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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Israel
Timeline

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy

International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in

possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide rule, and a

calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric

Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra

movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI

with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General said. “They

derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on

tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like

'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have

determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of

medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer

Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle'.”

When asked to comment, Fox news pundit Glen Beck replied, "If God

intended us to do complicated math He would have given us more fingers

and toes."


Emmett Fitz-Hume: I'm sorry I'm late, I had to attend the reading of a will. I had to stay till the very end, and I found out I received nothing... broke my arm.

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For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill ' s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........Twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the

same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

PS - I 'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call ' customer service ' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

P.S No one over the age of 65 could drive more than one mile before having to have a grandchild come and restart the car.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!


02/2003 - Met

08/24/09 I-129F; 09/02 NOA1; 10/14 NOA2; 11/24 interview; 11/30 K-1 VISA (92 d); 12/29 POE 12/31/09 Marriage

03/29/-04/06/10 - AOS sent/rcd; 04/13 NOA1; AOS 2 NBC

04/14 $1010 cashed; 04/19 NOA1

04/28 Biom.

06/16 EAD/AP

06/24 Infops; AP mail

06/28 EAD mail; travel 2 BKK; return 07/17

07/20/10 interview, 4d. b4 I-129F anniv. APPROVAL!*

08/02/10 GC

08/09/10 SSN

2012-05-16 Lifting Cond. - I-751 sent

2012-06-27 Biom,

2013-01-10 7 Mo, 2 Wks. & 5 days - 10 Yr. PR Card (no interview)

*2013-04-22 Apply for citizenship (if she desires at that time) 90 days prior to 3yr anniversary of P. Residence

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