Wedding Details

[MrsCat 6]

Good tips JulyBride!

[Danu 19]

Im glad I read through this one. I didn't even think of the stamp things....even more complicated is I have family overseas...may have to get them to put their own postage back or just tell my mom if they are coming. Phew so much to think about!

[Hugglebuggles 60]

1- Don't tell them it's for a wedding reception. Say you're planning a family reunion with numbers for your reception. Then, after some time passes, go back and say wedding reception. Their prices may go up! So, then, you can go back and renegotiate the prices for the same meals, etc. for the reunion for your wedding reception!

2- Ask them the difference between their alcohol options. They might say they don't have options. Really? They can't close up earlier? They can't open only beer or wine? Really? Wow... the other bottles must just open themselves! <sarcasm> There are options.

3- Ask about the lunch menu option. The portions are typically smaller therefore the prices are less. They really won't want to do that. You might have to throw some empty threats their way, but these options will come out.

Good luck with your planning from afar!!!

Those are all good points... I wish I knew that before. My problem is that I'm just way to trusting! Perhaps gullible. I just believe everyone is honest and everyone will do what they can to help me and give me the best rate they can. I know that's usually not the case, but I really like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I wish I had a really strong, assertive bridesmaid who could come to places with me and play hardball! So Krista... will you be in the Denver area anytime during mid-June? lol

Another fabulous hint?? Use vistaprint.com! We got our Save-the-Date cards from them (100 postcards) for free! We paid, I think, $8ish for shipping and handling. Then, we printed labels and bought postcard stamps. Off they went! So much cheaper!

We're going to use them again for our rehearsal dinner invites as well as our day-after wedding breakfast/luncheon.

They ALWAYS offer postcards for free, so place an order and wait awhile. You'll get another email with another sale and off you go again with only $8 spent! We almost spent $25 AND printing costs (ink for the printer) for something they'd print in GLOSSY and 2-sided for $8!!! Good thing I remembered vistaprint!

Oh yes! We used Vistaprint for our save the dates as well! We didn't get them for free... but it was like $30 for 50 printed cards and envelopes, so I'm not complaining. I'm trying to decide if I need official rehearsal dinner invites, since there will only be like 15 people actually invited... Grandparents, parents, wedding party. We got our wedding invites from theamericanwedding.com. They weren't cheap but I loved them!

Do you guys have wedding websites? I want to see!

Here's mine: http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/AmandaSw...&BillWalter

It needs a little love but It's a work in progress

[WalkonWildSide 0]

Hugglebuggles: No chance in the world anyone will give you a good rate, the people in the wedding game are sharks feeding on prey. I was a wedding photographer for many years and I have seen it all. Can only give my general opinion since I don't know the particulars of the community.

$50 seems like a reasonable rate IF it includes the room fee and the cost of food. What is included in the $50? Food, room fee, linen charges, bartender, centerpieces, gratuity?

I don't think you mentioned how many people are invited. You can do some quick back of the envelope calculations to see if it is worth changing venues. The $20 a person at the Victorian place may not be all inclusive. Before you change venues you really need to double check the math and make sure it works for you.

$10 off for the rooms seems super lame even for the Sheraton. Although how many rooms are you guaranteeing them? 3? 10? 15? If you are giving them 10 or more rooms you should be able to at least 33% off from the room rate. Hell priceline.com can usually give you at least 40-50% on the unsold inventory. The wedding / sale coordinator people usually have no say on that one. You usually need to talk to the hotel manager directly. Each hotel manager has there own discretion on the pricing up to a certain level. Unless there is some big event in town, there shouldn't be a reason they can give you a better rate for the garden view no frills rooms.

I would call the Victorian place and talk to the owner / manager and get a really good cost estimate. Everything is negotiable.

With regard to an open bar. Highly recommend AGAINST it. you don't want an uncle to drink 8 shots. Also many hotels won't do open bars because their liability insurance strictly forbids it. HOWEVER normally you can do a cocktail 1/2 hour or 1 hour at the beginning of the reception. Depends on how long you have booked the room for.

Best of luck to ya

[July09Bride 1]

1- Don't tell them it's for a wedding reception. Say you're planning a family reunion with numbers for your reception. Then, after some time passes, go back and say wedding reception. Their prices may go up! So, then, you can go back and renegotiate the prices for the same meals, etc. for the reunion for your wedding reception!

2- Ask them the difference between their alcohol options. They might say they don't have options. Really? They can't close up earlier? They can't open only beer or wine? Really? Wow... the other bottles must just open themselves! <sarcasm> There are options.

3- Ask about the lunch menu option. The portions are typically smaller therefore the prices are less. They really won't want to do that. You might have to throw some empty threats their way, but these options will come out.

Good luck with your planning from afar!!!

Those are all good points... I wish I knew that before. My problem is that I'm just way to trusting! Perhaps gullible. I just believe everyone is honest and everyone will do what they can to help me and give me the best rate they can. I know that's usually not the case, but I really like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I wish I had a really strong, assertive bridesmaid who could come to places with me and play hardball! So Krista... will you be in the Denver area anytime during mid-June? lol

Another fabulous hint?? Use vistaprint.com! We got our Save-the-Date cards from them (100 postcards) for free! We paid, I think, $8ish for shipping and handling. Then, we printed labels and bought postcard stamps. Off they went! So much cheaper!

We're going to use them again for our rehearsal dinner invites as well as our day-after wedding breakfast/luncheon.

They ALWAYS offer postcards for free, so place an order and wait awhile. You'll get another email with another sale and off you go again with only $8 spent! We almost spent $25 AND printing costs (ink for the printer) for something they'd print in GLOSSY and 2-sided for $8!!! Good thing I remembered vistaprint!

Oh yes! We used Vistaprint for our save the dates as well! We didn't get them for free... but it was like $30 for 50 printed cards and envelopes, so I'm not complaining. I'm trying to decide if I need official rehearsal dinner invites, since there will only be like 15 people actually invited... Grandparents, parents, wedding party. We got our wedding invites from theamericanwedding.com. They weren't cheap but I loved them! The rehearsal dinner invite is a nice touch, even if you only have just a few attending. I'm a fan of major communication, so I'd rather share too much than not enough. As for the invitations, that's who we were going to go through for the invites, in fact, I fell in love with one... until I saw one of the teachers at school with her daughter's invitation. That set me on a whole new course!

Do you guys have wedding websites? I want to see!

Here's mine: http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/AmandaSw...&BillWalter

It needs a little love but It's a work in progress :thumbs:i]We do have one... through my wedding.com. I'll send you the link![/i]

I'm so glad we've got this thread going! Talk about resources and assistance for long distance planning.... Yea! As for mid-June... hmmm... what'cha got in mind?

[July09Bride 1]

BTW... I have been to the Sharaton Denver Tech Center. AMAZING place!!!! Love it! They have the same arboretum feeling that the Embassy Suites does where we'll be. BTW, I agree with EasyT for the cost piece. We were going to go the lunch menu route, but we lost a lot of what was included with the "wedding option". Such as the champagne toast, cost of alcohol went up, kid menu prices went up... much changed. For a difference of about $200-$300 dollars, after all was figured out, we stuck with the more expensive dinner menu b/c of the perks that came with that package. Just make sure you weigh everything before changing your mind about the location.

[SapphireDreams 71]

$52/person doesn't sound completely ad to me, but I think that what city you are in really matters. We are looking at $100+ for in the Toronto area. The place I really want quoted me $120/person... so I'm going to try and get it down to $110 if I can. It's all relative I think.

I do think you could probably get them to get the room rate a bit lower though, especially if you know for sure that a lot of people will be booking there. Even $109 would be reasonable.

I personally would've switch your venue and go by photos. I think that every single place I went to looked significantly different from the photos. Some were nicer but most were definitely not as nice.... most of the inexpensive places were too good to be true.

Another really great site for inexpensive but really awesome wedding things is: http://etsy.com - You can find invites, guest books... tons of wedding stuff and its all made by artists and a lot of it can be customized. I plan to get my invites on here (if I don't do them myself) and other little stuff to ensure every detail is covered off.

[July09Bride 1]

$52/person doesn't sound completely ad to me, but I think that what city you are in really matters. We are looking at $100+ for in the Toronto area. The place I really want quoted me $120/person... so I'm going to try and get it down to $110 if I can. It's all relative I think.

I do think you could probably get them to get the room rate a bit lower though, especially if you know for sure that a lot of people will be booking there. Even $109 would be reasonable.

I personally would've switch your venue and go by photos. I think that every single place I went to looked significantly different from the photos. Some were nicer but most were definitely not as nice.... most of the inexpensive places were too good to be true.

Another really great site for inexpensive but really awesome wedding things is: http://etsy.com - You can find invites, guest books... tons of wedding stuff and its all made by artists and a lot of it can be customized. I plan to get my invites on here (if I don't do them myself) and other little stuff to ensure every detail is covered off.

Originally, we were going to have our invitations printed, but now we're doing them ourselves - I didn't think they would turn out as well. But, I found an invite I like heaps better than what we were going to order and it's something we can do ourselves instead of paying $5 a piece for the invite I want to be ordered/printed. Oyyyy!!!

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Hugglebuggles: No chance in the world anyone will give you a good rate, the people in the wedding game are sharks feeding on prey. I was a wedding photographer for many years and I have seen it all. Can only give my general opinion since I don't know the particulars of the community.

$50 seems like a reasonable rate IF it includes the room fee and the cost of food. What is included in the $50? Food, room fee, linen charges, bartender, centerpieces, gratuity? The $52 person is a buffet style dinner with 3 entrees, 2 starters and coffee. It also includes the room fee, linens (although just white ones so I need to add to it), centerpieces, and a free room for him and I. I'm still subject to 20% gratuity, a bartender charge, a charge for soft drinks and water, and then whatever I want to pay for alcohol.

I don't think you mentioned how many people are invited. You can do some quick back of the envelope calculations to see if it is worth changing venues. The $20 a person at the Victorian place may not be all inclusive. Before you change venues you really need to double check the math and make sure it works for you. Its a super small wedding of 50 people. Just the closest of friends and family. I wanted to be able to put a really nice event on for the people I have closest to me, opposed to having a grand event done cheaply. You have a good point, I really need to do the math. The only thing that has stopped me is that my fiance is really opposed to a venue change, as is his parents. So he doesn't want to even bother checking the place out because he's thinks I'm turning into bridezilla. He doesn't understand that we can actually SAVE money!

$10 off for the rooms seems super lame even for the Sheraton. Although how many rooms are you guaranteeing them? 3? 10? 15? If you are giving them 10 or more rooms you should be able to at least 33% off from the room rate. Hell priceline.com can usually give you at least 40-50% on the unsold inventory. The wedding / sale coordinator people usually have no say on that one. You usually need to talk to the hotel manager directly. Each hotel manager has there own discretion on the pricing up to a certain level. Unless there is some big event in town, there shouldn't be a reason they can give you a better rate for the garden view no frills rooms. I don't know, the lady just said she "has a block reserved" and "not to worry" whatever that means. At most I think we'd need like 10-15 rooms, and I told her that, so I'm guessing that's what she reserved. It would be nice if she would respond when I ask questions! Or if she does respond it has no specifics at all like, "yeah we reserved you rooms." Like really?

I would call the Victorian place and talk to the owner / manager and get a really good cost estimate. Everything is negotiable.

With regard to an open bar. Highly recommend AGAINST it. you don't want an uncle to drink 8 shots. Also many hotels won't do open bars because their liability insurance strictly forbids it. HOWEVER normally you can do a cocktail 1/2 hour or 1 hour at the beginning of the reception. Depends on how long you have booked the room for. This is another point of contention between me and the fiance. Most of my family is traveling a long way just to come to the wedding and I personally find it rude to ask them to pay for their own drinks when they get there. If there is going to be 50 people, at least 5 will be underage, and another 6 are super old, so that doesn't leave a lot of guests who I fear are going to drink themselves silly. We don't have big drinking families anyways, I just wanted to give them the flexibility of going up for a drink when they want it. And my dad feels really strongly about it and he wants to flip the bill. The wedding is also on a Thursday, so I don't think the locals will drink much, as they may have to go to work in the morning and all that. I asked the site twice what it would involve to have the bar open and I've received NO information from them to this day.

Best of luck to ya

BTW... I have been to the Sharaton Denver Tech Center. AMAZING place!!!! Love it! They have the same arboretum feeling that the Embassy Suites does where we'll be. BTW, I agree with EasyT for the cost piece. We were going to go the lunch menu route, but we lost a lot of what was included with the "wedding option". Such as the champagne toast, cost of alcohol went up, kid menu prices went up... much changed. For a difference of about $200-$300 dollars, after all was figured out, we stuck with the more expensive dinner menu b/c of the perks that came with that package. Just make sure you weigh everything before changing your mind about the location.

It is a nice place! They just redid a lot of it as well. All the rooms have new LCD screen TV's and the club level lounge was all rebuilt. I really liked the sophisticated but not stuffy feel. We aren't using the main ballroom, its just way to big for us. We have one of the smaller conference rooms, but it has a patio coming off it, which I loved, so all the guests can filter and sit outside when they want. We already agreed to put the bar outside so its not in the way of the festivities... I do love the site, I'm just upset with the lack of communication. We were doing so well with the other girl helping us too! She was so sweet and would answer her e-mails or call back within the hour.

$52/person doesn't sound completely ad to me, but I think that what city you are in really matters. We are looking at $100+ for in the Toronto area. The place I really want quoted me $120/person... so I'm going to try and get it down to $110 if I can. It's all relative I think. That's very true, I didn't think about that. The wedding is in the Denver metro area, so I suppose we should expect to pay more then if it was in a small town. Originally, we wanted the wedding in Niagara Falls (we were going to go K-3, but I decided against it) and it was a good $75+ a plate no matter where you went. I can only imagine how expensive the GTO would get.

I do think you could probably get them to get the room rate a bit lower though, especially if you know for sure that a lot of people will be booking there. Even $109 would be reasonable. I think that will be my next move! I want to see if I can get the price down. After all, It is one big perk over the other place I was considering: its a hotel and people will have somewhere to stay for the night. Maybe if I threaten to move the venue they'll be more catering?

I personally would've switch your venue and go by photos. I think that every single place I went to looked significantly different from the photos. Some were nicer but most were definitely not as nice.... most of the inexpensive places were too good to be true. Good point. And there's probably a reason why I never came upon this place in 4 months of looking for the perfect reception venue. I found pictures of it on another site and It didn't look as nice, so I'm slightly skeptical. I wish I could be there and look myself! Unfortunately, I have exams then the visa interview less than a week later... argh

Another really great site for inexpensive but really awesome wedding things is: http://etsy.com - You can find invites, guest books... tons of wedding stuff and its all made by artists and a lot of it can be customized. I plan to get my invites on here (if I don't do them myself) and other little stuff to ensure every detail is covered off. I actually had my fiance do the invites. We picked out the design together but he did the rest... A little scary, yes! ahaha But he's pretty good with that stuff. He did the save-the-date cards and they turned out charming so we'll see. We're suposed to get them on Tuesday.

wow that was a massive post!!!

[SapphireDreams 71]

Okay now that you wrote you are having your wedding on a Thursday, I think they should definitely be a bit more flexible and catering to you!! Doing it on a Thursday should definitely give you some flexibility.

We're having 175 guests on a Saturday night in one of the most popular months of the year... in a popular venue, so I am not catching any breaks! I'm also booking very far in advance, which has its disadvantages.

Do they have a consumption bar option? Basically, you don't pay for an open bar, but they just keep track of how many drinks that are consumed and you are just charged for what people actually drink. If you don't think that people will drink a lot, then this might be a good option for you. I agree that an open or free bar is an absolute must. I don't think it would be very nice to have guests travel all that way, bring you a gift and then have to pay for their drinks. But that's just my opinion.

[July09Bride 1]

We were facing a lot of the same challenges you are, Amanda. Charging for alcohol vs. not charging, etc. That's the whole thing. Now, if I was your age and I was having heaps of my college friends there, that might be a different story. But, since there won't be any college drinking buddies of mine of my Fiance's, we're safe with the host bar. In addition, if your families aren't big drinkers, then you should be okay there, too.

Here are a few questions to for sure ask your contact at the DTC...

1- Do you offer a children's meal choice for a lesser cost? (We have chicken fingers for $11/kid.)

2- Do you offer a discount for older children who are NOT of legal drinking age? (We get to subtract $16 per meal for those kids -- like my nephew who is 15 and will eat an adult size meal.)

3- What exactly IS the alcohol/bar charge per plate? (Ours is $16, that's why we can subtract it for the older kids.)

4- Ask to have water/soda included as a part of the meal.

5- What percentage of a discount are you giving us for helping you make your hotel even more full on a non-weekend -- read... we're keeping you busy on a weeknight!!! Ask about the non week-end discount. (We're getting a 10% (I think) discount b/c our wedding is on a Friday.)

5- Call another Denver area Sheraton and ask some of these same questions. Then, if you don't get the answer you want from the DTC, you can say, "Well, at the Sheraton in Centennial (don't know if there is one or not) or Aurora or where ever, they can do X, Y, and Z. What can you do to match that?

Seriously, good luck! Hmmm... maybe I should become a wedding planner... but, I think all brides think that after they've planned their own wedding!

Edited April 11, 2009 by July09Bride

[JillA 2]

This is just my opinion, but I find cash bars at weddings really tacky. I know not everyone can afford open bar so I'm not bashing anyone, but when you have guests especially from out of town, spending a few hundred dollars on a wedding gift for you, the least you can do is have open bar. Obviously you don't want out of control drunk guests but you're not babysitting so adults should be able to know their limit. I just don't think it's right to invite people to your party then charge them. They are spending enough on the room, travel, gift, etc.

[July09Bride 1]

This is just my opinion, but I find cash bars at weddings really tacky. I know not everyone can afford open bar so I'm not bashing anyone, but when you have guests especially from out of town, spending a few hundred dollars on a wedding gift for you, the least you can do is have open bar. Obviously you don't want out of control drunk guests but you're not babysitting so adults should be able to know their limit. I just don't think it's right to invite people to your party then charge them. They are spending enough on the room, travel, gift, etc.

Good point, I totally agree. That's the same rationale I had when it was suggested we might do a cash bar. I freaked out! ARGH!

Edited April 11, 2009 by July09Bride

[JillA 2]

This is just my opinion, but I find cash bars at weddings really tacky. I know not everyone can afford open bar so I'm not bashing anyone, but when you have guests especially from out of town, spending a few hundred dollars on a wedding gift for you, the least you can do is have open bar. Obviously you don't want out of control drunk guests but you're not babysitting so adults should be able to know their limit. I just don't think it's right to invite people to your party then charge them. They are spending enough on the room, travel, gift, etc.

Good point, I totally agree. That's the same rationale I had when it was suggested we might do a cash bar. I freaked out! ARGH!

OMG if anyone suggests a cash bar to me to save $$, I don't think so! July I don't know if you've heard of this, I think it's Canadian but it's a party called a "Jack and Jill" or "Stag and Doe". What it is - you rent out a hall of some sort, get people to donate stuff like kitchen items, etc. Then you charge all your friends $10 or $20 to get into the hall. Also you charge them to buy raffle tickets. All the $$ goes towards your wedding. So you're basically charging your friends to help pay for your wedding. I just find it really tacky because if you can't afford a wedding then don't have one, you know what I mean don't ask your friends to help you pay for the wedding.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Thank you for all the advice everyone! I'm having an information overload moment

The wedding is on a Thursday, which is pretty strange, but its the 4th year anniversary of the day we first met So it has sentimental value! I thought we could catch some breaks having it during the week as well, but most places don't seem to see it the same way. Our DJ is great! He offered us 20% off the package because its an off peak date. Same with the florist. We didn't get a big discount, but she's going to come to the ceremony and set everything up and stay to make sure nothing goes wrong with spare flowers and things. I thought that was a nice gesture! She said she would have nothing to do that day anyways so I'm doing her the favour.

I want to go the consumption bar route, I think that would be the best for us as well. I think that's how they charge it, at least, it seems that way based on the price list. I agree that the open/host bar is the best way to go, just to show our appreciation for everyone traveling and everything. I wish my fiance would see it that way, Its caused a couple fights over the last week or so. He doesn't drink and he's against funding other peoples drinking habits. I understand his concerns but I think he's overreacting a bit... Only 4 of my college friends are coming, and I'm only really concerned about the 1, he likes to drink but he's a beer man so at least I won't get a bill for shots of whiskey or something.

Soda is an additional $2 a person, and bottled water is $2.50 a person on top of the $52 a person plated meal. Plus $100 bartender fee, 20% gratuity, and then the bar costs hopefully based on consumption. I think its time for me to be assertive and B*tchy! I'm just too nice. Honestly, I'm 5'3", I look like i'm 17 (so i hear) and I come off as very sweet and trusting... Its a license for people to walk all over me!