REMOVING CONDITION "cruelty"

[ydong 0]

What are the requirements in removing condtion under cruelty? me and hubby had a dispute 4 mos. ago but i didn't had bruces nor filed a charges, will it be consider cruelty? he kicked me out in the house and detained my passport and immigration documents so i called the cops. they brought me to ywca and i stayed there for 1 night only because my employer gave me a free place to stay. now im back at my hubby's house because he apologize so i also gave him a chance, but his moods are totally unstable. i have all the evidence that the marriage is genuine, like lease of our car, joint accounts/credit cards, bills and etc.

is there a police report even if i did not push charges? do the cops make a report everytime they are called?

my husband will never file a divorce he said, he said i may file it but he won't.

[ydong 0]

up!

[imailin 0]

up!

well to be able to apply for I751 with a waver you need to be divorce (total divorce certificate on hand) if not you have to apply jointly.... I will guess that you have enough proof that you been morally affected due to your husband's behavior (with the police report) even though you did not put charges on him which the reason most likely is because deep inside you love him.

good luck!

[Peter 0]

wow.

See, this is what i hate. You guys had a 1 fight and now you guys are back together but still want to go with "cruelty" option. Kicking you out of the house, is not abuse. You called cops on him because he was holding your passport/immigration forms. Not because he "abused" you. I love how people think oh, yeah, he called me the b word, yep. abuse, gonna file under that.

man. what fraud.

edit: I do feel bad for those who have gon months and months of mental abuse / physical abuse. kicking you out of the house is not abuse. Its a dispute. There were many times that my wife kicked me out of the house but it is all in the heat of the moment.

Edited April 17, 2008 by Peter

[ahebl 0]

wow.

See, this is what i hate. You guys had a 1 fight and now you guys are back together but still want to go with "cruelty" option. Kicking you out of the house, is not abuse. You called cops on him because he was holding your passport/immigration forms. Not because he "abused" you. I love how people think oh, yeah, he called me the b word, yep. abuse, gonna file under that.

man. what fraud.

edit: I do feel bad for those who have gon months and months of mental abuse / physical abuse. kicking you out of the house is not abuse. Its a dispute. There were many times that my wife kicked me out of the house but it is all in the heat of the moment.

Being kicked out of your house by your spouse is not normal or OK. People should not have to wait until they are physically abused to obtain relief. What do you want her to do, wait until he brings out the baseball bat? #######?!

[imailin 0]

wow.

See, this is what i hate. You guys had a 1 fight and now you guys are back together but still want to go with "cruelty" option. Kicking you out of the house, is not abuse. You called cops on him because he was holding your passport/immigration forms. Not because he "abused" you. I love how people think oh, yeah, he called me the b word, yep. abuse, gonna file under that.

man. what fraud.

edit: I do feel bad for those who have gon months and months of mental abuse / physical abuse. kicking you out of the house is not abuse. Its a dispute. There were many times that my wife kicked me out of the house but it is all in the heat of the moment.

Being kicked out of your house by your spouse is not normal or OK. People should not have to wait until they are physically abused to obtain relief. What do you want her to do, wait until he brings out the baseball bat? #######?!

I am with you.... who likes to be kicked out??? it could damage you mentally and morally specially if you really love your husband....

[Scalpel 14]

wow.

See, this is what i hate. You guys had a 1 fight and now you guys are back together but still want to go with "cruelty" option. Kicking you out of the house, is not abuse. You called cops on him because he was holding your passport/immigration forms. Not because he "abused" you. I love how people think oh, yeah, he called me the b word, yep. abuse, gonna file under that.

man. what fraud.

edit: I do feel bad for those who have gon months and months of mental abuse / physical abuse. kicking you out of the house is not abuse. Its a dispute. There were many times that my wife kicked me out of the house but it is all in the heat of the moment.

Wow! You amaze me with your warped sense of justice and logic. Why are you trying to trivialize such a very serious situation? How many times does this type of thing have to happen for it to qualify as abuse? Just in case you don't know (obviously you don't!) - abuse is a mistreatment of a person in a way that causes some kind of harm to the abused person, or is unlawful or wrongful. And it doesn't matter whether it happened once or many times. Stealing the first time is still what it is - stealing. So just because it happened one time doesn't make it any different nor should it be excused or tolerated. One time occurrence of abuse is one time too many.

And one more thing, just because you're in a dysfunctional relationship where your wife kicks you out ever so often or just because you happily tolerate abuse over and over and again doesn't mean it's OK or that other people should tolerate it as well.

[Scalpel 14]

What are the requirements in removing condtion under cruelty? me and hubby had a dispute 4 mos. ago but i didn't had bruces nor filed a charges, will it be consider cruelty? he kicked me out in the house and detained my passport and immigration documents so i called the cops. they brought me to ywca and i stayed there for 1 night only because my employer gave me a free place to stay. now im back at my hubby's house because he apologize so i also gave him a chance, but his moods are totally unstable. i have all the evidence that the marriage is genuine, like lease of our car, joint accounts/credit cards, bills and etc.

is there a police report even if i did not push charges? do the cops make a report everytime they are called?

my husband will never file a divorce he said, he said i may file it but he won't.

There should be a police report whether charges are pressed or not. And don't hesitate to call the police the next time you're threatened by him in any way.

But in my opinion, the last thing you should be concerned about right now is your immigration status. Obviously you're in an abusive relationship. And your physical and mental wellbeing is under a serious threat since you said your hubby's "moods are totally unstable." It's not enough for him to apologize. If you truly love your husband, you should be helping in getting him to the psychiatrist and perhaps into some counseling too. It sounds like he has a mood disorder which comes as a result of chemical imbalance in the brain. If left untreated, it will get worse over time. And I hate to tell you but most women don't realize the seriousness of an abusive relationship until they end up injured, maimed or even killed. I'm hoping you won't let this happen to you. Get some more information from www.padv.org

[ydong 0]

What are the requirements in removing condtion under cruelty? me and hubby had a dispute 4 mos. ago but i didn't had bruces nor filed a charges, will it be consider cruelty? he kicked me out in the house and detained my passport and immigration documents so i called the cops. they brought me to ywca and i stayed there for 1 night only because my employer gave me a free place to stay. now im back at my hubby's house because he apologize so i also gave him a chance, but his moods are totally unstable. i have all the evidence that the marriage is genuine, like lease of our car, joint accounts/credit cards, bills and etc.

is there a police report even if i did not push charges? do the cops make a report everytime they are called?

my husband will never file a divorce he said, he said i may file it but he won't.

There should be a police report whether charges are pressed or not. And don't hesitate to call the police the next time you're threatened by him in any way.

But in my opinion, the last thing you should be concerned about right now is your immigration status. Obviously you're in an abusive relationship. And your physical and mental wellbeing is under a serious threat since you said your hubby's "moods are totally unstable." It's not enough for him to apologize. If you truly love your husband, you should be helping in getting him to the psychiatrist and perhaps into some counseling too. It sounds like he has a mood disorder which comes as a result of chemical imbalance in the brain. If left untreated, it will get worse over time. And I hate to tell you but most women don't realize the seriousness of an abusive relationship until they end up injured, maimed or even killed. I'm hoping you won't let this happen to you. Get some more information from www.padv.org

You are right Scapel, you exactly got it right, my husband have been diagnosed with PTSD 10 yrs ago, i noticed when he gets mad or upset he can't sleep for maybe 3-7 nights and i think its the reason that gives him a chemical imbalance, he acts weird before but it wasn't as worst as our dispute last january, its actually one night i was from work and then when i arrived home after our dinner i was watching tv, i thought he was kidding, he throw me a very cold water saying get out in here, get out in here, i was even smiling coz i really thought it was a joke, he made me did some more weird stuff, when he tried to like hurting himself, yelling and screaming at me, thats when i run out the door and knocked in my neighbors house, i run barefoot in the snow with my wet clothes that i put back in, so i borrowed my neighbors phone to call the cops, they came, and when the cops went with me to get some documents they saw some drugs on him so thats when they brought him to jail, i thought he would be out the next day and i was scared with him so i told the cops i have no where to go, so the cops brought me to the shelter, my boss picked me up from the shelter and gave me a free place, i felt sorry for him his never been in jail so i thought i would pay the bail for him, i did, he was out, but when he got out in jail, he gets like talking out of this world things, seems he got insane, so i called 911 and paramedic came, they brought him in the hospital and later on forwarded him in the psychiatric hospital, after 3 days he got out.

he gets really really nice most of the time, but when his moods swings he acts totally opposite and unusual.

i know i need to send him in a psychiatrist but he wont go nor on counseling coz he said he dont want to pay. his case is still ongoing in court and he will have another hearing this april 28, 2008. i dont know what will happen after.

i appreciate your reply guys, i was just wondering if i can get that police report, i am here for just around a year and i dont know how to drive, but i work though and i can feed myself, my boss is willing to help me too, she said she will do any documents that immigration needs from her, if theres any.

as of now im here in his house but honestly i already packed my things secretly, just in case, then i will be ready to go, i also already put my documents in a safety deposit in the bank.

thanks, i truly appreciate all your reply.

[Peter 0]

Meh. There's always 2 sides to the story.

[imailin 0]

Meh. There's always 2 sides to the story.

Wow!!! Hopefully you never get to go through a nightmare like she did.... and if you do, let me know because my answer will be : "There's always 2 sides to the story"

Like that???

[Peter 0]

Meh. There's always 2 sides to the story.

Wow!!! Hopefully you never get to go through a nightmare like she did.... and if you do, let me know because my answer will be : "There's always 2 sides to the story"

Like that???

Yeah,

That would be great!!

For sure I Would not be going on an immigration board and letting everyone know. I'd try to fix it by going to counseling and even trying to talk to him. I wouldn't start packing up my stuff "secretly" and leaving.

For all we know, is she doesn't have a problem at home, might be SHE's a problem. I just woulnd't judge a book by its cover =)

But oh this board,

I just love how people throw out, he touched me on my shoulder, yep, abuse, do immigration by abuse. Its like what ever happened to talking with someone? What about not falling asleep mad at each other... what about talking to another family member and then them trying to talk to it? how come no one tries to resolve anything and they just jump ship?

Heck, i even went to marriage counseling and we are doing great! but oh well, thats just my opinion. to each his own i guess.

And i'm not completely heartless, if the OP states it is all the husband and the other side of hte story is basically what she told us then my heart goes out to her.

Sigh. I should stop expressing my opinion

[ahebl 0]

Sigh. I should stop expressing my opinion

Agreed! But again, what is supposed to happen? Do you want her to wait for him to beat her? That's unreasonable. Regarding whose side of the story is the truth, we can't have a jury trial every time someone comes on this board in order to have both sides air their stories to determine what the "real truth" is, yet I think we can all agree that someone should not have to actually be physically abused in order to demonstrate that they are in an abusive relationship.

Come on! Consider the alternative.

[cherr1980 1]

Going to marriage counseling...needs to be work out by both...is not only "go" to one. And not necessarily means that the results will be succesfull, there is actually a very bad rate that many times won't work out.

To be kick out of a house is not acceptable behavior, period. When people call each other names is verbal abuse regardless if it seems "normal argument" or just "couple fightning" or because "others" do it. If you are used to that...then wait until things escalate. If both of you "used" to treat themselves like that and nothing happened...there will be always a day that will be the trigger for the next step and ain't be pretty.

It would be wise to make a police report about the situation...and that he hold your immigration documents and passport against your will. For sure you actually could file even without being divorce...but you did not. You should go to see a therapist...probably same as your husband you need help each other before seeking help for both of you.

To just file under "cruelty" you need to be tested by a Psychiatrist (under the right associations, you can check out the law) and that s/he can testified (in paper) that is true that you have been subject to a cruelty behavior by your spouse. Is not just because this happened then you by yourself can call for it. What was the argument about that he escalate in such matter? You can verify with an immigration lawyer what you need if you want to go through that route. If you can't then if you decide to divorce, you must obtain the divorce decree first.

Remember, when people fight or go through divorce...is called a "nasty/mean/vindictive relationship" because is ending and normally from one side and one or both want to hurt each other like a cat fight.

To be called names, B or whatever should NEVER be accepted, same as you should not call him all the words of the abc book.

Good luck

[Scalpel 14]

Yeah,

That would be great!!

For sure I Would not be going on an immigration board and letting everyone know. I'd try to fix it by going to counseling and even trying to talk to him. I wouldn't start packing up my stuff "secretly" and leaving.

For all we know, is she doesn't have a problem at home, might be SHE's a problem. I just woulnd't judge a book by its cover =)

But oh this board,

I just love how people throw out, he touched me on my shoulder, yep, abuse, do immigration by abuse. Its like what ever happened to talking with someone? What about not falling asleep mad at each other... what about talking to another family member and then them trying to talk to it? how come no one tries to resolve anything and they just jump ship?

Heck, i even went to marriage counseling and we are doing great! but oh well, thats just my opinion. to each his own i guess.

And i'm not completely heartless, if the OP states it is all the husband and the other side of hte story is basically what she told us then my heart goes out to her.

Sigh. I should stop expressing my opinion

Hey Peter, I get the point you're trying to make - and I completely agree that many desperate and deceitful women have abused the "cruelty/abuse clause" in the VAWA law (how ironic! ) and claimed their hubby 'abused' them just because they both had a minor domestic dispute (which by the way happens in every home).

However, the OP's case is clearly different - and I'd like you to appreciate that fact, too. Clearly, the OP's husband has a mental illness. I'm sure it all started out as a minor ASD, which was left untreated but quickly degenerated to a PTSD. And of course, from the OP's write-up, I could tell that due to lack of proper treatment, the man's condition is clearly deteriorating even further as he is starting to show symptoms of mania. The truth is that people with certain mental illnesses exhibit strange behaviors and abuse the people around them but the sad part is that they cannot help themselves. They're no longer in control of their lives due to the chemical imbalances in their brains. And unfortunately, EVERYONE in such household suffers, including the person with the disease. Unfortunately, mere counseling or apology won't work. And like any other disease, it won't go away until it's properly treated.

And in your own case, I sincerely commend you for not giving up on your relationship despite some of your wife's wrongful treatment towards you. Many men's egos will never let them tolerate such a situation because they'd respond thru some form of physical aggression (like beating the the woman black and blue). It's a good thing that despite all that has happened between you and your spouse you're not giving up on your relationship but you're still trying to work things out - that of course tells me you're not a bad person