Advice lang po sa mga tulad ko...

[simple_mhe24 0]

Magandang araw sa inyong lahat dyan...

Gusto ko lang humingi ng advice regarding my situation or my feelings...

Yung asawa ko kasi may mga anak sa unang asawa...Even when we're still chatting,alam ko nang may mga anak sya and it really didnt bother me at all kasi friendly naman ako sa mga bata..3 yung anak nya before at lahat ay mga boys..pero yung eldest nya,hindi dito sa amin nakatira kundi dun sa grandparents nya pero yung youngest which happens to be twins,9 years old dito sa amin nakatira...

Hindi nman sila araw-araw na nandito sa amin kasi every 2 days lang naman and then 2 days naman sa mother nila...

Now,I got here sa US just last year in August..During my couple of days or months here everything was perfectly fine...Hanggang sa unti-unti kong na obserbahan na ang mga anak ng asawa ko ( yung twins ) ay may mga ugaling hindi ko gusto..Maybe becoz hindi ako sanay sa ganong klaseng tao...

Very manipulative sila lalong-lalo na sa asawa ko.Super burara or makalat..Hindi nag flash ng toilet after mag poopoo..Smart mouth pa..Saka,alam nyo ba yung feelings na natutulog ka tapos gigisingin ka nila para lang ipag gawa sila ng peanut butter sandwhich or para ikuha sila ng baso sa cabinet...

Hindi ko pala na mention,may 2 years old na kami ng asawa ko at buntis ako ngayon ng 5 months..Lagi akong napapagod..Nagtatrabaho kasi asawa ko 12 hours..Tapos just almost 2 months ago,binago ng ex-wife ng asawa ko ang arrangement about sa mga bata kasi nga balik work na yung mother nila..Pag nasa kanya yung mga bata especially during weekdays,inihatid nya sila dito sa bahay ng mga 6 or 6:30 ng umaga tapos at 3pm dito uuwi yung mga bata from school then their mom will just pick them up around 4pm or sometimes 5pm...

I didnt have a say with the situation kasi wala namang ibang choice eh saka ok lang naman talaga sa akin...Saka sino ba naman ako para sabihin ko sa asawa na hindi pwede diba...ayoko namang ma offend sya saka ayokong mgka problema...

Ngayon,kasi nga sa ugali ng mga anak ng asawa ko...later on parang hindi na ako comfortable sa new arrangement...Siguro naman maintindihan nyo na kelangan ko ring magpahinga kahit konti or sandali man lang,diba..Lalo na't may 2 years old pa akong inaalagaan..Tapos buntis pa ako..Hindi na ako comfortable in a way na,im having less rest lately...Lagi akong napapagod and nahihilo...Pag hinatid dito ng x-wife yung mga bata around 6 or 6:30 tapos nata-on na kelangan pumasok sa work yung husband ko...Ako ang gigising ng maaga para ihanda sila sa school around 7:30am..which I know its my responsibility..Then in the afternoon,babalik sila dito around 3pm to wait for their mom but you have to deal with everything they'll do kasi nga super makalat..tapos hindi ka talaga tantanan kasi laging may gustong ipagawa sayo kahit alam mo namang kaya nila yun...Hindi naman ako yung tipo ng tao na maging mean sa kanila or pagagalitan sila kasi feel ko nga,wala akong right na gawin yun at saka as much as possible,kelangan kong makibagay sa kanila kahit medyo nahihirapan ako kasi ayokong mgka problema..Para kasing...kaya ko na lang sigurong tiisin lahat ng pagod basta wag lang malaman ng asawa ko ang mga nangyayari habang wala sya...

May mga times nga iiyak na lang ako patago kasi sa frustration at saka minsan kasi,sinasagot ako ng mga anak ng asawa ko...Kung pagiging sensitive lang ang pag-uusapan...naku...Super sensitive ako sa mga bagay na yan..Hindi kasi ako nasanay to be treated like that eh..Hindi rin naman ako ganun sa mga magulang ko..Nasasaktan din ako pag sinagot-sagot nila yung father nila or nag dedemand ng kung anu-ano..Hindi naman mayaman asawa ko saka yung work nga nya medyo mahina na ngayon..Gusto ko lang naman maintindihan nila ang sitwasyon namin ngayon but it seems like they dont care...And then just about 1 week ago,sinagot-sagot na naman ako ng isa sa mga anak ng asawa ko...that time,narinig na asawa ko ang nangyari..pinagalitan nya ito but the damage has been done,ika nga..nasaktan na ako eh..umiyak na naman ako sa banyo..Ayoko kasing nakikita ng asawa ko na nahihirapan na rin ako..Pero parang na feel nya na affected talaga ako...3 days akong hindi kumi-kibo sa bahay..by that time,off work yung asawa ko so sya ang nag hahandle sa mga bata..I know nararamdaman nya ang pagiging tahimik ko kasi hindi naman ako ganun.Madaldal ako eh..Tapos,before kami matutulog,he'll ask me what's wrong..gusto ko na rin naman sanang e-share sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko eh..kaso lang,na unahan ako ng doubt..at saka mas ma-unang tutulo ang luha ko before I can say anything else...Mas nahihirapan ako pag ganun..Pero mas mahirap kung nararamdaman mo na worried din ang asawa mo...Mas mahirap kung ang sasabihin mo sa kanya ay tungkol sa kanyang mga anak...Mas mahirap kung alam mong masasaktan din sya..Mas mahirap kung alam mong mahihirapan din sya pag nalaman nyang ganun na pala ang nararamdaman ko about his kids...At ang pinaka mahirap....Mahal mo syang sobra at ayaw mong masaktan sya...

Ano bang dapat kong gawin?

[Ban Hammer 14,182]

[gennyangel 3]

uy i understand you...for me if you were given duties to wake them up and clean their mess part of it also is to discipline them,discipline them in a nicer way (kasi may batas yan sila sa mga bata eh), hindi ka katulong dyan, you are his wife and not yaya of his children to a prior marriage.

Mag open up ka sa asawa mo,hindi naman nakaka offend yun at maiintindihan ng asawa mo yun....

[rheanick 42]

1st talk to your husband about your feelings. Keeping quiet wont help your situation.

2nd discipline the kids, kahit hindi mo anak yan, if they are in your house, your rules should be followed. Kids would try their best to get what they want. If they think they can push you, they would do that to you. They are kids and you are the adult. You should discipline the kids. Talk to them.

3rd you need a leash. or I will go with charles suggestion LOL

[charisse 0]

wow your getting out of your way na to the point na your giving too much consideration na ang gngawa mo just for your step son.i understand you in a way n feeling mo nga wala kng right to discipline kc may mga magulang nmn ung mga batang yan which is parang kulang s disiplina ng parents nila!! . if i were you talk to your husband BE OPEN and that would help. dont deal it just by yourself it's unfair nmn yata on your side kc may anak ka din nmn at sb mo nga pregnant ka pa and you have all your right kc ikaw ang asawa nya!! set your own boundaries and limitations pgdating s responsibility s mga batang yan para irespeto ka nila as their step mother hnd ka nila katulong para alilain .COMMUNICATION AND OPENESS with your husband as a wife and a mother maiintindihan ka nya! gud luck and god bless..

[jom 4]

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

I have 4 stepchildren ...2 grown-up girls from the first marriage, but they are on their own and two wonderful boys ( 7 and 8) from the second marriage. We have the boys every other weekend. My husband is strict and definitely a disciplinarian,that is probably the reason why the girls and boys grew up to be polite. I have a good relationship with all of them and I must say that previous parenting has got to do with it. My stepsons know better than to bad mouth their father or me. In fact I am really impressed because they even ask permission in almost everything like having a soda or treats or going out to play with the neighbors or using the computer to play a game and even using the phone to call their Mom when they are with us.

Don't sulk. Keeping it to yourself wont solve your problem. Instead talk to your husband about these things. You cannot let these kids manipulate you. My eldest stepson tried that to the point of even asking me to get him a glass . . I would tell him that God gave him hands so he better use it and that he is old enough to tend to himself with simple tasks. My husband and I have set simple rules for them and they cannont play until they are being done . The boys must fix their own beds or they must put their plates in the sink and rinse them after eating, they will pick up their own toys and mess. If they don't do these things, they can't play. They know the consequences so in a way they obey.

Your husband must help you with this situation because honestly you wont be able to change things by yourself, you husband must make sure his kids understand that you must be respected. My husband made it clear to the girls and even to the boys that if they disrespect me, he will deal with them harshly. He also made it clear that if they cause trouble betweem him and me, he will choose me.

Talk to your husband about your feelings. Make sure that when he talks to his kids about their behaviour you are there and you must also be able to express your feelings to his kids. Let them know you are hurt with some of the things they do or say to you. Not flushing the toilet is disgusting and this behaviour calls for a drastic change. Set consequences if they keep doing it. Your husband will play a big role in making changes to all these so you must talk to him.

Goodluck and I hope everything will be better.

Edited March 4, 2009 by jom

[simple_mhe24 0]

Thanks talaga sa lahat ng mga advices nyo guys..I really appreciate it..Para akong nabunutan ng tinik nang nag decide akong isulat dito sa Visajourney..at least kasi nailabas ko ang aking nararamdaman...The thing with the kids kasi,kahit ilang beses mong pagsabihan or kahit ilang beses nang pagsabihan ng father nila...Ikaw na lang ang mapapagod kasi very simple instructions hindi pa magagawa...Kung ilang beses ko silang ne-remind to flush the toilet after using,to not drop those towels on the floor after using,to not put the dirty clothes elsewhere in the house,to always put the plates on the sink and to not put the glass at the edge of the table....Simple instructions lang yun diba?Bakit hindi nila masunod?Kung ilang beses akong papasok sa banyo when their taking a bath to remind them na hindi nga iiwang nakakalat ang mga towels sa sahig kasi pwede pang magamit...E-remind ko sila at least 3 times or more pa...They'll say yes naman...But eventually,after taking a bath,pag check ko banyo...My Gosh!!! 2 towels nakakalat sa sahig,mga dirty clothes kalat sa sahig pati mga briefs nila...Maswerte na ako kung wala akong madatnang "poopoo" sa inidoro (excuse lang po) at mga nakakalat na toilet tissue minsan sa sahig that they just use from cleaning their "poopoo" (sorry again)

Yung husband ko naman pinagsasabihan din nya yung mga bata...Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit kelangan pa ulit-ulit mong pag sasabihan...Nakaka-frustrate talaga...At saka,I think the thing with my husband is "mabait"...Nag-iistrikto kung minsan pero mas nakikita mo talaga na binibaby nya yung mga bata which I dont think is right...Gagamit din naman sya ng belt kung talagang sobra na ang mga bata but it seems like after...parang wala lang..

Ah,ewan ko ba...Maybe 1 of this days,pag-uusapan namin ng asawa about this matter at sana hindi ako ma-unahan ng doubt at hindi ma-unahan ng pagiging emotional...Magkakaroon sana ako ng lakas ng loob to tell him all this...

[sunlyk 1]

writing here in VJ does not solve the problem. I would agree with Jom advice. Let say for instance, Your asking them to pick up cloths on the floor stand infront of them with authority voice since you are an adult and deserve to be respected don't stop telling them until they picked up the cloths then say "thank you" to them after. I have 7 y.o SD when she dropped her cloths in the floor she have to pick it up or her dad would pick it up for her not ME. If daddy is around an she wants milk sorry daddy have to make milk for her. If daddy is not around and she is making messed in her room , I will tell her to clean up after before daddy come home from work if she won't listen I will call her dad that simple. Let your husband deal with them and don't tolerate them to treat you like that, kids needs to be thought how to respect adult and parents must discipline kids.

[belovedbyme 0]

The only way to solve it is to talk to your husband about your thoughts and feelings. You will have a peace of mind after that. Kids sometimes manipulate adults when they observe it you can be easily thier victims.

[MJ3lasvegas 0]

i feel terrible after reading this post. its just so unfair for the kids to treat you this way. you seem to be very patient in everything thats going on..i commend you for that BUT this has to stop. you married your hubby to be a wife and a mother to his kids and your kids, NOT a mere object. tell your husband how you feel simple_meh24..tell him how you are suffering so he would know. dont just sit around quiet and cry in one corner feeling sorry for yourself with what the kids are doing. stand up for yourself. dont let them treat you this way.

when he knows, i have a feeling he will do something about it..and just like what the other poster have said, SET RULES for the kids and stand firm to this rules. dont bend them in any way. like lets say getting a peanut butter sandwich, show them how to do it and tell them you cant do this for them all the time coz you have other stuffs to do. make it apparent to them that they are NOT the only things you have to attend to..tel them you have the little kid (2YO) that needs you more than they do.

and if they talk ###### towards you, NEVER CRY INFRONT OF THEM. it will make them feel superior and that they have the feeling that they have control over you. be firm (but not harsh)..show them and tell them that you love them and that they dont need to be acting this way..tel them how you feel in a way that a 9year old would understand..

i feel for you simple_meh24..

just hang in there, pray for the best to happen and be strong..

[Ban Hammer 14,182]

i feel terrible after reading this post. its just so unfair for the kids to treat you this way. you seem to be very patient in everything thats going on..i commend you for that BUT this has to stop. you married your hubby to be a wife and a mother to his kids and your kids, NOT a mere object. tell your husband how you feel simple_meh24..tell him how you are suffering so he would know. dont just sit around quiet and cry in one corner feeling sorry for yourself with what the kids are doing. stand up for yourself. dont let them treat you this way.

when he knows, i have a feeling he will do something about it..and just like what the other poster have said, SET RULES for the kids and stand firm to this rules. dont bend them in any way. like lets say getting a peanut butter sandwich, show them how to do it and tell them you cant do this for them all the time coz you have other stuffs to do. make it apparent to them that they are NOT the only things you have to attend to..tel them you have the little kid (2YO) that needs you more than they do.

and if they talk ###### towards you, NEVER CRY INFRONT OF THEM. it will make them feel superior and that they have the feeling that they have control over you. be firm (but not harsh)..show them and tell them that you love them and that they dont need to be acting this way..tel them how you feel in a way that a 9year old would understand..

i feel for you simple_meh24..

just hang in there, pray for the best to happen and be strong..

agreed - and it sounds to me like the husband isn't enforcing discipline by letting the kids run over the stepmother. without him providing open support to her, they can and will run over the step parent because they know they can get away with it.

[MJ3lasvegas 0]

agreed - and it sounds to me like the husband isn't enforcing discipline by letting the kids run over the stepmother. without him providing open support to her, they can and will run over the step parent because they know they can get away with it.

i cant agree more charles

[maritoni 3]

Charles you really need this!

[maritoni 3]

Magandang araw sa inyong lahat dyan...

Gusto ko lang humingi ng advice regarding my situation or my feelings...

Yung asawa ko kasi may mga anak sa unang asawa...Even when we're still chatting,alam ko nang may mga anak sya and it really didnt bother me at all kasi friendly naman ako sa mga bata..3 yung anak nya before at lahat ay mga boys..pero yung eldest nya,hindi dito sa amin nakatira kundi dun sa grandparents nya pero yung youngest which happens to be twins,9 years old dito sa amin nakatira...

Hindi nman sila araw-araw na nandito sa amin kasi every 2 days lang naman and then 2 days naman sa mother nila...

Now,I got here sa US just last year in August..During my couple of days or months here everything was perfectly fine...Hanggang sa unti-unti kong na obserbahan na ang mga anak ng asawa ko ( yung twins ) ay may mga ugaling hindi ko gusto..Maybe becoz hindi ako sanay sa ganong klaseng tao...

Very manipulative sila lalong-lalo na sa asawa ko.Super burara or makalat..Hindi nag flash ng toilet after mag poopoo..Smart mouth pa..Saka,alam nyo ba yung feelings na natutulog ka tapos gigisingin ka nila para lang ipag gawa sila ng peanut butter sandwhich or para ikuha sila ng baso sa cabinet...

Hindi ko pala na mention,may 2 years old na kami ng asawa ko at buntis ako ngayon ng 5 months..Lagi akong napapagod..Nagtatrabaho kasi asawa ko 12 hours..Tapos just almost 2 months ago,binago ng ex-wife ng asawa ko ang arrangement about sa mga bata kasi nga balik work na yung mother nila..Pag nasa kanya yung mga bata especially during weekdays,inihatid nya sila dito sa bahay ng mga 6 or 6:30 ng umaga tapos at 3pm dito uuwi yung mga bata from school then their mom will just pick them up around 4pm or sometimes 5pm...

I didnt have a say with the situation kasi wala namang ibang choice eh saka ok lang naman talaga sa akin...Saka sino ba naman ako para sabihin ko sa asawa na hindi pwede diba...ayoko namang ma offend sya saka ayokong mgka problema...

Ngayon,kasi nga sa ugali ng mga anak ng asawa ko...later on parang hindi na ako comfortable sa new arrangement...Siguro naman maintindihan nyo na kelangan ko ring magpahinga kahit konti or sandali man lang,diba..Lalo na't may 2 years old pa akong inaalagaan..Tapos buntis pa ako..Hindi na ako comfortable in a way na,im having less rest lately...Lagi akong napapagod and nahihilo...Pag hinatid dito ng x-wife yung mga bata around 6 or 6:30 tapos nata-on na kelangan pumasok sa work yung husband ko...Ako ang gigising ng maaga para ihanda sila sa school around 7:30am..which I know its my responsibility..Then in the afternoon,babalik sila dito around 3pm to wait for their mom but you have to deal with everything they'll do kasi nga super makalat..tapos hindi ka talaga tantanan kasi laging may gustong ipagawa sayo kahit alam mo namang kaya nila yun...Hindi naman ako yung tipo ng tao na maging mean sa kanila or pagagalitan sila kasi feel ko nga,wala akong right na gawin yun at saka as much as possible,kelangan kong makibagay sa kanila kahit medyo nahihirapan ako kasi ayokong mgka problema..Para kasing...kaya ko na lang sigurong tiisin lahat ng pagod basta wag lang malaman ng asawa ko ang mga nangyayari habang wala sya...

May mga times nga iiyak na lang ako patago kasi sa frustration at saka minsan kasi,sinasagot ako ng mga anak ng asawa ko...Kung pagiging sensitive lang ang pag-uusapan...naku...Super sensitive ako sa mga bagay na yan..Hindi kasi ako nasanay to be treated like that eh..Hindi rin naman ako ganun sa mga magulang ko..Nasasaktan din ako pag sinagot-sagot nila yung father nila or nag dedemand ng kung anu-ano..Hindi naman mayaman asawa ko saka yung work nga nya medyo mahina na ngayon..Gusto ko lang naman maintindihan nila ang sitwasyon namin ngayon but it seems like they dont care...And then just about 1 week ago,sinagot-sagot na naman ako ng isa sa mga anak ng asawa ko...that time,narinig na asawa ko ang nangyari..pinagalitan nya ito but the damage has been done,ika nga..nasaktan na ako eh..umiyak na naman ako sa banyo..Ayoko kasing nakikita ng asawa ko na nahihirapan na rin ako..Pero parang na feel nya na affected talaga ako...3 days akong hindi kumi-kibo sa bahay..by that time,off work yung asawa ko so sya ang nag hahandle sa mga bata..I know nararamdaman nya ang pagiging tahimik ko kasi hindi naman ako ganun.Madaldal ako eh..Tapos,before kami matutulog,he'll ask me what's wrong..gusto ko na rin naman sanang e-share sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko eh..kaso lang,na unahan ako ng doubt..at saka mas ma-unang tutulo ang luha ko before I can say anything else...Mas nahihirapan ako pag ganun..Pero mas mahirap kung nararamdaman mo na worried din ang asawa mo...Mas mahirap kung ang sasabihin mo sa kanya ay tungkol sa kanyang mga anak...Mas mahirap kung alam mong masasaktan din sya..Mas mahirap kung alam mong mahihirapan din sya pag nalaman nyang ganun na pala ang nararamdaman ko about his kids...At ang pinaka mahirap....Mahal mo syang sobra at ayaw mong masaktan sya...

Ano bang dapat kong gawin?

I really feel for you sis,pero ivoice out mo kaya ang nararamdaman mo kay mister mo,But in a discreet way..i have a feeling na alam mong kampihan ni mister ang mga anak nya kaya ka nanahimik..pero hindi dapat,palagay ko din sinusubukan mong maging malapit sa mga bata pero iba kasi ang ugali ng mga bata sa ibang bansa...i've dealt with many in the past..i am not trying to question how other parents raise their children as some also are very nice and knows how to behave in a nice manner...so tell him exactly how you feel dont try to spare his feelings for goodness sake,..inaabuso na kabaitan mo...

[Ban Hammer 14,182]

Charles you really need this!