Do Mail-Order Brides Make "Good Wives?"

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Your cite is drawn from Jane Kim's article appearing in the Virginia Journal of International Law entitled; "Trafficked: Domestic Violence, Exploitation in Marriage, and the Foreign Bride Industry". We recently opened a topic at RWD (along with the entire original article for download and review) to address this article by Ms. Kim - a J.D. candidate in her third year at Columbia Law School. I would post a link to it at RWD but am unsure of forum policy and do not wish to violate any rules.

There are numerous logic flaws in Ms. Kim's article - not the least of which are her grand leaps as evidenced in one instance in your citation above.

You also fail to note that Ms. Kim stakes out the following position as underpinning her entire work:

And she goes on to vilify and attempt to criminalize all persons of the male gender involved IN ANY WAY with marriage to a foreign spouse, as well as anyone of any gender who has anything to do with facilitating introductions.

You should find and review the article. You might find it illuminating - though possibly not in the way you had imagined (assuming, of course, it is read with an open and critical mind).

- Dan

Ms. Kim's article is cited as documenting "the high level of abuse ... in these relationships".

Take that element out of the original post (written by Marina Adshade) and tell me what you think about it. Let's not get too wrapped up in the tangential point being made by Jane Kim.

Edited January 5, 2011 by \

[Jenn! 918]

For reasons of reproductive biology, it typically works out better for the husband to work and the wife to take care of the kids. If you don't see this type of arrangement as an equal partnership, it's your right to look for a different situation. The same to men who don't want a marriage where both spouses work.

This might not be true for everyone, but I think the "power" in the marriage tends to be tied to the money that's brought into it. For a wife who stays at home, while her job might be invaluable, it also doesn't contribute financially to the household. I think it's hard for this to be an equal partnership. Obviously, you'll rarely find a case where both the husband and the wife contribute equally financially (or otherwise).

On the flip side, it's also a challenge when the wife contributes more financially to the household. This situation is less than ideal for most couples, frankly, and it takes a certain type of man for it to work well(what some here would call a "weak" man, I guess).

Oh, and if AJ is reading this, writing this reminded me that I watched a few clips of Parenthood, and I am SO Julia Braverman.

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Oh, and if AJ is reading this, writing this reminded me that I watched a few clips of Parenthood, and I am SO Julia Braverman.

Srsly or being sarcastic/

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

SMR, why are you so combative? Bunk? Didn't find it meaningful?

Do you have a problem with what I am saying because I am female? Because it sort of looks that way.

FWIW, I have been both "kinds" of wife. Due to my ex-husband's income, I had the luxury of being a stay at home mother. It was something I really wanted to do. I didn't want it because I felt it made sense due to "reproductive biology". I wanted to stay home because I was a late-in-life mom and I knew I would only have one child. Just like my ex wanted to work all the time and pile up loads of big toys. My contention would be that in the case of my former marriage, my "traditional" role was a matter of choice. It certainly had nothing to do with "reproductive biology" or nature. I chose to stay home and raise my son; my ex chose to work work work and neglect his family.

These days I have quite a career. I am the main breadwinner with a challenging position. My now-husband works a low-paying job in the social services field that he loves. That little boy I stayed home to raise so many years ago is about to graduate from college with a 3.92 overall average.

[Jenn! 918]

Srsly or being sarcastic/

from what i saw, srsly

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from what i saw, srsly

kewl.

[Captain Oates 911]

This might not be true for everyone, but I think the "power" in the marriage tends to be tied to the money that's brought into it. For a wife who stays at home, while her job might be invaluable, it also doesn't contribute financially to the household. I think it's hard for this to be an equal partnership. Obviously, you'll rarely find a case where both the husband and the wife contribute equally financially (or otherwise).

On the flip side, it's also a challenge when the wife contributes more financially to the household. This situation is less than ideal for most couples, frankly, and it takes a certain type of man for it to work well(what some here would call a "weak" man, I guess).

Oh, and if AJ is reading this, writing this reminded me that I watched a few clips of Parenthood, and I am SO Julia Braverman.

Power corrupts so that theory works. A country which has more military than all the other countries put together tends to trample around the world starting wars and dropping bombs. People who have all the power in the relationship tend to use it.

However, people would not stay in a relationship unless they were getting something out of it, and so perhaps the other party is giving something which, although not monetary, is needed by the other and is thus power of a different sort.

When my son was an exotic dancer, the middle aged married women who chased him around got what they wanted and he got free drinks. That is an equilibrium of a sort. As the saying goes - 'Women are like cats - they go where it is warm'

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

This might not be true for everyone, but I think the "power" in the marriage tends to be tied to the money that's brought into it. For a wife who stays at home, while her job might be invaluable, it also doesn't contribute financially to the household. I think it's hard for this to be an equal partnership. Obviously, you'll rarely find a case where both the husband and the wife contribute equally financially (or otherwise).

This was certainly the case when I was married to Zach's dad. It didn't start out that way mind you. During that point in my life, my ex made low six-figures. I had a direct selling "career" that netted me about $700 a month.

After a couple of years, I recall him telling me that he shouldn't have to pay for the car I was driving.

[Captain Oates 911]

This was certainly the case when I was married to Zach's dad. It didn't start out that way mind you. During that point in my life, my ex made low six-figures. I had a direct selling "career" that netted me about $700 a month.

After a couple of years, I recall him telling me that he shouldn't have to pay for the car I was driving.

Most women would shut the shop up and then he would rush out and buy a new sports car for her ..

That is usually the way of it

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Most women would shut the shop up and then he would rush out and buy a new sports car for her ..

That is usually the way of it

My wife could turn into the most demure and submissive woman on the planet and be driven by no desire other than to please me in whatever fashion I deemed necessary..... and I still wouldn't go buy her a new sports car

[Jenn! 918]

Sex and money make the world go round. If you have no money...

Sad, but true.

[Captain Oates 911]

Sex and money make the world go round. If you have no money...

Sad, but true.

When you have had more sex than your share and are sick of the surfeit of it, and have more money than you can spend -that's when life gets really good because that is true freedom.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

My wife could turn into the most demure and submissive woman on the planet and be driven by no desire other than to please me in whatever fashion I deemed necessary..... and I still wouldn't go buy her a new sports car

[Captain Oates 911]

My wife could turn into the most demure and submissive woman on the planet and be driven by no desire other than to please me in whatever fashion I deemed necessary..... and I still wouldn't go buy her a new sports car

She is plotting your downfall right now... been there

I'll dance to the beat, shuffle my feet

Wear a shirt and tie and run with the creeps

Cause it's all about money, ain't a damn thing funny

You got to have a con in this land of milk and honey

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She is plotting your downfall right now... been there

possible, but i doubt it.