Is this typical for a Filipina?

[lierre 224]

That is one way to put it. At this point, she will tell you anything you need to hear, and being a woman, she always has the prerogative to change her mind, no matter what she promised before, all with the best of intentions. Just remember blood is thicker than water, and you will find out about all the dreams her family has for her to fulfill, once she arrives in America.

Women are fickle such as men can be fickle. Don't blame it on the hormones, that's been proven not to be true.

The Filipino mindset on having "her family" as being first ought to be changed. I do agree most Filipinos who marry end up still giving their loyalty to their previous family. Which shouldn't be done at all!

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

There is also a Filipino custom that can frustrate the unaware: If you want the truthful answer to a question, ask the same question three times. The first answer is the polite answer, the second answer is what they think you want to hear, and the third answer is a little closer to the truth.

For instance, if you happen to be visiting, and meal time approaches, they are obligated to invite you to share the meal. Of course, you must decline, in case there is not that much to share. If they invite you a second time, you must still decline, because that is what is expected. If they invite you a third time, you must accept, because they really want you to join in the meal, and refusing a third time would be impolite.

This can drive you nuts at times.

[X Factor 1,110]

There is also a Filipino custom that can frustrate the unaware: If you want the truthful answer to a question, ask the same question three times. The first answer is the polite answer, the second answer is what they think you want to hear, and the third answer is a little closer to the truth.

For instance, if you happen to be visiting, and meal time approaches, they are obligated to invite you to share the meal. Of course, you must decline, in case there is not that much to share. If they invite you a second time, you must still decline, because that is what is expected. If they invite you a third time, you must accept, because they really want you to join in the meal, and refusing a third time would be impolite.

This can drive you nuts at times.

[visaopt 3]

That is one way to put it. At this point, she will tell you anything you need to hear, and being a woman, she always has the prerogative to change her mind, no matter what she promised before, all with the best of intentions. Just remember blood is thicker than water, and you will find out about all the dreams her family has for her to fulfill, once she arrives in America.

To rlogan, I do not know you, so I do not want to draw any premature conclusions just based on a few postings you have made on this thread. I understand many of us have different points of view, drawn from their own experiences, both good and bad. But so that I can better understand your point of view, I want to ask you to clarify some points you have made on this thread.

You stated earlier, "No secrets in marriage".

Are you saying you have complete, 100% transparent communication with your fiancee, all the time?

If your fiancee were to withhold some information from you, would you feel she is doing so because she has some secret she does not want you to know, and that she does not trust you enough to tell you?

Are you saying your fiancee has never withheld information, or omitted information to you?

Are you saying you need to have 100% complete information, complete as defined by you, before you can make a decision whether to marry or not marry a woman?

I do agree with your statement that it is a good idea to spend time with the family, cousins, and close friends, so both can understand each other better. But I cannot uproot for months, as you did, so that is not a viable, nor realistic option for me.

To big bear, I understand you have a contrasting point of view, drawn from your experience with your wife, who has lofty dreams that resemble a fantasy punch list. So far, my fiancee has been the opposite. She has had opportunities for me to spend money on her,and she has not. The cynic would probably retort, "She has not,yet", to which I will say, "She has not in the past, and she has not, now". Only time will tell, if my fiancee become more like your wife, or not.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

To big bear, I understand you have a contrasting point of view, drawn from your experience with your wife, who has lofty dreams that resemble a fantasy punch list. So far, my fiancee has been the opposite. She has had opportunities for me to spend money on her,and she has not. The cynic would probably retort, "She has not,yet", to which I will say, "She has not in the past, and she has not, now". Only time will tell, if my fiancee become more like your wife, or not.

Still waters run deep, and these plans were often made before your wife was even born. It doesn't mean you don't have any control, but it is nice to know what is coming down the road. If the family plans to escape poverty by having their daughter marry an American, or even if they are just trying to take advantage of a sudden opportunity, the family is not going to let this chance to improve their lives get away from them. At this point, you are not the most important person in her life, at least not until she becomes your wife, and even then, the family will always be there to lay on the guilt.

You are not the first, or the last, to be taken down the primrose path. Just be aware of the hazards if you stay on the path your wife and family have chosen for you. It's a long road, and you haven't even gotten to the starting point yet.

Edited July 23, 2012 by ☼

[visaopt 3]

Still waters run deep, and these plans were often made before your wife was even born. It doesn't mean you don't have any control, but it is nice to know what is coming down the road. If the family plans to escape poverty by having their daughter marry an American, or even if they are just trying to take advantage of a sudden opportunity, the family is not going to let this chance to improve their lives get away from them. At this point, you are not the most important person in her life, at least not until she becomes your wife, and even then, the family will always be there to lay on the guilt.

You are not the first, or the last, to be taken down the primrose path. Just be aware of the hazards if you stay on the path your wife and family have chosen for you. It's a long road, and you haven't even gotten to the starting point yet.

Big bear, I know you are writing from experience, so your words of caution, is duly noted.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

Big bear, I know you are writing from experience, so your words of caution, is duly noted.

I'm curious, why are you calling Crusty Old Perv, a.k.a. The Patriot, "big bear"?

[Calypso 464]

I'm curious, why are you calling Crusty Old Perv, a.k.a. The Patriot, "big bear"?

Because he doesn't know that Bill is the Big Bad Wolf.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

I'm curious, why are you calling Crusty Old Perv, a.k.a. The Patriot, "big bear"?

It's on the timeline.

[visaopt 3]

I'm curious, why are you calling Crusty Old Perv, a.k.a. The Patriot, "big bear"?

Hi DavenRoxy

Prior to now, I only saw this symbol, ☼ , as his online name, which is why I decided to look at his timeline, and saw the Petitioner's name is big bear. Since he now has an online name, I will use his online name, The Patriot.

[-=Mai and Timmy=- 12]

It is also true that woman from the province still live in a culture where the man is dominant and make decisions about future plans. So she feels that you are the one to decide and she feels she is not able to openly speak about her dreams and goals. My wife is exactly the same, but I am slowly getting her to feel that she is an equal to me and that her dreams are important to me.

I agree with you and yes for me it would be more good to see that the guy is the one who rule and as a head of the family,he must be the one to decide whats best for it but its really good that the wife was also included to all the decision making coz b not all guys knows whats best!!