Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[wynterstail 0]

Hi Kim

I agree with Trini--with a couple of reservations. Staying out all night is not cool. And many a night hanging with boys includes some females on the fringes. Often the kind of females that have no problem at all if he's married, a priest, got tuberculosis, cooties, whatever. I agree with making sure he knows he's got a little somethin somethin waiting for him when he gets home. WHat I know doesn't work is bitching, screaming, and confronting.

Hello!

So...I have a question for all of you. Does your husband go out to night clubs without you? Are you okay with that?

The reason I ask is because Duane was a DJ back in JA. He really misses playing music so he hooked up with a local DJ and he goes out every Thursday to play. I am totally okay with that. On occasion, we go out on Friday or Saturday night also. This weekend, I was asked to work overtime both days and I agreed because we really need the money. I just got home after working all day and Duane says he wants to go out tonight...I am completely wiped out and was hoping we would have a quiet evening in since I need to get up and be back at work at 7:00am.....We went to dinner and a movie last night.......

When I tell him this, he says that he would like to go by himself.....I was like......#######!!! I understand that he wants to get out the house but I feel like he is being kinda selfish considering the fact that I am working so "we" can have food on the table. Am I being wrong to feel this way???? Do married folks really go to clubs by themselves?? If so, why??? I understand that we all need our space but I kinda feel like this is a slap in the face. I work all freaking weekend so he can go out and play....Oh yes...and pay $10.00 cover charge and 15.00 taxi fare......Why can't we have a nice evening in???

Okay.....I am done venting but really...I need you to chime in here...am I being crazy???

Not crazy babes. Just being human. We work hard men and women and expect our significant other to appreciate it. It's hard sometimes to see them just relaxing when we are burning the oil and bringing home the bacon.

But you have to let him go do what he enjoys. Maybe you can establish a routine of a day in the week that is yours exclusively. That being the day when you get his undivided attention.

There is a certain comradre a man feels hanging with the fellas and it's just one of those things where we talk a whole lot of BS and be our stupid selves. Like you ladies have when you get together with the girl friends and talk in that language that we men cannot understand. As a man, I would prefer not to share that moment with my woman and would not necessarily want her to share my BS moment with the fellas.He loves you and you trust him to go out alone and that is something that a lot of women cannot count on.

That being said, tell him you will have something special waiting if he comes home early from hanging with the guys. Then you will understand the power of a woman. It's one of those gifts you have that we men are powerless against. You are going to have your day. Continue being your loving self and the appeal of the BS moment with the guys will eventually lose it's attractiveness. On one of those tender moments when you have him under your spell, remind him how appreciative you will be if when you work OT , you can come home and get some TLC. And then whenever OT time comes around, just remind him again and let him make his own decision. You have persuasive skills, use them. You will win in the end, trust me.

For now just chalk this up as one of those marital differences that will take some time to work out. Definitely not one worth losing sleep over and not one deserving of a shouting match. Give him his space cause that peace of mind and independent feeling he has now is valuable.

[darlene 0]

Hello!

So...I have a question for all of you. Does your husband go out to night clubs without you? Are you okay with that?

The reason I ask is because Duane was a DJ back in JA. He really misses playing music so he hooked up with a local DJ and he goes out every Thursday to play. I am totally okay with that. On occasion, we go out on Friday or Saturday night also. This weekend, I was asked to work overtime both days and I agreed because we really need the money. I just got home after working all day and Duane says he wants to go out tonight...I am completely wiped out and was hoping we would have a quiet evening in since I need to get up and be back at work at 7:00am.....We went to dinner and a movie last night.......

When I tell him this, he says that he would like to go by himself.....I was like......#######!!! I understand that he wants to get out the house but I feel like he is being kinda selfish considering the fact that I am working so "we" can have food on the table. Am I being wrong to feel this way???? Do married folks really go to clubs by themselves?? If so, why??? I understand that we all need our space but I kinda feel like this is a slap in the face. I work all freaking weekend so he can go out and play....Oh yes...and pay $10.00 cover charge and 15.00 taxi fare......Why can't we have a nice evening in???

Okay.....I am done venting but really...I need you to chime in here...am I being crazy???

Hey Kim!

I don't think you are wrong or crazy feeling that way. My personal opinion...married people do not go to clubs by themselves. That is just asking for trouble even though that person is not really looking for it. A guy's night out to play soccer, poker etc... okay. Clubs, too much happens. Just my opinion.

I am not sure I agree with this one . Kim does not appear that she has a trust issue here and that is something that must be applauded. Look, the man is not going to the clubs to pick up chicks or sow his wild oats. It is a pastime that he enjoys. This is his craft. A chef will enjoy a food show, a fashion designer will enjoy a fashion show. Is it wrong for them to go without thier significant other? So why should it be different for him being a DJ? His craft just happens to be on display at a club. Do not punish him for that. Even if we can put that aside for a moment, so long as there is open communication here about what goes on there and so long as this is not an everynight thing then and you trust your significant other, then let it be. Now a strip club may be a different story.

See, there is a recipe for conflict when we find significant others ,accept them with thier unusual traits and then expect them to understand that we suddenly want them to drop those traits. Kim wants her TLC moment. But she wants her man to be able to do his thing. She is going to have to find a middle ground here. Putting your TLC moment against time with the fellas is not a good move. Helping him appreciate that TLC moment in a non combative manner is not a difficult task. Men do not like to be "disciplined" or to be told what they can and cannot do. Unless it is a trust issue, these are moments that you "educate" your significant other with the delicacy, the sweetness and the knowledge that only you as a woman can. He would one day look forward to those TLC moments. Taking away his BS time with the guys will not help. Some relationships are good, and some are damn good and then some are just great. Kim seems to have one of these. Just work on it. Remember, some battles are won without a single shot being fired. Pick your fights. This is not one of them.

There are some places that are acceptable to go and others not acceptable. So if your wife wanted to go to a club with her girlfriends you would not have a problem? And if the next weekend she wanted to go with her girlfriends again, there would not be a problem?

Sorry I do not agree with you.

Booze, the opposite sex, Jamaican accent.... No way... Again just my opinion.

Why ask for trouble.

[Trinilad 0]

Hi Kim

I agree with Trini--with a couple of reservations. Staying out all night is not cool. And many a night hanging with boys includes some females on the fringes. Often the kind of females that have no problem at all if he's married, a priest, got tuberculosis, cooties, whatever. I agree with making sure he knows he's got a little somethin somethin waiting for him when he gets home. WHat I know doesn't work is bitching, screaming, and confronting.

I know I am going to get my head blown off for this but what the heck. I have a major issue with this perception we have of men being helpless, no brainers who women cast spell on and they like zombies just fall in line. A man goes to a club, a woman comes on to him. Whether she is naked, fully clothe, pepsi cola shaped or otherwise, he has a decision to make as to what action he must take. So what if a woman has no problem with he being marraid, or engaged or otherwise. He is the one who has to say NO!. Give us some credit that we can in the face of temptation , we can walk away. If you have to keep your eyes on your man because you figure some woman will make him stray, then put him on a leash and give him a chastity belt and swallow the key.

See the almighty in his ultimate wisdom, bestowed on the human race a gift that I am not sure all of God's creatures receive in equl measure. The gift of CHOICE. No woman or man can make a choice for us . I take that back. We should not allow another woman or man to make a choice for us. This thing called trust says to me that if my significant other cannot be trusted to walk away from temptation then my significant other cannot be trusted and my relationship has a "just of matter of time" shelf life. I do not want someone in my life that I feel must be protected from the alluring eyes of my competition. In fact, I want to believe that I DO NOT have competition. I am NOT competing for the affection of my significant other. I did that when we were deciding to become exclusive. When we are exclusive, that is understood that other people are off limits. If that knowledge is still missing, then we need some education and locking you up at home and keeping 24/7 eyes will not do the trick. That is putting a band aid on a gaping wound that needs surgery.

So if the man/ woman needs to be sheilded from the temptations out there, then by all means, do so and pray for an extension on the shelf life. Otherwise let them be and they will do right. If they are gonna stray, they will stray. If I have to worry about what my significant other is doing every damn time they go to a club or otherwise, then I am going to be in perpetual misery. I personally do not have the stomach for that . I will help them pack and go thier merry way.

[wynterstail 0]

I heard a great sermon a while back about jealousy and the role it plays in a good relationship. THe point is not jealousy directed at your partner, but at jealousy guarding your relationship, or as my SO puts it "protecting my investment." Guys need alone time, guy time, whatever, but if it gets to be a regular habit, I'd want some safeguards--like, "let's meet up at the end of night--like the last 15 minutes before the club closes." If he objects to that, I'd wonder why. I'd also make sure that he's willing to extend the same freedoms to you. The fact is that if you put yourself in the path of temptation often enough, eventually, you're gonna fall (and that's not coming from me but from a man who certainly knows the ins and outs of hitting something on the side).

Ann

Hello!

So...I have a question for all of you. Does your husband go out to night clubs without you? Are you okay with that?

The reason I ask is because Duane was a DJ back in JA. He really misses playing music so he hooked up with a local DJ and he goes out every Thursday to play. I am totally okay with that. On occasion, we go out on Friday or Saturday night also. This weekend, I was asked to work overtime both days and I agreed because we really need the money. I just got home after working all day and Duane says he wants to go out tonight...I am completely wiped out and was hoping we would have a quiet evening in since I need to get up and be back at work at 7:00am.....We went to dinner and a movie last night.......

When I tell him this, he says that he would like to go by himself.....I was like......#######!!! I understand that he wants to get out the house but I feel like he is being kinda selfish considering the fact that I am working so "we" can have food on the table. Am I being wrong to feel this way???? Do married folks really go to clubs by themselves?? If so, why??? I understand that we all need our space but I kinda feel like this is a slap in the face. I work all freaking weekend so he can go out and play....Oh yes...and pay $10.00 cover charge and 15.00 taxi fare......Why can't we have a nice evening in???

Okay.....I am done venting but really...I need you to chime in here...am I being crazy???

Hey Kim!

I don't think you are wrong or crazy feeling that way. My personal opinion...married people do not go to clubs by themselves. That is just asking for trouble even though that person is not really looking for it. A guy's night out to play soccer, poker etc... okay. Clubs, too much happens. Just my opinion.

I am not sure I agree with this one . Kim does not appear that she has a trust issue here and that is something that must be applauded. Look, the man is not going to the clubs to pick up chicks or sow his wild oats. It is a pastime that he enjoys. This is his craft. A chef will enjoy a food show, a fashion designer will enjoy a fashion show. Is it wrong for them to go without thier significant other? So why should it be different for him being a DJ? His craft just happens to be on display at a club. Do not punish him for that. Even if we can put that aside for a moment, so long as there is open communication here about what goes on there and so long as this is not an everynight thing then and you trust your significant other, then let it be. Now a strip club may be a different story.

See, there is a recipe for conflict when we find significant others ,accept them with thier unusual traits and then expect them to understand that we suddenly want them to drop those traits. Kim wants her TLC moment. But she wants her man to be able to do his thing. She is going to have to find a middle ground here. Putting your TLC moment against time with the fellas is not a good move. Helping him appreciate that TLC moment in a non combative manner is not a difficult task. Men do not like to be "disciplined" or to be told what they can and cannot do. Unless it is a trust issue, these are moments that you "educate" your significant other with the delicacy, the sweetness and the knowledge that only you as a woman can. He would one day look forward to those TLC moments. Taking away his BS time with the guys will not help. Some relationships are good, and some are damn good and then some are just great. Kim seems to have one of these. Just work on it. Remember, some battles are won without a single shot being fired. Pick your fights. This is not one of them.

There are some places that are acceptable to go and others not acceptable. So if your wife wanted to go to a club with her girlfriends you would not have a problem? And if the next weekend she wanted to go with her girlfriends again, there would not be a problem?

Sorry I do not agree with you.

Booze, the opposite sex, Jamaican accent.... No way... Again just my opinion.

Why ask for trouble.

[Trinilad 0]

Hello!

So...I have a question for all of you. Does your husband go out to night clubs without you? Are you okay with that?

The reason I ask is because Duane was a DJ back in JA. He really misses playing music so he hooked up with a local DJ and he goes out every Thursday to play. I am totally okay with that. On occasion, we go out on Friday or Saturday night also. This weekend, I was asked to work overtime both days and I agreed because we really need the money. I just got home after working all day and Duane says he wants to go out tonight...I am completely wiped out and was hoping we would have a quiet evening in since I need to get up and be back at work at 7:00am.....We went to dinner and a movie last night.......

When I tell him this, he says that he would like to go by himself.....I was like......#######!!! I understand that he wants to get out the house but I feel like he is being kinda selfish considering the fact that I am working so "we" can have food on the table. Am I being wrong to feel this way???? Do married folks really go to clubs by themselves?? If so, why??? I understand that we all need our space but I kinda feel like this is a slap in the face. I work all freaking weekend so he can go out and play....Oh yes...and pay $10.00 cover charge and 15.00 taxi fare......Why can't we have a nice evening in???

Okay.....I am done venting but really...I need you to chime in here...am I being crazy???

Hey Kim!

I don't think you are wrong or crazy feeling that way. My personal opinion...married people do not go to clubs by themselves. That is just asking for trouble even though that person is not really looking for it. A guy's night out to play soccer, poker etc... okay. Clubs, too much happens. Just my opinion.

I am not sure I agree with this one . Kim does not appear that she has a trust issue here and that is something that must be applauded. Look, the man is not going to the clubs to pick up chicks or sow his wild oats. It is a pastime that he enjoys. This is his craft. A chef will enjoy a food show, a fashion designer will enjoy a fashion show. Is it wrong for them to go without thier significant other? So why should it be different for him being a DJ? His craft just happens to be on display at a club. Do not punish him for that. Even if we can put that aside for a moment, so long as there is open communication here about what goes on there and so long as this is not an everynight thing then and you trust your significant other, then let it be. Now a strip club may be a different story.

See, there is a recipe for conflict when we find significant others ,accept them with thier unusual traits and then expect them to understand that we suddenly want them to drop those traits. Kim wants her TLC moment. But she wants her man to be able to do his thing. She is going to have to find a middle ground here. Putting your TLC moment against time with the fellas is not a good move. Helping him appreciate that TLC moment in a non combative manner is not a difficult task. Men do not like to be "disciplined" or to be told what they can and cannot do. Unless it is a trust issue, these are moments that you "educate" your significant other with the delicacy, the sweetness and the knowledge that only you as a woman can. He would one day look forward to those TLC moments. Taking away his BS time with the guys will not help. Some relationships are good, and some are damn good and then some are just great. Kim seems to have one of these. Just work on it. Remember, some battles are won without a single shot being fired. Pick your fights. This is not one of them.

There are some places that are acceptable to go and others not acceptable. So if your wife wanted to go to a club with her girlfriends you would not have a problem? And if the next weekend she wanted to go with her girlfriends again, there would not be a problem?

Sorry I do not agree with you.

Booze, the opposite sex, Jamaican accent.... No way... Again just my opinion.

Why ask for trouble.

I am not advocating letting my significant other go to the clubs every weekend and not be concerned. My concern will more be that we need some time together and we are going to have to compromise on the every weekend scenario. In a non confrontational manner , I would suggest other things we can do together and with time I beleive she will come around.

But I am doing this because of the time I want with her, not because I think that the triple cocktail of "opposit sex, Jamaican accent and booze" will cause her to stray. I am not sure that after the "I Do" is the time for that discussion however. That should have been chapter 1, we are at 10 now. See I am not assuming the responsibility of being someone's parent when I marry them. I should be able to tell by the time I pop the question whether my significant other is a every weekend club girl. My fiance was quite into the clubs a while back. She realized that I was not thrilled about the idea. When she asked me about going, I told her, "You are a grown woman and you have a decision to make. i am not your father telling you what to do. I would prefer you not go and I would not be happy if you did." For the past two years, her only visits to the club were when I went to Jamaica. She was not willing to risk our relationship for a night out at the club. Would I have walked away if she went?NO. But I expressed my feelings about it not out of control, but because club was not my thing. She understood and out of respect she made a decision.

Relationships to me are not about cleaning people up and bringing them in line. I know what I am willing to accept and I convey that to my significant other. She has a decision to make and I will not force it on her. Your man wants to go to the club. If the issue is you do not trust your man, then the club is not your problem, he is. If the issue is that you think that lifestyle disrespects you as a woman, then let that be it and that is what you convey to him. But when you are dealing with issues of this nature, make sure you are dealing with the underlying malaise directly and not mask what may very well be some other deep seated fear that needs to be addressed in another manner.

[Trinilad 0]

That is why I love you all. Get my Sunday morning sermon right at my desk. And do I get an Amen!

See I understand what you ladies are saying and maybe one of these days, faced with this scenario, I may scream and show my manly stupidity. I guess we can all preach in the shelter of our so called "educated consciousness" because it sounds like the ideal and I am going to be guilty of that a few times. But faced with this scenarion, all that well learned attitude may go out the window. Trust me, I will do what I must to protect my investment. I guess for me , I am at a point in my life where i do not feel like dealing with all the drama associated with getting my SO to follow the straight and narrow path. I am marrying a jamaican woman who once upon a time lived the life. Maybe her new disposition is a facade. But maybe it is real. But we have a trust in each other that came out of great sacrifice. The ability to let go and let be, has allowed me to survive the waters that separate us. Come November 5th that may all change and I will keep you ladies posted. For now, I say Amen!

[BelwinMills 0]

I think that going to a bar with the boys and shooting the breeze and going to a club with the boys are two different things. I agree that he should have some "alone" time. Some clubs have rep's; bars too for that matter; for being "pick-up joints" and so I would have to say I wouldn't be comfortable with him going there. If he's going to be on the floor dancing in shall I say close contact with women, to me that is inviting trouble. Depending on the type of club you're going to women can be attracted to the "thug appeal", which I don't get the impression that Duane is; and some will be looking for a potential husband or a "nice guy"and some women don't care less about the man's current marital status. I would feel uncomfortable even if I trusted him. Some men can get "bamboozled" without realizing it. On the other hand I know women who don't care if their husbands go to strip clubs on a regular basis without them.

However if he's going there to work as a DJ; or observe how to break into the business-well that is different. Musicians wifes/girlfriends etc. - I don't think I could do it again:no: . My hat goes out to those who don't have a problem with it.

I don't feel that there's anyone's feelings on a matter are "wrong". It's just how you feel about a situation; more than likely based on past expericences or inexperiences(if I knew then what I know now-kind of thing).

Everyone have a great Sunday. It's too cold here in CT, ugh.

My husband is a musican. He plays in hotels and club atmospheres and its okay with me. If he is going to cheat he is going to do it sometime or another. If he wanted to do that he find away around it and nothing could stop that. You just have to trust and thats what we have. I know last night he was playing at a club place until 4am. I know where he is at and trust him. When I come down he hangs out with me all the time and doesn't go play at the clubs after work. I know we live apart right now and its still a little different. I love going to clubs with my girls and dancing all night. Do I get hit on yes but I always stick by my girls or push the guys away if I am by myself at a club. When your passion is music its hard to say good bye to the club atmosphere which you love. I know I love clubbing.

Kim if you trust him I would let him go if that use to be his job and passion before he left once in awhile. I though would feel more comfortable if he had one friend to accompany him. I know it is hard to let him go and you worked all the time to make extra money and then he is spending it. I think I might be upset to with that too.

All the best with your sistuation. This is a hard one.

Take care and one luv

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

Good morning everyone! Happy Sunday morning. LOL @ all the sermons.

I am baking Henry his dinner roast (I don't eat it - its soy something). Henry is washing dishes in his calvin klein boxer chones and I am listening to Jamaica radio online - Sunday morning Power & Glory is the best! I love it. Have a great day everyone!

[kimone2004 2]

If a man is gonna stray, he is gonna stray.

Amen

[Yaads 0]

I can see both sides but I think what would be most pressing on my mind is motives. Is he going so that he can hook up with DJ’s and kinda take up the trade again or is he going to dance and drink and chill? Is he ok with going with out you just this once because there was something already planned and he really wanted to go or is he ok with going without you every time? What are the motives and thoughts behind it all? That is how I tend to look at things.

I agree that if a man or woman is going to cheat they are going to find a way to do it but I don’t agree that all cheatings or acts of stupidity are planned. Things happen. Temptations run high especially in those types of settings without your spouse with you then throw in some alcohol and women/men that could care less your marital status. Why even put yourself into the temptation in the first place? Start playing with fire and someone is bound to get burned sooner or later.

For me its very clear. The bible is very clear that we are to flee temptation. Those kind of settings are riddled with temptation when without your spouse. Why tempt it?

[kimlbs 0]

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful feedback. Trust is not really the concern with me. As Tali said, if Duane wanted to cheat, he does not have to go to a club to do it. In fact, he plays at the club every Thursday and he comes home immediately after the club closes. I always have a little treat waiting for him when he gets home.....

Last night was more about feeling appreciated. He saw that I was unhappy with his decision to go out alone so we sat down and talked about it. I explained to him my feelings and expressed how it would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. (meaning, if he was the only one working and trying to pick up extra hours to help pay the bills...how would he feel if he came home tired and I told him I was going to a club...what kind of support does that display???) When I explained it like that, he understood what I was feeling. He also explained his feelings and indicated that he misses the music atmosphere and he likes hearing and seeing how people respond to different music selections. He feels "trapped" inside the house all day and wants to get out for a few hours. I completely understand that...... since he really does not have a job to go to everyday so it must feel very sufficating to sit in the house......

After talking a bit, we compromised and decided to go out for a couple hours together......(he stayed at the DJ booth most of the time)....We danced a little (slow wind.... ) and he decided it was time to get home...... (yes Trini...I used my female power!!! )

Needless to say...I am exhausted today but he promised that he would cook dinner for me when I got home......This marriage and compromise thing is hard......I still do not understand some things but I guess we will learn and grow together.....

Thanks again!!!

[tali 0]

Hello!

So...I have a question for all of you. Does your husband go out to night clubs without you? Are you okay with that?

The reason I ask is because Duane was a DJ back in JA. He really misses playing music so he hooked up with a local DJ and he goes out every Thursday to play. I am totally okay with that. On occasion, we go out on Friday or Saturday night also. This weekend, I was asked to work overtime both days and I agreed because we really need the money. I just got home after working all day and Duane says he wants to go out tonight...I am completely wiped out and was hoping we would have a quiet evening in since I need to get up and be back at work at 7:00am.....We went to dinner and a movie last night.......

When I tell him this, he says that he would like to go by himself.....I was like......#######!!! I understand that he wants to get out the house but I feel like he is being kinda selfish considering the fact that I am working so "we" can have food on the table. Am I being wrong to feel this way???? Do married folks really go to clubs by themselves?? If so, why??? I understand that we all need our space but I kinda feel like this is a slap in the face. I work all freaking weekend so he can go out and play....Oh yes...and pay $10.00 cover charge and 15.00 taxi fare......Why can't we have a nice evening in???

Okay.....I am done venting but really...I need you to chime in here...am I being crazy???

You are not crazy. I'm with you - #######!

I do not believe that a married man (or woman) should go the club by themselves. This is what you do when you are single. And you leave that behind when you get married. And I DON'T think its a trust issue either. Its about respect, its about mutual consideration, and its also about prevention.

Respect: A spouse should be treated with the utmost respect. And lets be honest, people will speculate about the intentions of a married man or woman who go out to a club, ALONE, without their mate. This is a man or woman, with a wedding ring on, sitting alone in a club for goodness sake. And even if its not true - and even if it dosen't matter what other people think - do I really want someone I know (or see at the club next time we go out) to be wondering what type of man I have? Do I really want some single woman thinking my man isn't happy at home because he's out without me!?

Consideration: If it makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure your husband shouldn't do it. Going to the club is not exactly necessary for survival. If that is his only passion and he can't find a single thing to do in the house - then that's a problem in itself. Its not like the two of you never go out.... My goodness - its just plain inconsiderate for a man or woman to leave their tired spouse on the couch while they go out to party.

Prevention: I don't believe my fiancee is a cheat. And I know he is fully capable of telling another woman to get lost. But lets face it, the club enviroment isn't exactly "wholesome". And men with the best intentions can be tempted. I think most good men are strong and faithful partners who won't cheat at the slightest provocation. But like water on a rock, a man (or a woman) can be worn down over time given the right set of circumstances. Lots of "club friendships" start off innocent. A man meets a friendly woman - a good dancer or listener. She carries herself well, dosen't flirt with him. He talks to her about how wonderful you are - how much he wishes you were here (but you are working or tired or blah blah). She is a good listener and shares things about her relationships. Everyone feels good and safe. Its harmless. Right up until they cross the line. (Someone got lonley - someone needed advice - the relationship hit a rough patch....)

Bottom line, my opinion is that unless a couple goes out together - or its a boys or ladies night out - I say HELL to the NO !!!

T

[Shemmy 4]

Hey guys...I just wanted to know if anyone in the DC/MD/VA area would be interested in hooking up maybe sometime next weekend? If not next weekend, maybe the weekend after? I know there are several of us up here, and I just think it would be cool for us to meet in person, kick back, and have a good time. And if your "boos" are here--bring them too!! Let me know what you think.

Tamisha

Great idea. Just let me know when and where.

[Shemmy 4]

As for me and the filing process we just got our interview date 11/02 I am so happy

Congratulations!!

Ditto. Congrats

[Shemmy 4]

Thanks to everyone for your wonderful feedback. Trust is not really the concern with me. As Tali said, if Duane wanted to cheat, he does not have to go to a club to do it. In fact, he plays at the club every Thursday and he comes home immediately after the club closes. I always have a little treat waiting for him when he gets home.....

Last night was more about feeling appreciated. He saw that I was unhappy with his decision to go out alone so we sat down and talked about it. I explained to him my feelings and expressed how it would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. (meaning, if he was the only one working and trying to pick up extra hours to help pay the bills...how would he feel if he came home tired and I told him I was going to a club...what kind of support does that display???) When I explained it like that, he understood what I was feeling. He also explained his feelings and indicated that he misses the music atmosphere and he likes hearing and seeing how people respond to different music selections. He feels "trapped" inside the house all day and wants to get out for a few hours. I completely understand that...... since he really does not have a job to go to everyday so it must feel very sufficating to sit in the house......

After talking a bit, we compromised and decided to go out for a couple hours together......(he stayed at the DJ booth most of the time)....We danced a little (slow wind.... ) and he decided it was time to get home...... (yes Trini...I used my female power!!! )

Needless to say...I am exhausted today but he promised that he would cook dinner for me when I got home......This marriage and compromise thing is hard......I still do not understand some things but I guess we will learn and grow together.....

Thanks again!!!

I'm glad everything worked out