She Dumped Me!!

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Update, she used the excuse of me not buying her a ring immediately for the excuse.

Whatever, get away from this and put it behind you as soon as you can.

If a ring means that much to anyone (American, Russian, whatever) it is clearly more important to them than you are. Be glad you found out now.

My wife would love to have had a bigger engagement ring, but so would everyone. I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks for someone to waste a year of their life.

My usual advice stands - do not meet foreigners on websites. You are asking for trouble. If for some reason you want to marry someone from Russia, move there. You will find someone before too long. You won't have to worry about any of this scam BS. And you will probably get paid more in Russia than you make now in the US. (Depending on what you do, the market for Western Expats in Russia is very strong, since no one wants to go there, and no one speaks the language.) It also costs next to nothing to study Russian in a university there, which is also a good idea.

Well said. I agree 100%.

Woops! I should clarify. I'm not against meeting online. Its not for me, but I wouldnt say its all bad. But the rest of this post I do agree with 100%.

[russ 1]

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman

Just pointing out that there is no reason that you need such websites, and avoiding them avoids most of these issues entirely.

I know plenty of single Russians here in the US, it is far more convenient to date someone here.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

While, I see what you are saying, I object to what I bolded. I would have never found or met my Alla if I considered a convenience factor. Hell, it is pretty easy to go to local bar and find someone. I was on a hunt for a life partner, a future wife. I was happy to explore many avenues, included websites, to accomplish that task. There is nothing wrong with using a reputable site.

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman

Just pointing out that there is no reason that you need such websites, and avoiding them avoids most of these issues entirely.

I know plenty of single Russians here in the US, it is far more convenient to date someone here.

[visaveteran1 33]

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman

Just pointing out that there is no reason that you need such websites, and avoiding them avoids most of these issues entirely.

I know plenty of single Russians here in the US, it is far more convenient to date someone here.

There was an agency about 6 months ago that was setting up a meet-and-greet in San Francisco for single Russian women already in the US. They were charging $1000 a head for the men, and they were doing all expenses paid for the women. I thought it was an interesting concept, and $1000/head would be pretty cheap when compared to the expense of going over there to meet. I struck up a conversation with one of the organizers (I'd already met Nadya so had no interest in the function, but I was curious to see how they saw the immigration part going), and he later wrote to me that it was a complete disaster and they were now out of business. The problem, it seemed, was that the women who are already over here have much different dating goals than the women who aren't over here.

In the DC area there's a online outfit called Encounters International. A Russian woman named Natasha (now a US citizen I think) runs it and it's quite unique. She has women from Russia, Ukraine and the USA. Locally, they have monthly "meet and greet" socials so American men can mingle with Russian ladies. The socials are free to members and men thinking about joining can attend a couple socials for a small fee. It's pricey to join but you're in for life and she has a one-year marriage guarantee IF you follow her instructions. One distinct thing about Encounters is Natasha keeps and posts statistics on engagements, marriages and children born from her matches...her company has been the subject of many articles including Washingtonian Magazine and The Washington Post.

Personally, I'd be concerned about the Americanization factor and also I think some of these women probably divorced their first American husband...not exactly reassuring.

[kd4uvc 0]

I have plenty of time to heal. The last time between girl friends was two years. I was honest enough to end that one, American, because even though I liked her, I did not love her and it was not fair to her. I keep no secrets and expect the same. I am honest when I make a mistake and will admit to it and come up with a solution when I can, I expect the same. I will talk and try to work out any problem, and expect the same. It wasn't religion which kept most of my father's and grandfather's generation together for over 50 years of marriage, it was respect. I was taught that well.

She and her friends have come up with something which cost us the relationship. She doesn't expect me to give up, just give her the damn ring now. I will move on. Novosibirsk's Desperate Divorced Housewives Club came up with another brainchild, but they still wonder why they stay divorced. Go figure.

[eekee 182]

I have plenty of time to heal. The last time between girl friends was two years. I was honest enough to end that one, American, because even though I liked her, I did not love her and it was not fair to her. I keep no secrets and expect the same. I am honest when I make a mistake and will admit to it and come up with a solution when I can, I expect the same. I will talk and try to work out any problem, and expect the same. It wasn't religion which kept most of my father's and grandfather's generation together for over 50 years of marriage, it was respect. I was taught that well.

She and her friends have come up with something which cost us the relationship. She doesn't expect me to give up, just give her the damn ring now. I will move on. Novosibirsk's Desperate Divorced Housewives Club came up with another brainchild, but they still wonder why they stay divorced. Go figure.

That's the right attitude to have I think. usually when something doesn't work out, it's for a good reason.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Something just does not add up. Joined Feb 28, filed N/A,...

If this situation is real, I am sorry for you - I really am.

If it's not.... well...

[russ 1]

just give her the damn ring now. I will move on.

Was this really just about a ring? Perhaps you should talk to her again, we are just speculating here. A ring can be a big deal - my wife loves hers...

[russ 1]

While, I see what you are saying, I object to what I bolded. I would have never found or met my Alla if I considered a convenience factor. Hell, it is pretty easy to go to local bar and find someone.

Hey - I met my wife at a local bar, in Chicago... There is nothing wrong with that.

The thought that somehow people are different because of where they are living bothers me a bit.

[eekee 182]

While, I see what you are saying, I object to what I bolded. I would have never found or met my Alla if I considered a convenience factor. Hell, it is pretty easy to go to local bar and find someone.

Hey - I met my wife at a local bar, in Chicago... There is nothing wrong with that.

The thought that somehow people are different because of where they are living bothers me a bit.

i met my guy at a bar in russia.

anyway i don't think jeffrey is saying there's something wrong with meeting someone in a bar, just that it's more convenient to meet someone in a local bar who is already a USC and skip this whole long-distance visa journey... but convenience isn't the most important thing.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

You rephrased my thoughts quite well there Eekee!. There is nothing wrong with looking for love anywhere. Not every person on an internet site is a scammer anymore than everyone in a bar is looking for a one night stand. I looked local and internationally, it wasn't until I found Alla that I found the kind of love I had been seeking. It was, and still is, worth all the effort and inconvenience to have her.

While, I see what you are saying, I object to what I bolded. I would have never found or met my Alla if I considered a convenience factor. Hell, it is pretty easy to go to local bar and find someone.

Hey - I met my wife at a local bar, in Chicago... There is nothing wrong with that.

The thought that somehow people are different because of where they are living bothers me a bit.

i met my guy at a bar in russia.

anyway i don't think jeffrey is saying there's something wrong with meeting someone in a bar, just that it's more convenient to meet someone in a local bar who is already a USC and skip this whole long-distance visa journey... but convenience isn't the most important thing.

[kd4uvc 0]

Here's the skinny. She was embarassed and harassed by the biddies at her Woman's Day Party. It was about her being embarassed. We talked a long time, just getting off the phone. No, I did not agree to send her a ring. If we stay together, she will not get a ring until she is here. We have much damage to overcome. They, the biddies, have convinced her that I will bring her here and dump her on the streets. Now, why would I spend so much money and just do that? It does not make sense. If our talk gets more positive, I will ask some of the women from Russia to email and write her. Maybe we can get it set up where they can converse by voice on the computer. She is a very confused woman now. The biddies have done major damage to her and me. Most of them are divorced and giving advice on marriage. Go figure. It was shocking that I would talk a few minutes, then tell her what happened, talk some more and tell her another thing which happened at the party. You could tell I was hitting the nail and driving fully on the first swing. I know you think I should dump her. I still see good in her. I knew since the start that she is easily pursuaded. Especially in the wrong direction. I have always chosen well in friendship. I still believe this could be good.

I know this, no more Woman's Day parties for her. No biddie parties for her either. Before you criticize me for not giving up, what would you do if you had to fight for your loved one? What is enough? We each have our own standards. I still have no guarantee. But I do not give up because I still think she is worth fighting for.

[kd4uvc 0]

I'll quit my job if you will support me. No one else will hire me because I am a diabetic and am handicapped. War wound. As far as me going there, it will make no difference. What she needed to know that I am telling the truth and they were lying, she has already seen. I just had to remind her. They told her I would abandon her. They harassed her to the point of almost brainwashing. The truth will work or we do not work. I have proven to her time and time again what lengths I'd go to help family.

[garya505 2]

Charlie Brown doing what it does best loool.

Speaking of Charlie Brown, where HAS he been lately?

[kd4uvc 0]

Also, i know you don't know everything because I don't know everything. I am finding things out because I am finally getting her to open up. it is confusing somewhat to me but as time goes, I am finding out good information as to what went on there.