Family support

[*Maureen* 0]

i can't imagine with what you're dealing with i can only wish things will get better with your family.

[Imua 0]

My grandmother has basically disowned me - when I announced my marriage last Christmas to her over the phone her first words weren't 'congratulations' or 'that's great', but 'he's only marrying you for a greencard'.....!!!! I was in shock and didn;t know what to say, I hung up on her and haven't spoken to her since then. She has sent me a birthday card every year until now but this year she didn't. Basically she is very racist and closed-minded - previously she asked if Govi had 'dark skin' and said if we have kids then life might be hard for them - she lives in Hawaii where most of the population is mixed race and has dark skin!!!!! Still she lives in a remote area and has never had to work or take public transportation one day in her life. Well, newsflash: I am probably too old and we are too poor to have kids anyway, so it won't be a problem!!! When I became interested in Buddhism and Hinduism and gave up meat and alcohol she said 'you are abandoning our way of life' - honey, with my grandfather dead of cirrhosis before I was even born and d@mn near every member of my family alcoholic or near-alcoholic and with high blood pressure it's a way of life I am HAPPY to abandon....

My mom is supportive but not financially: she isn't even giving us a wedding present..... She is well off and we will be STRUGGLING (we are going to be sharing a 1br with my roommate and sleeping on a futon in the living room until God knows how long with this economy) so I guess this is her way of showing her disapproval.

Still like one poster said when I am older who will be there, hopefully my husband, my mom and gram will be long-gone.

[MrsAmera 41]

Terrie,

You know I think it really has to do with where you are. I never realized how close minded people were until I left WI, now when I go back I cringe at the things I hear people saying. We live in DC -it's urban and people mix it's life. There not so much. I'm really sorry that these things are going on but know that you're not alone. I dealt with that S*it for a long time and now it is a little better. My mom and dad totally accept and love my husband, as do my grandparents. My uncles make rude racist comments at times and I am Muslim. My bro-in-law is in the Army and my cousin is a Marine, so let's just say that doesn't help. Know that even if your family were to come around at some point, there are others in the world who never will. I've found it better to learn how to deal with these problems now, so that when things come up I have the"skills" for lack of a better word to deal.

Such as this morning on my way to work when some abortion protestor at the Supreme Court stopped me to tell me "Honey the only way you're getting to heaven is with Jesus". Thanks for the info, totally not neccesary behavior!

[polarbear 0]

Terrie,

You know I think it really has to do with where you are. I never realized how close minded people were until I left WI, now when I go back I cringe at the things I hear people saying. We live in DC -it's urban and people mix it's life. There not so much. I'm really sorry that these things are going on but know that you're not alone. I dealt with that S*it for a long time and now it is a little better. My mom and dad totally accept and love my husband, as do my grandparents. My uncles make rude racist comments at times and I am Muslim. My bro-in-law is in the Army and my cousin is a Marine, so let's just say that doesn't help. Know that even if your family were to come around at some point, there are others in the world who never will. I've found it better to learn how to deal with these problems now, so that when things come up I have the"skills" for lack of a better word to deal.

Such as this morning on my way to work when some abortion protestor at the Supreme Court stopped me to tell me "Honey the only way you're getting to heaven is with Jesus". Thanks for the info, totally not neccesary behavior!

Last week an evangalist - or at least someone spreading the word of Jesus - stopped me on the way into a bookstore. I'm muslim, but don't wear the headscarf. I politely told her I was not interested and she responded with "hopefully one day you will have God in your life". I was walking away and this point, but I looked over my shoulder and said "God has been in my life a long time, but Jesus is not" - she looked shocked and mortified and her friend told her I must be Jewish (I cover like the orthodox jewish comunity around here). I know it's the wrong thing to have said, and really muslims believe in Jesus but not that he was the son of God and equal to him.... she would not have understood, but I really should have just let it go

[~~~water~~~ 0]

Wow !!! That is really harsh. Just bide your time ... When they see your happy and he is not a bad person in time they may come around.... If your mom is making the effort though he is burning briges to appply his values to the situation, it just is not the same here

[Imua 0]

Terrie,

You know I think it really has to do with where you are. I never realized how close minded people were until I left WI, now when I go back I cringe at the things I hear people saying. We live in DC -it's urban and people mix it's life. There not so much. I'm really sorry that these things are going on but know that you're not alone. I dealt with that S*it for a long time and now it is a little better. My mom and dad totally accept and love my husband, as do my grandparents. My uncles make rude racist comments at times and I am Muslim. My bro-in-law is in the Army and my cousin is a Marine, so let's just say that doesn't help. Know that even if your family were to come around at some point, there are others in the world who never will. I've found it better to learn how to deal with these problems now, so that when things come up I have the"skills" for lack of a better word to deal.

Such as this morning on my way to work when some abortion protestor at the Supreme Court stopped me to tell me "Honey the only way you're getting to heaven is with Jesus". Thanks for the info, totally not neccesary behavior!

Last week an evangalist - or at least someone spreading the word of Jesus - stopped me on the way into a bookstore. I'm muslim, but don't wear the headscarf. I politely told her I was not interested and she responded with "hopefully one day you will have God in your life". I was walking away and this point, but I looked over my shoulder and said "God has been in my life a long time, but Jesus is not" - she looked shocked and mortified and her friend told her I must be Jewish (I cover like the orthodox jewish comunity around here). I know it's the wrong thing to have said, and really muslims believe in Jesus but not that he was the son of God and equal to him.... she would not have understood, but I really should have just let it go

I wear salwar and I get a lot of the seemingly polite 'so what religion are you?' people - I used to think they just were curious until a few of them started going off on 'well I'm a Christian and we have the TRUE religion' BS... I've decided the next time I hear that question I'm going to turn it around and ask 'What religion are YOU??? and if they answer 'Christian' I'll say 'Thought so.' and walk off....

[Nutty 2]

Unfortunately, with family, sometimes it takes a long time before they come around.

My mother, at first, was very worried when I married my husband. Not that she was racist. But that my husband would become overbearing or dominating. But that changed when she met him and saw he was a softie. Even when I went to Iran, she was ok with it.

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I think the older the parents the worse it is, i know my mom is same but now at this age there is alot she doesnt understand. If it were left to her i would be with no one period....people have a way of being uneducated and scared of things (people) they dont know. Years ago my moms brother worked in S africa for the government and so now she got a ear full from him on (his opinions) and if i wanted to talk to him i could (no thanks).

I dont know why people group ALL people together, two people from any group could be standing in front of you one good one bad.....and here we generally just hear the bad of Moroccan or Egyptian. They dont see the kind familys, the manners, the cleanlyness of most of them, the family values that have come down generations, unless you are there and know someone they wont see this, but because of the news, etc most wont give anyone a chance. I just made the choice to continue for myself and my husband...one day my mother will be gone, my kids have a life of their own by the way they didnt ask if i approve who they picked. When my time comes i want to look back and say i was happy and not always saying what if.........

[Muh and me 18]

I figure its my life-my parents are old, my children have grown, and i really don't have anyone. SO WHAT!! It just erks me at how people can be so judgemental of a person before they even give them a chance and get to know them. If I hadn't gotton married to Kamal, I may have picked another person from here far worse then what my family would want for me. Life is too short!!! I just wish my father and son weren't such azz's.

[Nothing1234 2]

I figure its my life-my parents are old, my children have grown, and i really don't have anyone. SO WHAT!! It just erks me at how people can be so judgemental of a person before they even give them a chance and get to know them. If I hadn't gotton married to Kamal, I may have picked another person from here far worse then what my family would want for me. Life is too short!!! I just wish my father and son weren't such azz's.

Terrie, I'm sorry you're going through this. But thank god for a place like VJ where you can come for some support and advice. You and your hubby are in my thoughts! I hope and pray your family will come around in time. Like many said on this thread, its your happiness that matters and its your life! So live it girl and when you feel down post and we can yell with ya!!