Blending US and UK wedding traditions

[inhopeofglory 0]

Hi,

My fiancée and I are currently making wedding plans, having got engaged on 19th March and filed for a K-1 on the 28th. I'm English (actually half-Chinese, half-English, but born and raised in England), my fiancée is American. We're both committed Christians.

I'd love to hear from any here who are/were in my situation, and are having/had a blended US/UK wedding. I'm looking for some good websites on the differences between US and UK wedding traditions, as we're going to get married in the US but my immediate family and an as yet unknown number of British relatives/friends will be joining us for the wedding. So far a couple of primary ones are the lack of congregational singing (i.e. hymns) in US weddings, even Christian ones, and the common lack of speeches by the father of the bride, groom, best man etc. Does anyone know of any others? How did you "blend" the traditions from each country, and the expectations from people on each side?

Thanks!

Regards, Dominic

[Nik+Heather 121]

Hi Dom --

From the American perspective:

My mother's church has a lot of congressional singing. I think if you both want it, then you should do it - hopefully a song that both sides of the pond know!!

Also, over here there usually during the reception when the father and best man give speeches. Usually not the groom (unless to thank people - brief).

I tried to ask Nik about the UK traditions, and he said he'd only been to about 2 weddings, so he hadn't a clue. Guess he won't have anything to complain about for ours then!!

[Leenie 15]

I was literally doing a search of the web for some of the same things only a few days ago. I really want my wedding to represent both of our cultures, but I haven't found any particularly thrilling ideas beyond decorating with those mini-flags.

I'd love to hear others' opinions

[laura819 0]

Hi,

My fiancée and I are currently making wedding plans, having got engaged on 19th March and filed for a K-1 on the 28th. I'm English (actually half-Chinese, half-English, but born and raised in England), my fiancée is American. We're both committed Christians.

I'd love to hear from any here who are/were in my situation, and are having/had a blended US/UK wedding. I'm looking for some good websites on the differences between US and UK wedding traditions, as we're going to get married in the US but my immediate family and an as yet unknown number of British relatives/friends will be joining us for the wedding. So far a couple of primary ones are the lack of congregational singing (i.e. hymns) in US weddings, even Christian ones, and the common lack of speeches by the father of the bride, groom, best man etc. Does anyone know of any others? How did you "blend" the traditions from each country, and the expectations from people on each side?

Thanks!

Regards, Dominic

I just though this was cool..we got engaged on March 19th too...but 2008!

[inhopeofglory 0]

Hi,

Thanks for the replies!

@Heather: The last two US weddings (one CA, one TX) I attended, the best man said a few words but there was no speech from either the groom or the father of the bride. I guess it's more variable than I thought. In the UK, in contrast, every wedding I can remember attending had the three speeches (and in one, even the bride might have said a few words!).

@Leenie: From what I've read online, the "US wedding" is very flexible - it's pretty much whatever you want! There don't seem to be many "concrete" US traditions, it's more a matter of what people are used to/know about. Are you or your fiancé from the UK? Things that I've seen in US wedding ceremonies that I hadn't seen in British ones include lighting "Unity candles" and "sand ceremonies" (a variation on the unity candle idea)...

@Laura: Actually, we got engaged on the 20th... I arrived in TX on the 19th. I didn't realise I hadn't remembered correctly until I mentioned this thread to my fiancée yesterday... :-)

[Nich-Nick 3,353]

Sometimes a US wedding depends on where you are getting married. If it's in a church, the church will have certain things they allow and don't allow. A more formal church might not allow certain music or songs like pop songs by a soloist because they consider it a church service. They might only approve Christian based songs/music or classical music (prelude before service.) Other churches will be more flexible.

I have been to many weddings where the father of the groom speaks at the reception. Alot of times it's before he dances with his daughter (if having a dance.) He will welcome the guests (as the host) and say sweet things about his lovely daughter and welcome the new groom into the family, etc. Then the best man traditionally offers the toast to the couple and they might have their first dance after that. Some dad's aren't comfortable speaking so it's totally flexible.

[Nik+Heather 121]

Regarding Unity Candles and Sand Ceremonies and others -

We aren't planning on doing any of them - first one seems to be a bit more common, and people know what's going on. The sand ceremony you have something to keep but seems a bit like something you'll keep and dust and never really think about it.

The tangible things we are keeping from the wedding are a photo album (w/ invites inside), and our wedding rings. I've even justified to myself the cost of my dress with the thought that I'll sell that (after a few years...) too.

Nich gave me a good idea -- Maybe your fiancee has a woman at her church who frequently organizes these shindigs at her church? My cousin is on the board of the women's group at her (fairly large, I think) southern church, and they do lots of these sorts of things - infact she just helped organize a big bridal shower for a soon-to-be bride! You probably don't want to treat her like a full on coordinator, but getting the parts of the ceremony (music, required/allowed segments) sorted out would be something she could help with!

I will try to come up with a list of expected and common parts, but I'm feeling a bit distracted at the moment. We've got a long weekend coming up, I'll release my wedding planning on you soon!

[Leenie 15]

@Leenie: From what I've read online, the "US wedding" is very flexible - it's pretty much whatever you want! There don't seem to be many "concrete" US traditions, it's more a matter of what people are used to/know about. Are you or your fiancé from the UK? Things that I've seen in US wedding ceremonies that I hadn't seen in British ones include lighting "Unity candles" and "sand ceremonies" (a variation on the unity candle idea)...

I'm the USC, and my fiancé is from the UK. Can you believe each of us has only been to two weddings in our entire lives (that we can remember)?

I'd agree that the US wedding is really very flexible, though. You might have your fiancée consider asking her relatives about some of the things they definitely want to see kept in your wedding, but I think it shouldn't offend anyone to add something new and fun!

Also, if you think of anything different to include, all of your relatives will understand the reason for any new and unfamiliar traditions, I'm sure. It might even be fun to explain anything new to either side of the family in your wedding program.

Edited April 10, 2009 by Leenie

[DisneyLovers 18]

not sure if this is just a case of Paul's and my US pals and now in-laws, but they had no idea about the giving the bride a horseshoe with ribbons etc on it tradition that some of us Brits are used to (supposed to be good luck). I left it to mum to explain it after she gave me one whilst we were at the reception.

trying to rack my brains for more important things other than a lot of English weddings, well the ones I've been in/to in the UK dont have so many groomsmen as it seems to be normal to have here, we usually have the groom and his bestman, page boy/ring bearer and ushers. I planed to have my closest gals as my bridesmaids and Paul kept asking if I could add one more so such and such could be a groomsmen, I was like uh what now? Groomsmen?? LOL. The bridesmaids walk in on their own (besides the maid/matron of honour who walks down with the best man) in all the weddings I've been to back home. We ended up deciding to stick with doing it the US way for our wedding here and the UK way for when we go back to England to renew our vows/second wedding, pleased us both to do it that way.