Issues with jobs/moving

[Fuzzified 0]

This may not be the right forum to post in but I have a serious question that is causing some ripples in my marriage.

I've been accepted into a full time school program and unwilling to move, my wife (UA) is gung ho about getting a job outside of the state, to the point where she won't even look locally. I gave her about a year of me being willing to move if she found a job, however she never got one and now I'd like to finish school as I have no degree though she has two. She is still set on moving though and wants to move without me. Not only do I find it financially unreasonable because the jobs she's applying for aren't that great, but I'm predicting it will cause some red flags with the USCIS.

Does anyone have experience in that matter? Are we going to get someone knocking on our separate doors digging for answers?

Of course I've brought this up as a defense in my case but it's just my 'reason' getting in the way of things.

Thanks for any advice,

Trevor.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

This may not be the right forum to post in but I have a serious question that is causing some ripples in my marriage.

I've been accepted into a full time school program and unwilling to move, my wife (UA) is gung ho about getting a job outside of the state, to the point where she won't even look locally. I gave her about a year of me being willing to move if she found a job, however she never got one and now I'd like to finish school as I have no degree though she has two. She is still set on moving though and wants to move without me. Not only do I find it financially unreasonable because the jobs she's applying for aren't that great, but I'm predicting it will cause some red flags with the USCIS.

Does anyone have experience in that matter? Are we going to get someone knocking on our separate doors digging for answers?

Of course I've brought this up as a defense in my case but it's just my 'reason' getting in the way of things.

Thanks for any advice,

Trevor.

At the very least, enroll in a school and program that is credited country-wide (meaning, your coursework is transferable). For example, if a business degree, ensure the program is AACSB. A second line of readiness is to enroll in a school that has the possibility of doing the degree online, such that it does not matter where you are, you can still attend same school.

One conversation you would want to have is to discuss what would happen once you finish your degree and a job (or a great job) is offered in another state or where you are now. Is the state/city where you are the ultimate destination or is a job (yours in this case) more important as to prompt moving to where that job is.

Money is not everything (to some) and some people has the place to live as a higher priority, regardless of income. Don't know if this is the case here, but at least a conversation about the reasons need to happen IMHO.

And yes, you are correct that living in separate residences could bring issues later on. You are married and are supposed to be living together. You don't necessarily have the luxury or flexibility of claiming that school/job/reason X is more important; USCIS might not see it that way.

Good luck

[Fuzzified 0]

At the very least, enroll in a school and program that is credited country-wide (meaning, your coursework is transferable). For example, if a business degree, ensure the program is AACSB. A second line of readiness is to enroll in a school that has the possibility of doing the degree online, such that it does not matter where you are, you can still attend same school.

One conversation you would want to have is to discuss what would happen once you finish your degree and a job (or a great job) is offered in another state or where you are now. Is the state/city where you are the ultimate destination or is a job (yours in this case) more important as to prompt moving to where that job is.

Money is not everything (to some) and some people has the place to live as a higher priority, regardless of income. Don't know if this is the case here, but at least a conversation about the reasons need to happen IMHO.

And yes, you are correct that living in separate residences could bring issues later on. You are married and are supposed to be living together. You don't necessarily have the luxury or flexibility of claiming that school/job/reason X is more important; USCIS might not see it that way.

Good luck

The program I'm in will be a Radiography program that had a waiting list and competitive entry, I'm one of 18 to be accepted.

Our plan was actually to move to Toronto after I finish school where theoretically we could both get decent jobs and I have family there. However she is on a kick to be a flight attendant which has nothing to do with her Bachelor's nor Master's degree. Flight attendants as I understand start as a reserve at $20 per hour, but only 70-80 hours per month, and this reserve status can last for years. Also due to erratic hours it is difficult to have a second job. Therefor I showed her cost of living in these cities sometimes upwards of a thousand miles away, and show that even with cheap housing she'd more than likely end up in the red after all bills were done.

Plus I probably won't be able to work full time anymore while in school, managing bills here already isn't fun but having to pay double rent doesn't make sense to me when she could find a job here that would pay the same, if not more. However these jobs are "below" her. We've had many talks about it, but she never seems to agree with me until other people verify these things.

Don't get me wrong I'd love for her to be a flight attendant since she wants to so badly, but now just isn't the time or the situation. I can't get that through to her, everything turns into me 'never' supporting her, I'm always negative, etc. Also I'm not sure if us being separated will result in just some inquisitive letters, or her being deported overnight ( a stretch perhaps, but I don't know how hard they enforce these things).

Thanks for your reply.

[leith@Ievgeniia 8]

flight attends can fly free to jobs on jumpseats. so they can live anywhere in the world and jsut commute on jets to home base. they start off at lower wages and in few years they can build up and make much more. benneys are good and you get to see much of usa or world in time but to live out of a suite case is a whole different life! i did it for 10 years on train. very different life style! did she get hired as attended? or trying to apply for job? that is biggest question. not super easy to just walk in with no training and get this job. there are colleges setup that train green people how to do such job and that is where most of new hires comes form. less training on airlines

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Number 1 it is not going to cause any problems with USCIS because you already lifted conditions and they do not care where she lives. even for citizenship proving you live together is not so important, if she wants citizenship in 3 years she needs to show you are still married. She could divorce you today and get citizenship in 5 years all by herself, so USCIS is not an issue.

This sounds like a personal thing and NO I have not experienced my wife wanting to get another job and move away from me and it would not be acceptable, thats for me. If she wanted to do that we wuld get divorced first.

On the other hand Alla may be starting another degree program this fall at a school 2 hours away and she may be staying there on campus 4 days per week and then coming home weekends. I am OK with that. Adding 4 hours driving every day plus her homework does not seem reasonable, expecially not in bad weather. But she would not be moving to another state and living there permanently and working there, no.

I really cannot tell you what to do but USCIS is not an issue at your stage of the process.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

The program I'm in will be a Radiography program that had a waiting list and competitive entry, I'm one of 18 to be accepted.

Our plan was actually to move to Toronto after I finish school where theoretically we could both get decent jobs and I have family there. However she is on a kick to be a flight attendant which has nothing to do with her Bachelor's nor Master's degree. Flight attendants as I understand start as a reserve at $20 per hour, but only 70-80 hours per month, and this reserve status can last for years. Also due to erratic hours it is difficult to have a second job. Therefor I showed her cost of living in these cities sometimes upwards of a thousand miles away, and show that even with cheap housing she'd more than likely end up in the red after all bills were done.

Plus I probably won't be able to work full time anymore while in school, managing bills here already isn't fun but having to pay double rent doesn't make sense to me when she could find a job here that would pay the same, if not more. However these jobs are "below" her. We've had many talks about it, but she never seems to agree with me until other people verify these things.

Don't get me wrong I'd love for her to be a flight attendant since she wants to so badly, but now just isn't the time or the situation. I can't get that through to her, everything turns into me 'never' supporting her, I'm always negative, etc. Also I'm not sure if us being separated will result in just some inquisitive letters, or her being deported overnight ( a stretch perhaps, but I don't know how hard they enforce these things).

Thanks for your reply.

I think you have to have a serious talk. If you have managed to be accepted already that is big; but I'd ask, your spouse knew you were applying and had a chance to be accepted, correct?. That 'talk' needs to focus on a realistic outcome of being a flight attendant. It is true that many live in low cost areas, but the ones I know have a hell of a commute to get to 'work' and that time is NOT paid; so by the time they 'get to work' they could be very tired at the very least. Someone mentioned a jump sit. I've flown in those (not for work, but because I can occasionally get space in one of those so I cut travel cost), not something I'd do on a recurring frequency: those are designed to be used for short periods, like landing and take off; not for a full flight.

It might be the 'dream', but you have to consider down to Earth factors. That said, it is nowadays common to have 2-3 careers in the span of a work life, and maybe it is worth doing it, even at the expense to being in red for some time. Obvisouly, 'worth' does not include the financial side.

Finally, sometimes there is no better way to find out what would happen than to actually do it. Let her discover by herself what the implications are, of course, I'd have two things well figured out: 1. uncompromising support, such that even if things don't work well, there is no 'I told you so', in other words, leave room for failing and take that as an opportunity to learn something and 2. since you seem to be concerned about the costs, setup a contingency plan to counter the the costs and still maintain a standard of living. It might be savings set aside for emergencies/special situations (this is one), family loans, etc.

Overall, it is critical to define some checkpoints to decide whether to continue or abort the adventure throughout it.

Good luck

Edited April 13, 2012 by Gosia & Tito