What is wrong with me?

[bubblyjellybelly 0]

Hi, I am hoping to enlightened my mind, since I have seen a lot of Filipino-American couples here who's also applying for K1 visa just like us... I am from Manila, Philippines and my fiance` is from the Philippines. We are now waiting for the results of the petition.

I am hurting now, my heart is in pain. I just want to share this so I would know if I am only being so childish as that's what my fiance` told me.

I am loving my fiance` up to the maximum limit that I only want to stay at home to wait for him, the highlight of my day is when he message me, he is everything that I am thinking every minute of my day here at home. He became part of my system already that I can't even sleep well without one message from him. And I consider my self being the most happiest person and the most contented person living on earth when he is being sweet and telling me that he loves me and he misses when we chat on yahoo messenger.

I have seen couples here who communicate always everyday, and in fairness to my fiance` he always find time to chat with me on yahoo messenger for 2 hours before he sleeps and he has been supporting me financially for nearly 8 months now and that's a blessing I think I am so thankful and grateful of.

And the fact the he went here in Manila to see is really the best thing ever happened in my entire life.

But I am sad right now for the reason that when I am upset or we call it TAMPO here in the Philippines (meaning just wanting some affection does not really means mad) he just ignore me as if I am not important to him. He don't even call... In the entire time that I have known him he only called me twice and that was during the first few weeks that I've met him online (but it does not matter if he calls or not so long as he calls me during the most important days of my life like Christmas or to say an apology). As time goes by I have learned to accept that he is a person who does not want to call me on phone but still I am loving him so deeply.

When I am upset I am always the one who calls to force him to say sorry, I hope Filipina girls would understand me here, when I am upset I only want a simple sorry that he have to tell me once on the phone or on email.

I am making my self believe that my reasons for being upset is valid but I will appreciate if you will tell me I am really childish. Like for instance, the other day I waited on YM for him from 12NOON until 3PM because we normally chat around that time, I called him and he said he was trying to call me, I cut the phone call, then I waited for his call but he did not call. I called again at around 2:30PM his son answered my call. I'm glad I was able to talk to his son but it made me feel upset because I don't have a phone load anymore and I only asked my mom to send me load just to ask if he can go online (anyways phone load has nothing o do with that). And we never had a chance to talk online, without a call from him. And so I felt upset (not mad). But he is just ignoring until now, he said he is feeling sick, that's all... I am being too sensitive and childish because I am upset now for that reason?

The thing is, he always ignore me and we will only talk when I approach him to talk. He even sleeps so well at night without even fixing what happened while I am crying at night and not able to sleep for long hours. He says I am being over too sensitive and he is blaming it to me being so sensitive.

Despite all this I am loving him and I am trying to make my family love him the way they are loving me.

But now I have this fear now that when the time comes that I have to be with him in the US, he will just ignore me when something happened that he will not want to talk and will make me feel upset... He will ignore me in a place that I don't know anyone aside from him?

Be honest on your response, if I am childish, then maybe he is right, I will try to change because I love him so much.

[♥ Teena♥ Joe♥ 0]

Hi, I am hoping to enlightened my mind, since I have seen a lot of Filipino-American couples here who's also applying for K1 visa just like us... I am from Manila, Philippines and my fiance` is from the Philippines. We are now waiting for the results of the petition.

I am hurting now, my heart is in pain. I just want to share this so I would know if I am only being so childish as that's what my fiance` told me.

I am loving my fiance` up to the maximum limit that I only want to stay at home to wait for him, the highlight of my day is when he message me, he is everything that I am thinking every minute of my day here at home. He became part of my system already that I can't even sleep well without one message from him. And I consider my self being the most happiest person and the most contented person living on earth when he is being sweet and telling me that he loves me and he misses when we chat on yahoo messenger.

I have seen couples here who communicate always everyday, and in fairness to my fiance` he always find time to chat with me on yahoo messenger for 2 hours before he sleeps and he has been supporting me financially for nearly 8 months now and that's a blessing I think I am so thankful and grateful of.

And the fact the he went here in Manila to see is really the best thing ever happened in my entire life.

But I am sad right now for the reason that when I am upset or we call it TAMPO here in the Philippines (meaning just wanting some affection does not really means mad) he just ignore me as if I am not important to him. He don't even call... In the entire time that I have known him he only called me twice and that was during the first few weeks that I've met him online (but it does not matter if he calls or not so long as he calls me during the most important days of my life like Christmas or to say an apology). As time goes by I have learned to accept that he is a person who does not want to call me on phone but still I am loving him so deeply.

When I am upset I am always the one who calls to force him to say sorry, I hope Filipina girls would understand me here, when I am upset I only want a simple sorry that he have to tell me once on the phone or on email.

I am making my self believe that my reasons for being upset is valid but I will appreciate if you will tell me I am really childish. Like for instance, the other day I waited on YM for him from 12NOON until 3PM because we normally chat around that time, I called him and he said he was trying to call me, I cut the phone call, then I waited for his call but he did not call. I called again at around 2:30PM his son answered my call. I'm glad I was able to talk to his son but it made me feel upset because I don't have a phone load anymore and I only asked my mom to send me load just to ask if he can go online (anyways phone load has nothing o do with that). And we never had a chance to talk online, without a call from him. And so I felt upset (not mad). But he is just ignoring until now, he said he is feeling sick, that's all... I am being too sensitive and childish because I am upset now for that reason?

The thing is, he always ignore me and we will only talk when I approach him to talk. He even sleeps so well at night without even fixing what happened while I am crying at night and not able to sleep for long hours. He says I am being over too sensitive and he is blaming it to me being so sensitive.

Despite all this I am loving him and I am trying to make my family love him the way they are loving me.

But now I have this fear now that when the time comes that I have to be with him in the US, he will just ignore me when something happened that he will not want to talk and will make me feel upset... He will ignore me in a place that I don't know anyone aside from him?

Be honest on your response, if I am childish, then maybe he is right, I will try to change because I love him so much.

In my opinion, based on what i read in your post, YES, you are a childish. sometimes men wants some space from us, they are like birds too, when you hold them tight, they will die but when you hold them gently, they will stay and if you hold them loose, they will go. Do you get what i mean here? Don't be too demanding because sometimes or most of the time that will cause a problem.

My husband, when he is pissed off, he ignores me too so you're not the only one having that kind of problem, he don't apologized to me also but i understand if its only a very simple thing. See, you need to have so much understanding and patience too. I am like you before but I tried to change and be mature so i can handle it myself without crying and thinking too much anymore.

Cheer up! And hope you understand my point!

Teena

[RonMay 1]

to be honest i can stay forever online just for my then fiance (now husband), in spite and despite that i was still in school back then. lol. i woke up around 10 am, go online (the comp was just next to my bed) and started waiting for him then realized gosh its 2pm already and i missed my class and he didnt show up! (guess what im feeling that day? lol)... like literally i would drop anything just for him. so a bit similar to yours in a way... i have all the time for him and i can wait for as long as i can online. lol... the thing is, he cant do that for me not because he doesnt love me more than i love him or that he doesnt seem to care, but rather he's got his own life here in the US and running a boat business is no fun at all... busy busy busy... he'd go online and spend 1-2 hrs chatting w/ me and its not even everyday... its so BITIN but what can i do right? i got lucky if he'd call me once a month (its not even once a month lol)... he never uses his webcam (ok just twice for 30 seconds) lol... and the list just goes on... but still i am the luckiest girl on earth coz he loves me so much and he takes care for me... he may never be the kind of guy that spends so much time talking with their SO on the internet (which i often wish he would back then lol) but he is what he is... and he still got his own special way of showing and proving his love for me. and im so thankful w/ that... he often told me to get a hubby or things that will pre-occupy my mind aside from him just so i wont miss him that much, which is so freakin hard to do.

i guess i was being childish too back then for expecting something different, but i guess we have our own way of thinking and wishing how a perfect relationship would be... but its not the way how the world works or else this world would be boring... i believe you have your own valid reason. and i do believe also that he's got his own valid reason... just give him some time to think for himself and dont push him too hard or nag him too hard. who knows he's got his own way to deal with things and it doesnt mean he dont love you that much... they're not used to any TAMPO here (at least not much) so i guess he doesnt know how to deal w/ it... relationship takes a lot of time to build a strong foundation and its gona keep on building forever. in time you'll both learn more and more w/ each other and compensate the differences... my husband and i has a few things (maybe more) that we dont agree upon and we respect our differences and sometimes sacrifice some things to make me/him happy... just think about the ways that makes him happy and that makes you happy at same time. focus on those things. coz once we think about negative stuff, the more we find flaws to another person and the more we feel sad, mad or bad... wish you luck and God bless!!!

[BMJ 0]

It is not you. If this is going to work between you two he has to be willing to communicate. Going through this process is VERY hard on a relationship. Just having a long distance relationship is hard but going through a visa process just makes it harder.

You are NOT being childish. If I were you I would tell him he needs to do his part or break it off. Do not put up with having a one sided relationship. If he is worried about costs for the phone he can always use any of the free message services out there or he can even hook up head phones to the pc and you two can talk online for free using computer phone type services like skype. In this day and age there is no reason that he can not keep up the communication.

I know you love him, but a relationship can not work without communication. Currently he doesn't sound willing to do his part with the communication. Explain to him that you love him and if he wants to be with you he needs to work at it as well. After that I suggest YOU wait until he makes the next move. If he does not contact you after a couple of days and try to work out your communication issues, I would not stay with him. Do not put yourself through this. You are worth more than that and I am sure there are many men out there would would love a chance to get to know you that would treat you better than this guy seems to be treating you.

Good luck to you.

[SunShineFL1210 0]

I have a question: Are you Lea, Michael's fiancee?

You see, a vj member here posted about his fiancee having TAMPO with him. If you're the one, please read that thread (TAMPO) in the Philippine forum.

-ApriL

[bubblyjellybelly 0]

I have a question: Are you Lea, Michael's fiancee?

You see, a vj member here posted about his fiancee having TAMPO with him. If you're the one, please read that thread (TAMPO) in the Philippine forum.

-ApriL

Hi, I'm not Leah... I have read that but we have a very different story... that story ended so sad, I am praying my journey will not end sad...

[BMJ 0]

After rereading what you wrote I wanted to say one more thing.

I do not think you are childish, however I do think you need to stop waiting around for him and start living your life. Normally for most couples, it is best if you have some things in common and share some common intrests however it is good for you to have things you like to do without each other.

Go out, find things to do that make you happy, hang out with friends, have fun, go shopping or whatever makes you happy. When you are happy the time will fly faster and you will have more to say to him when you do talk.

Tell him your feelings about your lack of communication, but do it when you are not upset as this can make him feel defensive.

If he is not willing to spend some time with you and you feel too neglected and he isnt willing to work on things with you, you might want to think strongly if this is going to work for the two of you. Long distance relationships are not easy.

It does however sound like he is a busy guy. From the little I saw it seems like he has a child (this alone is going to take time away from you and is perfectly normal) It also sounds like he has a job and that will keep him busy too. If there is a big time difference you will need to take that into account as well. After a long day of work and taking care of his son he might just want to rest. If you are there and saying sweet things he will more than likely want to talk but if every time you talk you are crying that he isnt on enough when he is trying to make enough money so you can come over he might start getting resentful.

It is really hard to say without knowing the full story but I do hope things work out for you and I wish you the best.

[bubblyjellybelly 0]

i guess i was being childish too back then for expecting something different, but i guess we have our own way of thinking and wishing how a perfect relationship would be... but its not the way how the world works or else this world would be boring...

Hi RonMay, I was moved by what you've said, I understand it clearly... it makes sense.

I am understanding more that I am on the state of self-pity because I made my self think that almost everyone here communicates differently the way we are communicating now.

I did not use my real user ID (sorry for that) because this post is a little unfair to my fiance` but all I want is to enlighten my mind of what is going on with our relationship.

The positive responses are giving me the comfort I am needing now... I am being so weak now and at the point of giving up but I am still holding on to one last great thing I have, that is the love I have for him.

[EricC 0]

My advice is not to be too clingy. I learned that early in our relationship. I used to be sad if she didn't get online everyday or only chatted for a little while. I also called her if she didn't get online that day. It was only when I realized that I was being to needy and clingy I stopped getting sad for a short chat or her not coming online, and she in turn wanted to chat with me more and thats when our relationship started to get even better. Some people just don't like it when the other person constantly needs their attention every moment.

[o0pink0o 3]

If my husband isn't on time, i ask him the reason first and see if its valid. Before i use to hang up the fone too if i got pissed (but thank God he calls back every time after i hang up the fone lol!). My husband said that he feels like i am not respecting him as his husband every time i hang up the fone. But now i don't hang up the fone caz we've talked to each other that we need to talk about out probs and hanging up the fone won't answer our problem plus i dn't want him to feel disrespected.

Have you discussed to him what tampo is? I think that will help, so that he will better understand how you feel and he will know that most filipinos usually has that trait. I know tampo is not a good thing and yes it is a childish act that as much as possible needs not to be done caz it won't do any good in a relationship.

I think one of the real good key to a good relationship is a good and open communication. Try to talk to him and ask things first and try not to hang up the fone. AVOID the tampo feelings or at least try to avoid it

Good luck to you and fiance

PiNk

PS.

i try to make my time valuable while waiting on him online so that i won't get bored and upset when he gets on YM .., u can try that . it works on me hehe

Edited May 19, 2008 by o0pink0o

[bubblyjellybelly 0]

After rereading what you wrote I wanted to say one more thing.

I do not think you are childish, however I do think you need to stop waiting around for him and start living your life. Normally for most couples, it is best if you have some things in common and share some common intrests however it is good for you to have things you like to do without each other.

Go out, find things to do that make you happy, hang out with friends, have fun, go shopping or whatever makes you happy. When you are happy the time will fly faster and you will have more to say to him when you do talk.

Tell him your feelings about your lack of communication, but do it when you are not upset as this can make him feel defensive.

Dear BMJ, I appreciate what you have said (quoted) and I have been patching all the advices I have been receiving here and it's giving me a little light in a very dark corner where I am sitting now.

[bubblyjellybelly 0]

My advice is not to be too clingy. I learned that early in our relationship. I used to be sad if she didn't get online everyday or only chatted for a little while. I also called her if she didn't get online that day. It was only when I realized that I was being to needy and clingy I stopped getting sad for a short chat or her not coming online, and she in turn wanted to chat with me more and thats when our relationship started to get even better. Some people just don't like it when the other person constantly needs their attention every moment.

It does make sense. I'm glad I am receiving matured advices and it's making me realize a lot of things.

[shes 0]

in a relationship, there should be a two way process...u adjust, he adjust, u give, he gives...it shouldnt be something to impost on each other nymore but a natural flow within you and ur partner. even without reminding each other that ur not spending time anymore, one should have that instinct already. i believe thats the fruit of love = giving.

communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship

love is the one that motivates a person to pursue a healthy relationship..

(see the connection in there?)

[Glen&Teresa 0]

Bubbly - I dont think you are being childish or clingy etc. Take a deep breath and think about this. At the momment, you are madly in love. He has also committed you - and going through the K1 process proves this. Between you is 15000 miles of water and redtape. Normal couples when the air needs to be cleared can offer a smile, a hug, a kiss. For us this is not an option

What you are attempting to do is extrodinary. Think about it, two people seperated by half a world, trying to keep their love alive. Add in the stress of this process....and rational thinking will be the first casualty.

I argue there would be hardly any of us in long distant relationships that have not had these momments. Where rationality and common sense blows away in the wind. I can recall one night where I hardly slept and on the verge of tears. Simply because Teresa did say she loved me in our last email of the day. As she gently pointed - she said it in the second last email

[N360 0]

in a relationship, there should be a two way process...u adjust, he adjust, u give, he gives...it shouldnt be something to impost on each other nymore but a natural flow within you and ur partner. even without reminding each other that ur not spending time anymore, one should have that instinct already. i believe thats the fruit of love = giving.

communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship

love is the one that motivates a person to pursue a healthy relationship..

(see the connection in there?)

Like they say... Relationship is a dance. He moves forward, she moves backward. She moves forward then he moves backwards. If she moves forward again, then he has to move backwards again. When that happens, its not a dance anymore. its a chase. :-)

But dont be too hard on yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. You're human.