Separated and depressed

[Colada 0]

Thank you all for the replies. He and I actually went to therapist a couple of times. When things were really bad, he would be willing to attend sessions with me. I go see therapist regularly. He has addiction problem and it is not something that can be changed easily. I feel sorry for him sometimes because he doesn't realize how serious HIS issue is. Maybe it is something that I have to work on...to realize that he doesn't have the capacity to love. I feel lonely not having him by my side. and I am worry about money and wonder the amount and length alimony that I can get. All the uncertainity makes me nervous.

[NickD 202]

Thank you all for the replies. He and I actually went to therapist a couple of times. When things were really bad, he would be willing to attend sessions with me. I go see therapist regularly. He has addiction problem and it is not something that can be changed easily. I feel sorry for him sometimes because he doesn't realize how serious HIS issue is. Maybe it is something that I have to work on...to realize that he doesn't have the capacity to love. I feel lonely not having him by my side. and I am worry about money and wonder the amount and length alimony that I can get. All the uncertainity makes me nervous.

Is alimony only paid from the husband to the wife? Some old fashion idea that the wife stayed home, did the housekeeping, grocery shopping, took care of the kids, etc., didn't advance in her career and is essentially helpless. But what happens if she is not staying home taking care of the kids, etc., not fixing their supper, and the house is a mess when the guy comes home? But spends her day blowing your money, out with friends having a good old time, has a professional degree, but to lazy to work? And tells lies like crazy to get full custody of the children so she can get child support as well. Not that any of that money would go toward the kids. But all this stuff is inadmissible in a no-fault divorce court of law, and the guy will have to pay alimony as well.

Out of court was decided with over priced guardian ad lib court appointed attorneys for each kid that the kids would be better served staying with their father, but the alimony issue was there, this guy not wanting the bitterness of having to send that check each month, got the court to agree to a one time alimony settlement, got a loan and paid it off so this woman would be completely our of his life. Course she blew that money, ran up another $15,600.00 bill after the legal separation where the guy was not suppose to be liable for any more debts incurred by her, but before the final divorce, so they stuck that guy with this bill. So much for the fairness of the courts, if you are a guy you are screwed.

Was this guy tempted to pound the ####### out of his wife? More than likely, but would only end up in jail and had kids to raise. Could this wife simply say she didn't want alimony, just her freedom? Answer to that is yes, but she fought hard for every penny she could get and did. Did this guy ever stop his kids from seeing their mom, on the contrary, with a mature attitude, kids only have one mother, can't change that, but encouraged it, but the kids realizing what misery she caused the family never want to see their mother again. Besides now, they have a wonderful step mother that while not even her own children, cares about them. Is this mother still around, yes, was she invited to any weddings or given birth announcements? No. Is she trying to reestablishing family relations? Yes, but the kids are now over 18 years of age and that is their decision, not the dad's.

You as a mature woman entered into this contract, didn't do your homework and got yourself into a bad situation, your husband will not be able to pay alimony if in jail for physical abuse. Did have sympathy for you until you brought up alimony, why can't you just admit you made a bad mistake, get out of it with no strings attached? It would also be good to hear his side of the story.

Ha, I couldn't believe the number of women I met that just wanted a sexual relationship because they didn't want to remarry and lose their alimony. Didn't seem right to have all the fun while some poor slob was paying for it. And if they are screwing this poor guy, why would I be any different? Really didn't want to have any kind of relationship with people like that, and there is a lot of them. Wanted a friend and a companion, hopefully for life, took a long time to find a person like that, but unfortunately from a foreign country and had no idea about immigration at the time.

When I first met her, asked her if she was receiving alimony, she said no, just want full custody of her child and wanted that guy out of her life, very similar to my own ex, a user, that started off with a long relationship. She admitted she erred in marrying this guy and just wanted to be free of him, had a lot of respect for him, having a strong platonic and a biological relationship really helped. I asked her to marry me, she said yes, than all this ####### with the USCIS began. Always somebody there to make your life miserable.