First meltdown of the K1 process

[Gigglesngrins 0]

Hi everyone!

I can't believe the luck I've had with finding VJ. Everyone here is so supportive and helpful. It's great to read the stories and see people banding together through this weird and frustrating situation.

From any of my previous posts, most of you will notice that I'm normally very positive and I really do normally see the light at the end of the tunnel being that my Honey and I will be together forever. I just had a bit of a meltdown this weekend. My Honey is absolutely wonderful and his friends equally so. They have been so supportive of him through this whole process and make me feel so welcome that I am actually excited about moving and have no fear about leaving the place and people I've known all my life. His best friend's wife is even inviting me to come to concerts with her (and knowing that Daniel will be out of town). And all his work friends have decided that they want to have a party for me the next time I visit Chicago so they can meet me and make me feel at home. This is all incredible to me but it has kind of caused a reaction I didn't expect. On Saturday night, I had my first meltdown of this process. The best way I can explain is this. I am now calling Chicago home. And Saturday night, all I wanted to do was go home. I feel totally out of place here in Canada and feel like my life is no longer here. It's just where I'm staying for the time being. What an odd feeling to have! I have never been homesick before so this is a whole new feeling to me. I don't really have a question for you guys, I know this is all worth it and can't wait to be on the plane (hopefully I won't have trouble with customs) on Friday to go see my Love but it's just hard because I don't feel at home here anymore. I just needed a few minutes to vent I guess, with people who understand what it's like to be in this situation.

Thanks for listening and I hope everyone's journey is going well.

[TracyTN 237]

Awww. *hugs* My fiance had a VERY tough time leaving Tennessee this past visit (in April) because of the same thing - he sees this as his home now. He finds London as the place he is just 'marking time' for now. So what you're feeling is totally understandable.

So, we've decided that its probably easier now for me to travel to see him, not only because of potential POE issues, but just for the emotional factor too.

I guess the only way he has dealt with it is to remember that was probably the last time he'll have to leave his 'home' for good. You're getting there too - so hang in there!

[Joey559 1]

I hope you feel better soon! I know just how you feel just from coming home after visiting my fiance in the UK. I come home and i'm irritated by everything. My bed isn't MY bed (the one at his), the highways are too big, the cars are too big, if someone has the tv on it's too loud, the radio stations aren't as good as BBC Radio 1 I get back here after just a week there and it doesn't feel like home. It's only because the one we love isn't there, that's what I think. How can it feel like home without him?

Hang on, get through it and you should be smiling again soon!

Joey

[TracyTN 237]

Good point Joey (and one I forgot to mention); I'm going over to see my fiance this week, and I hate to be this way, but I'm already dreading coming home. Its not so much that the place or the surroundings feel like home, but HE is my home and without him, I feel lost, sad and depressed.

I was depressed for a week after I came home last time. I sure hope I don't go through that again this time.

[Gigglesngrins 0]

It has been absolutely wonderful how much both his friends and family care, but at the same time, it makes it all the more difficult to be patient and wait through the process. They have made it feel like I am at home there, making it seem more and more everyday that this is no longer where I belong. I find it distracts me at work, knowing that I will be leaving here in 5 months or so (if all goes as planned) and I just long for the sense of being home. I love him with all my heart and he is my life. We are pretty lucky because we do see eachother at least once a month (sometimes more). It's odd because I read people's posts and listen to my friends and family talk about how much I will miss my life here. As much as I will miss everyone, I know in my heart where my home is. I guess it just comes back to the fact that good things come to those who wait. Thank you for the support =)

[raymaga 25]

My fiance (at the time.... now husband) came to visit me in Canada every single weekend through the whole K-1 process, and every Sunday both of us were totally depressed knowing he was leaving to go home to the U.S. for a long week until he would return again on Friday.

I felt very blessed for the opportunity to see him every weekend, while others went months and even longer, to see their loved one. But, still, every time we parted, my world fell apart and it was hard to concentrate on work, family and even friends.

I'm so relieved it is over, but now I have the reverse problem of missing my two adult sons who are in Canada. My daughter followed me later to the U.S., but I miss seeing my sons as often as I used to.

I guess for every silver lining, there's a cloud. I try to deal with it the best I can and am happy to have a happy home here with my husband in the U.S.

Hope you and your fiance will be together soon. Just remember, every day is one day closer!!!!!

Good luck and best wishes to you.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

I can relate to the OP. For me, anywhere that doesn't include Ian, is not home for me. A home isn't a house per say, but rather what consists in the house...the family is what makes a home. WIthout it, it doesnt feel the same. The thought of leaving at the end of August just puts a big wrench in my gut. Although I need to be back with my children, I am still not going to feel like I have a home until he is able to be with me.

Laura Mitchell

[Joey559 1]

Good point Joey (and one I forgot to mention); I'm going over to see my fiance this week, and I hate to be this way, but I'm already dreading coming home. Its not so much that the place or the surroundings feel like home, but HE is my home and without him, I feel lost, sad and depressed.

I was depressed for a week after I came home last time. I sure hope I don't go through that again this time.

Oh yeah. My mom hates picking me up at the Detroit airport after I visit him because I'm just a mess...and it almost ruins your last day together doesn't it? It's the elephant in the room that you can't ignore and I spend the whole day tearing up everytime I look at him. Of couse considering the alternative of not visiting at all...I'll take the heartache of coming home every time.

Have a great time!

[anya-D 8]

I hope you feel better soon.. and you both will be together in your "home" soon

[KarenCee 3]

Good point Joey (and one I forgot to mention); I'm going over to see my fiance this week, and I hate to be this way, but I'm already dreading coming home. Its not so much that the place or the surroundings feel like home, but HE is my home and without him, I feel lost, sad and depressed.

I was depressed for a week after I came home last time. I sure hope I don't go through that again this time.

Oh yeah. My mom hates picking me up at the Detroit airport after I visit him because I'm just a mess...and it almost ruins your last day together doesn't it? It's the elephant in the room that you can't ignore and I spend the whole day tearing up everytime I look at him. Of couse considering the alternative of not visiting at all...I'll take the heartache of coming home every time.

Have a great time!

Oh how I can relate to those feelings!!!!!!!! Whenever I flew to see Joel and had to leave it felt like I was leaving a little bit of myself behind each time. HE is my home...just as Tracy says. Without Joel I was just incomplete. Nothing was right without us being together. Oh and the tears....OMG....enough to flood the Chattahoochee River! A mess is a good way of describing it. On top of all that I still had a two hour drive home. Whether our home is here in Georgia or back in Nova Scotia one day....Joel IS home for me.

It's hard but you'll make it. You'll be home soon.

Edited June 28, 2006 by KarenCee