ahead and list him on the I-F129 just in case things change? Should I try to get him here to the US to make sure immigration here will be taken care of for the future if he wants to come here, and then send him back to the Phils to be with Grandma? I am kind of at a loss of how to think of this and would appreciate any guidance some of you more experienced people can provide.

TIA,

Mac

[alexandra8886 0]

Hi All,

Sorry for the long post, please bear with me. I was thinking this might go on the K-1 forum, but I think its more of a regional/cultural issue/questions that people in the Phils could relate to, so I thought I should put the question here instead and get some advice here from all of you experienced people

My Fiance' has a 14 year old son. Since she was a single mom, her son stayed with her mom in the Provence while she worked in Manila for all these years and she supported and visited them when she could. As a result, Grandma and Son are very close.

I want my Fiance' to come live with me in the US for at least the next 5 years so she can get her citizenship and the benefits of doing so, and I will be in good enough financial shape to retire. Then once her immigration status is taken care of, we can discuss moving back to the Phils as I am open to do, if she wants to at that time.

When I asked my Fiance' about also bringing her son to the US, my fiance said her son would be staying in the Phils with Grandma to take care of her! I was very surprised at this, but she gave the following reasons: 1. Grandma and Son are so close that Grandma and son would be so lonely being apart. 2. Fiance wants Son to be there to take care of Grandma because she is old and does not have anyone there to watch out for her directly as the son could do. There are other siblings who could help, but she wants her son there watching out for her. 3. Schooling for him will be less expensive in the Phils and it will be less disruptive for him to just stay there until he is out of school.

I can see the logic in what she is saying, but it is a little difficult for me to understand the personal cultural dynamics going on since I am not used to this kind of thinking. I would have thought that mom would want her son with her, but I can see she is trying to do the best thing for all concerned especially her mom. I can support both my Fiance and her son here, so that's not an issue. If she thinks her son is better off staying with her mom, then I guess I will go along with that since I feel she knows what is best at this point regarding these concerns.

But this leads me to the question of what to do with the I-F129. I was reading how hard and how long it takes to petition additional family members. I am wondering if that also applies to children? If so, should I go ahead and list him on the I-F129 just in case things change? Should I try to get him here to the US to make sure immigration here will be taken care of for the future if he wants to come here, and then send him back to the Phils to be with Grandma? I am kind of at a loss of how to think of this and would appreciate any guidance some of you more experienced people can provide.

TIA,

Mac

hi mac,

I admire you of posting such kind of issue here in the forum. It seems that you're trying to understand the filipino culture or i may say our outlook when it comes to family matters.

Let me give you a background of my situation & how i deal with it when im about to make another major change in my life.

Its here in the Middle East that I met my USC fiance. I have a 2-yr old daughter back there in the phils & my fiance met her last year.

When I left the Phils for a job here in M.E., she was only 7 months old. I hired a nanny to take care of my daughter & they're staying with my mother ....up to this date.

When we (me & my fiance) visited her last year, Its just so sad that i cant even carry my own child since she really dont know me that much. She's very much attached to her grandmother & nanny.

My fiance & I took a lot of effort to at least bring her with us for an out of town trip & not having her grandmother with us...but it didnt happen.

Though we're still thankfull to God that on the last 3 days of our visits, she seems comfortable to us.

On our way going back here in M.E., me & my fiance were kinda analysing if we're going to include her in the petition & join me to follow her future father in US. We are considering the closeness of our girl with her grandmother and how hard it will be if they will be separated.

Even my mother tried to convince us to let my daughter stays with her in PI until she's about to go to school. THen we will move her in US with us.

But me & my fiance has always dream of having a complete a family & that means my daughter should be with me when Im about to go to US.

This decision may be hard to my mother but we clearly explained to her that its about time "my own family" will be complete. Anyway. I promise her that as soon as we're settled in US, we will petition her. So she could be with my daughter again...& also with more future granchildren..

We know also that this separation will be hard to my daughter, thats why we decided that I should end my work here & stay in the Phils for sometime 'til we get the visa. In that way, everybody - Me, my child & my mother, will be adjusted in the upcoming "starting life in US".

Now with your situation Mac, your fiancee is right with those factors she considers, upon letting her son to stay with her mom. BUt if you dont feel comfortable with it & you have some concerns about her decision, then i dont see any harm of discussing it again with your fiancee.

For me.. the moment I got engaged, it means that Its not just me whose going to decide for my daughter's future. I need to consider him now in making decisions.

Remind your fiancee, that if kid reaches the age of 21 and change his mind..it will be harder for you guys to bring him to US. Try to inform your fiancee to see how things will work out for the son's future.

I wouldnt blame your fiancee if she considers her mother with regards to this changes. Filipinos has been known of honoring "extended-family" thing. With the close family ties we had, sometimes we intend to forget some limitations of treating family issues - Whom to priority & when to put boundaries.

Im sorry to say this..but in the Phils you can see 4 families living in one roof.

WHat im trying to say is that..your fiancee has already been having a very good opportunity to have her "OWN" family..to have you & her son as her family..but STILL her mom is on the priority list.

Please dont get me wrong..im not asking your fiancee, not to think of her mother. What I mean is that, try to focus on the future family first..then when everything is settled..its time to think of the other family member like her mom.

HOpe your fiance, discuss the circumstances to her mom & to her son..so she can hear their opinions first before making decisions. Specially the son's opinion. HE may be young to make decision but if he felt that his opinion is worth to hear, then he will realize how important he is to his mom though they're not that close.

If in case your fiance insist to leave her son to her mom, when she will take care of her own child?

If not now..when?

hope this enlighten you..

regards,

alexandra

[Krikit 1,163]

Sorry, no offense, but I ended up in your thread by accident and thought it was worth mentioning that all children of the beneficiary are to be listed on the I-129F whether they are coming to the U.S. or not.

Some things to consider should the child not be listed....

1. What will happen to the child should the Grandmother pass away?

2. What will be the consequences if he is not listed and then, at a later date, his mother would like him here? There is every possibility that there will be consequences and setbacks if the child was never listed on the original petition.

Best of wishes on your visa journey.

[foo 0]

I would definitely include him on the petition.

Things change and if he gets his status adjusted here he can go back.

Why take a chance with the proposed immigration changes involving children

over 21 ?

In the mean time someone else can take care of the grandmother.

Don't do anything you may regret by not including him on the petition.

He has a year to follow.

Thank you for your reply! Based on this and the other responses I think it does make sense to list him on the petitions.

This is why I asked the question in the first place. Since we are not familiar with this whole imigration process, I wanted to get this out there to see what things we might not be thinking of so we can make a full correct decision about this.

I am not aware of the proposed changes for children over 21 so I don't understand your point. What are these proposed changes are for children over 21, where can we read about them to determine how will it affect us?

Also, where does it state he has 1 year to follow? I would like to see that instruction, that would be helpful for timing/planning purposes.

[foo 0]

Regardless if the child is coming or not, you should list him in your I-129F. Don't forget to include the child's birth certificate and 2x2 ID.

Thank you for your reply, I think this is good advice, and thanks for the reminder on the BC and IDs.

Honestly, I can not understand your fiancee's way of thinking too. It's not typically Filipino. Let me see...she's going to the US to complete her family, right? It seems like her "family" does not include her child. Anyway, to her/his own.

Although I appreciate you sharing your opinion, I think your being too judgmental and a little sarcastic with this part of your response. My fiancé and her son love each other very much, and he is definitely a part of her family. If I have given the impression that she is less then a loving Filipina mother in anyway, it is because I have done a poor job of communicating the situation, and for that I am sorry. I know she loves her son and her mom very much, and is trying to think of what's best for all of us concerned with the information we have available.

This is why I am asking the question here. To find out what we might not be thinking about, that we should be thinking about, because we don't know the process very well yet.

[sunandmoon 450]

Regardless if the child is coming or not, you should list him in your I-129F. Don't forget to include the child's birth certificate and 2x2 ID.

Thank you for your reply, I think this is good advice, and thanks for the reminder on the BC and IDs.

child's BC and 2x2 photos are not required with submission of the 129F. important thing is to remember to list the child.

here's link to Manila Embassy website with info about K-2

http://manila.usembassy.gov/wwwh3204.html

[foo 0]

Remind your fiancee, that if kid reaches the age of 21 and change his mind..it will be harder for you guys to bring him to US. Try to inform your fiancee to see how things will work out for the son's future.

I wouldnt blame your fiancee if she considers her mother with regards to this changes. Filipinos has been known of honoring "extended-family" thing. With the close family ties we had, sometimes we intend to forget some limitations of treating family issues - Whom to priority & when to put boundaries.

Im sorry to say this..but in the Phils you can see 4 families living in one roof.

WHat im trying to say is that..your fiancee has already been having a very good opportunity to have her "OWN" family..to have you & her son as her family..but STILL her mom is on the priority list.

Please dont get me wrong..im not asking your fiancee, not to think of her mother. What I mean is that, try to focus on the future family first..then when everything is settled..its time to think of the other family member like her mom.

HOpe your fiance, discuss the circumstances to her mom & to her son..so she can hear their opinions first before making decisions. Specially the son's opinion. HE may be young to make decision but if he felt that his opinion is worth to hear, then he will realize how important he is to his mom though they're not that close.

If in case your fiance insist to leave her son to her mom, when she will take care of her own child?

If not now..when?

hope this enlighten you..

regards,

alexandra

Thank you for sharing your situation and your thought process surrounding your decisions. You made some good points for us to think about and discuss.

I want to be clear about this though, my Fiancé' has always taken care of her son and will continue to do so. One of the things that initially impressed me about her is what she has done as a single mother to take care of her son with no support from the boys father. Her mom has looked after him while she has worked in the city working to earn a living for them all. She has taken care of them and helped put a neice through school at the same time. Im sorry if I gave the impression that she has abandoned her son to her mother to raise. That’s not what has happened there. Its not that she wants to leave her son with her mom to take care of him when she goes, its that she wants her son to be there for her mom.

The point I am trying to understand is about him turning 21. What happens then, why is it harder to bring him to the US after he is 21? I don't understand that part of the immigration laws and will have to do some research there.

[foo 0]

Sorry, no offense, but I ended up in your thread by accident and thought it was worth mentioning that all children of the beneficiary are to be listed on the I-129F whether they are coming to the U.S. or not.

Some things to consider should the child not be listed....

1. What will happen to the child should the Grandmother pass away?

2. What will be the consequences if he is not listed and then, at a later date, his mother would like him here? There is every possibility that there will be consequences and setbacks if the child was never listed on the original petition.

Best of wishes on your visa journey.

Thanks for the reply to clarify the requirement to list the child on the forms. Your questions that you posted here are some of the same questions that I am having, so that is why I started all of this.

We are in that stage of learning where we have some assumptions about how things might work, but we are not sure. So we are trying to find out how they really work and what problems there are that we don't know about yet but would like to avoid.

Thank you, I appreciate the input!

[foo 0]

Regardless if the child is coming or not, you should list him in your I-129F. Don't forget to include the child's birth certificate and 2x2 ID.

Thank you for your reply, I think this is good advice, and thanks for the reminder on the BC and IDs.

child's BC and 2x2 photos are not required with submission of the 129F. important thing is to remember to list the child.

here's link to Manila Embassy website with info about K-2

http://manila.usembassy.gov/wwwh3204.html

Thank you for the link and info.

[sunandmoon 450]

I want to be clear about this though, my Fiancé' has always taken care of her son and will continue to do so. One of the things that initially impressed me about her is what she has done as a single mother to take care of her son with no support from the boys father. Her mom has looked after him while she has worked in the city working to earn a living for them all. She has taken care of them and helped put a neice through school at the same time. Im sorry if I gave the impression that she has abandoned her son to her mother to raise. That’s not what has happened there. Its not that she wants to leave her son with her mom to take care of him when she goes, its that she wants her son to be there for her mom.

The point I am trying to understand is about him turning 21. What happens then, why is it harder to bring him to the US after he is 21? I don't understand that part of the immigration laws and will have to do some research there.

I can sympathize with the decision you and your fiance will be making concerning her child. My wife's situation was similar to that of your fiance. she also was a single mom. after her father died, my wife took on the responsibility of being the bread winner of the household. her mom would look after her daughter while she was at work.

we also considered having our daughter come here at later date, but in the end decided to have our daughter come at the same time. the most important reason for our decision was for us to be together as a family.

everyone's circumstances are different. I wish you well in deciding what is best for your family.

as an example of petitioning a child over age 21. my wife had a co worker who was over 21 when his parents petitioned him back in 1996. his petition has just recently been approved, over a 10 year wait.

best of luck with everything

Roy

[foo 0]

I can sympathize with the decision you and your fiance will be making concerning her child. My wife's situation was similar to that of your fiance. she also was a single mom. after her father died, my wife took on the responsibility of being the bread winner of the household. her mom would look after her daughter while she was at work.

we also considered having our daughter come here at later date, but in the end decided to have our daughter come at the same time. the most important reason for our decision was for us to be together as a family.

everyone's circumstances are different. I wish you well in deciding what is best for your family.

as an example of petitioning a child over age 21. my wife had a co worker who was over 21 when his parents petitioned him back in 1996. his petition has just recently been approved, over a 10 year wait.

best of luck with everything

Roy

Your wife's situation is very similar, thanks for sharing Roy. As for your co-workers petition for their son, 10 years! I had no idea it could take that long. My Fiance was thinking of letting him finish school there, and then have him come over. I guess the thing to do is bring him over here first, and then decide if he wants to be here or there to finish school. If he wants to finish there, then what would we need to do to ensure he could come back if and when he wants to without having to wait 10 years?

[alexandra8886 0]

I want to be clear about this though, my Fiancé' has always taken care of her son and will continue to do so. One of the things that initially impressed me about her is what she has done as a single mother to take care of her son with no support from the boys father. Her mom has looked after him while she has worked in the city working to earn a living for them all. She has taken care of them and helped put a neice through school at the same time. Im sorry if I gave the impression that she has abandoned her son to her mother to raise. That’s not what has happened there. Its not that she wants to leave her son with her mom to take care of him when she goes, its that she wants her son to be there for her mom.

The point I am trying to understand is about him turning 21. What happens then, why is it harder to bring him to the US after he is 21? I don't understand that part of the immigration laws and will have to do some research there.

Im sorry akamac if i wasnt able to elaborate more my hanging questions there..

Well, what im trying to say is that..when will your fiancee be a 100% mother to her son? I know that securing that job in the city is for the benefit of her son.. Thats what I did too..why im here in M.E.....though I still want to be the 100% mother to my daughter..i want to be there when she's about to learn the A-B-Cs & the 1-2-3...not just providing the financial aspect.

Now, with regards to the 21-year old policy..i havent check on that in details.. though in the form 129F, it clearly estates that any children below 21 yr old can be included in the petition.

As far as i know, if you decide to file petition to the child when his 21 yr old..it will take years...Just search USCIS website for this matter..

goodluck!

alexandra