For all who have children, who want children, and

[brnidokiegurl 1]

>>Potty Talk

>>

>>A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.

>>By Shannon Popkin

>>

>>My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves

>>to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to

>>people constantly, whether we're in the library, the

>>grocery store or at a drive-thru window.

>>

>>People often comment on how clearly he speaks for

>>a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask

>>him to turn up the volume. It's always fully

>>cranked. There've been several embarrassing times

>>that I've wished the meaning of his words would have

>>been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never

>>have I wished this more than last week at Costco.

>>

>>Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called,

>>so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd

>>been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening,

>>this is what you would have heard coming from the

>>second to the last stall:

>>

>>"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you

>>putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You

>>gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what

>>are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on

>>the potty?"

>>

>>At this point I started mentally counting how many

>>women had been in the bathroom when I walked in.

>>Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could

>>wait until they all left before I had to make my

>>debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.

>>

>>Cade continued, "Mommy, you AREgoing stinkies

>>aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you

>>gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the

>>potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ...

>>Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat

>>is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some

>>candy!"

>>

>>I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the

>>stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming

>>newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was

>>really getting embarrassing. I was definitely

>>waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert

>>him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse

>>and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have

>>some!"

>>

>>"No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh!

>>Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh,

>>Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze

>>stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!"

>>As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles

>>outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in

>>hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason

>>with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I

>>count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that

>>those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will

>>be long gone.

>>

>>"Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want

>>you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He

>>grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear

>>full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet

>>outside my door.

>>

>>"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You

>>wooking under da door? What were you wooking at,

>>Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?" More

>>laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried

>>to assess the situation.

>>

>>"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have

>>to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the

>>door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I

>>want to go out!!"

>>

>>I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling.

>>As I sheepishly opened the door, and found an open

>>sink, I thought, Where's the fine print on the

>>'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit

>>of my privacy?

>>

>>But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin

>>while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby

>>little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again,

>>just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.

>>

>>(Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother

>>of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids,

>>Michigan, where she no longer uses public restrooms

[almaty 19]

funny..that kid was frisky