Fiance changing decision

[InHisTime 110]

First of all I want to wish you best of luck and I hope you can sort things out. What I don't understand is that you been together for 3 years, you went through all of this and finally got what most of us (us as in still in process)is trying to attain and all of the sudden the change of mind. I know I don't really know the whole story is but in general this is not a good sign.

Yes the economy is bad, and yes I can understand that it is a big responsibility for him to have instantly family, but he should have known and planned accordingly for this day. If your saying maybe it's not the right time or not yet ready, well only the lucky few have the luxury of being trully prepared and have financial security to start a family/marriage. When exactly is the right time? You wait any longer next thing you know another 3 years gone by and nothing has change. Sis think where you want to be and be honest to yourself, I've met several women who been given the run around and waiting game only to find out nag iintay sa ala (waiting for nothing) and wasted there best years!

The two of you have six months to sort things out, if that does not work, time to move on. I don't know how old you are but don't let your best years be spent online.

Also you mentioned he plans to stay in the Phil for a while, that just shows he much prefer your company over there...less responsibility with lots of attention..lol

I myself will be bringing my Fiance and her daughter so I can relate to his hesitation but how do you move forward unless you go through with it. I can only take so much being apart and porncall don't cut it..

Well Sis good luck..

Thank you. I agree with you and hopefully we could have a fix decision soon. He wants to move here in 2-3 years and that will be for good. I just can't understand why we have to go through the visa process and finally abort decision now visa on hand.

[stefan y karen 23]

I think your boyfriend has a bad paradigm (i.e., point of view) Is the job market tough in the US? Absolutely. Is there never enough money to go around? Absolutely. Is there stress from work and just life in general? Absolutely. But you know what would make me feel 100% better in all of these situations? Having my fiance/wife here with me to go through these together. If he is marrying you to make all of his problems go away, then that is not realistic. Neither husband nor wife should get married to solve all of their problems. Marriage is about facing problems together--not about making them disappear. PROBLEMS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. It sounds like he might not realize that.

[Brian121957 43]

There are forces at work in America to make Fundamental Changes. It is still to be seen what will happen. This has been a place of great potential and freedom. There are many in society now that are just looking for a hand out from the hard workers who have done well.

My guess he is just very concerned about his and your future here. You may have to convince him that you are not looking to him for "protection" but for a life "partner" to share the good and the bad of life.

[InHisTime 110]

There are forces at work in America to make Fundamental Changes. It is still to be seen what will happen. This has been a place of great potential and freedom. There are many in society now that are just looking for a hand out from the hard workers who have done well.

My guess he is just very concerned about his and your future here. You may have to convince him that you are not looking to him for "protection" but for a life "partner" to share the good and the bad of life.

Thank you for your insights. Yes he is really concerned of our future. Maybe because he knows me and the kids do have a good life here as I have a very secured job. I definitely not a woman who just want to take advantage of him. I don't ask him to support me financially here since our God always provides me. I just love him so deeply and I know he loves me too. I'm just tired of long distance relationship. Hopefully he clears up his mind before visa expires, if not, then I'm sure God has his own purpose why things happened. It maybe painful, but, I will take this as a learning experience and unforgettable nightmare. God bless to all of us. Have a blessed life.

[qwerty1974 11]

I would say the fact that you have felt the need (though are very welcome to) ask people here about this situation is already a red flag for you. Not necessarily that it is out and out the wrong thing to move to the States, but definitely that you are not in enough communication with your fiance about things. We can only offer you opinions and do not know the whole facts and context. As an opinion I would certainly suggest Not leaving the children behind though, but again, everyone has a different path, but if that can be avoided, I would. You need to talk with your fiance and if you feel he is not listening then that is something for you to be really thinking about. be confident and prepared to let go if you need to, just because you have gone through all of this effort does not mean you have to stand by it if at Any time it does not feel right. It is one thing to make a mistake it is entirely enough to stick to it once you recognise that is what it is. But again, none of us know if that is what it is and happy as we all are to listen only your fiance can do the real talking with you. Its a big move and it should be done for love, economic difficulty and so on should of course be considered but it shouldn't prevent two people in love from being together, especially not so close to the finish line. perhaps you might consider telling him you'll head over with his agreement, with the children, and keep an open mind about what you'll find there and what it might be like. Good luck and remember, he has already done so much from the sounds of it to get you both to this point, hear him out and be ready to listen very closely and then to do whats right for you and your children

Edited November 14, 2011 by qwerty1974

[jasonr 0]

Need some help here. My Fiance and her Son are here on a K-1. We are now married. We married like 5 days prior to the first 90 days she was here so needless to say we have not had a chance to begin status change as of yet. I believe technically she is illegal as of now but we were told not to worry and file for adjustment of status as soon as we possibly could. Currently my fiance has been informed of a serious illness with a family member back in the Philippines. With this new development family member with serious illness my now Wife wants to return to the Phillipines. My question is if she wants to call it quits and return home can we do so? Really do not want her to go but i told her i would support her decisions. TY all in advance with any advice.

[az110965 252]

Need some help here. My Fiance and her Son are here on a K-1. We are now married. We married like 5 days prior to the first 90 days she was here so needless to say we have not had a chance to begin status change as of yet. I believe technically she is illegal as of now but we were told not to worry and file for adjustment of status as soon as we possibly could. Currently my fiance has been informed of a serious illness with a family member back in the Philippines. With this new development family member with serious illness my now Wife wants to return to the Phillipines. My question is if she wants to call it quits and return home can we do so? Really do not want her to go but i told her i would support her decisions. TY all in advance with any advice.

If your wife leaves now without AOS she will NOT be readmitted again to the USCIS, and you will need to start over again- this time with CR-1 visa.

If she truly has emergency at home she can apply for emergency AOS and if approved, she'd be permitted to leave and return here to the USA.

Technically your wife is in overstay status right now, but that is forgiven upon AOS.

I'm just curious about the part where you say "if she wants to call it quits". She must be married to you to file AOS. If there are marital problems going on you have other issues to contend with BEFORE you file for AOS for her.

[Jelly2011 1]

The visa process is deeply personal. Strangers look into your life with a microscope and decide how your future will be. After years of a long distance relationship a person can feel defeated and overwhelmed. Sometimes wondering if this will ever end. There are emotional highs and lows and it takes its toll on the relationship and the individuals taking this journey. It is not for the weak or uncommitted. You must have faith,hope and a strong heart to go through the different stages. This would certainly explain how your fiancee might be feeling and the doubt may come from frustration. We started on this road exactly 2 years ago and this week we wait to see if the visa will be approved or not. Completely out of our control we sit and we wait to find out what will happen next. There are no guarantees and you try to be patient and no worry. Still you go through every piece of the documentation looking for issues or something that you might have missed. Is it clear and easy to understand. Did we do all we could. You second guess and ask people to pray for you and cross everything you got that on that interview day all this will finally end and its just the matter of a plane ride over. If not then we regroup and try to find out what to do next. Our daughter will soon be 5 months old and this is her first Christmas. Sitting and waiting is very stressful and can cause fear,depression and take you on an emotional roller coaster ride you can't seem to get off. Talk to him and see where he is at with things and what the source of his emotions are from. As for the kids if you put them in the petition you have to bring all the docs and follow through. If not and you tell them you will not be bringing them I would think at very least it would call for some amendments of some sort and further delays.

[dukeandduchess 141]

Okay, I only read page one but I think a lot of these replies are way off.

Could he have cold feet? Yeah, it's a possibility.

HOWEVER:

My fiance and I have the very same concerns about our financial stability. The economy in the US right now isn't very good. My fiance lives in California where (last time I checked) it had 11.9% unemployment. That's insane!

Right now I work super hard managing a store and make a decent income that could support both of us rather easily. If he had a job we could be quite comfortable. Instead, I'm planning to abandon that and move with no job security and he doesn't have much job security either. I think these are very LEGITIMATE concerns that you should not necessarily see as "him having cold feet".

Your fiance sounds like he wants to provide a good life for you and your children and is apprehensive bringing over an entire family where the only income he has is his own. Will you get a job? probably, but that won't happen immediately and he's worried about it. Talk to him about finances and budgeting. Talk about how much money you're going to bring over. Talk about your plan for getting a job. If you have good communication with each other I think you will both feel a lot better.

[InHisTime 110]

Okay, I only read page one but I think a lot of these replies are way off.

Could he have cold feet? Yeah, it's a possibility.

HOWEVER:

My fiance and I have the very same concerns about our financial stability. The economy in the US right now isn't very good. My fiance lives in California where (last time I checked) it had 11.9% unemployment. That's insane!

Right now I work super hard managing a store and make a decent income that could support both of us rather easily. If he had a job we could be quite comfortable. Instead, I'm planning to abandon that and move with no job security and he doesn't have much job security either. I think these are very LEGITIMATE concerns that you should not necessarily see as "him having cold feet".

Your fiance sounds like he wants to provide a good life for you and your children and is apprehensive bringing over an entire family where the only income he has is his own. Will you get a job? probably, but that won't happen immediately and he's worried about it. Talk to him about finances and budgeting. Talk about how much money you're going to bring over. Talk about your plan for getting a job. If you have good communication with each other I think you will both feel a lot better.

[/

I think you raised a very good points here. Thank you for the enlightenment. Yeah, his concerns are very legitimate and have to be discussed well. What is certain now is we do love each other and won't ever give up -- we may go the states or settle here. It's fine with me as long we are together. We still have time to sort out things. I believe God will make a way for us -- if this is His plan and purpose in us. Again, thanks and God bless.

[me007 0]

Look I am with my fiance also and am bringing her daughter also to the USA.I see no reason for him to be this way.It is love that will keep you both together and it will be love that helps you both in your struggles if they come.this guy needs to get with it and put his fears away and let his love for you grow..Is it money that is the boss of your marriage if so when the money runs out so will your marriage.If it is love that is the boss of your marriage.It will be your covering and protection.Your future husband needs to wake up and see how much you love him and how you yourself have struggled in your country.you know what struggles are all about and you are ready to deal with the struggles if they come more than he can.He should be proud to have a wife like you.

Edited November 17, 2011 by me007