McNuggets' Top 10 Ways to Find Osama Bin Laden

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McNuggets' Top 10 Ways to Find Osama Bin Laden

My friends, throughout the campaign, John "McNuggets" McCain has said repeatedly that he knows how to find Osama Bin Laden, and when he is president, he WILL find Osama Bin Laden. My source, who prefers to remain anonymous unless there are copious quantities of bourbon involved, has given me a piece of McCain letterhead with lots of pencil-drawn doodles on it and a hand scrawled list. Above the list is a title: Top 10 Ways to Find Osama Bin Laden.

My assumption is that every time the word "I" or "me" appears, it refers to McCain himself. Here is the list.

10. Make a video tape, with me disguised as Bin Laden. In the video I'll say, "I am Osama Bin Laden, and I am dead. Everyone go away." He will come out to prove he is alive.

9. Ask Wal Mart to hold a Big and Tall Turban Sale.

8. Invite him to an Obama family reunion in Virginia.

7. Conduct a massive SPAM campaign, using the headline, "Sell Your Time Share Cave Now."

6. Move that biker beauty contest from Sturgis to Pakistan. When Bin Laden comes out to gawk at Cindy in her t-back, grab him.

5. Bomb Tora Bora back to the stone age (note to self: it appears someone has already done this).

4. Offer him free AOL for life if he gives up immediately.

3. Hundreds of small prop planes pulling signs (like at the beach) that say, "Hey Obama, how about putting Country First, you meathead you!"

2. Direct mail campaign offer to every household along the Pakistan/Iraq/Afghanistan border offering great deal on Time/Life series: "Best Places to Bomb in America."

1. Free seats to a Letterman taping, including transportation and lodging (for life).

[rocks 494]

10. Make a video tape, with me disguised as Bin Laden. In the video I'll say, "I am Osama Bin Laden, and I am dead. Everyone go away." He will come out to prove he is alive.

sadly that is probably what he intends to do to pretend he caught bin laden and make up for the failures in the gulf war that he apparently thinks are directly related to 9/11.

i'm so scared of him getting elected

[chri'stina 190]

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Blessed be the days when AJ wakes up on his creative side

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Blessed be the days when AJ wakes up on his creative side

I don't have one.

This is from the Interwebz.

[chri'stina 190]

Yeah sorry...I don't think Aj could come up with this himself.

just kidddding

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Yeah sorry...I don't think Aj could come up with this himself.

just kidddding

no, you're right

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Blessed be the days when AJ wakes up on his creative side

I don't have one.

This is from the Interwebz.

Oh cr@p. Life has no meaning now.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Blessed be the days when AJ wakes up on his creative side

I don't have one.

This is from the Interwebz.

Oh cr@p. Life has no meaning now.

You're always so mean to me!!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Blessed be the days when AJ wakes up on his creative side

I don't have one.

This is from the Interwebz.

Oh cr@p. Life has no meaning now.

You're always so mean to me!!

I was being nice saying you were creative - and you ruined it by being honest and naming your source --- seriously, #######.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]