Personal issues re my Viet Nam girlfriend

[David-Hien 11]

Obviously you haven't been approached by those college students currently here in the States on student Visas. The higher she's educated, the more sophisticated her schemes will become.

When a really old man comes and seeks a really young girl (of course of legal marriage age), there's NOTHING that will change the outcome in the end.

OP, you're not the first one and won't be the last. So many and many and many before you already fell into this marriage trapping game. Wait til' you meet someone who knows how to play "Bua`" or "Ngai~". Search on Google if you don't know what those are.

Of course, the young students will not fit Mike_Mac. I mean the women at middle age in VN, who get some University degrees or Master degree in Science, you will see the difference. However, if you meet a women who got a Master degree in Business, it may not a good idea.

The young VN students here in College. I saw them already in my school. They came from rich family and only want to get a husband to stay in the US.

[Mike_Mac 3]

Obviously you haven't been approached by those college students currently here in the States on student Visas. The higher she's educated, the more sophisticated her schemes will become.

When a really old man comes and seeks a really young girl (of course of legal marriage age), there's NOTHING that will change the outcome in the end.

OP, you're not the first one and won't be the last. So many and many and many before you already fell into this marriage trapping game. Wait til' you meet someone who knows how to play "Bua`" or "Ngai~". Search on Google if you don't know what those are.

I cannot find anything related to our discussion for these words, with or without quotes....

I had read US tourist stories online about VN girls, but never got an education like I've gotten here. Thanks, VJ!

For the record, I did not approach this as a "dirty old man" hunting for young girl. My GF was approaching age 50 and I thought that would be a compatible age for me. But one remarkable thing was how good her body was, at her age she put most american women to shame....

[quann 26]

i agree with hien 100% on all points...down to her ex and the rich student looking to broker marriages (guys and girls). it's a broad generalization but it should apply to most vn women.

bu`a/ngai just means casting spells or voodoos. i haven't seen it but some claims it does work.

as for OP...your relationship can be best summed up from her pov "if you don't marry me i'll just find another person to marry...". you've had your fun, time to move on.

also viet keu don't have to give up land when to relocate now. this was the only sucky part when we relocated back in the 80's. our family left back ALOT of land and now the relatives that stayed back are actually quite richer than us poor schmucks over here.

Edited August 4, 2011 by quann

[Dan_P 5]

If she gave you the ultimatum to marry her or she'll find someone else, I don't know what else you need in addition to the huge mountain of evidence that you previously mentioned.

[Mike_Mac 3]

i agree with hien 100% on all points...down to her ex and the rich student looking to broker marriages (guys and girls). it's a broad generalization but it should apply to most vn women.

bu`a/ngai just means casting spells or voodoos. i haven't seen it but some claims it does work.

as for OP...your relationship can be best summed up from her pov "if you don't marry me i'll just find another person to marry...". you've had your fun, time to move on.

also viet keu don't have to give up land when to relocate now. this was the only sucky part when we relocated back in the 80's. our family left back ALOT of land and now the relatives that stayed back are actually quite richer than us poor schmucks over here.

Yes, my impression was, that if my GF moved here, she planned to keep her house in HCMC. I don't know if they have a private property ownership schema with fee simple, warranty deeds and title data banks like we have here, but I heard generally they made some rule changes re property a few years back. I had also heard that VN's signing on to international agreements, like the WTO, were more window dressing than real. As for dower rights and other preferred treatment generally accorded women here, I have no idea if similar rules exist in VN. One thing I tell my clients, before getting married, especially if they have a business, but even if they might start a business in the future, is to get a pre-nuptial agreement! This can protect the business owner, regardless if it's the H or W.

I believe all people want the same things in life and are basically good. From the little I know, the VN government treated it's people quite poorly after April 1975, and sent folks to re-training camps and prison simply for being on the losing side, or wanting to leave. I remember Saigon being called the "Paris of the East" or something like that, because it was such a wonderful city. Most folks just want to reach upward, to God and heaven, if you will, for a better life, but fate and chance get in the way. The USA is lucky to have started as a British colony, where aspirations to equality and freedom took root early on, while across the Channel, they were still fighting, killing and cooking up Marxist ideas. I think this explains why the Philippines, for example, continues to struggle while trying to recover from 400 years of Spanish rule, compared to Hong Kong, the free-est place on earth now with a 8-9% growth rate. The word "fair" is an English concept. Perhaps if VN had been occupied by Englishmen instead of Chinese and Frenchmen, things might have turned out a little different.

Forgive this digression!

[Mike_Mac 3]

If she gave you the ultimatum to marry her or she'll find someone else, I don't know what else you need in addition to the huge mountain of evidence that you previously mentioned.

Nothing else, Dan. I'm cured. I've seen the light! But she is going to take confession in Missouri this weekend....

[tuvaty 3]

Wow... I really feel bad for Mike_Mac here, in a sad way. Mister, you're being lied to and being used by this lady who probably has more schemes than you can imagine. But I am glad you're wide awake in this mess. I hope you'll get out of this mess safe and secured, financially and emotionally.

Edited August 5, 2011 by tuvaty

[tuvaty 3]

@Indietro09:

1. Advantages:

- A woman who always sits in school to study will not know how to swear, and to "cut off" your body parts (this is just talking for fun, ok?).

- She will continue to go to school again in the USA, so you don't need to worry that she will have some chitchat with relatives in hours on phone to VN or go shopping -> saving phone cost and expenses.

- She will help your financial status when she goes to work.

- She will get the job immediately if she is an IT engineer -> you are lucky.

(I has one friend who can get a job immediately after she immigrated to the US. Her salary is around 7k/month for an IT engineer. She got Master degree in VN)

- She wants a family because she spent her life time to study already, no time to look for many boyfriends in her young age.

2. Disadvantages

- She may not want to come to the US because she has good job in VN.

- She doesn't know how to cook.( I guess that your guys like good food)

- She cannot work in a nail shop -> no income in the first period.

- You has to pay for her education in the US.

- She doesn't know how to set up a business like someones who are doing business by traveling between the US and VN.

- She may no be beautiful.

- She does not know how to make up.

Haha! I find this list very funny and true! Educated women who are raised by their parents right are more likely to help their men; those who are evil by nature will do evil things. I am glad I found my perfect wife (though she insists that I will cook for her).

DavidHien, you must be in your mid-30s and have experienced a lot in life. I have a lot to learn. lol.

Edited August 5, 2011 by tuvaty

[Mike_Mac 3]

Wow... I really feel bad for Mike_Mac here, in a sad way. Mister, you're being lied to and being used by this lady who probably has more schemes than you can imagine. But I am glad you're wide awake in this mess. I hope you'll get out of this mess safe and secured, financially and emotionally.

Thanks, Tuvaty, I feel ok now, and lucky!

[David-Hien 11]

Haha! I find this list very funny and true! Educated women who are raised by their parents right are more likely to help their men; those who are evil by nature will do evil things. I am glad I found my perfect wife (though she insists that I will cook for her).

DavidHien, you must be in your mid-30s and have experienced a lot in life. I have a lot to learn. lol.

Thank you for your good comments, tuvaty.

Sincerely, I was a little bit sad with "Indietro09" 'reaction. He mixed up between the real high educated person and the others. A real high educated person never say that he or she is a better characteristic person or higher education than the others because the more he or she studies, the more he / she feels stupid in the huge knowledge of our mankind.

In addition, the idea of making money quickly when we-the Vietnamese immigrants-just enter the USA could create the discrimination and the visa process would be more difficult because the Americans will think that the immigrants only want to come to their country for "economic" reason, not for living with their family members or their spouse.

Life is long. We live in a better society and higher education country; therefore, I think that going back to school is the best way to improve myself for my family in the future. What would my mixed race daughter will think if her mother could not guide her anything in her life or even talk by English?

Someones may say that Bill Gate never complete his degree; however, he still is very rich. He can make money because he has a great idea. If I cannot have any great idea better than making nail or cooking food, I should go to school.

When I was a child, my grandmother always encouraged me to study. She said that she wanted to go to school, but her father never wanted because he thought that the girls going to school, then would only want to write letter to their boyfriends and would be spoiled. ("Di hoc de viet thu cho trai") This thought is transferred to the modern men or parents nowadays by the way "Indietro09" said.

[Hot Vit Lon 7]

Of course, the young students will not fit Mike_Mac. I mean the women at middle age in VN, who get some University degrees or Master degree in Science, you will see the difference. However, if you meet a women who got a Master degree in Business, it may not a good idea.

The young VN students here in College. I saw them already in my school. They came from rich family and only want to get a husband to stay in the US.

If they're rich, why they're in need of the US Visas? Rich families in VN are thousand and hundred thousand times richer than typical middle class families here in the States. They'd be careless about getting any US Visas.

Nargh, rich or poor doesn't matter that much. As you said it yourself, it's a person's nature. If she or he is a hard worker and loves to enhance education at any give opportunity, then the spouse of that person is an extremely lucky person. Unfortunately, lots and lots of folks of the younger generation today, those who never went through the economic hardship of the 80's and early 90's, tend to think money falls from the sky and do the "easier" ways to make money "Dao` Mo", Gold diggers.

Lots of yip yap, but the bottom line is most dudes are in this game because they think they're in for a good "bargain" (cheaper). But eventually, it proves otherwise, very costly, both emotionally and financially. I just say be prepared for the game, "Lieu com, gap mam".

Edited August 5, 2011 by Hot Vit Lon

[Mike_Mac 3]

Thank you for your good comments, tuvaty.

In addition, the idea of making money quickly when we-the Vietnamese immigrants-just enter the USA could create the discrimination and the visa process would be more difficult because the Americans will think that the immigrants only want to come to their country for "economic" reason, not for living with their family members or their spouse.

...

Someones may say that Bill Gate never complete his degree; however, he still is very rich. He can make money because he has a great idea. If I cannot have any great idea better than making nail or cooking food, I should go to school.

Making money quickly and economic reasons are good...anyone who wants to work hard to make a better life should be welcomed with open arms! We used to call it the "American Dream" and "Freedom".

It's the love part that gets you into trouble...haha

[Indietro09 2]

@Indietro09:

"What do you mean by " High Educated"???? It's because you or them got high educated doesn't mean that all the " High Educated" girls are good...We love our loved ones ofcourse but "High Educated" or not is not the main reason and It's all depends on the person's character. I'm sorry but just can't stand those who always talk about " High Educated" . Like there's one guy in this forum always talks about his wife " High Educated" in every post he made... blah blah blah and so on."

Oh! Well!! This is just an idea that a woman has higher education and always wants to learn, she can be better in her characteristic. However, it's not completely right. I will show you the advantages and disadvantages of a "mot sach" woman. ("mot sach": who is always studying and know nothing in this world)

1. Advantages:

- A woman who always sits in school to study will not know how to swear, and to "cut off" your body parts (this is just talking for fun, ok?).

- She will continue to go to school again in the USA, so you don't need to worry that she will have some chitchat with relatives in hours on phone to VN or go shopping -> saving phone cost and expenses.

- She will help your financial status when she goes to work.

- She will get the job immediately if she is an IT engineer -> you are lucky.

(I has one friend who can get a job immediately after she immigrated to the US. Her salary is around 7k/month for an IT engineer. She got Master degree in VN)

- She wants a family because she spent her life time to study already, no time to look for many boyfriends in her young age.

2. Disadvantages

- She may not want to come to the US because she has good job in VN.

- She doesn't know how to cook.( I guess that your guys like good food)

- She cannot work in a nail shop -> no income in the first period.

- You has to pay for her education in the US.

- She doesn't know how to set up a business like someones who are doing business by traveling between the US and VN.

- She may no be beautiful.

- She does not know how to make up.

It does not mean that a higher education Asian woman will make you happy, but at least you will feel easily to communicate and understand her in your life.

If you don't like an educated woman, just move on and get any girl you like. Love is blind

----

I'm sorry, what you said make me recall of my ex-husband. He didn't like high educated woman. He liked good food, young and beautiful girls, and beers.

Finally, you are talking to a woman, not a man. I just want to let your men know what a woman would think about and do in her future. If you don't want to read it, please ignore. Thank you.

You didn't even get what I really meant. What I was trying to say is about people that loves to show off by talking about high educated. I don't hate people with high education. Ofcourse It's good but don't you think It's even better not to show that off? People will automatically knows whether you're high or low educated. Remember lots of high educated people acts stupid here in the States. Vietnamese people loves to show off . Sorry to say this about my own people but It's true.

[David-Hien 11]

What do you mean by " High Educated"???? It's because you or them got high educated doesn't mean that all the " High Educated" girls are good...We love our loved ones ofcourse but "High Educated" or not is not the main reason and It's all depends on the person's character. I'm sorry but just can't stand those who always talk about " High Educated" . Like there's one guy in this forum always talks about his wife " High Educated" in every post he made... blah blah blah and so on.

I also had the bad impression about the VN man who tries to hurt his wife by say badly about her education. I didn't have high education such as as Master degree in VN; however, everyday I went to school to improve my English skill, he (ex-husband) always cursed on my job and my education.

You didn't even get what I really meant. What I was trying to say is about people that loves to show off by talking about high educated. I don't hate people with high education. Ofcourse It's good but don't you think It's even better not to show that off? People will automatically knows whether you're high or low educated. Remember lots of high educated people acts stupid here in the States. Vietnamese people loves to show off . Sorry to say this about my own people but It's true.

You said about the others, but you posted it by quoting my word, how can I understand that you said about the others? I don't have high education in the US; an Associate Degree is nothing. In addition, I'm graduating, it means I didn't get any degree yet. I have nothing to show off, so I didn't understand why you got mad on me.

Ok, "Indietro09", whatever you say, I won't want to argue more. I don't want to make myself upset over small thing to spoil my day.

[David-Hien 11]

Making money quickly and economic reasons are good...anyone who wants to work hard to make a better life should be welcomed with open arms! We used to call it the "American Dream" and "Freedom".

It's the love part that gets you into trouble...haha

"Economic" reason may not be your problem, but the American lawmakers and government consider it as a problem. The people who can immigrate to the US are the students, family members of Americans citizen, high skilled workers, travelers, ... Do you see anyone (aliens) say that he/she wants to immigrate to the US because he/she is so poor on his/her country, then his/her visa was approved? It only happened in the first period of time when the US was forming and when the British people and Europeans came here to look for a new life.

However, I agreed with you that the love part gets us in trouble. That's why we are talking here, in visajourney.com.