Should I go talk to HR or leave it alone?

[Nessa 23]

There're a lot of situations going on at work. My boss has been picking on me lately like there's no tomorrow. I've never been in trouble before, now since I came back from maternity leave all of the sudden she gives me a hard time about stup!d stuff.

situation #1:

The other day she called me at her office to talk about me missing work. My baby has been sick a few times for the past few weeks and I’ve had to pick him up and take him home and couldn’t drop him off at childcare because they have this 24 hours fever free rule. Since I’ve used all my sick leave on my maternity leave, every time the baby is sick I need to take LWOP.

So she said something like this ''I've noticed you've been missing a lot of work lately, I know it's because of the baby blah blah blah’’. I explained Charles was TDY most of the time and sometimes he’s on an exercise and during those he cannot leave work, but that I’d start asking him whenever he’s not TDY or during an exercise to go pick up the baby. Then she said something like ''I understand about your husband, but you got to understand that every time you miss work I need to stop what I'm doing and cover for you, and it interferes with my job. Eventually I'll need someone that can be at work so I can do my job''. I took that as a threat to fire me if me missing work keeps happening.

Situation #2:

Special treatment. I truly believe she dislike me. I won’t mention the several things that makes me think that, cuz some are not related to work, I’ll just mention this particular issue.

I don’t like to be called Vanessa. I go by Nessa. Since I started to work for her she has called me Vanessa even though I told her I don’t like being called that. I think that when a person says they dislike to be called something and you called them that it’s disrespectful. So she came to me saying that there was a rule where people have to go by their first names, we need to use the same name that’s on our army e-mail address (which happens to be the name that’s on our ssn). We cannot answer the phone, have an e-mail signature, have a nametag, or introduce ourselves with any name other than our full name. She said an example of why there’s that rule is if someone needs to send me an e-mail and they look for a Nessa Lastname they won’t find me, which is BS, cuz if someone needs to find me they can call, ask for my email or look at my boss’s email see if they can find my email associated with that division, which is possible.

When I said but half of the organization use their nicknames (and mentioned a few people), she said it was our division rule. Then I looked for people at our division that could answer the phone, have name tags, email signatures, etc using a name other than their complete first name (I’ll make up fake names). There’s this girl called annalee, she hated to be called annalee, so everybody called her anna, her signature was anna lastname, her nametag was anna lastname, she could answer the phone as anna, etc. Another one called Dorothy, she went by dottie. Someone else called John edward goes by edward, another called Christine, goes by chris, another called mary louise, goes by louise, and I can keep going.

I’m having second thoughts about going to HR because I think the work environment will be even worse. She’ll probably find more things to give me a hard time or do as much as she can to let me go.

Plus, next April I want to go to Brazil. I know I won’t have enough annual leave for that. I’m afraid if I go talk to HR my boss will act even worse against me and she’ll definitely deny my trip to Brazil.

Should I leave it alone? Should I talk to them and not worry about the future?

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Talk to HR about 1.

[Nessa 23]

the other option would be talk to them about both since i didn't give that option Edited October 28, 2009 by Nessa

[Chica Yeyé 41]

#1 is a blatant example of creating a hostile working environment; and it is against the law. Talk to HR about it no doubt. Pronto.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Situation 2 is silly and petty.

1 is much more serious. Threatening to fire you over a child is wrong. There's no excuse.

She's allowed to require you coordinate the dates of your trip to Brazil with her. But getting in the way of you rearing your child is inexcusable and she deserves HR.

[Nessa 23]

There're a lot of situations going on at work. My boss has been picking on me lately like there's no tomorrow. I've never been in trouble before, now since I came back from maternity leave all of the sudden she gives me a hard time about stup!d stuff.

situation #1:

The other day she called me at her office to talk about me missing work. My baby has been sick a few times for the past few weeks and I’ve had to pick him up and take him home and couldn’t drop him off at childcare because they have this 24 hours fever free rule. Since I’ve used all my sick leave on my maternity leave, every time the baby is sick I need to take LWOP.

So she said something like this ''I've noticed you've been missing a lot of work lately, I know it's because of the baby blah blah blah’’. I explained Charles was TDY most of the time and sometimes he’s on an exercise and during those he cannot leave work, but that I’d start asking him whenever he’s not TDY or during an exercise to go pick up the baby. Then she said something like ''I understand about your husband, but you got to understand that every time you miss work I need to stop what I'm doing and cover for you, and it interferes with my job. Eventually I'll need someone that can be at work so I can do my job''. I took that as a threat to fire me if me missing work keeps happening.

Situation #2:

Special treatment. I truly believe she dislike me. I won’t mention the several things that makes me think that, cuz some are not related to work, I’ll just mention this particular issue.

I don’t like to be called Vanessa. I go by Nessa. Since I started to work for her she has called me Vanessa even though I told her I don’t like being called that. I think that when a person says they dislike to be called something and you called them that it’s disrespectful. So she came to me saying that there was a rule where people have to go by their first names, we need to use the same name that’s on our army e-mail address (which happens to be the name that’s on our ssn). We cannot answer the phone, have an e-mail signature, have a nametag, or introduce ourselves with any name other than our full name. She said an example of why there’s that rule is if someone needs to send me an e-mail and they look for a Nessa Lastname they won’t find me, which is BS, cuz if someone needs to find me they can call, ask for my email or look at my boss’s email see if they can find my email associated with that division, which is possible.

When I said but half of the organization use their nicknames (and mentioned a few people), she said it was our division rule. Then I looked for people at our division that could answer the phone, have name tags, email signatures, etc using a name other than their complete first name (I’ll make up fake names). There’s this girl called annalee, she hated to be called annalee, so everybody called her anna, her signature was anna lastname, her nametag was anna lastname, she could answer the phone as anna, etc. Another one called Dorothy, she went by dottie. Someone else called John edward goes by edward, another called Christine, goes by chris, another called mary louise, goes by louise, and I can keep going.

I’m having second thoughts about going to HR because I think the work environment will be even worse. She’ll probably find more things to give me a hard time or do as much as she can to let me go.

Plus, next April I want to go to Brazil. I know I won’t have enough annual leave for that. I’m afraid if I go talk to HR my boss will act even worse against me and she’ll definitely deny my trip to Brazil.

Should I leave it alone? Should I talk to them and not worry about the future?

[Nessa 23]

there, corrected

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=225810

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Situation 2 is silly and petty.

1 is much more serious. Threatening to fire you over a child is wrong. There's no excuse.

She's allowed to require you coordinate the dates of your trip to Brazil with her. But getting in the way of you rearing your child is inexcusable and she deserves HR.

Exactly right. You are so eloquent i want to cry now.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

lol i already told u what i tihnk.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

there, corrected

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=225810

B1atch! Double posting is noob behavior

[Nessa 23]

there, corrected

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=225810

B1atch! Double posting is noob behavior

i know but i pulled a noob on the answer options on this thread lol

i asked to be locked, anyway

[Deryck and Miho 0]

Just my opinions, so don't take them very personally...

Situation #1: Not much you can contest on this one. If you are missing a lot of work, that is a valid complaint that the boss is making. But really is is up to the individual boss how strict or lenient the wish to be. I have been fortunate enough to have a boss that has let me take an extra 2 weeks off this year (unpaid) to visit my fiancee during our K1 process. However, I know for certain that if I continued to request unpaid time off in the future, in addition to my regular leave, they would begin to complain about it as well. If I were in the same situation, I would just try to stick it out for a while, because I will not need to take all of this extra time off forever and ever, right? If I was continually needing so much extra time off, I would begin to search for a job with a more flexible boss or more flexible schedule.

Situation #2: You have every right to mention this one to HR if you choose, especially since you can demonstrate proof that your name listing is being treated differently than other employees at your company. This is discrimination and cannot be allowed. Be careful though, considering Situation#1 above, there may be an opening for your boss to mention to the wrong people that you have been missing too much work lately. Not likely, but it could happen.

Nothing is worse that working in a hostile environment. (Been there a few times.) Hopefully things will smooth out over time, but always keep an eye open for other opportunities if they come by. Even in this economy they are out there.

Best wishes to you!

Deryck

[beinha 0]

How about try to have a conversation with her, like "I know you're my boss and I respect you for your work and bla bla bla, and with that in mind I would like to talk with you as I'm feeling uncomfortable lately about this and that but I know we can work on it together bla bla".

I don't think you should be as honest as you can but try to get her on your side, you know... pretend you don't notice the signs about she not liking you and play a bit to see what she have to say. I did it once and my boss was someone very hard to deal with and a very busy man. He yelled me and tried to make me understand that his rules doesn't need to be good or fair... and to make it short I told him that he is right but I don't agree and want to quit. It ended with him giving me a new office, a new assistant and a raise. But I had to play the nice one trying to understand what I was doing wrong.

Just a thought,

Hope it helps And when she call you Vanessa... smile, she probably miss her high school dramas.

[Deryck and Miho 0]

Forgot to add this to my post....

"If you are missing a lot of work, that is a valid complaint that the boss is making."

By 'a lot' of work, I mean anything over the amount allowed under the Family Medical Leave Act. I had a link earlier this year for it, but cant seem to find it now. If I remember right, it covered any continuous 12-month period during and/or after birth and was quite a few weeks of unpaid leave authorized for care of the child.

[Nessa 23]

it was like 4 full days and like another 4 days daycare called and i had to leave earlier, all in a month and a half or so period

Edited October 28, 2009 by Nessa