be wared

[SOL.Broken 0]

well, i went through all of this and brought wife over, and living in california now, and i have spent over 40K for this marriage to get here, now i find out we are not compatible, she does not listen to me, i have been after her for 8 months, since jan-06 to get her drive lic. and she just took the written test, and still i am struggling to get her to drive my car to learn, i have asked her to bring 4K of her money to buy herself a car, but she think it is my duty, she is working, and i cam out of work right now, and man oh man it is getting tougher, we got into a fight, and i said i want a divorce, after crying a bit, she was more concerned with her green card status and what happens to it, than she was with what our issues are and how she can contribute in a positive way to make it work.

i am very frustrated, have grown white hair, even on my chest, and she is so calm and cool as if we did not even had an issue or a difference of oponion, .... i am done.... with this.

boys and girl, please, please, please make sure if you get married somewhere else, live together for while before getting married, bring her/him on a k3 to try it first to make sure things will work out. as soon as they get oked, with green card, and imm. status their attitude will change, please please make sure you test the relatinship, before doing what i have done.

i have realy tried, but now it is over, i will be filing, if she plays nice with me, i will help her to maintain her status, and if not then, i will send a letter to INS, hope it does get to this ... there has been not dom. violance, and hope she does not start, as i know i will NOT, i feel very much like i am trapped, marraige is give energy to the man and women to want to get up in the morining and hug their spouse, i have slept on the coach for a week now, and she has asked me twice why don't you come to bed, ...

BE CAREFULL, the time to get a visa passes, and you join and then it all starts, check it all out befor hand

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

Huh ?

You asked her to buy her own car..

She's asking you to come to bed..

Your mad because she doesn't do as you say...

Is this a Dictatorship or a marriage ?

$40,000.00 Holy Smokes... maybe part of that would've been expenses anyway with a job move..loss etc.. because I couldn't even think of spending that much..

But as a person who has done the divorce thing... DON'T!!! get counseling first ...work it out... You wanted the relationship for a reason...

well, i went through all of this and brought wife over, and living in california now, and i have spent over 40K for this marriage to get here, now i find out we are not compatible, she does not listen to me, i have been after her for 8 months, since jan-06 to get her drive lic. and she just took the written test, and still i am struggling to get her to drive my car to learn, i have asked her to bring 4K of her money to buy herself a car, but she think it is my duty, she is working, and i cam out of work right now, and man oh man it is getting tougher, we got into a fight, and i said i want a divorce, after crying a bit, she was more concerned with her green card status and what happens to it, than she was with what our issues are and how she can contribute in a positive way to make it work.

i am very frustrated, have grown white hair, even on my chest, and she is so calm and cool as if we did not even had an issue or a difference of oponion, .... i am done.... with this.

boys and girl, please, please, please make sure if you get married somewhere else, live together for while before getting married, bring her/him on a k3 to try it first to make sure things will work out. as soon as they get oked, with green card, and imm. status their attitude will change, please please make sure you test the relatinship, before doing what i have done.

i have realy tried, but now it is over, i will be filing, if she plays nice with me, i will help her to maintain her status, and if not then, i will send a letter to INS, hope it does get to this ... there has been not dom. violance, and hope she does not start, as i know i will NOT, i feel very much like i am trapped, marraige is give energy to the man and women to want to get up in the morining and hug their spouse, i have slept on the coach for a week now, and she has asked me twice why don't you come to bed, ...

BE CAREFULL, the time to get a visa passes, and you join and then it all starts, check it all out befor hand

[aussiewench 9]

She does not listen to you Do you listen to her????

Perhaps she doesn't want to drive. I sure as hell don't.

Trouble with dictators is ya can't reason with em, so all I will do is wish your wife all the best

[SOL.Broken 0]

......... i understand what you are saying, but do you think it is the man only who is bring all he has got into a marraige and the wife keeps whatever she had for herself, and and when some help is needed from her to buy herself a car, it is my job to do and that financialy i bring it all, but all she has is hers.

Trust Trust, Trust, no trust no marraige, She even called a vodo person to put a spell on my to find a job and to shut my family up who are 4,000 miles. my family her family all say try to work it out, but she has broken my heart too, too many times, and i have given it too much time too many times, and she get's it.

if it was dictatorship, i keep her at home, and just provide what i want to her to control everything, but i have provided all different ways to her to grow and learn and to make our relationship grow, but it has not grown for me, rather it has gone backwards,

THIS IS A TWO WAY STREET ,,, THE MARRAIGE,,, IT IS NOT JUST FOR ONE TO GIVE AND PROVIDE ALL EVERYHING AND OTHER DO AS THEY WANT... THERE HAS TO BE SOME ORDER OR THINGS,,,,

this is not the way i wanted to be either.... how about what i wanted, is just about what she wanted and needs...

She does not listen to you Do you listen to her????

Perhaps she doesn't want to drive. I sure as hell don't.

Trouble with dictators is ya can't reason with em, so all I will do is wish your wife all the best

current and for the past 5 months, i drive her to work every morining and pick her up every nite, i do all the shopping, etc.....

i am a driver or slave, or what,,,,,,

everyone has their own thoughts, i guess i do and you do and she does, and such.

Edited October 21, 2006 by sg14all

[Kez/JWolf 6]

I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this..... have you ever though she maybe does not want to drive here? I can understand you wanting her to be able to drive but not everybody feels comfortable driving.... I know if I did not want to drive then I would not want to spend my money on a car I feel I dont need...

I work and my husband does not and we share the bills and things but he would never expect me to use my money for something he wanted me to have... if he really wanted me to have something he would go out and buy it. My husband does all the shopping and thing in the house.. well he tries to and he will drive me to work if I ask him... He looks on it that I am out all day so he should do the same things that I would do if I was home all day and he was at work....

You say your are sleeping on the sofa and she keeps asking why you dont come to bed.... so you are choosing to sleep on the sofa not doing so because you are not welcome in the marriage bed...

You sound as if you are frustrated because she is not doing exactly what you want her to do.... but what about what she wants???

Kezzie

[SOL.Broken 0]

I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this..... have you ever though she maybe does not want to drive here? I can understand you wanting her to be able to drive but not everybody feels comfortable driving.... I know if I did not want to drive then I would not want to spend my money on a car I feel I dont need...

I work and my husband does not and we share the bills and things but he would never expect me to use my money for something he wanted me to have... if he really wanted me to have something he would go out and buy it. My husband does all the shopping and thing in the house.. well he tries to and he will drive me to work if I ask him... He looks on it that I am out all day so he should do the same things that I would do if I was home all day and he was at work....

You say your are sleeping on the sofa and she keeps asking why you dont come to bed.... so you are choosing to sleep on the sofa not doing so because you are not welcome in the marriage bed...

You sound as if you are frustrated because she is not doing exactly what you want her to do.... but what about what she wants???

Kezzie

Kezzie, i have and wanted to give her all she can have and wants, but the relationship of two people should be such that a women knows how to get what she wants from the man, by the ways of being open his wants and feelings, and as well a man does the same thing, it is the relationship and the ways of two people that builds a marraige and wants and desires, if two people are hard headed, as we both are, and no one takes the lower side, and both go higher and higher, then it is difficult to get a balance in the relationship to comfort one another,,,,, she allways wanted to come to north american, she wanted a house, car, work, etc, well she is almost there,

what i have gotten from this relationship, just to give, just because a man goes to bed with the women, then .. i owe her.... NO NO, i believe in ====== equall ===== ways of the word, i work, she works, i drive, she drive, if we had a baby it would be one thing, but no....

she is 40, i'm 45 i should feel driven to want to bring to the house hold, and have a family, baby, etc... not feeling frustated all the time.... She say's she will do just to keep me quit, and agree on doing something, and then she just ignores it all together, as never decided no... and 50 different reasons....

[SOL.Broken 0]

one more thing, she plans converstions with her mom and others, and plays as if she is an actorees, role play, another word, NO TRUST,

40K i have spent was because we got married, before i met her, i was moving to Hawaii to open up a dive shop, i got married, and had to sell two homes, lost 25 K, move twice, 8K, paid her legal fees 7K, bought her rings, jewels 4K, paid her ticket here, 2K.. other things not counted, if it was not my good faith in doing in what i have done, i would not have spent and put all this into a marraige life that ends up like this...

Edited October 21, 2006 by sg14all

[Kez/JWolf 6]

When 2 people want to always be the one with power... that is not good... you both have to learn to back down and compromise that is hard to begin with but with time and effort it will happen....

But you seem to have given up...

Kezzie

[SOL.Broken 0]

When 2 people want to always be the one with power... that is not good... you both have to learn to back down and compromise that is hard to begin with but with time and effort it will happen....

But you seem to have given up...

Kezzie

do you truly believe after 9 months living together and talking over the phone for a year, and seeing her for 3 months during the 1 year, which makes it almost a year... is this enough time to get to know one another enough to learn how to calm the other down and make him feel good, so that i he has done so far, is rewarded with love and understanding .... I have given enough trials, or time or attempted to and have given it all i got,..sometimes two people are two different that works, they make up the differences in each other, but sometimes two people are too much alike, and that is head on hard to deal with and to make it work...

[Kez/JWolf 6]

I have know my husband all my life and we have lived together for almost 2 years and we still have times where we both feel that we dont want to back down and work out a compromise.... so you have to ask yourself have you given it long enough??? you talk about what you get out of the relationship but what does she get out of it???

Kezzie

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

Try Counseling!! You both have painted each other into the corner...neither one wants to back down...both of you are alittle self-centered.. Get some help...you can't do it on your own....

If you walk away then you actual did lose $40,000 and over a year of your life.. You must love her ..to do all that you have done...Now take steps to find a solution to this basic problem...and beleive me this problem of yours is a basic problem.. But it also is about both of your attitudes...so get some outside help..

Marriage is a big compromise... it's a endless trial and error... You never quit finding things that you need to change to better it..

Marriage is about working together...saying your sorry...Working things out... crying together...laughing together..Doing everything together.. ..Marriage is when two = one .....Good Luck

When 2 people want to always be the one with power... that is not good... you both have to learn to back down and compromise that is hard to begin with but with time and effort it will happen....

But you seem to have given up...

Kezzie

do you truly believe after 9 months living together and talking over the phone for a year, and seeing her for 3 months during the 1 year, which makes it almost a year... is this enough time to get to know one another enough to learn how to calm the other down and make him feel good, so that i he has done so far, is rewarded with love and understanding .... I have given enough trials, or time or attempted to and have given it all i got,..sometimes two people are two different that works, they make up the differences in each other, but sometimes two people are too much alike, and that is head on hard to deal with and to make it work...

Edited October 21, 2006 by Chris-n-Veronica

[SOL.Broken 0]

I have know my husband all my life and we have lived together for almost 2 years and we still have times where we both feel that we dont want to back down and work out a compromise.... so you have to ask yourself have you given it long enough??? you talk about what you get out of the relationship but what does she get out of it???

Kezzie

She will get security in life, a family and wholsome, life full of love.... i get someone who does not want to listen, and does what she wants......

She has even called a Vido person to put a spell on my and my mother, and have done things like that which has brought more and more mistrust into this relationship. IF you don't HAVE trust you have nothing. by now after this time, trust should have been built. one person in the relationship puts the best foot forward and says all there is and comes true.. if not then. you've got NOTHING. just look at my timeline, have i given it enough time,,,

believe me, this was and still is something i did and do not want to do, but if we don't get along, and don't make each other happy, then what, give it more time so other party can claim more that i owe her... as the time goes on her demands will grow too...... i just want to be happy together, but can not see it anymore, an dhave not had it for about 6 months now, every 2 weeks max, we have a blow out again and again since Feb of 2005.

Try Counseling!! You both have painted each other into the corner...neither one wants to back down...both of you are alittle self-centered.. Get some help...you can't do it on your own....

If you walk away then you actual did lose $40,000 and over a year of your life.. You must love her ..to do all that you have done...Now take steps to find a solution to this basic problem...and beleive me this problem of yours is a basic problem.. But it also is about both of your attitudes...so get some outside help..

When 2 people want to always be the one with power... that is not good... you both have to learn to back down and compromise that is hard to begin with but with time and effort it will happen....

But you seem to have given up...

Kezzie

do you truly believe after 9 months living together and talking over the phone for a year, and seeing her for 3 months during the 1 year, which makes it almost a year... is this enough time to get to know one another enough to learn how to calm the other down and make him feel good, so that i he has done so far, is rewarded with love and understanding .... I have given enough trials, or time or attempted to and have given it all i got,..sometimes two people are two different that works, they make up the differences in each other, but sometimes two people are too much alike, and that is head on hard to deal with and to make it work...

I did get counsling before she came over, and did ask her to do the same, and that we build on it while here, she did offer same.....

HERE is my problem, She keeps up such good front, and way of being, that as if there is no problem, she has issues, and so do i ,,, no one is perfect. i faced them, and have tried to resolve them, she feels and knows she is right in the ways of her beliefs, yet she will say i'm right or she is wrong, yet, i can tell now, that she just says it, but does not believe in it... that is a problem that couseling can not help....

to get couseling, i know, 1st thing is to open yourself up to ideas and desire to want to change, if you think you are right all the time in the ways of being, then couseling is just a waste of time and more money.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Wow you manage to go 2 weeks with out having a disagreement.... we have at least 1 a week... and we have been married since April 2005 and we are still learning about eachother and I am sure we will be for many years to come.....

Kezzie

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

Well then your finished before you begin...

I wish you the best...

I have know my husband all my life and we have lived together for almost 2 years and we still have times where we both feel that we dont want to back down and work out a compromise.... so you have to ask yourself have you given it long enough??? you talk about what you get out of the relationship but what does she get out of it???

Kezzie

She will get security in life, a family and wholsome, life full of love.... i get someone who does not want to listen, and does what she wants......

She has even called a Vido person to put a spell on my and my mother, and have done things like that which has brought more and more mistrust into this relationship. IF you don't HAVE trust you have nothing. by now after this time, trust should have been built. one person in the relationship puts the best foot forward and says all there is and comes true.. if not then. you've got NOTHING. just look at my timeline, have i given it enough time,,,

believe me, this was and still is something i did and do not want to do, but if we don't get along, and don't make each other happy, then what, give it more time so other party can claim more that i owe her... as the time goes on her demands will grow too...... i just want to be happy together, but can not see it anymore, an dhave not had it for about 6 months now, every 2 weeks max, we have a blow out again and again since Feb of 2005.

Try Counseling!! You both have painted each other into the corner...neither one wants to back down...both of you are alittle self-centered.. Get some help...you can't do it on your own....

If you walk away then you actual did lose $40,000 and over a year of your life.. You must love her ..to do all that you have done...Now take steps to find a solution to this basic problem...and beleive me this problem of yours is a basic problem.. But it also is about both of your attitudes...so get some outside help..

When 2 people want to always be the one with power... that is not good... you both have to learn to back down and compromise that is hard to begin with but with time and effort it will happen....

But you seem to have given up...

Kezzie

do you truly believe after 9 months living together and talking over the phone for a year, and seeing her for 3 months during the 1 year, which makes it almost a year... is this enough time to get to know one another enough to learn how to calm the other down and make him feel good, so that i he has done so far, is rewarded with love and understanding .... I have given enough trials, or time or attempted to and have given it all i got,..sometimes two people are two different that works, they make up the differences in each other, but sometimes two people are too much alike, and that is head on hard to deal with and to make it work...

I did get counsling before she came over, and did ask her to do the same, and that we build on it while here, she did offer same.....

HERE is my problem, She keeps up such good front, and way of being, that as if there is no problem, she has issues, and so do i ,,, no one is perfect. i faced them, and have tried to resolve them, she feels and knows she is right in the ways of her beliefs, yet she will say i'm right or she is wrong, yet, i can tell now, that she just says it, but does not believe in it... that is a problem that couseling can not help....

to get couseling, i know, 1st thing is to open yourself up to ideas and desire to want to change, if you think you are right all the time in the ways of being, then couseling is just a waste of time and more money.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Why do you want to change the person you fell in love with???? neither me or my husband have changed.... we have just grown and are learning to adjust, but I would never want to change who he is.... after all that is why I fell in love with him...

Kezzie