Yeah! K-1 Approved, with child. Now I'm not so sure.

[ronjie 0]

THAT DOESN'T make any sense ? if you want to go home,, then go. don't let the door hit you in ur azz. and if you think tradition is important, and you live in the USA . then you better get use to a x-mas tree in the house. if they made plans to be together during the holidays, and she changes the plans without first discussing it with him. then he has all the right in the world to be upset. long distance relationships come with a big price. relocating is just the start.

YOu know why some marriage failed? Because of selfishness.(All about me me me me not you) Did you read what others post here?

I don't have family to give sh!t with.. They're in Europe.. so guess what.. shove your words to your azz instead.

alot of people make valid and great points here, but you still don't make any sense, your a ranting fool

[sj5 4]

Additional: I feel want to share my spouse with you. He is USC and not oldman but a grown up man.

I'm not bothered with Xmass or New Year. Anytime its special. My USC spouse didn't pressured me or tell me what to do when to come in USA instead he told me to enjoy my last moment in Philippines. When I decided to fly here in USA, I told him I'm ready to go. He does everything to make me happy and of course I try my best to make him happy too. I didn't grew with my family and relatives but I grew up with my childhood and friends, I misses them than my own blood. I call my friends every two weeks when I arrived here in US but when I check our phone bills I can't believed it. He didn't tell me to quit calling. I decided to slow down. I flew two weeks before his planned (He was with me in USE Manila and brought my 2 bags/luggage with him back here in USA) but he doesn't have choices, I'm coming.

Some Filipina want to go back home which is one of them is my friend but her husband doesn't want her to go and she can't buy ticket but he doesn't give her any access to his money.

Don't you think I'm fortunate woman? IF YOU WANT TO CONFIRM IF I'M LYING OR NOT YOU'RE WELCOME TO CALL MY HUSBAND. HE DOESN'T COME ON THIS WEBSITE. HE IS BUSY MAKING MONEY SO I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO.

You misunderstood that I'm trying to help Craig how to deal with his frustrations.

[sj5 4]

I don't have family to give sh!t with.. They're in Europe.. so guess what.. shove your words to your azz instead.

alot of people make valid and great points here, but you still don't make any sense, your a ranting fool

I'm not ranting. Ask other people on this site about my opinnion if I make no sense. It is just two people here are whining about my comments.

I'm gonna link you to somebody who have valid points.

[sj5 4]

Check Sundrop profile and Mich and others.

With respect, it does sound rather like footstomping "I got you all this stuff and now I want what I want and if you don't give it to me, I'm gonna sulk coz you obviously don't love me!"

My USC SO and I have just recently confirmed that I'll be moving to the US with my daughter. It made more sense for him to come here, but he spent 5.5 months here on a visitor's VWP and was really homesick. Although he misses being with us, he's happy to be home and although it's hard for me to accept, I understand it. You've obviously never moved away from all that you know for any period of time, you need to accept that it's actually a very scary thing.

You don't, from your description, seem to have spent a lot of time with her. That, is scary for anyone, the both of you included BUT you are only entering into a "new" relationship. She, however, is contending with a new culture, new society, new home, new husband...

She's just had a baby! Don't know if she's the first in her family to make her folks grandparents but that would only go to making it even harder for her. I've had a baby and was 3000 miles away from my family when she was born, and although married at the time, my ex worked extremely long days and we often went several days without really talking because of exhaustion and timings. You have to be empathetic to her in this situation. She's only had her family for practical support (you're not helping with feeds, minding baby so she can rest, etc.) Leaving that support with a baby, to a new country, new husband, new culture, new home.... wow. She's a very brave woman.

All her experience to date has been getting to and from her country to the US is difficult. You're planning on starting a life together a very long way from home for her. She's not going to adjust overnight, and as I've laid out above she's probably terrified. There's nothing you can do to make it less scary except be sympathetic. Even if she got on a plane tomorrow, you still need to understand what this is going to be like for her.

I speak english fluently. I've already lived in 3 different countries. I've travelled often to the States. My parents spent 10 years there, my uncle was a naturalised American, my best friend is American. I am still nervous about emmigrating.

Cut her some slack, stop being petulant, support your soon-to-be WIFE like a decent, respectful husband would, get your ####### over there for christmas and help her back with her life packed up in a couple of suitcases and a baby under her arm...

Good luck!

[sj5 4]

I'm glad you got communication rolling on this issue. By the way, maybe it would also be helpful to find out processing times, because I believe she would be able to go back and visit WAYYY sooner than 2 yrs. As far as I know, AP documents are processing in under 90 days, and the whole AOS takes less than a year right now. Maybe someone will correct me if I'm wrong.

I can understand your fiancee's dilemma. I lived in Mexico with my husband and only came back to the US for financial reasons once I was pregnant, since we couldn't pay for prenatal care on our Mexican salaries. It was a tough choice, and now that I'm here in the US, I'm constantly conflicted. I'm back with my family, and I'm so glad for their support throughout the pregnancy and when the baby's born in a couple weeks. Once I'm a mother, I know it's going to stay difficult. Here, I have my mom to help me learn how to care for the baby. My parents love the baby already and I'll hate to take him away from them. Also, my family is the one with all the huge traditions. I am Guatemalan and Italian-American, and we have huge family parties and multi-day celebrations for Christmas. Meanwhile, my husband only has a couple family members in Mexico and they don't do much for Christmas. This year, I don't get a choice, since the baby will only be a couple days old by Christmas so I will definitely stay in the US. But in the future, it's going to be tough. I love my husband more than anything, and I can't wait to be back in the same country with him. But leaving my family behind will always be a tough choice. Hopefully in our case, someday I won't have to choose anymore.

It is tough choice to leaved people behind you're attached to but husband is above in everything. It'll be little bit harder for you but you'll get through and get use to it. Your husband can help you to adjust.

Edited November 13, 2008 by SJ

[ronjie 0]

Additional: I feel want to share my spouse with you. He is USC and not oldman but a grown up man.

I'm not bothered with Xmass or New Year. Anytime its special. My USC spouse didn't pressured me or tell me what to do when to come in USA instead he told me to enjoy my last moment in Philippines. When I decided to fly here in USA, I told him I'm ready to go. He does everything to make me happy and of course I try my best to make him happy too. I didn't grew with my family and relatives but I grew up with my childhood and friends, I misses them than my own blood. I call my friends every two weeks when I arrived here in US but when I check our phone bills I can't believed it. He didn't tell me to quit calling. I decided to slow down. I flew two weeks before his planned (He was with me in USE Manila and brought my 2 bags/luggage with him back here in USA) but he doesn't have choices, I'm coming.

Some Filipina want to go back home which is one of them is my friend but her husband doesn't want her to go and she can't buy ticket but he doesn't give her any access to his money.

Don't you think I'm fortunate woman? IF YOU WANT TO CONFIRM IF I'M LYING OR NOT YOU'RE WELCOME TO CALL MY HUSBAND. HE DOESN'T COME ON THIS WEBSITE. HE IS BUSY MAKING MONEY SO I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO.

You misunderstood that I'm trying to help Craig how to deal with his frustrations.

your husband is busy making money so you have something to do ? ...do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds.

[sj5 4]

It's ridiculous when you close your mind without asking me what I mean. I'm his billing clerk.

[Boorai 0]

Thank-you very much. Everyone wants to paint me as a materialistic man-child. I will admit reading my own writing I might feel the same. But I wanted to show that I have done everything I can to contribute and be there for her. And it is less about 1 month than her actions. This is what has caused me to stress. I wanted 0 time, be together as soon as it was possible. Granted I had an ideal of all of us spending Christmas together but is not the crux of the issue. It is her change of attitude and makes me question if she is dedicated to this. I would rather she take all the time if that is necessary for her to figure it out. I can't tell if I'm getting an honest answer from her. I think she would tell me the same response regardless if her feelings are true or not. I'd like to believe they are but I pose my argument with this. Tell me there is not a chance she feels compelled/obligated to tell me she loves me. While I like to believe her, I worry that her judgement might be "clouded" as well because of our child. Getting married to me is a serious thing, a lifetime comittment. I don't need to go messing up our child, her life nor mine by getting into a realtionship that is going to fail.

Wow. This would be a great story about 2 cultures coming together or the problems of 2 cultures coming together. Unfortunately this is real life and not just a story.

My fiance, Cherel, who is filipana happens to agree with "GwizCraig". She feels like the GF should growup. She applied for the VISA, she got approved, she should be ready to go to the States on a moments notice. She thinks that it is ridiculous for the GF to delay this.

I happen to feel badly for the GF in this situation. I imagine that her family is putting an unbearable amount of pressure on her to just stay with them for this one last xmas. She is probably looking for some support and understanding from "GwizCraig". I imagine she is quite scared to move away from the only home she has ever known.

Why don't you just set a firm date after the New Year for her to be here. When she arrives you can set up an xmas tree together, celebrate it on the 25th of January and have a wonderful story to tell your child when he/she is older. (Santa actually came to visit you in the Phils and the States for your 1st Xmas).

I can understand your desire to be with your child for the first xmas, I can understand you not being able to fly over there due to work, but be a man about this. The holidays come every year. You have the rest of your life to be with her and the child. Make her happy. This is about her.

Bob

Let me throw my two cents in this..if I may.

I would like to defend you on the topic of you missing your child. I too, have a child that I am not with now. Although, this child is not my biological i love her as if she is my own. My wife and I met via the internet, she is from the Philippines, and after a courtship and two trips to PI...we married.

My gorgeous wife has a BEAUTIFUL little girl from a previous relationship(the biological father choose to not be involved). When I fell in love with Grace, I also fell in love with Alec. I am MADLY in love with the both of them. Now to my point....

I have missed out on 5+ years of my daughte's life and it breaks my heart to know that I was not there when she was born.(Grace and I did not know of each other then, of course)...and even now, as we wait for the VISA process...I continue to miss out on her life and get views of her through a webcam. I send her gifts via snail mail and we maintain as best of a relationship together and through her mother as we can. But its just not the same as holding her, playing with her, talking with her...making her kulit. LOL.

I understand your thirst for them. I thirst for the companionship and the love of my wife and child too. You AER NOT a "man-child' for longing to be with them. That is only natural. I can understand your feeling of helplessness..not being able to be there for them...I feel that very often myself. In fact, I can tell by the way you talk abou these things, that you love you child very much. Again, because i feel the same for my daughter and my amazing wife.

I want to be with my wife and child more than ANYTHING on this world. And yes, I would say being a bit selfish to get them here ASAP, even for the holidays is merritted. But the man of the family has to think bigger than himself. As the man of the family, the provider, the male figure....we must sacrifice OF ourselves for the betterment of our families. Think for a moment.."what is best for my family?" If the answer is allowing them to spend one more holiday with their Filipino family..then you have made the best choice/sacrifice for your family, for you wife, for your child..and ultimately for yourself.

Knowing what little I do about Filipino culture(I was lucky enough to spend Christmas of 2007 in Q.C. with them), family gatherings are more than just gathering...this is how(in my observation)many of these families "re-charge". They feed off of the love and respect of each other. Simply put, I don't think they could survive without one another. And, knowing how strong this bond is...YOU must realize that YOUR home, YOUR family, YOU will have to meet that need once they are here. YOU will have to be that "food" for them. They will be in a strange world and presumably; without family or other Filipinos around. So, YOU will have to provide them with the security and love that equals that tight knit family unit that they both are accustomed too. My suggestion is to find your local Fil-Am community, because this will help to bridge that gap between The Philippines and The States. If you are NOT willing to make this type of committment or the afore mentioned sacrifice...I don't see much success for you or them in the future.

I do not agree with other aspects of your point and I do understand how you may be questioning the motives behind her decisions. Though, I dare not claim what they are.

Be the father of this family through the holidays...sacrifice a bit more for the betterment of your family. In the end, I am sure, you will be glad that you did.

Oh and look up "Tampo"...you may be experiencing this and not even realize it.

[Tamakiz 0]

Well, I havent read every post, but I can comment on some differences in cultures.

First of all, you cannot expect someone a different sex than you to think and act the same as you. Let alone someone from a different country, language, and culture. my thoughts to you is to put all your "expectations" aside, and enjoy your differences. It sounds to me, that it would be fun to go see her and her family for the holidays. That way you can all be together, and you can possibly build some bonds with her family as well.

My fiance' and I always have misunderstandings, but most of them are based on language. She is very fluent in english, but doesnt understand the nuances that we have all learned throughout our lives. For example, its common for a filipino to state the obvious. Just the other day, her sister announced i was getting more tambok (visaya for fat). In america thats considered rude behavior. But for them, no harm was intended. It was just a statement of observation.

What I have learned from 2 years of being with my pinay, is that if you have a lot of expectations, your already sunk. There is really only a couple that really are pertinent. Love and fidelity, and that whatever you think you know, you dont.

As for shy and quiet..... welcome to the philippines.

GL to you, but try to be more patient and understanding with her.