Seriously Out of Control...

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Happy you found a solution, Tracy! (and don't worry about any "furor" you created....I once (or a few times) created one too...and things worked out just peachy for us... Good luck! M.

[Completely 3]

Sorry this causing stress for you, Tracy.

My wife also feels obligated to send money to family back home as her older sisters have done so for her. In some countries, family is all you've got when someone in the family needs surgery or other unexpected expenses.

I would recommend sitting down with him when you are both calm and reaffirm to him that you understand his generosity and support it, so long as your immediate family needs are covered first. Perhaps coming up with an agreed amount per month that is set aside for him to send to family?

I would like to add some of what Steven mentioned above..

I too.......also feels obligated to send money to family back home.. and I am willing to do this only for my parents as they were on their late 60's. It is kind of hard also in my part to do this as I am trying to balance it to our own finances as well.... Luckily I have a nice job that pays much as much as my husband, and dont pay for an apartment and vehicle as we are both living overseas.. so we really dont have trouble in financial issues but still can save at the same time...

My husband does not have a problem of me sending money back home as we already talked about this before we got married.. I told him about my situation so he wont be suprise in the future..

Perhaps, even if I do help my parents back home as they dont have jobs, and my brother do not have jobs as well.. I try to minimize and set an amount for them to send to them every month (as what everybody said, money is never be enough) whether you send a huge amount or enough amount, it would still be the same.. For me, they still have to know how to budget.. its not because they are just receiving money, it is okay for them to spend for nothing??

I help my sister as well on the schooling for her kids as 2 of them are both in college (graduation will be March 2009, whew!!) but Ive made a deal before I agreed to help her.. I told her, I can help to one of my niece (college) and my nephew (highschool) but not everything just only for their allowances every month...

It is not bad to help, actually it is a sense of self fulfillment for me.. But I know my limitation on when to stop and when not to give... I told them once we move back to the states.. I will no longer be able to help them as my own family needs more attention than them...

In your case, your husband should learn how to say NO, and besides he is not the only one working, there are a lot of siblings that can help as well not only HIM.. He is just making his family depend to him so much which he will suffer later on.. The more he gives the more thing they will expect...

[RYME 0]

I understand you, it's a cultural thing, it s not becuase sometimes the parents need it so bad, it s just cultural. You want to help your parents.

Before i got married i was able to send more money when i was on my work visa, I had 2 jobs so i could send more money to my parents.

Now we have a house and I see it 's completely different and by the way i have 1 job. The mortage is expensive and support a house and family is completely different , we don't have kids but i am going to college and i have a doggy that needs a lot of things too. So my parents understand, they both have jobs in Peru, so it was more my the idea to send them money.

The things that i do for example now: i send them littles present for example.

I work in a cosmetics company and I have a lot of free creams and make up for my mom, and for my dad I send him t shirts or hat that he likes.

It s and advice . But the best thing you can do it s talk to your husband and if he doesn't understand , well it s kind of hard to change him. It s just on us. "it's cultural" the idea to try to help your parents.

good luck

meli