What should he do???

[Amber824 4]

Hi, someone e-mailed me with some questions and im not sure what advice to give him. If anyone else knows what he needs to do, please help!! Here is his e-mail:

Hi,

Thanks for leaving your email in that blog, I really would appreciate if you helped me out a bit.

I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now, she came from the Phillipines on a tourist visa (6 months) then got a 6 month extension, before that expired she was sponsored by an agency who places registered nurses in to good jobs, so she started working in NYC about 6 months ago on a working visa. She has files all her paperwork and has been accepted for a greencard but tells me that due to some cheaters, she needs to go back to the phillipines to retake an exam, she would be gone for 2-3 months to study and retake the exam, then after passing she would have completed and complied with everything for her Visa Screen.

This was not a problem, I assumed she could go take the test and come back since all her paper work was in order. A few days ago she gets a letter from her agencty saying she has until the end of Feb to comply and file for her visa screen. That is impossible due to the fact that the next available retest date is sometime in June.

I asked her why she did not take care of this sooner and she said she had no idea that she would be filed so early and thus accepted back in Jan of 07, which I guess gave her 1 year til then to have a visa screen. There was a test back in the phillipnies bak in Dec and I asked why she didnt go back and she said she had no money which is a pretty lame excuse for something So important.

The fact is that since this whole thing came up I offered to just marry her on paper and test the waters in our relationship for a couple years while we wait for her citizenship and if its meant to be we would get married the right way,. for real. She asked me many times if I was sure and I said Yes, I would do it, Only Beacuse she told me everything was in order and she would be getting her greencard eventually, 3-4 years later. From the time we started dating I told her I would never be that guy to marry her for a greencard because I wanted to know that her love for me was real.

She has professed her love and devotion for me since the second week we dated, Its a long distance relationship by the way, her in NY and me in Chicago, I met her on a biz trip and have flown back 3-4 times and she has flown here 3 times, she even wanted to spend Christmas with me and my family so she came over and I was quite uncomfortable about it but it turned out ok. It just seemed way too soon to start doing family holidays together. I'm Greek, she is Chinese, the distance and the way I met her has always affected my trust issues. I met her online on a free dating site, she also had a myspace account, her profile was filled with very pretty, sexy / seductive poses and pics. so I still have trust issues, she crys and tells me she never lied to me.

I have fallen in Love with this girl and I'm scared I fell in love under false pretenses or will end up being humiliated and hurt if she had this planned all along. Since I went back on my word today and told her I can't go thru w the marriage thing she has been sobbing and scared. Too many people have told me to NOT do something so stupid if I'm not 100% sure about our relationship, my sister believes she is in Love w me and I do to. But what risk do I take by doing this, if I feel she is the one for me, but had me fooled from day one. I feel like such a naice iddiot sometimes, then like now I don't care, I can't see her so sad anymore and when I see her next week I want to just take her to the courthouse and marry her, and just do it. Whats the worst that could happen??? Pleasse share your advice, sry for the book,

[Stephen1 0]

This person has to make this desision himeself. If he truly loves her he should know she isnt using him and trust her. If she said she loved him before all this mess why is he so suspisious. sorry if I missed something I scanned over it reall quick.

[sanfranguy 0]

wow...thats deep. thats something he will have to decide on his own. you cant put yourself in his situation and know the whole deal with how their relationship is on that level. i would tell him to just go with his own instincts.

[dbears 1]

We have a saying here in the Philippines that goes: "Ang pag-aasawa ay hindi parang kaning isusubo na pwedeng iluwa kapag ikaw ay napaso." (Marriage is not like rice which you can easily spit out if you get singed).

I've taken this saying to heart since after my relationship with my first bf ended (it left me with 2 kids by the way so i have deeper reasons to be more sensible). It took me almost 8years to finally decide to get married... and not without thinking and pondering about it for a million times. But even so, there are still so many advises (solicited and otherwise) that i get from people who are genuinely concern about me and from those who just want to shove their opinions down my throat.

My point is: he could get millions of advises/advices from other people but in the end it should come down to how he really feels toward the girl... if there is even an ounce of doubt, he should check where it is coming from first before taking any course of action.