Forms To Take To Fiance On First Visit

[JimVaPhuong 4,864]

Yes, I made my comments knowing that the OP is visiting the Philippines.

I do however find it odd that US Embassy's in some regions are requiring petitioners to make multiple trips to the beneficiaries home country and also, as I have heard, require lavish engagement ceremonies to prove that a relationship is genuine. I don't know. Maybe this is normal, but US Citizens expect consistency in their government and it does not seem like there is consistency between Embassy's for the same task being performed. I would think that there would be a class action lawsuit filed for this inconsistency (if that is at all possible).

Again, just my 2¢ worth,

John

The only thing that's consistent between the different consulates are those things which are absolutely required by law or DoS policy. The whole bona fide relationship thing is up to the discretion of the consular officer, and they are strongly encouraged by DoS to apply local cultural standards when evaluating the bona fides of the relationship. If an average person living in the beneficiary's country would look at the circumstances and conclude that the relationship is a sham then the consular officer is supposed to do the same thing. That said, consular officers sometimes use outdated cultural standards, and they sometimes apply them more rigidly than a typical local person might, but those are the cards you're dealt and you have to play them.

I specifically mentioned Southeast Asia because marriage is traditionally not something that's done quickly there. The families of the bride and groom are involved to a much greater degree than in western culture. Considerable planning and money (hence savings) are involved in the engagement ceremony and party, so these things are usually planned months in advance with the involvement of both families. The consulates realize that this is the 21st century, so a long online courtship is recognized as a normal development of a relationship, but they view the engagement ceremony as a cultural imperative. Skipping the engagement ceremony is not as big a deal to locals as it once was, especially in the larger cities, but like I said - the consulate sometimes applies outdated cultural standards.

The engagement ceremony is also considered a huge step in the relationship - as far as the families are concerned, you're married. The only thing missing is you aren't actually living together yet, and you aren't making babies and starting a family. But, you're expected to refer to her parents as 'mother' and 'father', and you're expected to refer to her as your wife. The commitment is just as serious as the actual marriage. Doing this on the first visit, unless that visit is a particularly long one, is considered by the consulate to be skipping a major component in the development of the relationship, and that is face-to-face time between the bride and groom, and time for the families to get to know the person they will be accepting into their family, as well as to approve of the marriage.

The consulate doesn't publish what they consider to be the essential elements of a bona fide relationship, but it's pretty obvious when you see the number of people who are denied because the consulate concluded the relationship was "contrary to local social customs".