Trying to get my head around this>>>

[perfect 39]

My husband's best ever friend of 25 years who has been with his wife for 25 years and by whom he has three wonderful kids, has been discovered by his wife (she discovered two years of love letters) to have been having an affair with a woman from his work for 2 YEARS! Needless to say she is devastated. We went to see them yesterday and while my husband had breakfast with her husband, we did the same.

I know guys are guys and don't think with their heads, but of all the people I know, he seemed the least likely to ever cheat on his wife. When we first started talking about it I thought she meant he had sex with another woman on one occasion and it was a mistake, but when I realized he had kept it secret for 2 years I was like....??OMG!!? He took her away for weekends on the premise of business trips etc. because he wasn't getting what he needed from his wife both mentally and physically.

The thing is my husband doesn't know that I know. He had kept it secret from me, saying we were just going to visit our friends, but already knowing what had been discovered.

I can't get my head around the fact that all the time I have known these friends, the husband whom I just never thought was like that, has been cheating on his wife and kids - the whole time! I also can't reconcile that my husband kept it secret from me that he knew what had happened. He knows that his friend's wife and I had breakfast yesterday, he also knows that the wife has a big mouth and would certainly tell me, but he is still behaving as though I know nothing. He did ask me what we had talked about and I said life and things, because he feels that she shouldn't be talking to anyone else about it and ruining his reputation among friends and family. I didn't behave any differently around our friends yesterday at all and neitehr did my husband. The thing is neither did her husband - he was laughing and joking and gave no hint at all of feeling bad or embarrassed.

The wife - good for her - is trying to work things out with her husband, but it's put me in a difficult situation that my husband and her husband don't know that I know, so I feel as though I can't outwardly show her the level of support I would like to. I don't have her phone number, although I gave her my cell phone number and told her to call me any time.

I just feel like my husband empathizes with her husband and he feels it's just a guy not thinking straight issue, which I would have if it had been one time, but 2 YEARS!!?? To be honest it has made me more concerned about my husband "losing his head" and then minimising its seriousness.

What is wrong with people?! Should I let on that I know? Why do I feel that my husband has his loyalties wrong and is almost complicit in the situation?

Edited August 14, 2006 by perfect

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I understand your outrage over your husband keeping the secret from you but he probably didn't want to put the burdon on you and strain your loyalty to the wife who is your friend. What a terrible situation all around. If I was a friend to the guy having the affair, I would have had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. If he was a close enough friend I would have given him a piece of my mind about it. I feel sorry for the wife and the kids...sigh.

[Ban Hammer 14,374]

imo, your husband did the best thing he could do - he kept his mouth shut. it is not his job to be the bearer of bad news. put yourself in a similar situation. you might be considered a troublemaker by the other spouse if they don't believe you. the one spouse that is doing wrong will carry a grudge against you forever. you won't win either way, so that is why i say your husband did the wisest thing.

for now, you and your husband need to give them some time and distance to sort things out. don't take sides, don't be a referee. all you'll do is get one or both to hating you.

[Ric Flair 0]

Woooooo!

He didn't tell you because it is a guy thing. You wouldn't understand.

Woooooo!