overcoming a failed VisaJourney

[Simply_Uno 1]

Hello all,

I have been lurking for a while and just started posting again. I have some questions for y'all;

"when you realized that what you thought you had, you did not have, how did you over come those feelings of

bitterness, personal embarrassment, anger, distraught, deception, betrayal, being used, being abused, exploited, frustrated, and just down right p1ssed off at yourself for not recognizing bullsh1t for what it is?

How did you cope and who assisted you during that period of utter personal resentment and hatred towards your mate or ex-mate?"

I only pose these/this question becuase I feel {and I could be wrong} that there are some that need an outlet as to what to do and lack a tangible resource for comfort and support.

Why else would we/VJ have so many stories of love gone wrong?

Ponder this and answer if you can;

Do you feel there was/is a lesson to learn from your situational demise; and if so, what did YOU learn?

What did YOU do to heal?

Who assisted you/was there for you?

How are you doing now?

Did YOU honor your "emotional" self?

After honoring your emotions, have you been liberated enough not to classify all "insert nationalities/countries here" as scammers/users or whathaveyous?

Also, are you dating again and if so, is your new love home-grown?

And last but not least, are you still open to going through another visajourney?

Pleas note that this is NOT an opportunity for bashing, nor a segway to do such.

I just want others to know that someone somewhere cares and understands what they are going through.

UNO

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

Hello all,

I have been lurking for a while and just started posting again. I have some questions for y'all;

"when you realized that what you thought you had, you did not have, how did you over come those feelings of

bitterness, personal embarrassment, anger, distraught, deception, betrayal, being used, being abused, exploited, frustrated, and just down right p1ssed off at yourself for not recognizing bullsh1t for what it is?

How did you cope and who assisted you during that period of utter personal resentment and hatred towards your mate or ex-mate?"

I only pose these/this question becuase I feel {and I could be wrong} that there are some that need an outlet as to what to do and lack a tangible resource for comfort and support.

Why else would we/VJ have so many stories of love gone wrong?

Ponder this and answer if you can;

Do you feel there was/is a lesson to learn from your situational demise; and if so, what did YOU learn?

What did YOU do to heal?

Who assisted you/was there for you?

How are you doing now?

Did YOU honor your "emotional" self?

After honoring your emotions, have you been liberated enough not to classify all "insert nationalities/countries here" as scammers/users or whathaveyous?

Also, are you dating again and if so, is your new love home-grown?

And last but not least, are you still open to going through another visajourney?

Pleas note that this is NOT an opportunity for bashing, nor a segway to do such.

I just want others to know that someone somewhere cares and understands what they are going through.

UNO

I have been in those SHOES for months now....

mine was another LOVE STORY gone wrong...terribly wrong in my own opinion...looking back at my own relationship.

I went trough all the feelings you mentioned....i don't think i can exclude any of those out...

"when you realized that what you thought you had, you did not have, how did you over come those feelings of

bitterness, personal embarrassment, anger, distraught, deception, betrayal, being used, being abused, exploited, frustrated, and just down right p1ssed off at yourself for not recognizing bullsh1t for what it is?"

Luckily for me, i found support with my immediate family, really close friends and personal faith... even posting so i make sure it does not happen to anyone else again, if I can help it.

"

After honoring your emotions, have you been liberated enough not to classify all "insert nationalities/countries here" as scammers/users or whathaveyous?

"

Unfortunately, I cannot say i have been liberated enough not to classify....for the this reason

"that if you have just been BITTEN by a snake or mugged in a certain neighborhood, would you to try walking the same area....just to try you luck again?"

I try not to lump the ALL country or nationality in the same classification but i am over cautious or some time paranoid against a that particular country...and rightly so...because of what happen to me...is part of learning.

After said all the above,

I am in no rush to jump into any other relationship, I am in no rush to replace what i have lost....the priorities in my life have shifted and myself, my own well being "emotional and financial" take precedent over anything else around.

I hope it helps you....

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Boy I went through everything you stated. Loss of your dreams was the hardest for me. LIke was mad then angry, which kept me distracted. Then when the sadness sanked in boy oh boy I started remembering all the plans where crushed.

Ponder this and answer if you can;

Do you feel there was/is a lesson to learn from your situational demise; and if so, what did YOU learn? Yes, I own my part and past. Do not let finance over rule instincts. Just becasue someone knows the bible inside and out doesn't mean they live it.

What did YOU do to heal? God, Reiki, Prayer, Meditation

Who assisted you/was there for you? Good faithful God and Mom

How are you doing now? Doing wonderful. STill have some lingering thoughts, but this is still only a month old.

Did YOU honor your "emotional" self? Absolutly

After honoring your emotions, have you been liberated enough not to classify all "insert nationalities/countries here" as scammers/users or whathaveyous? Nah, because it was a scam so I have to call it what it is. My situation is common in his country so it is difficult not to address this country specific problem.

Also, are you dating again and if so, is your new love home-grown? Too soonAnd last but not least, are you still open to going through another visajourney?

Pleas note that this is NOT an opportunity for bashing, nor a segway to do such.

I just want others to know that someone somewhere cares and understands what they are going through.

UNO

[nowhereman 1]

We have all gone through a painful period after a relationship ended & IMO you have to go through the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) before you can even begin to think about another relationship. From your email it sounds like you are in the anger stage, so you have a ways to go yet.

As for mechanisms to get over the failed relationship there are many, but IMO time & self-reflection are the most important. Relationships fail for many reasons, but it is rarely just one person's fault. Do some critical self assessment to see what can make you a better partner (and person) the next time around & try not to carry too much baggage with you. Good luck!

[resilient 2]

Hi, it seems as you had problems with a foreigner. I had problems with my USC. So, let me tell you that, even though our problems seem to be the opposite, I feel the same things you mentioned in your post: "feelings of

bitterness, personal embarrassment, anger, distraught, deception, betrayal, being used, being abused, exploited, frustrated, and just down right p1ssed off at yourself for not recognizing bullsh1t for what it is?" also, I feel like my dreams have been crushed... and not a lot of hope in life.

Do you feel there was/is a lesson to learn from your situational demise; and if so, what did YOU learn?

Well, I am still hurting and trying to find out if there's something I can learn from it all, but so far, I just feel like I was dumb and let my heart overcome my brain.

What did YOU do to heal? / Who assisted you/was there for you? In the first month, I was in bed and crying all the time. Talked with my family that's spread out all over the world on skype. Two members of my family were there for me and I thank god for them. Friends are not that helpful in these situations... they reach a point where they can't hear you anymore mumbling the same things over and over again. Then I decided I couldn't let myself stay like that and decided, for the first time in life, to seek professional therapy. I was sure I was NOT depressed, and that I had reasons to be in the gutter like I was. But, the therapist insisted I take antidepressants and so I did. It took some time, but it did help in the end. Also, obviously, venting with my therapist and trying to find out why it didn't work out helped a great deal.

How are you doing now? better. This week was the first week I felt really better. But still, the scars are there and are not healed completely.

Did YOU honor your "emotional" self? not sure what you mean by that. If you are asking if I did let my emotions flow, yes, I did. I did not pretend I was not hurting.

After honoring your emotions, have you been liberated enough not to classify all "insert nationalities/countries here" as scammers/users or whathaveyous? I don't think about it this way. Well, I am the foreigner here, and I COULD think all Americans are nuts/have psychological problems, based on my experience (I lived here before getting married and also had one previous unpleasant experience before) but of course it's a stretch to classify a whole nation based on your experience with a couple of people.

Also, are you dating again and if so, is your new love home-grown? Did not have the guts yet. I am still not over it all. But intend to do it very soon. I prefer do date someone local, as it is easier to assimilate this way.

And last but not least, are you still open to going through another visajourney? Well, I AM in a VJ still... an unsuccessful one, but I am, and will still be in one for some years to come.

Good luck to you on your healing. Good luck to all of us. Please keep in mind that it is not only about the USC hurt. We foreigners also hurt.

Edited November 20, 2009 by resilient

[Enlighten one :) 5]

Please keep in mind that it is not only about the USC hurt. We foreigners also hurt.

[resilient 2]

Please keep in mind that it is not only about the USC hurt. We foreigners also hurt.

[Simply_Uno 1]

First of all, I want to thank you all that responded to my post.

Secondly, I am over my VJ, have been for a very long time now and I am in a very prosperous relationship. I harbor no hard feelings against the Nation of people from which my ex hails from, and one day, I plan to go back to that country to vacation.

The feelings I mentioned, some of which I experienced, some I did not. Those I did not experience were due to my "spidey senses" tingling, telling me to get outta dodge...quick!

Kinda like forethought, before hand .

What I did do to help myself was stayed close to God!!!

I tried the spirit by the spirit; if it did not align, I accepted the truth for what it was

and made no excuses!

My family, well...meh!

My friends, well...double meh!!

God, is always faithful, all the time!!!!!

I also spoke to "the ex" and told him things are not adding up, I asked him why is he "begging" for thus and such, why is his attitude changing like the windy city? And so, so much more.

When it did not ring true, and his TRUE colors came shining through, I said "hey now, you are still there, calm down, what happen to the great man of God with a heart for God?"

To no avail {on his behalf}, he is still there in his country and I am still here in mine.

I am done with him and all that he entails.

You know...its funny {actually sad}, when he changes I.D.'s on messenger

(I constantly block him), he contacts me still saying

"why am I still alive and have not the gates of hell swallowed me up or how did I escape the belly of hell from which is my mother?"

I'm like "dude, its been 2 years already, give it a break "

UNO

p.s. I did not mean to exclude anyone in this, pain is pain regardless of where you come from!

Edited November 20, 2009 by La liberada_Uno

[rlogan 2,036]

My family, well...meh!

My friends, well...double meh!!

God, is always faithful, all the time!!!!!

Bummer. The only one you can count on doesn't exist.

Hope you have a good sense of humor.

I also dodged a scammer. I didn't get as deep into it as some here, wow.

I just went back home without her and did not apply for a fiance visa. I lost some investment I had there, but so what.

But that experience, so lame compared to the stories you read here, does give me compassion for them. You want to believe their lies. You are a decent person inside, not out to hurt anyone. And someone violates your trust. How can they do that to me? How can I be so stupid? What should I do?

My heart goes out to them.

[Simply_Uno 1]

WOW, NB!

I am NOT, repeat: UNO is not experiencing any heartbreaks of any sort!

(ahem...could stand for a higher FICO score , more money in the bank ,

less aches and pains , but definitely a heartbreaking VJ!)

To reiterate: I only pose these/this question because I feel{and I could be wrong} that there are some that need an outlet as to what to do and lack a tangible resource for comfort and support.

Cries for help maybe...

{_{Why else would we/VJ have so many stories of love gone wrong?}}

so while I appreciate the pm's of support/understanding and God love you all for it , right now, they are not necessary. but if you want, I can always use some ideas for a bridal shower theme

{via pm }

Edited November 21, 2009 by La liberada_Uno

[bowgirl 8]

I've been in that situation before but not with VJ. I experienced everything you've said and it really shattered my world. But no one can help you recover/ move on except yourself. No matter how much help and sympathies and advices your family and friends give you, if you yourself don't want to move on then you won't. As for my experience, it was really painful (even traumatic) and it happened in another country and I was away from my family..and that made me strong and mature woman. I learned to depend on myself and be responsible to my actions. As my old signature said: "PAIN IS A PART OF LEARNING, possibly the most powerful self motivator". Goodluck.

[Simply_Uno 1]

I've been in that situation before but not with VJ. I experienced everything you've said and it really shattered my world. But no one can help you recover/ move on except yourself. No matter how much help and sympathies and advices your family and friends give you, if you yourself don't want to move on then you won't. As for my experience, it was really painful (even traumatic) and it happened in another country and I was away from my family..and that made me strong and mature woman. I learned to depend on myself and be responsible to my actions. As my old signature said: "PAIN IS A PART OF LEARNING, possibly the most powerful self motivator". Goodluck.

I am sorry you had to have that experience so far away from your support system.

I do admire the fact that you stated: "I learned to depend on myself and be responsible to my actions."

That is the one thing that I have observed that a lot of people do not put into practice when their own personal VJ fails. I applaud you for your inner strength and I hope some one can learn from your example.

moving on: one woman (permission granted to tell her story while honoring her request for anonymity), brought to my attention that every time she felt enraged (along with other negative self depreciating emotions) due to her VJ failing, she would go for a walk and cry it out in the park. She stated that her family/friends were either glad that she came to her senses about the relationship or they had an "I told you so" attitude. She felt that, that was counterproductive.

She went on to tell me that the more she gave into her emotions and the more she prayed, the faster her walking became until she started running through the park to get her frustrations/rages out; and subsequently developed a beautiful relationship with her higher power and the universe. This eventually lead to her actually incorporating "running" into her regime and lead to her having a more healthy life style, a better and more sober focused outlook; and losing weight.

I say bravo to her for channeling all of that negative energy into something positive and life enhancing.

[rlogan 2,036]

Agree with that attitude.

And so it is with people who have no belief in a higher power too. And that is what is so nice. All of us can share the same victory. The extremely religious, the moderately so, the people who don't think about it much at all, the agnostics, and even the outright athiests.

All of that entire spectrum... healing themselves by (in your good words above) learning to depend on myself.

Absolutely.