I am so afraid - Nepali fiance's family creating big problems!

[chri'stina 190]

Im glad that things are stabalizing for you now. I hope that your fiances family comes around. Best wishes to you both.

Ditto!

I know what it's like to have the tension you are feeling. But my husband was already independent and living away from his parents when it happened. It took awhile after us being married, but things are better now with his family accepting us. It's not always easy. It will turn around for you both, I hope sooner than later!

Thanks Didi!!

I am hoping this will be the case - Kumar has said that he will stick with me no matter what his parents try to pull and he has moved out of their house and will get replacement documents - the sooner he has them the better I will feel - your prayers and support are appreciated... He says this kind of thing happens all the time, even his sister ended up in an arranged marriage because their parents opposed her choice, but she was much younger... I am tired of the fighting scenes in this particular Bollywood/Kollywood flick and wish we could just get to the singing and dancing, hehe...

I've never been called Didi before, cool!

Yes this happens to a lot of people who don't want to be arranged or step out of the traditions, they can face hard times. It's still going on with people in my husband's family. It's not fun! It sometimes takes awhile, but I hope it will change for you soon.

Kumar's first name is actually Prajesh but he goes by the nickname 'Progress' - I'm telling him now is when he gets to live up to his name, lol...

What part of India is your husband from and what language(s) does he speak? I think 'Didi' is more Nepali/Hindi - maybe diferent in Punjabi, Marathi, etc. I love studying languages...

I know "Didi" but just have never been called that. I do have a younger sister but she doesn't know hindi to call me didi.

Sujeet is from north India, and speaks mostly Hindi with his fam. He also knows some other regional languages: Bhojpuri, and some Marathi from living in Mumbai when he was younger. He lived in New Delhi when we met but his parents are in Varanasi (though they are moving to Mumbai soon). He's lived in a bunch of places in India, mostly northern besides Mumbai.

You are much much better than me with the language thing. I don't know a lot of Hindi. My mother in law can hardly speak English also so it's hard for us to talk. But even when I have tried to speak a few words in Hindi with her on the phone, it gets all confusing and doesn't go well. So now I won't try to talk to my father in law or mother in law unless it's on speaker phone with Sujeet standing there to jump in when it gets confusing. Maybe I'm weird but I get very nervous any time they want to talk to me. I always know that we aren't going to understand each other fully, even when my father in law speaks in English. His accent is very very thick. And I hate saying "what?" to them when I don't understand because I feel like I'm being rude. So it's always a chaotic ordeal. Hopefully when I get to meet them one day it will be easier to understand each other.

To let you know our background, since you are facing a hard time too, Sujeet has been here since Sept 2004, and in that month we married-he came on a k1 visa. I only talked to my father in law on the phone for the first time last March (2006), after Sujeet's visit back to India. The tension loosened a lot during the trip so it changed a lot of things.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Do you speak Gujarati? or to say in Nepali: Timi Gujarati bolna sakchhau? or more polite Tapai Gujarati bolna saknahunchha?

I don't speak Gujarati but I have many Gujju friends so I hear it a lot.

[ManuNSam 1]

Hi

I just saw this topic (didnt see it until today).

I feel for you and i am sad to hear that you are dealing with this.

Although my husbands mom loves me, his aunt however doesnt.

his aunt has caused us great problems over the year

she says that she had a wife selected for him

and that before agreeing to marry me he should have consulted her

reality is that she just thinks she is so important in the family that all big decisions should be run by her!

his aunt called him at work 10 times a day

she also called me 10 times a day and said the only english word she snows (rhymes with witch)

when he stopped taking her calls she would come to his office

when his co-workers started telling her he was at meetings - she would sit for hours and wait

after that, she got the hint but she started damaging his car.

she used bricks to put dents all over and break all the lights

then she used the glass from the broken lights and totalled the inside of his car

then he parked his car at a secured (pay for parking) lot

she has also made threats on his life, his moms life and even mine

she threatens to call the police on him and make up anything simply so he will have a police record (she knew he would need a police certificate for immigration). she threatens to burn down the house. call the embassy and tell them hes married to someone else........

we have to keep all the steps a secret from her.

couldnt even invite her or anyone else from that side of the family to the wedding.

its been a royal pain.

we cant even tell anyone other than his mom when he plans to leave!

however - in reading your post i think you have come to the right conclusions for your situation

getting a bank security box is a good idea.

however - what will you do with the mail that comes to the house showing its from the us embassy? the correspondance is importnat. and you cant always get the info you need over the phone or email with the embassy. they are not the easiest to reach! youll need the papers that are mailed.

you also might want to prepare for the things i mentioned about his aunt.

in india its very easy to make a story up about anyone, pay the cop a few bucks, and then it goes down on permanent recrod. this was our biggest fear. so - just keep in mind thats something that she COULD do to cause problems.

also calling the embassy and saying anything (its a sham, hes already married.......) would cause problems.

i hope you make it through. it was tough for us. it was an everyday ordeal for us to deal with. now she SEEMS to have lost steam and has left us alone - but we never know when shes going to come back and what shes going to do. we are almost done thank goodness!

BTW - i got called Pape after we got married. i think this means eldest sister in law (punjabi). but his cousins also called me that. his mom called my Bahoo (spelling?) for a month after we got married.

and one time i got in a fight with his mom. i learned Pagal Mahilla (Crazy lady)

and while trying to teach my husband to pick up his things (hes used to having the maid) I learned to call him Jangli Janvar (wild animal)

i also learned Chello Pie!

I heard my husband use it in the car one day

It means Move People

Whenever I used it for some reason people would roar with laughter

especially if you say it with force (not chello pie but CHELLO PIIIIEEEE!!!!!)

thats about the extent of my language.

i think i learned a few other things but cant think of anything at the moment!

sam

[basanti 0]

Hi

I just saw this topic (didnt see it until today).

I feel for you and i am sad to hear that you are dealing with this.

Although my husbands mom loves me, his aunt however doesnt.

his aunt has caused us great problems over the year

she says that she had a wife selected for him

and that before agreeing to marry me he should have consulted her

reality is that she just thinks she is so important in the family that all big decisions should be run by her!

his aunt called him at work 10 times a day

she also called me 10 times a day and said the only english word she snows (rhymes with witch)

when he stopped taking her calls she would come to his office

when his co-workers started telling her he was at meetings - she would sit for hours and wait

after that, she got the hint but she started damaging his car.

she used bricks to put dents all over and break all the lights

then she used the glass from the broken lights and totalled the inside of his car

then he parked his car at a secured (pay for parking) lot

she has also made threats on his life, his moms life and even mine

she threatens to call the police on him and make up anything simply so he will have a police record (she knew he would need a police certificate for immigration). she threatens to burn down the house. call the embassy and tell them hes married to someone else........

we have to keep all the steps a secret from her.

couldnt even invite her or anyone else from that side of the family to the wedding.

its been a royal pain.

we cant even tell anyone other than his mom when he plans to leave!

however - in reading your post i think you have come to the right conclusions for your situation

getting a bank security box is a good idea.

however - what will you do with the mail that comes to the house showing its from the us embassy? the correspondance is importnat. and you cant always get the info you need over the phone or email with the embassy. they are not the easiest to reach! youll need the papers that are mailed.

you also might want to prepare for the things i mentioned about his aunt.

in india its very easy to make a story up about anyone, pay the cop a few bucks, and then it goes down on permanent recrod. this was our biggest fear. so - just keep in mind thats something that she COULD do to cause problems.

also calling the embassy and saying anything (its a sham, hes already married.......) would cause problems.

i hope you make it through. it was tough for us. it was an everyday ordeal for us to deal with. now she SEEMS to have lost steam and has left us alone - but we never know when shes going to come back and what shes going to do. we are almost done thank goodness!

BTW - i got called Pape after we got married. i think this means eldest sister in law (punjabi). but his cousins also called me that. his mom called my Bahoo (spelling?) for a month after we got married.

and one time i got in a fight with his mom. i learned Pagal Mahilla (Crazy lady)

and while trying to teach my husband to pick up his things (hes used to having the maid) I learned to call him Jangli Janvar (wild animal)

i also learned Chello Pie!

I heard my husband use it in the car one day

It means Move People

Whenever I used it for some reason people would roar with laughter

especially if you say it with force (not chello pie but CHELLO PIIIIEEEE!!!!!)

thats about the extent of my language.

i think i learned a few other things but cant think of anything at the moment!

sam

I'm so sorry you went through all this...it's so sad to know there are still so many ignorant/mean people in the world. As for your "gujju" (gujarati)...Bahu(or bahoo) means "daughter in law" and Bhabhi( "pape") means sister in law...and he was probably saying "chalo bhai!" not chalo pie...it means "get a move on brothas!" lol...

[deathbydalbhat 0]

Wow, that is incredible what you guys have gone through, I am learning this is not a unique occurrance, even when a guy wants to marry someone of the same nationality/caste/whatever.

I told Kumar about your story and told him he needs to be careful. I am very concerned about the police certificate in particular because Kumar's dad is a retired cop... If the certificate is good for a year I told Kumar he should request it now before dad can try anything funny - K doesn't seem as concerned as I am and said that if he pays some extra paisa there will be no problems...all I know is the sooner he has passport, citizenship paper and police report in hand the better I will sleep at night.

He is getting a GPO box to use as his address to receive the Embassy packets and to put on the biographical info section - he doesn't even really have a street address per se - common in Kathmandu.

He is keeping his documents(copies) at a friend's house for now.

I LOLed when I read your Hindi phrases - 'chello chello!' was the first thing I learned in Hindi 'mukha manche'(stupid person) was one of my first Nepali expressions along with 'ke garne'(what to do), both off which I have found very useful lately...

Hi

I just saw this topic (didnt see it until today).

I feel for you and i am sad to hear that you are dealing with this.

Although my husbands mom loves me, his aunt however doesnt.

his aunt has caused us great problems over the year

she says that she had a wife selected for him

and that before agreeing to marry me he should have consulted her

reality is that she just thinks she is so important in the family that all big decisions should be run by her!

his aunt called him at work 10 times a day

she also called me 10 times a day and said the only english word she snows (rhymes with witch)

when he stopped taking her calls she would come to his office

when his co-workers started telling her he was at meetings - she would sit for hours and wait

after that, she got the hint but she started damaging his car.

she used bricks to put dents all over and break all the lights

then she used the glass from the broken lights and totalled the inside of his car

then he parked his car at a secured (pay for parking) lot

she has also made threats on his life, his moms life and even mine

she threatens to call the police on him and make up anything simply so he will have a police record (she knew he would need a police certificate for immigration). she threatens to burn down the house. call the embassy and tell them hes married to someone else........

we have to keep all the steps a secret from her.

couldnt even invite her or anyone else from that side of the family to the wedding.

its been a royal pain.

we cant even tell anyone other than his mom when he plans to leave!

however - in reading your post i think you have come to the right conclusions for your situation

getting a bank security box is a good idea.

however - what will you do with the mail that comes to the house showing its from the us embassy? the correspondance is importnat. and you cant always get the info you need over the phone or email with the embassy. they are not the easiest to reach! youll need the papers that are mailed.

you also might want to prepare for the things i mentioned about his aunt.

in india its very easy to make a story up about anyone, pay the cop a few bucks, and then it goes down on permanent recrod. this was our biggest fear. so - just keep in mind thats something that she COULD do to cause problems.

also calling the embassy and saying anything (its a sham, hes already married.......) would cause problems.

i hope you make it through. it was tough for us. it was an everyday ordeal for us to deal with. now she SEEMS to have lost steam and has left us alone - but we never know when shes going to come back and what shes going to do. we are almost done thank goodness!

BTW - i got called Pape after we got married. i think this means eldest sister in law (punjabi). but his cousins also called me that. his mom called my Bahoo (spelling?) for a month after we got married.

and one time i got in a fight with his mom. i learned Pagal Mahilla (Crazy lady)

and while trying to teach my husband to pick up his things (hes used to having the maid) I learned to call him Jangli Janvar (wild animal)

i also learned Chello Pie!

I heard my husband use it in the car one day

It means Move People

Whenever I used it for some reason people would roar with laughter

especially if you say it with force (not chello pie but CHELLO PIIIIEEEE!!!!!)

thats about the extent of my language.

i think i learned a few other things but cant think of anything at the moment!

sam

[deathbydalbhat 0]

Update: K will be receiving his new passport on Monday - thank God he had no trouble getting a replacement. He will also be getting a new citizenship paper, but it is all in Nepali and I am wondering who we should have translate it. Should he send me a copy and I should have it translated here or should we have it done in KTM? He doesn't need to show it until the interview, correct?

I am sending him the Biographical Info and the Fiance Letter of Intent to fill out and sign and we are hoping to file our I-129F package at the VSC in early February. He now has a GPO Box to use as a mailing address.

He just has to get the police record but he doesn't seem concerned about his dad messing with it. He has moved out of his parents' house and is living with a friend until I come out to KTM in May.

[chri'stina 190]

That's good that he is getting his new passport!

As far as the translation goes, when Sujeet had to have some records translated before the visa interview, he had to find a certified translator who stamps the papers, etc. to prove it was a valid translation. K should get it done there.

In India, at least back when Sujeet was going through the process, he couldn't get a police report until after he had the embassy interview letter, which asked for it along with other evidence to bring to the interview. For you, that won't be until after the embassy in Nepal gets your petition (after your petition is approved here in the US). But, Nepal may be different so he may need to find out about when he can get the police report.

[deathbydalbhat 0]

That's good that he is getting his new passport!

As far as the translation goes, when Sujeet had to have some records translated before the visa interview, he had to find a certified translator who stamps the papers, etc. to prove it was a valid translation. K should get it done there.

In India, at least back when Sujeet was going through the process, he couldn't get a police report until after he had the embassy interview letter, which asked for it along with other evidence to bring to the interview. For you, that won't be until after the embassy in Nepal gets your petition (after your petition is approved here in the US). But, Nepal may be different so he may need to find out about when he can get the police report.

Thanks didi!

I am hoping I will be there to help Kumar get everything ready for the interview - does the embassy have certain translators whom they recommend?

Dang about the police report - I was hoping he could get it sooner rather than later. If Kumar isn't worried then I shouldn't be worried I guess... He says whatever his parents try to do he will outsmart them... I hope so! He does know them a lot better than I do after all...

[ELW 5]

I am hoping I will be there to help Kumar get everything ready for the interview - does the embassy have certain translators whom they recommend?

Dang about the police report - I was hoping he could get it sooner rather than later. If Kumar isn't worried then I shouldn't be worried I guess... He says whatever his parents try to do he will outsmart them... I hope so! He does know them a lot better than I do after all...

I just saw this thread now. How appalling – what ManuNSam’s aunt did! That is really extreme! That lady should be put away!

You are lucky you will be filing at VSC – it will go fast! I doubt the embassy would have recommended translators, but they are probably available cheaply nearby. Kumar not being worried sounds like my guy not being worried – they have this thing of, “Keep calm, all will be OK.” And they delay in a maddening way. Probably they are right and everything will “adjust” in the end, even if it is at the irritating last minute, instead of in our practical, American plan-ahead way.

I know Didi is Hindi for sure, and it is also similar in many North Indian languages (as well as chalo.. etc). I know tons of Hindi words but don’t know too much grammar – always wanted to learn! Most Indian languages (and I guess Nepali too, perhaps) have a Sanskrit base, so tons of words are similar in all the languages. Over 50% of Telugu is Sanskrit words. From what you wrote, I see that Nepali is quite similar to the North Indian languages.

Regarding languages, it was irritating that though I'm fluent in Telugu, often I had to stop and think because they often did not bother with pronouns or details! It was like they expected us to be mind-readers. For instance they may say, “Did you hear that he did that?” and I would just wonder who was “he” and what was “that”?? We were just expected to know! I wonder if that ws similar in North India and in Nepal too. Also the difference between a negative and positive was so close that if we missed the middle, we might get an opposite meaning. For instance, in Telugu “potanu” is “I will go” and “ponu” is “I won't go”. The “ta” is soft so if we miss that, we miss the correct meaning.

Stupid person - 'mukha manche' ; in Telugu it is ‘murkha manishi’ which is similar. 'Ke garne'(what to do), - I think is ‘kya karna’ in Hindi - very similar (much different in Telugu – ‘emmi cheyyali’ – which we used a lot!).

I know that in Bengali they change a number of consonants which is uniform in Hindi – like ‘va’ to ‘ba’ etc. (Hindi says “Vrindavan,” Bengali says “Brindavan”) etc. It looks like something similar happened regarding Nepali too. Often in spoken Telugu they will do this in the spoken/written language. For instance, “Chaalu” means “enough” but while speaking, often they say ‘saalu’. A bit of trivia: in the South Indian language of Tamil, they have the exact same written letter for p & b; k & g; s & ch, etc! Maddening!

Thanks for explaining your name ‘deathbydalbhaat’ I was like, ‘death-by-what is dalbhaat?!’

[CountryBoy 0]

Link from ministry of foreign affair

http://www.mofa.gov.np/passport.php

I don't know if this will help. At least it is a start.

Good luck !

Thank you - I forwarded both links to K and hope this will help...

Please keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer(if you are so inclined) for us.

Happy new year!!

Will do. As long as you don't tell my boss (can't you tell I am at work ? )

Glad to help. The visa process is not easy - even without additional hassle of "lost" passport.

I won't say anything as long as you aren't an adjudicator wasting time, playing on the internet, when you could be working on my case .. hehe