Wedding Details

[JillA 2]

Thank you for all the advice everyone! I'm having an information overload moment

The wedding is on a Thursday, which is pretty strange, but its the 4th year anniversary of the day we first met So it has sentimental value! I thought we could catch some breaks having it during the week as well, but most places don't seem to see it the same way. Our DJ is great! He offered us 20% off the package because its an off peak date. Same with the florist. We didn't get a big discount, but she's going to come to the ceremony and set everything up and stay to make sure nothing goes wrong with spare flowers and things. I thought that was a nice gesture! She said she would have nothing to do that day anyways so I'm doing her the favour.

I want to go the consumption bar route, I think that would be the best for us as well. I think that's how they charge it, at least, it seems that way based on the price list. I agree that the open/host bar is the best way to go, just to show our appreciation for everyone traveling and everything. I wish my fiance would see it that way, Its caused a couple fights over the last week or so. He doesn't drink and he's against funding other peoples drinking habits. I understand his concerns but I think he's overreacting a bit... Only 4 of my college friends are coming, and I'm only really concerned about the 1, he likes to drink but he's a beer man so at least I won't get a bill for shots of whiskey or something.

Soda is an additional $2 a person, and bottled water is $2.50 a person on top of the $52 a person plated meal. Plus $100 bartender fee, 20% gratuity, and then the bar costs hopefully based on consumption. I think its time for me to be assertive and B*tchy! I'm just too nice. Honestly, I'm 5'3", I look like i'm 17 (so i hear) and I come off as very sweet and trusting... Its a license for people to walk all over me!

Huggles, you could always tell him you're not "funding peoples drinking habits" but many people enjoy a glass of wine or two with their meal. It's not a free pass to get drunk (unless he has rowdy friends or something) but most people do enjoy wine or beer with their meal. And if you do a tabulated bar that's perfect, because if they don't drink tooooo much you pay per drink!

[July09Bride 1]

This is just my opinion, but I find cash bars at weddings really tacky. I know not everyone can afford open bar so I'm not bashing anyone, but when you have guests especially from out of town, spending a few hundred dollars on a wedding gift for you, the least you can do is have open bar. Obviously you don't want out of control drunk guests but you're not babysitting so adults should be able to know their limit. I just don't think it's right to invite people to your party then charge them. They are spending enough on the room, travel, gift, etc.

Good point, I totally agree. That's the same rationale I had when it was suggested we might do a cash bar. I freaked out! ARGH!

OMG if anyone suggests a cash bar to me to save $$, I don't think so! July I don't know if you've heard of this, I think it's Canadian but it's a party called a "Jack and Jill" or "Stag and Doe". What it is - you rent out a hall of some sort, get people to donate stuff like kitchen items, etc. Then you charge all your friends $10 or $20 to get into the hall. Also you charge them to buy raffle tickets. All the $$ goes towards your wedding. So you're basically charging your friends to help pay for your wedding. I just find it really tacky because if you can't afford a wedding then don't have one, you know what I mean don't ask your friends to help you pay for the wedding.

OMG... I know! Yes, it is a Canadian thing... at least I think it is. I hadn't ever heard of it until my fiance' and I were in a wedding for his friends, and they had a Stag & Doe. I had no idea what it was... then I found out. Wow! I couldn't be there for the event, I live in Michigan 2-3 hours away from them, and they were perturbed that I wasn't A, going to sell tickets (hello!!!! I'm 2-3 hours away and so are my friends!!!) and B, I was going to be out of town for a conference... they said I wasn't going to be there to support them. I thought that's what we did with showers! AND there were 2 or 3 of those for them, too!!!

[JillA 2]

^^ OH yeah! And the bride and groom pressure you to sell tickets, usually they want as many people there as possible, obviously to make $$ so they want you to invite everyone & your mother, it's so ridiculous, I won't go to those. I would never have one

[FormelyCA 0]

Haha i agree with you ladies. STAG AND DOES ARE TACKY!!!! I hate everything that goes along with them. The cheesy Hawaii theme ones, the poker tables. Yuck.

I had a feeling they were only done in Canada but didn't know for sure. UGh, what a thing to be set apart for

[minnew 4]

Thank you for all the advice everyone! I'm having an information overload moment

The wedding is on a Thursday, which is pretty strange, but its the 4th year anniversary of the day we first met So it has sentimental value! I thought we could catch some breaks having it during the week as well, but most places don't seem to see it the same way. Our DJ is great! He offered us 20% off the package because its an off peak date. Same with the florist. We didn't get a big discount, but she's going to come to the ceremony and set everything up and stay to make sure nothing goes wrong with spare flowers and things. I thought that was a nice gesture! She said she would have nothing to do that day anyways so I'm doing her the favour.

I want to go the consumption bar route, I think that would be the best for us as well. I think that's how they charge it, at least, it seems that way based on the price list. I agree that the open/host bar is the best way to go, just to show our appreciation for everyone traveling and everything. I wish my fiance would see it that way, Its caused a couple fights over the last week or so. He doesn't drink and he's against funding other peoples drinking habits. I understand his concerns but I think he's overreacting a bit... Only 4 of my college friends are coming, and I'm only really concerned about the 1, he likes to drink but he's a beer man so at least I won't get a bill for shots of whiskey or something.

Soda is an additional $2 a person, and bottled water is $2.50 a person on top of the $52 a person plated meal. Plus $100 bartender fee, 20% gratuity, and then the bar costs hopefully based on consumption. I think its time for me to be assertive and B*tchy! I'm just too nice. Honestly, I'm 5'3", I look like i'm 17 (so i hear) and I come off as very sweet and trusting... Its a license for people to walk all over me!

My family and my fiance's family are butting heads about the bar as well. My fiance and I are a bit worried about some of those guests who will go overboard with the alcohol. Having a completely open bar I think is asking for trouble, as it can skyrocket out of control. If our venue priced an open bar as a per person then we might consider it, but it is priced as per drink.

We are thinking about having 2 bottles of wine on each table, one white and one red. Our room is a smaller room as well, will hold a maximum of 80 people, which we are going to be lucky to get 60 people there. The room also has a patio that guests can use. Every wedding I have ever been to has been a cash bar, at my cousins wedding we were given 2 drink tickets that were complimentary, then after the 2 were used you had to pay if you wanted more than 2 drinks.

My family is willing to do a predetermined dollar amount bar limit, which might be around $600, which I think is completely reasonable for a group of 60, 2 drinks each ($5 a drink), but again not everyone will even have 2 drinks and may choose to just drink wine at the table. We want our guests to have a good time, not get wasted at our expense, and unfortunately its sad that I have to think that way, but I am worried about a number of guests abusing the open bar. At our venue, children are 50% of the per person rate and I think kids under 2 are free, i think the maximum amount of kids we will have is around 5. We are not requesting any gifts, we just want people to be there to enjoy our day and we know how expensive it will be for everyone to travel and spend money on hotel rooms.

[Danu 19]

Thank you for all the advice everyone! I'm having an information overload moment

The wedding is on a Thursday, which is pretty strange, but its the 4th year anniversary of the day we first met So it has sentimental value! I thought we could catch some breaks having it during the week as well, but most places don't seem to see it the same way. Our DJ is great! He offered us 20% off the package because its an off peak date. Same with the florist. We didn't get a big discount, but she's going to come to the ceremony and set everything up and stay to make sure nothing goes wrong with spare flowers and things. I thought that was a nice gesture! She said she would have nothing to do that day anyways so I'm doing her the favour.

I want to go the consumption bar route, I think that would be the best for us as well. I think that's how they charge it, at least, it seems that way based on the price list. I agree that the open/host bar is the best way to go, just to show our appreciation for everyone traveling and everything. I wish my fiance would see it that way, Its caused a couple fights over the last week or so. He doesn't drink and he's against funding other peoples drinking habits. I understand his concerns but I think he's overreacting a bit... Only 4 of my college friends are coming, and I'm only really concerned about the 1, he likes to drink but he's a beer man so at least I won't get a bill for shots of whiskey or something.

Soda is an additional $2 a person, and bottled water is $2.50 a person on top of the $52 a person plated meal. Plus $100 bartender fee, 20% gratuity, and then the bar costs hopefully based on consumption. I think its time for me to be assertive and B*tchy! I'm just too nice. Honestly, I'm 5'3", I look like i'm 17 (so i hear) and I come off as very sweet and trusting... Its a license for people to walk all over me!

My family and my fiance's family are butting heads about the bar as well. My fiance and I are a bit worried about some of those guests who will go overboard with the alcohol. Having a completely open bar I think is asking for trouble, as it can skyrocket out of control. If our venue priced an open bar as a per person then we might consider it, but it is priced as per drink.

We are thinking about having 2 bottles of wine on each table, one white and one red. Our room is a smaller room as well, will hold a maximum of 80 people, which we are going to be lucky to get 60 people there. The room also has a patio that guests can use. Every wedding I have ever been to has been a cash bar, at my cousins wedding we were given 2 drink tickets that were complimentary, then after the 2 were used you had to pay if you wanted more than 2 drinks.

My family is willing to do a predetermined dollar amount bar limit, which might be around $600, which I think is completely reasonable for a group of 60, 2 drinks each ($5 a drink), but again not everyone will even have 2 drinks and may choose to just drink wine at the table. We want our guests to have a good time, not get wasted at our expense, and unfortunately its sad that I have to think that way, but I am worried about a number of guests abusing the open bar. At our venue, children are 50% of the per person rate and I think kids under 2 are free, i think the maximum amount of kids we will have is around 5. We are not requesting any gifts, we just want people to be there to enjoy our day and we know how expensive it will be for everyone to travel and spend money on hotel rooms.

Thats sooo what I was thinking, the first $500 is on us, after that it goes to cash. And of course free wine with the meals. A couple of the places I have been looking at don't have wine cellars so its about $2 a bottle corkage fee, but thinking about 8 tables of 5, 2 white and 2 red per table, its only $62 in corkage fees, and I would love to make our own peach wine for the reception because it tastes so yummy, so thats another way to save. I'm worried about a some people getting carried away as well, so I think 500 for 50 guests is more than enough. I have been to a few cash bars and while I agree with what you guys are saying, I'm not asking anyone for any gifts, their presence is enough, and its only immediate family and friends coming. They know how hard its going to be to scrape together this wedding with the move and everything involved they don't want me to do anything that would strain us in the long run.

That said, I do COMPLETELY agree that the stag and does are horrible. I don't want one thrown for me. I'm not having an engagement party, no real bridal shower either as I dont want people to buy me things. As far as my sister (the MoH) has decided, we're going to go prance around Disneyland for my bachlorette, which sounds like it will be a lot of fun

Edited April 12, 2009 by Danu

[minnew 4]

Thank you for all the advice everyone! I'm having an information overload moment

The wedding is on a Thursday, which is pretty strange, but its the 4th year anniversary of the day we first met So it has sentimental value! I thought we could catch some breaks having it during the week as well, but most places don't seem to see it the same way. Our DJ is great! He offered us 20% off the package because its an off peak date. Same with the florist. We didn't get a big discount, but she's going to come to the ceremony and set everything up and stay to make sure nothing goes wrong with spare flowers and things. I thought that was a nice gesture! She said she would have nothing to do that day anyways so I'm doing her the favour.

I want to go the consumption bar route, I think that would be the best for us as well. I think that's how they charge it, at least, it seems that way based on the price list. I agree that the open/host bar is the best way to go, just to show our appreciation for everyone traveling and everything. I wish my fiance would see it that way, Its caused a couple fights over the last week or so. He doesn't drink and he's against funding other peoples drinking habits. I understand his concerns but I think he's overreacting a bit... Only 4 of my college friends are coming, and I'm only really concerned about the 1, he likes to drink but he's a beer man so at least I won't get a bill for shots of whiskey or something.

Soda is an additional $2 a person, and bottled water is $2.50 a person on top of the $52 a person plated meal. Plus $100 bartender fee, 20% gratuity, and then the bar costs hopefully based on consumption. I think its time for me to be assertive and B*tchy! I'm just too nice. Honestly, I'm 5'3", I look like i'm 17 (so i hear) and I come off as very sweet and trusting... Its a license for people to walk all over me!

My family and my fiance's family are butting heads about the bar as well. My fiance and I are a bit worried about some of those guests who will go overboard with the alcohol. Having a completely open bar I think is asking for trouble, as it can skyrocket out of control. If our venue priced an open bar as a per person then we might consider it, but it is priced as per drink.

We are thinking about having 2 bottles of wine on each table, one white and one red. Our room is a smaller room as well, will hold a maximum of 80 people, which we are going to be lucky to get 60 people there. The room also has a patio that guests can use. Every wedding I have ever been to has been a cash bar, at my cousins wedding we were given 2 drink tickets that were complimentary, then after the 2 were used you had to pay if you wanted more than 2 drinks.

My family is willing to do a predetermined dollar amount bar limit, which might be around $600, which I think is completely reasonable for a group of 60, 2 drinks each ($5 a drink), but again not everyone will even have 2 drinks and may choose to just drink wine at the table. We want our guests to have a good time, not get wasted at our expense, and unfortunately its sad that I have to think that way, but I am worried about a number of guests abusing the open bar. At our venue, children are 50% of the per person rate and I think kids under 2 are free, i think the maximum amount of kids we will have is around 5. We are not requesting any gifts, we just want people to be there to enjoy our day and we know how expensive it will be for everyone to travel and spend money on hotel rooms.

Thats sooo what I was thinking, the first $500 is on us, after that it goes to cash. And of course free wine with the meals. A couple of the places I have been looking at don't have wine cellars so its about $2 a bottle corkage fee, but thinking about 8 tables of 5, 2 white and 2 red per table, its only $62 in corkage fees, and I would love to make our own peach wine for the reception because it tastes so yummy, so thats another way to save. I'm worried about a some people getting carried away as well, so I think 500 for 50 guests is more than enough. I have been to a few cash bars and while I agree with what you guys are saying, I'm not asking anyone for any gifts, their presence is enough, and its only immediate family and friends coming. They know how hard its going to be to scrape together this wedding with the move and everything involved they don't want me to do anything that would strain us in the long run.

That said, I do COMPLETELY agree that the stag and does are horrible. I don't want one thrown for me. I'm not having an engagement party, no real bridal shower either as I dont want people to buy me things. As far as my sister (the MoH) has decided, we're going to go prance around Disneyland for my bachlorette, which sounds like it will be a lot of fun

Yeah the stag and does do sound horrible (I had never heard of them being called that before), I have heard of wedding "socials" which are basically the same thing. I have never heard of corkage fees either! I hope my venue doesn't charge me for that! Wow two new things I learned today!

I am not having an engagement party or bridal shower either. My mother still thinks I should have a bridal shower so she can invite her friends over, and mine that won't be able to make the trip for the wedding, and some of her friends which wouldn't end up being invited to the wedding, I don't want gifts! How many times do I have to tell her! I originally was going to have 4 bridesmaids (or so I thought) but unfortunately 3 have declined, 2 as recent as yesterday! I guess that's what happens when I try to make it fair for everyone involved and have the wedding 15 hours away! Oh well, my sister (MOH) isn't getting out of her duties! LOL! Maybe I should have posted this paragraph in the vent thread! oops!

[Danu 19]

A lot of places only charge corkage fees if you bring outside wine instead of using theirs. The few I was looking at provide everything but the bartender, so they charge corkage fee's for their staff to decork the wine as they dont stock wine on site (they are more list historical parks who have catering plans with specific companies.)

[WalkonWildSide 0]

Basically cork fees are designed so you won't bring a 100 bottles of wine and have everyone get sloshed. There is no "cost" associated with the waiters opening a bottle. Although in the USA there is the whole liability insurance thing that gets out of hand.

Agree with the everyone about not wanting a cash bar. And most places will allow you to do a consumption bar. HOWEVER in some counties, cities in the USA this is illegal. You can't run a tab at the bar. And this is what you are doing when you have a consumption bar. Some hotels don't want to do a consumption bar since there are fights at the end of the event where the bar says, "Ok, you owe us $850 for the booze." And you have to look at the itemized bill to figure out if it is correct.

The best of both worlds is to put $X deposit down and when that amount is finished, -- THE HEAD BARTENDER -- goes to the father of the bride (or someone else you designate), lets him know, and he can decide if he wants to add another $100 or $200 to the deposit. The father of bride introduces himself to the head bartender and they make an agreement on the matter. Trust me as bride and groom you can't think about these things on your wedding day. Besides where does a bride put her credit cards? in her garter? If the father of the bride and the head bartender have a pre-arranged deal on the day of the reception - it will all go smoothly. Because what if there is only 15 minutes left for the reception, then the bartender can just close up shop; but if there is 2 hours left the father of the bride can decide how much MORE to add to the deposit.

By the way with 50 guests a $500 bar deposit should cover everything.

50 guest is a medium size wedding.

The deal with the room reservations, until you actually book the rooms i.e. given them a credit card; you haven't made a reservation. What the staff is telling you is there is PLENTY of availability and getting 10 or 15 rooms won't be a problem.

If the cost is $52 + 2.50 for soda + $20% gratuity You are really paying....

$52.00+2.50=$54.50

$54.50 * 20% = $10.90

$54.50 + $10.90 = $65.40 per person.

Now if you want to switch venues call the Victorian place and ask them what you can get for $40 a person.

Why $40 a person -- because no matter what you will have to pay at least 18.5% gratuity. And at $40 a person + 18.5% gratuity that would put you at $47.40 a person. Which would save you $18 a person. $18 a person * 50 people would save you $900 - $300 loss on the down payment. So you would save $600. Now you have to decide if saving $600 is worth the trouble. Your call.

AND

find a hotel that can give you $75.00 per night room rate for 10 or 12 rooms. -- However make sure you WILL book at least 10 or 12 rooms. You can definitely get a $75.00 a night room rate especially if the guests will be staying for more than 1 night. MAKE SURE you tell them yes, I want 12 rooms, 8 rooms will be for 3 nights and 4 rooms will be for 2 nights. Hotels have a formula they use based on total room nights to determine their discount rate. Every hotel in the USA is hurting for business, make them earn your business. You should get a good group discount.

Ya, this is a BUNCH of running around, but seriously if it will save your guests money and will make everyone happier than 5 to 10 hours on the phone is worth it.

In the end this is just my opinion, but hope it helps and doesn't complicate your life. Sometimes paying the extra money because it is the pay of least resistance is the better way to go. Best of luck to you.

Edited April 13, 2009 by easytarget

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Thank you for the advice easytarget! I think the money down idea for the bar is fantastic! I'm going to ask them if they will do that for me. That gives my dad the flexibility to decide how much he wants to pay for the bar and the flexibility to add more money to the tab if he wishes. I think he would really like that plan.

I thought about booking some rooms but I didn't really want to do that until I knew how many I would need... Do you suggest booking now or waiting until I get concrete numbers? The hotel itself didn't seem all that busy when I went there but it was in the winter, so that may have been deceiving. Maybe I should contact another hotel in the area, that's comparatively cheaper, and book some rooms there as well? That way it would give guests another option at a lower rate. Come mid-June I will be able to focus all my energy on this so running around doesn't bother me much!

I never did the math on the Sheraton but that seems like a lot to pay per person... However, I got an e-mail from my coordinator yesterday saying "did you get my e-mails?" I was like umm no? So maybe all of these communication problems have just been a misunderstanding, I'm not sure. I'm going to wait until Tuesday to see what she says and if i'm not satisfied I will call the Victorian place. I'm going to take all the advice everyone gave me and really get some answers to hard questions out of her and maybe, juts maybe, get a better deal on a couple things!

[ashenflowers 5]

Holy Moly.. I'm just SCANNING through this massive amount of tips and text and wow.. lol I admire those of you who are going through this process AND planning a wedding at the same time. My b/f and I are just going to do a tiny civil wedding for the 2 of us in the US, and then we're planning a bigger ceremony in Canada a year or so later. I don't know if I could deal with both the visa process AND the wedding planning at the same time! let alone pay for both...

Edited April 13, 2009 by ashenflowers

[Danu 19]

Lol. It is a pain, we are planning on having the wedding a year after but realistically, most good venues are booked way in advance, so I figured if I can at least look at some of the choices they have now, then when I am down there it is a little less running around and we can get a deposit down so that we know we have it for the right day. Wedding planning is crazy ><

[minnew 4]

Thank you for the advice easytarget! I think the money down idea for the bar is fantastic! I'm going to ask them if they will do that for me. That gives my dad the flexibility to decide how much he wants to pay for the bar and the flexibility to add more money to the tab if he wishes. I think he would really like that plan.

I thought about booking some rooms but I didn't really want to do that until I knew how many I would need... Do you suggest booking now or waiting until I get concrete numbers? The hotel itself didn't seem all that busy when I went there but it was in the winter, so that may have been deceiving. Maybe I should contact another hotel in the area, that's comparatively cheaper, and book some rooms there as well? That way it would give guests another option at a lower rate. Come mid-June I will be able to focus all my energy on this so running around doesn't bother me much!

I never did the math on the Sheraton but that seems like a lot to pay per person... However, I got an e-mail from my coordinator yesterday saying "did you get my e-mails?" I was like umm no? So maybe all of these communication problems have just been a misunderstanding, I'm not sure. I'm going to wait until Tuesday to see what she says and if i'm not satisfied I will call the Victorian place. I'm going to take all the advice everyone gave me and really get some answers to hard questions out of her and maybe, juts maybe, get a better deal on a couple things!

I am really hoping that my fiance and I can convince my future MIL on the predetermined bar amount, we will see how that goes!

The hotel we are using for the reception is also offering us discounted room rate of $105.95 which seems like a lot to me, but considering they just went under major renovations last year it may be worth it, they have complimentary breakfast in the morning, and some entertainment in a nearby hotel. Anyways, we started out with 20 rooms for Friday and Saturday night. The nice thing about it is that if say only 18 of those rooms are reserved 30 days prior to the wedding then those 2 rooms WE are not billed for, it goes back into regular inventory which was really nice because alot of the places we looked would have charged us if they do not get reserved.

I would block off the minimum amount of rooms required to get the discounted room rate, (ours was 10) and ask the coordinator if she booked the bridal suite for the night of the wedding (ours is complimentary) if you are staying at the Sheraton the night of the wedding, and also consider a nearby hotel to give guests the option, but don't go for one that will charge you for unfilled rooms.

[WalkonWildSide 0]

I thought about booking some rooms but I didn't really want to do that until I knew how many I would need... Do you suggest booking now or waiting until I get concrete numbers?

I would definitely wait until you have a good number before committing to any hotel.

HOWEVER I would suggest calling around to different hotels, just so you have an idea for the going rates. I wouldn't lie about the reason for it, I would use family get together or something like this. Canucks are not a finky lot usually so any name brand hotel / motel would most likely suit your purposes.

The only thing is many people will say yes they will go, but when the time gets close they back out, so it is difficult to get a final count on the rooms. 6 or 7 weeks is plenty of notice for a hotel to get a group discount code.

Best of luck to you.

[JillA 2]

You would think that during these "hard times" businesses would really be catering to you and trying to get your business & $$. Well I'm trying to find a place to have our wedding next year, and I'm not being met with the best customer service at all. What is it with customer service!? Anyway, there is one place that seems really good but I have questions and have e-mailed twice with no reply. We met with the guy in person, he was nice but seems so busy and doesn't have time to answer questions or whatever. Well I'm not spending 8 grand on your facility if you don't give me the time of day! Then Glen's Mom went to a bridal shower at this other hall she said was super nice, so I e-mailed them for info. The price was right, so I called to see when we could come see the place in person. She was so rude and rushed on the phone and said "We're all booked up for a few weeks, sorry" and basically hung up. Didn't offer to make the appt in a few weeks or anything, just hung up. UMMMM hello you could be potentially losing alot of business and $$, why not cater to your customers and make an effort? I'm certainly not getting married at a place where the people are rude and can't be curteous enough to call me back.