Mixed Religions

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

KH thank you so much for sharing your story. Your honesty is much appreciated!

[Sofiyya 1,687]

KH, I'm curious. Why did you keep marrying Muslims?

[Sofiyya 1,687]

religion has been one of the biggest issues in my marriage, and we are actually both of the same faith. the difference is that i am a semi-recent convert, and he was raised muslim. he is much more observant than i am, and i still cling to a lot of my cultural ties (our last disagreement was about whether or not i would decorate for christmas... yeah, i don't celebrate the birth of Jesus, but really, how much does a pine tree and silver balls and lights have to do with Jesus?!)

Other issues we have had have been ones like circumcision (it's the Muslim belief that it's mandatory, but the idea of doing that to a baby turns my stomach), having opposite-gender friends, and clothing.

I guess my point is just that even if you are the same religion, you'll still have issues. Every relationship has its problems, but does that mean that it's not worth taking a chance on? I guess that's up to you to decide.

Response to the bolded part.

Wile treee decorated with balls and tinsel don't have anything to do with Jesus, the practice is from paganism, and that would be a problem for a lot of practicing Muslims. It's not a practice associated with One God.

[amysaid 9]

religion has been one of the biggest issues in my marriage, and we are actually both of the same faith. the difference is that i am a semi-recent convert, and he was raised muslim. he is much more observant than i am, and i still cling to a lot of my cultural ties (our last disagreement was about whether or not i would decorate for christmas... yeah, i don't celebrate the birth of Jesus, but really, how much does a pine tree and silver balls and lights have to do with Jesus?!)

Other issues we have had have been ones like circumcision (it's the Muslim belief that it's mandatory, but the idea of doing that to a baby turns my stomach), having opposite-gender friends, and clothing.

I guess my point is just that even if you are the same religion, you'll still have issues. Every relationship has its problems, but does that mean that it's not worth taking a chance on? I guess that's up to you to decide.

Response to the bolded part.

Wile treee decorated with balls and tinsel don't have anything to do with Jesus, the practice is from paganism, and that would be a problem for a lot of practicing Muslims. It's not a practice associated with One God.

Pagans had tinsel? I do realize that, it is just hard to let go of it when it's been such an integral part of your life for so long. One of my friends had the suggestion to call it a solstice tree, decorate it with moons and stars so it looked Islamic, and take it down before Christmas day to appease him. I'm not sure what will end up happening. I only converted a little over a year ago, I spent last December in Egypt so it didn't really bother me to not decorate, but this year I'll be at home, and it makes me really sad to think of not decorating.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

KH, I'm curious. Why did you keep marrying Muslims?

At first I thought maybe you didn't even read my post, since I thought I made it abundantly clear why I married the last 3 men... (The first time I got married I KNEW he was "Muslim" in name only so I didn't even consider that I was marrying a "Muslim" AT ALL!)

Then I went back and read your post about being married to a Christian man and I realize that you don't believe that Muslim women are only allowed to marry Muslim men.

So if you go back and read it again you'll discover that:

I married (Arab husband #2) "SUPER MUSLIM" because

• I had been living in the Arab/American community for about 19 years at that time... (couldn't imagine being married to a non-Arab...)
• I had Arab/American son (which didn't exactly make me tremendously popular with many "All American" men) who I had made a commitment to raise with a full understanding of Islam. I couldn't give him that on my own.
• I wanted to find someone with a conservative "family values" belief system that would make a faithful husband (unlike Mr. Secular) and give my son spiritual guidance and be a good role model (since his father hadn't given him ANY of that!) I also was very suspicious of men who "chatted up" single Moms with young sons. I felt very confident that Mr. Super Muslim would not molest my son.
• I thought that my problems with Mr. Secular were exactly the result of him being SECULAR. I wished to avoid a "repeat" of that.
• The few Christian Arabs that I knew drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, ate pork and went to church on Sunday. I was raised Seventh Day Adventist and did none of those things. I found more common ground with Muslims than Christian Arabs.

I married "Fake Muslim" and my "PerfectMatch" because I am a Muslimah and I don't believe that it is OK for Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men... even though I've read the arguments by those who do believe it is OK.

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

KH thank you so much for sharing your story. Your honesty is much appreciated!

Your welcome Astarte and Dorothy... If even ONE person can benefit in even the tiniest way from what I've learned/gone through (so painfully) then at least I didn't go through it for NOTHING... But most people have to learn through their own experience, so maybe I've been painfully open with little chance of it doing any good, and just set myself up for ridicule... At my age, I just don't care... If the "elders" don't speak of their life experience who will?

I try to never regret things I've done with GOOD INTENTIONS. Mr. Secular gave me my dear son. My ONLY child. And as much as I'd like to claim him as 100% MINE, he is a part of his father and his father's family - who have passed down to him a rich heritage. He's the oldest son of the oldest son, of the oldest son of a (formerly) prominent and influential Palestinian family from Al Quds. His father's family has a fascinating history of living for over 500 years right next to Al Aqsa, drawing the water in their kitchen from the well inside the compound. I hope some day he will be able to visit and gain a better sense of his heritage.

Mr. Super Muslim did teach my son, and me A LOT about Islam. (helped me keep my commitment) He encouraged me to send my son on Ummrah after 9/11 when he was so internally conflicted about his Arab heritage, his American identity, and his Muslim faith. It was a WONDERFUL experience for a 14 year old boy... 3 weeks in Medina and 1 week in Mecca with other Arab/American/Muslim teens (and on his OWN - without Mom or Step-Dad!) I do believe that someday Insha'allah the experience he had there (by his own account) will draw him back to his belief in the One God.

Mr. Fake Muslim well... it was hard to find a silver lining in that cloud... but I did become VERY close to his family in Egypt and continue to share a very close bond with his Mother and Sisters (nieces and nephews).

I had no way of knowing that Mr. Fake Muslim was a Fake... My Egyptian Wali contacted more than 10 Egyptian men who had known him continuously for 10 or more years, and every single one of them gave him the HIGHEST regard (and he made them SWEAR to tell the truth). The Imam of his masjid reported that he was the first person to volunteer when anyone needed help and the last person to leave at the end of community events... always giving of his time and energy for the community. I had him meet with my Muslim friends who all liked him and were happy for me when I agreed to marry him. What more could I do? It was naseeb, even if I don't understand it completely...

Thanks for your kind support..

[sandinista! 1,816]

religion has been one of the biggest issues in my marriage, and we are actually both of the same faith. the difference is that i am a semi-recent convert, and he was raised muslim. he is much more observant than i am, and i still cling to a lot of my cultural ties (our last disagreement was about whether or not i would decorate for christmas... yeah, i don't celebrate the birth of Jesus, but really, how much does a pine tree and silver balls and lights have to do with Jesus?!)

Other issues we have had have been ones like circumcision (it's the Muslim belief that it's mandatory, but the idea of doing that to a baby turns my stomach), having opposite-gender friends, and clothing.

I guess my point is just that even if you are the same religion, you'll still have issues. Every relationship has its problems, but does that mean that it's not worth taking a chance on? I guess that's up to you to decide.

Response to the bolded part.

Wile treee decorated with balls and tinsel don't have anything to do with Jesus, the practice is from paganism, and that would be a problem for a lot of practicing Muslims. It's not a practice associated with One God.

Pagans had tinsel? I do realize that, it is just hard to let go of it when it's been such an integral part of your life for so long. One of my friends had the suggestion to call it a solstice tree, decorate it with moons and stars so it looked Islamic, and take it down before Christmas day to appease him. I'm not sure what will end up happening. I only converted a little over a year ago, I spent last December in Egypt so it didn't really bother me to not decorate, but this year I'll be at home, and it makes me really sad to think of not decorating.

in their own way, yeah they did. the practice of hanging tinsel from trees originated from pagans hanging the innards of ritually slaughtered animals on trees as tribute to their gods. and how would calling it a "solstice tree" appease anyone? there's nothing islamic about commemorating the solstice, and sticking moons and stars on a tree does absolutely nothing to change that.

[sara535 15]

I've noticed in this thread many people advising to talk and talk and talk about these issues before marriage, and then just a few lines later relate experiences where it WAS talked about extensively and still problems arose. Of course I agree it should be a talking point before you tie the knot, but the fact of the matter is people change, or people lie, or people agree to something not realizing how much it might bother them later. How could my future husband have a realistic gut-honest conversation about things that would happen one day when he became a father when in reality he had NO IDEA what it would feel like to be a father? or these guys in their home country who have NO IDEA what the challenges will be to practice their faith as a minority in the 'free' western world?

My husband has been a pendulum in the 5 years he's been here - some time spent not practicing at all, some time being 'super-muslim' and a lot in between. All I know after observing it for a while is that he is a much happier and more content person when he is practicing and living his faith than not, and to that end I do anything and everything I can to support him. would he be happier if I was muslim too? oh I am sure he would but he's not pushing it. we're not engaging in debates about who is right regarding religion (well, not often anyway...).

I think KH and others have made some excellent points - its about respect and its about figuring out how to roll with it and handle it instead of thinking you are going to have some meeting of the minds the week before your wedding and then be done with it.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Salaam, and thank you, KH. I appreciate your prompt response. I wasn't aware that you were Muslim prior to your first marriage, so I didn't realize you married Muslim men because you believe that, as a Muslima, it's the only option you have.

No, I don't believe that Allah bans Muslim women from marriage with ahl al kitab men. I'm used to people not believing as I do about mixed marriage for Muslim women, but, I'm comfortable with my analysis of the issue, so no problem. The reasons given for the ban are cultually based and in conflict with the message of Islam. I couldn't worship a God who believes Muslim women to be weak minded, intellectually inferior to men, easily lead, and unable to formulate beliefs and values about Islam, needing a Muslim man to do so for them. So no, I reject that reasoning, as it comes from fiqh, not from sharia, making it mukrah, at best, and not haraam, and leaving it open to debate.

It was brave of you to assert that Muslim men are only to marry among chaste kitabi women, and are not to marry agnostics, atheists, Buddhists, etc. as that is plainly stated to be Allah's command for all Muslims, thus making it from sharia. In regard to your belief that the fiqh view of Muslimas marrying out is correct, I wonder how you view the fiqh assertion that it is mukrah for Muslim men to be married to a non-Muslim woman in a non-Muslim land.

As I'm sure you know, this is a ruling based on the premise that a Muslim man must have unfettered authority over his household and the ability to assure he can raise their children as Muslim. In a non-Muslim country, the law doesn't recognise his faith as supreme, leaving him inpotent to assert his rights as the head of household. It is demonstrable that the ummah has very different reactions to Muslim women marrying out, and are far more accomodating of Muslim men marrying pretty much anything. Do you find this to be the case in your community? In your experience, are Muslim men admonished or rejected by other Muslims when they marry non-chaste and/or non-kitabi women? What is the reaction you've seen to Muslimas who do the same?

KH, I'm curious. Why did you keep marrying Muslims?

At first I thought maybe you didn't even read my post, since I thought I made it abundantly clear why I married the last 3 men... (The first time I got married I KNEW he was "Muslim" in name only so I didn't even consider that I was marrying a "Muslim" AT ALL!)

Then I went back and read your post about being married to a Christian man and I realize that you don't believe that Muslim women are only allowed to marry Muslim men.

So if you go back and read it again you'll discover that:

I married (Arab husband #2) "SUPER MUSLIM" because

• I had been living in the Arab/American community for about 19 years at that time... (couldn't imagine being married to a non-Arab...)
• I had Arab/American son (which didn't exactly make me tremendously popular with many "All American" men) who I had made a commitment to raise with a full understanding of Islam. I couldn't give him that on my own.
• I wanted to find someone with a conservative "family values" belief system that would make a faithful husband (unlike Mr. Secular) and give my son spiritual guidance and be a good role model (since his father hadn't given him ANY of that!) I also was very suspicious of men who "chatted up" single Moms with young sons. I felt very confident that Mr. Super Muslim would not molest my son.
• I thought that my problems with Mr. Secular were exactly the result of him being SECULAR. I wished to avoid a "repeat" of that.
• The few Christian Arabs that I knew drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes, ate pork and went to church on Sunday. I was raised Seventh Day Adventist and did none of those things. I found more common ground with Muslims than Christian Arabs.

I married "Fake Muslim" and my "PerfectMatch" because I am a Muslimah and I don't believe that it is OK for Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men... even though I've read the arguments by those who do believe it is OK.

[tany1157 161]

KH, I'm curious. Why did you keep marrying Muslims?

LOL I was wondering the same thing....

[tany1157 161]

KH, I'm curious. Why did you keep marrying Muslims?

LOL I was wondering the same thing....

I am learning so much by reading this thread, and after reading your story again (kh) I understood what you were saying

Thanks for sharing something so personal with all of us....as my fiance has said, none of us know the future, but we know that the love we have is a blessing from God....We have discussed what we will do when we have kids. I am already a mother, so I know what it's like, but he hasn't experienced fatherhood yet. I am sure even though he says its ok to raise them Christian, he may change his mind when he does see his baby. And I am ok with that, I just want my children to be raised with a strong faith in God, if he decides to want to raise them muslim, then I am ok with that. Christianity AND Islam are beautiful religions...

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

Salaam, and thank you, KH. I appreciate your prompt response. I wasn't aware that you were Muslim prior to your first marriage, so I didn't realize you married Muslim men because you believe that, as a Muslima, it's the only option you have.

Actually I wasn't Muslim when I married my FIRST husband (Mr. Secular) We were both secular at the time we married. I wasn't practicing the Christian faith I was raised in (or I never would have met him...) and he wasn't practicing Islam. We were both involved in Human Rights Activism related to the Palestinian issue. He was the President of the General Union of Palestinian Students at my University. We were (in my naive opinion) "Equally Yoked" (to quote Bible scripture). What I didn't consider was the notion that after I became a wife and mother I would revert to my conservative upbringing (if not Christian at least CONSERVATIVE). After we were married I thought he would also revert and when he didn't I thought when we had a CHILD he would... (I had seen many of his friends settle down after becoming "family men".) He did not.

It was brave of you to assert that Muslim men are only to marry among chaste kitabi women, and are not to marry agnostics, atheists, Buddhists, etc. as that is plainly stated to be Allah's command for all Muslims, thus making it from sharia. In regard to your belief that the fiqh view of Muslimas marrying out is correct, I wonder how you view the fiqh assertion that it is mukrah for Muslim men to be married to a non-Muslim woman in a non-Muslim land.

I didn't consider it "brave", it is what it is. Allah's words from the Quran. (as you said "Shariah"). And I TOTALLY agree with the fiqh assertion that it is (at a MINIMUM) mukrah for Muslim men to marry non-Muslim women in non-Muslim lands.. (Go back to my post on this subject and click on the link I inserted which is pages of information exactly about this subject.)

And for those same reasons, I'd be against Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men in Non-Muslim lands, even if it was stated that it was permissible in the Quran.

In your experience, are Muslim men admonished or rejected by other Muslims when they marry non-chaste and/or non-kitabi women? What is the reaction you've seen to Muslimas who do the same?

In my community there are all kinds of view points. It all depends on who you ask. The majority of "senior members" (parents) oppose it. Maybe it's because we're old enough to see the problems it brings down the road, or maybe in the case of immigrants they oppose intermarriage between their children and anyone who isn't FROM THEIR OWN VILLAGE!!! Reasons of religion, culture, language, customs, all come into play.

One sister and her daughter brought one of the daughter's college friends into Islam over a period of years... and when the sister's son decided to marry the young lady (she was of African/Hispanic descent and the family was of Indian origins) the Muslim family disowned their son! (And the couple and their baby moved here from Canada to start a new life....) That made me sick...

Some American Muslim women (reverts) oppose mixed religion marriages for the same reason I do... Especially those of us who work in the weekend Islamic School and see the kids year after year being hauled in to the school for us to "fix" because the Muslim father didn't do HIS JOB of teaching his kids Islam, (not even by his own EXAMPLE) and the non-Muslim mother wasn't permitted to teach the children HER faith (if she still had one) so the kids aren't familiar with ANY religious teachings, values, morals, or concepts. We just can't do it! By time we meet them it's pretty much too late...

In my experience few (not NONE) just FEW devout (chaste) Christian women are willing to marry Muslim men and agree to raise their children as Muslims. They often aren't even in any position to MEET Muslim men... much less consider them as spouses... And I find the same for devout Muslim men. Typically they want Muslim women to be the Mothers of their children... And this is very true amoung the young Muslim men who are raised in this country. They know the benefit of marrying a Muslim wife... (they've been to weekend school too...)

However some American women reverts believe it can be a good thing because they themselves found Islam after marrying their Muslim husbands and believe that marriage can be a form of "dawah".

One very interesting case is a Muslim man from India who had fallen in love in his youth with a friend of his sister who was Hindu, but of course never acted on his feelings or even shared them with her because of the religious differences. Somehow both of them ended up here in my city working for Intel. She made friends with some Indian Muslims that she worked with and ended up reverting to Islam (she hadn't been a practicing Hindu, simply was Hindu by "birth"). After she reverted she ended up married to the Indian man who had loved her from afar in their youth... They are living together very happily as active members of the Muslim community.

I know of no Muslim women in our community that are "openly" married to non-Muslim men. There are at least two couples in our community (Arab wife, American husband) that I am not convinced the husband is actually a Muslim in belief/practice. However no one says anything because the women are respected leaders in the community and make HUGE donations of time and $$$$ to the community. Their husbands attend community events with them, but never seem to take part in the prayers, and don't fast in Ramadan, etc. etc. However it's none of my business...

I know of one American Sister who was advised to divorce her husband when she reverted and he did not. She did, and some time later she married the Imam. Hope he didn't have a "conflict of interest" in his advice...

I have to say that alot of the time we don't know exactly who is married to whom. Because men and women are not encouraged to sit together at our community events we don't know who belongs to who... Many men attend functions alone and we never see who they are married to.. Same with some women...

I do agree though that there is disparate treatment regarding how men who break the rules are treated and women who break the rules... Men are forgiven or simply admonished to be careful... women (if they were open aobut it) I'm SURE would be demonized... The double standard is alive and well...

And as far as anyone caring about men marrying "chaste" women... guess most people haven't a clue what the woman's history was prior to marriage (because she doesn't come from the community) so the subject isn't discussed, unless she brings it up... (Awkward moment....) not realizing that when she talks about "when they were living together before the wedding".... she's bringing shame on him and his family and their marriage in the eyes of the community.. never mind on herself...

[amysaid 9]

religion has been one of the biggest issues in my marriage, and we are actually both of the same faith. the difference is that i am a semi-recent convert, and he was raised muslim. he is much more observant than i am, and i still cling to a lot of my cultural ties (our last disagreement was about whether or not i would decorate for christmas... yeah, i don't celebrate the birth of Jesus, but really, how much does a pine tree and silver balls and lights have to do with Jesus?!)

Other issues we have had have been ones like circumcision (it's the Muslim belief that it's mandatory, but the idea of doing that to a baby turns my stomach), having opposite-gender friends, and clothing.

I guess my point is just that even if you are the same religion, you'll still have issues. Every relationship has its problems, but does that mean that it's not worth taking a chance on? I guess that's up to you to decide.

Response to the bolded part.

Wile treee decorated with balls and tinsel don't have anything to do with Jesus, the practice is from paganism, and that would be a problem for a lot of practicing Muslims. It's not a practice associated with One God.

Pagans had tinsel? I do realize that, it is just hard to let go of it when it's been such an integral part of your life for so long. One of my friends had the suggestion to call it a solstice tree, decorate it with moons and stars so it looked Islamic, and take it down before Christmas day to appease him. I'm not sure what will end up happening. I only converted a little over a year ago, I spent last December in Egypt so it didn't really bother me to not decorate, but this year I'll be at home, and it makes me really sad to think of not decorating.

in their own way, yeah they did. the practice of hanging tinsel from trees originated from pagans hanging the innards of ritually slaughtered animals on trees as tribute to their gods. and how would calling it a "solstice tree" appease anyone? there's nothing islamic about commemorating the solstice, and sticking moons and stars on a tree does absolutely nothing to change that.

Yeah, I got that. I think you missed the part where I said it's an emotional attachment, not a rational one. I didn't say that there was anything Islamic about sticking moons and stars on trees, I merely said that was a suggestion that a friend gave me. Please don't go all super-Muslimah on me, ok? Don't need it.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I know that we have clashed on occasion, sister KH, but I think there is also much we agree on. I married a man from a Lebanese family who had been friends and business partners of our family for several generations, so everyone knew everyone well. He stayed strong in his faith while I stayed strong in mine.

Still, even as I know that marriage across faiths can succeed, and even though I believe Allah allows interfaith marriage for Muslim men and women, I don't recommend it easily, especially when their cultures are also so different. Arab Muslim families and Arab Christian families have more cultural similarities, imo, than do Arab Muslims and American non-Muslims. I applaud those who make it work between them, but I am sad to say they do not make it more often than do, from what I've seen.

Edited August 29, 2009 by Sofiyya

[KHPerfectMatch 1]

I know that we have clashed on occasion, sister KH, but I think there is also much we agree on. I married a man from a Lebanese family who had been friends and business partners of our family for several generations, so everyone knew everyone well. He stayed strong in his faith while I stayed strong in mine.

Still, even as I know that marriage across faiths can succeed, and even though I believe Allah allows interfaith marriage for Muslim men and women, I don't recommend it easily, especially when their cultures are also so different. Arab Muslim families and Arab Christian families have more cultural similarities, imo, than do Arab Muslims and American non-Muslims. I applaud those who make it work between them, but I am sad to say they do not make it more often than do, from what I've seen.

It seems to me that it is the "piling on" of multiple differences that makes it harder and harder for marriages (ANY OF THEM) to succeed. I can now picture your marriage to a Christian, now that I know he was an Arab, producing 5 Muslim kids (I think you said that in a previous post).

I think it is easier on all parties involved when they know what to expect from their future husband or wife... and being from the same basic culture (MENA) and having extensive knowledge of your partner's faith and culture (as Arabs understand the faith practices of Arab Christians and Arab Muslims) in ADDITION to a long familial history (you know the "context" of how the other one was raised...) takes alot of the "guessing" out of it.

I am not an Arab... I wasn't raised Muslim, but I now know what to expect in Arab culture (after 30 years), and what to expect of a PRACTICING Muslim (after being immersed in the Muslim community for 12 years).

On the other hand, Mr. PerfectMatch knows very LITTLE about real American culture and living with a Muslim revert. And what he thinks he knows about American culture comes from watching WAY TOO MANY movies! So he has seriously flawed notions about my culture. He tries to understand my Christian upbringing through his knowledge of Coptic Christians in Egypt.... WHOA is he way off base...

When I married Super Muslim he thought I knew all about the lifestyle of devout Muslims because I had been active in the Arab community and had known (and lived among) Muslims (mainly from KSA and the Gulf) for many years. (Boy was he wrong!)

I guess on some level I thought I did too... I suspected that many of the Arabs I knew weren't very good Muslims...They prayed, they went to Jummah prayer (hung over after ladies night)... they fasted in Ramadan and then went out dancing after Taraweh... but I didn't consider them in any way like Mr. Secular (who didn't know a single surah)... and I wasn't prepared in the LEAST for life with Mr. Super Muslim!

Most American women (who meet up with Arabs/Muslims for the first time) have nothing to use as a barometer or gauge when trying to figure out what category of moral character or level of religious practice their man falls into... They have nothing to compare them to except men they know in their own culture.

I recall being very worried when listening to a lady who had married an Egyptian on her first visit to Egypt (after sleeping with him for about a week...) talking about how much she trusted her husband's intentions because he was such a GOOD MUSLIM. She later mentioned how he had smoked hashish on occasion, and how she had not seen him pray a SINGLE TIME during her trip to Egypt...

I realized how she didn't understand how to put into context those various pieces of information, he revealed or she observed, when making her decision to put so much faith into his intentions because he was such a GOOD MUSLIM... Those things (smoking hash, having sex outside of marriage, not praying for a couple of weeks) wouldn't be a big deal to most Americans (even ones raised around religion..) They might be considered "naughty" but nothing to get overly upset about... To me revelations of this nature set off alarms that could raise the dead, and I would have been running as fast as I could in the opposite direction...

Part of the reason I had high hopes for a successful marriage to Mr. Fake Muslim was because he had lived in the US for 22 years. He was a USC (no need for papers), he appeared to have maintained his cultural heritage and faith while living here all those years, and been married to a Non-Muslim American woman for about 10 years and had decided that the differences in religion and culture (she was mostly uninterested in living within his cultural norms and encouraged him to Westernize) had made it very difficult for them to get along...

He had a brief marriage to his Egyptian cousin subsequently, and discovered that he no longer fit well with someone who had never lived in the West and expected him to live completely immersed in Egyptian culture, even though they were in the USA. For reasons I won't go into in a public forum their marriage ended rather quickly. But they were based on her cultural expectations of him, that he simply couldn't meet.

We discussed the concept that he had come a long way in the direction of my culture, and I had gone a long way in the direction of his culture over the years, so we had somehow "met in the middle".. and were a good (if not perfect) match. Everyone who knew us thought so too. Too bad he had "issues" that no one else knew he couldn't control. And was simply FAKING his way...

Oh well... 3 strikes, but I'm not out yet...