Goign to go live with my fiance while waiting for K1 VISA?

[aguileralupita30 7]

Hello Visa Journey friends!

Ok this is my concern. I know I am the one to make the decision, and that I will take full responsibility of every step I make.

A little about me:

I am the oldest of 3 in the family (the only girl). When little I wanted to become a Doctor and my parents loved the idea (I was about 8 years old). Later on in life I realized I wanted to become an early childhood education teacher. I am obtaining my associate this December and will finish my bachelors in 2 years. I have been working but business closed and became unemployed. I have been dedicated my time to studying to catch up and finish ASAP.

In 2010 I met my fiance he is 24 right now and I am 21. We started this K1 Visa On Nov 1st and now we are just waiting for our NOA2 (the hardest process) :/

Ok well a little about us two. I was born here in the United States and had never visited Mexico. In April 2010 I traveled for the first time to Mexico a small town where my parents are from. We met each other and started talking. My dad said he was a very nice guy and very respectful, but when he asked him his las name my dad was in shock and we struggled with our relationship for a very LONG time. WHY was my dad in shock...here you go....

-back like THIRTY years ago my aunt whom I never met (my dads sister) married my fiance's second uncle (a cousin of his mom). Well they had problems and he killed his wife meaning (my fiances second uncle killed my aunt). So my dad did not want ANY relationship with his family.

My fiance and I had a very long talk and I told him i had knew what had happened BUT did not know it was his family they were talking about. My dad did not even know either until my fiance said his last name. My dad told me he did not want me near him AT ALL, well my fiance and I still decided to continue the relationship even though he felt bad and did not want me to get in trouble. We did not see each other for TWO LONG YEARS! I know (how did we do that???) well after two long years my dad finally was ok with the relationship with my moms help he approved the relationship and even had a good talk with him.We saw each other In april 2012 and then in sept 2012. My mom did NOT want me to go by myself to go see my fiance because WHAT WOULD OTHER THINK? my whole family lives in the same town and she did not want anyone to start talking. well it was my fiances birthday HOW COULD I MISS HIS BIRTHDAY? a friend took me to the airport and I had NO PLANS on coming back home. My mom told me she disagreed with me going by MYSELF when I was going to stay with my grandpa, and she said if I exited the door I was not coming back. well I left. ON my way to the airport she called my friends phone and talked to me and told me to stay at my grandpas house that she had talked to him already. Well i stayed there for a week, coming back was SOOO hard my dad called me while I was there and asked when i was coming back so they could go pick me up at the airport. well i flt bad and came back I had school going on.

-well at time of arrival that same night I hear my mom and dad having a conversation about the bad step i took. that i was the oldest one and therefor i should be helping the family.. and so on. they did not support the idea that their "little" girl was growing up already

---well this is the thing now, having a conversation with my fiance he told me to go for christmas and spend time with him and his family since it was going to be the last christmas for them to be together. I cant stay at my grandpas house bc he will be in california, and I do not want to stay at any family members house because I will feel uncomfortable. needless to say he told me to stay at his house with his family. I told him that I did not want to go to mexico and them come back and then go back again that was a lot of money and we need that money for all the rest of the process. my main concern is this right now. He lives with his parents and he told them about me staying from Dec until like may when we get approved. They were in shock and said we weren't married yet, but they said it was ok with them as long as we WERE getting married. Well my parents on the other hand will critize me and would not approve it, however will not stop me from going either. I don't want to have any problems with his family or my family, however NO ONE in our family realize HOW HARD this situations is for both of us :/ ONLY the ones going thru the process understand. I have never been away from home during this time of the year and i do want to spend it with my fiance but at the same time, I feel bad I do not want my parents to be mad or anything like that.

I know its a long story and we have gone thru more than this of course. We know we only have about 5-6 months left to go, BUT during christmas time and new years and then valentines I HATE going to the store and seeing other couples and realizing my fiance is not here :/

*thank you for all who red it, and ANY advice is welcome HOWEVER please in a nice way. Thanks in advance

[AntonioyRocio 5]

Yes I did read it all it is very messed up .. First of all it was none of you twos fault that that killing happened .. Sorry but your parents need to get over it, it seems like they care about "El que diran" and kinda live old fashioned.. Te quieren ver sufrir o contenta? Im saying this because at the end of the day no matter how many stupid things (the way our parents see it) they will always forgive us no matter what! Why because once they see hes your true happiness they will stop acting that way & stay with him girl sorry for this language but F* them ! People will always talk .. when your good when your bad when your broke when your rich when your sad = You never have anybody satisfied so you do you and forget one anybody else says! Be happy we only have one life & do you want to people ruin it? I dont know you personally but Im telling this from the bottom of my heart.. The catholic bible says this "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one." .. thats what your going to doo be happy girl do what you feel is best for both of you.. Your parents will always forgive you no matter how upset you make them ! GOOD LUCK .. Ill always be here if you need someone to talk too !

[aguileralupita30 7]

Yes I did read it all it is very messed up .. First of all it was none of you twos fault that that killing happened .. Sorry but your parents need to get over it, it seems like they care about "El que diran" and kinda live old fashioned.. Te quieren ver sufrir o contenta? Im saying this because at the end of the day no matter how many stupid things (the way our parents see it) they will always forgive us no matter what! Why because once they see hes your true happiness they will stop acting that way & stay with him girl sorry for this language but F* them ! People will always talk .. when your good when your bad when your broke when your rich when your sad = You never have anybody satisfied so you do you and forget one anybody else says! Be happy we only have one life & do you want to people ruin it? I dont know you personally but Im telling this from the bottom of my heart.. The catholic bible says this "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one." .. thats what your going to doo be happy girl do what you feel is best for both of you.. Your parents will always forgive you no matter how upset you make them ! GOOD LUCK .. Ill always be here if you need someone to talk too !

Gracias Rocio! yes it is very frustrating!!! And yes they care about "el que diran" and Im like " i really don't care el que dira..." for them is all about what society is going to think what my in laws are going to say...etc. but ugh. makes me mad and stuff. AND THANK YOU for all your words! you have sure been a lot of help as well as alex. its good to find wonderful people here to advice each other! lets see if one day we cross into one another with our husbands. lol. de que parte son ustedes?

[AntonioyRocio 5]

Gracias Rocio! yes it is very frustrating!!! And yes they care about "el que diran" and Im like " i really don't care el que dira..." for them is all about what society is going to think what my in laws are going to say...etc. but ugh. makes me mad and stuff. AND THANK YOU for all your words! you have sure been a lot of help as well as alex. its good to find wonderful people here to advice each other! lets see if one day we cross into one another with our husbands. lol. de que parte son ustedes?

De nada that is why we are here for to help each other.. Pero like I told you do whats best for you ! & yeah that would be weird lol .. And we are both from Colima except I was born in L.A y ustedes?

[aguileralupita30 7]

De nada that is why we are here for to help each other.. Pero like I told you do whats best for you ! & yeah that would be weird lol .. And we are both from Colima except I was born in L.A y ustedes?

we are from both from Jalisco. But I was born here in Houston.

[Not a user 0]

-back like THIRTY years ago my aunt whom I never met (my dads sister) married my fiance's second uncle (a cousin of his mom). Well they had problems and he killed his wife meaning (my fiances second uncle killed my aunt). So my dad did not want ANY relationship with his family.

>>This has absolutely nothing to do with you, your future husband and your future life... end of story.

My mom did NOT want me to go by myself to go see my fiance because WHAT WOULD OTHER THINK? my whole family lives in the same town and she did not want anyone to start talking. well it was my fiances birthday HOW COULD I MISS HIS BIRTHDAY? a friend took me to the airport and I had NO PLANS on coming back home. My mom told me she disagreed with me going by MYSELF when I was going to stay with my grandpa, and she said if I exited the door I was not coming back. well I left. ON my way to the airport she called my friends phone and talked to me and told me to stay at my grandpas house that she had talked to him already. Well i stayed there for a week, coming back was SOOO hard my dad called me while I was there and asked when i was coming back so they could go pick me up at the airport. well i flt bad and came back I had school going on.

-well at time of arrival that same night I hear my mom and dad having a conversation about the bad step i took. that i was the oldest one and therefor i should be helping the family.. and so on. they did not support the idea that their "little" girl was growing up already

>>I am on a similar situation (even tho im a guy) and all you can do is TRY to make them understand, and after that do what makes you happy.

---well this is the thing now, having a conversation with my fiance he told me to go for christmas and spend time with him and his family since it was going to be the last christmas for them to be together. I cant stay at my grandpas house bc he will be in california, and I do not want to stay at any family members house because I will feel uncomfortable. needless to say he told me to stay at his house with his family. I told him that I did not want to go to mexico and them come back and then go back again that was a lot of money and we need that money for all the rest of the process. my main concern is this right now. He lives with his parents and he told them about me staying from Dec until like may when we get approved. They were in shock and said we weren't married yet, but they said it was ok with them as long as we WERE getting married. Well my parents on the other hand will critize me and would not approve it, however will not stop me from going either. I don't want to have any problems with his family or my family, however NO ONE in our family realize HOW HARD this situations is for both of us :/ ONLY the ones going thru the process understand. I have never been away from home during this time of the year and i do want to spend it with my fiance but at the same time, I feel bad I do not want my parents to be mad or anything like that.

>>Im doing the same thing as you are planning, being with my fiancee for christmas, its all part of growing up. Dont feel bad for them. You will feel bad for YOU if you dont do what you need! If his parents are really O.K. with you staying, i say do it. it will be hard still, it will just be hard on a different way.

Pd: Good luck on your trip.

[kate&javi 26]

I will tell you this... when I first met my husband (boyfriend at the time), my parents were 100% against our relationship. My mom got into a huge, but very huge, fight with me when I told her about him (we met online) and that I was planning a trip to go visit him (I also purchased the flight ticket before I told them, best decision I ever met seriously) in Honduras. My mom got very angry at me, and told me that I was not "allowed" to go. I was 24 years old at the time, and I was saying in my mind, "Whatever" to my parents because I knew that they couldn't stop me. My mom said she was going to try to stop me (not sure how), and she spent all the weeks leading up to my trip coming into my bedroom and reading crime statistics about Honduras out loud to me.

I ignored all of her bad words and her attempts to stop me, and I flew down to Honduras by MYSELF. I was not nervous, and when I saw my husband in the airport I knew that he was the ONE and nothing my parents said or could say would change that. My original trip was scheduled for one month, but in all honesty, I did not want to go back to the USA without him. I changed my flight to come back in April instead of March, because I found a job down there. I broke the news about the job and wanting to stay in Honduras to my mom over Skype and trust me, she was so angry at me that she refused to even talk about the situation to me. I just went on with my life as normal, knowing that she couldn't change my mind.

Fast forward over one year later, I was still living in Honduras with my husband (fiance at that time). We had our own apartment, we both had jobs, we were living a good life down there and making our way. We filed for the K1 visa, and my mom signed papers to be his co-sponsor. She had spoken to him every week on Skype and at that point, was looking forward to speaking with him every week.

When we arrived in the USA with his visa almost two years later after my original trip to Honduras, my mom was so happy to finally meet him. (He could not get a visitor visa to the USA.) They have let us live in their house while I look for a job, my mom offered to help him get a job when he receives his EAD, she is paying for him to take classes for driver's education, and basically he has become like her son. She loves him like her own child.

If you feel that it is necessary to move to live with your fiance and you think that your parents will understand (at least, eventually), go for it. Do what you think is right, as long as you feel that it won't strain your relationship with your parents so much that they abandon you or whatever. Do what makes you happy. My story is an example of someone who took a chance, and at the end, no matter what my mom said (and she said MANY mean and rude things to me that made me cry), at the end, she loves my husband and treats him so well. She was against the relationship at first but took a 180 and now she likes him being here with us.

It's hard, I know. And I apologize for my long post but I'm just one example that if you do what makes you happy in your relationship, it can result in everyone being happy in the end. Don't be scared. I moved to Honduras without being there before EVER in my life, and I had only talked to my husband over Skype until that day.

Good luck and make yourself happy. You have only life to live. Also, be safe.

[aguileralupita30 7]

Thank you everyone for your advice. However due to health problems I am unable to fly at the moment.

I was scheduled to fly today and can not fly until end of Dec. My fiance told me to rest and stay home for Christmas, that there will be many more Christmas we will spend together. However he does want me to spend new years with him and let just see what mom has to say about that. her birthday is the 31st and i know she will be sentimental. let just see what happens. If I don't fly the 31st I'm flying Jan.6...

but thank you all for your wonderful words!