Russian Customer Service

[slim 1,533]

We saw Defiance. Liked the movie but the "Russians" in the movie all were definately portrayed in an insulting fashion. We think that since it was a movie made in Lithuania with mostly Lithuanians as cast and crew that it was a slap at Russia done on purpose. Also everyone spoke Russian with a Baltic accent.

That may be possible. My Lithuanian neighbor who did time in Red Army wasn't too fond of Russian Army. They did speak with a Baltic accent, but they nailed it, didn't they? Even the Americans had a good "Baltic Russian" accent. Liev Schreiber sounded so much like my neighbor, I almost thought it was him. About 10 minutes into the movie I started suspecting that he must've had a Lithuanian voice coach. Staying after and watching the credits, I realized it was a Lithuanian production. Now that makes sense. He'd spoken some Russian in that flick he did with Ben Affleck (Sum of all fears?) but his "Russian Accent" was a more pronounced in this one. (Or should I say, "Baltic accent?")

[Brad and Vika 129]

Still compiling the list. Vika got me to watch several episodes of Ликвидация (Liquidation I think), a tv show set in Odessa back in Soviet times.

[K1researcher 0]

Watched Transsiberian last night..

Other tha the ####### audio ... i hate Blu-rays with only DVD quality audio ....

it was ok. But jeeeeeez the 2 Americans were incredibly stupid and naive the whole movie...

plus what kind of visa did they have? notice their passports when passed to the Spaniard did not have a Russian visa in them ;-)

hahahaah

who would take a 7 days train in a shared cabin?

Also you know, i have never had service that bad in Russia.. of course i dont ask the tea lady about a toilet.. cuz i am smart enough to know it is not her responsibility :-P

[eekee 182]

I also like the Soviet comedies and the movies which are just about daily life, like Афоня.

I recently watched Пыль, which is about a guy picked for a medical experiment by the FSB. It is really cool, although quite strange. I'm not sure if it has been subtitled or anything though, since it was never released in the US.

I like the first Брат, but the second one was one of the dumbest movies I've ever seen. The older brother is quite funny in the second one though.

[slim 1,533]

Also you know, i have never had service that bad in Russia.. of course i dont ask the tea lady about a toilet.. cuz i am smart enough to know it is not her responsibility :-P

I remember stepping up to the "informatsiya" booth at the airport and waiting... and waiting..... and waiting..... until finally the woman looked up, very disgusted, and said, "WHAT?"

[Rob_Lesya 4]

I remember stepping up to the "informatsiya" booth at the airport and waiting... and waiting..... and waiting..... until finally the woman looked up, very disgusted, and said, "WHAT?"

Reminds me of my first couple of trips to Russia back in the day. I'd usually stay at the Rossiya Hotel in Moscow for a couple of days before heading off to whatever far-flung outpost I was headed to that trip. When checking in, there would usually be three girls behind the counter. Each of them would just be leaning against the back counter, arms folded, doing their best to ignore me. They'd occasionally glance over at me for a second and then just look away. Me, being the wise-#### I was at the time, would just stand on the other side of the counter with my arms folded staring back at them. We'd have a contest to see which one of us would crack first.

The odd thing was -- once that initial barrier was broken, once contact between us was actually made, these girls ended up being some of the friendliest and most accommodating people I've ever met... often going well out of their way to take care of personal errands for me.

[slim 1,533]

WOW!! You got an English speaking customer service person at the airport? How'd you pull that one off?

No, no. She was speaking Russian. I just typed in English because the stickers on my keyboard that were never supposed to come off already came off. Now I'm not so sure where each Russian letter is.

Hehe.

The funny thing is...when you tell these stories to somebody who's never been, you can always see a shadow of doubt crossing their face. Like they think you must be embellishing the story. Anyone else run into this?

My buddy from out of town came here to visit and after a meal together with my wife he said, "dude, I thought you were exagerating when you were telling me stories of things she says to you. I see now, you're not!"

[Rob_Lesya 4]

Mox- love the story. and can relate on sooo many different levels!

I always get huge looks of disbelief when trying to explain what SVO1 and 2 are like to someone who hasn't traveled much outside of the US (and of course, SVO2 is now practically luxurious compared to what it was 10-15 years ago!). I'm occasionally tempted to use my video camera while travelling through there to prove to folks that it's actually worse than I could EVER describe in words ....... but then I have flashbacks to the early 90's and the poor guy in Ekaterinburg I saw get beaten to a bloody pulp by the militsia for daring to take photos inside Koltsovo Airport.

On the flip side, I also get looks of disbelief from Lesya and her family when trying to describe what the Atlanta airport is like -- "What!? Enough seats for EVERYBODY to be able to sit down!!??? It can't be true!"

[slim 1,533]

You know who's going to be waiting for you when you go back to Russia, right mox?

Then you're going to have to redo that whole story all over again.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Hehe. Well on that same trip, when I was flying IN to Moscow, my flight of course was delayed, and immigration was a bloody nightmare. There were 2 booths open, and literally hundreds of people trying to get through. I knew I was going to miss my connection if I waited in line like everyone else, so I just waded through the sea of humanity at the front of the line and begged some Chinese guy to let me please go in front of him. He didn't want to do it, but US$20 convinced him that waiting 5 more minutes was worth it. Less than 20 minutes in Moscow and I'm already handing out bribes.

On through immigration, to the baggage carousel, where my bags were nowhere to be seen. Now. When I checked in for my flight in San Francisco, the agent assured me that my bags were checked all the way to Kazan. I said I had thought that I'd have to pick them up in Moscow, but she was absolutely convinced they would go all the way to Kazan. So, my bags weren't there and I thought "hmm, she must have known what she was talking about."

So off I trotted through the big glass doors where the cabbies immediately pounced on me. I took one of them up on his offer (this story could fill an entire post also) and off we went. I told him I had 1 hour to catch my flight, could he do it? We get outside, and the traffic inside the airport is JAM PACKED. No way he says...unless...unless we take his car, which is parked just outside the airport.

Now I'd read all the stories about stupid American tourists falling for all kinds of scams to get mugged and left for dead, or worse. But there's only one flight to Kazan a day, and I really didn't want to spend the night at SVO. So less than 45 minutes in Moscow, and I'm already going to play the gullible American tourist who's probably going to get waylaid in the parking lot. So the guy leads me to the parking lot, where we then cut across an active construction site. We are literally dodging all kinds of heavy equipment and these big thumping machines that really didn't seem very productive to me except that they scared the holy ####### out of me, oh and then there's the trenches and the thin wooden rickey planks you have to walk across and hope you don't fall into the 15 foot deep muddy ditches. After about 10 minutes of playing Indiana Jones goes to Moscow, we climb through a hole in a chain link fence, and we're outside the airport. We walk over to a late model Ford Focus, hop in, and we go to SVO1. This is how I spent my first hour in Moscow.

Unfortunately I still missed my connection, which turned out to be a good thing. Because when I went to get my ticket re-issued, I asked about my luggage. She asks how could I be so stupid, of course my luggage does not go automatically to Kazan, I have to go back to SVO2 and get it. So even though I'm thinking there's no way in hell I'm ever going to see that luggage again now, with much more time on my hands I figured out how to catch the Aeroflot shuttle back to SVO2. Whereupon I discover that you can't just go back in to the luggage area, because it's behind the big glass walls. So then I waited until the next large group of passengers was exiting and went back through the big glass doors that have big red signs that tell you that you can't enter. So during my first 2 hours in Moscow, I was now a criminal, sneaking in to a controlled area of the airport. (during my first 2 days in Russia I was also guilty of defacing government property, but that's a story for another time.)

I wandered back through the luggage area, to the now empty carousel where my luggage was supposed to have been, and of course it's not there. So I just kept walking, and eventually found myself in an area where most of the lights had been turned off and was completely deserted. Just as I was about to turn around and go back, I spotted something sitting in the middle of the room. I walked closer, and it was luggage. It was my luggage. I have no idea why it was just sitting there, but it was, and I later discovered that absolutely nothing was missing. So I retrieved it and walked back through the big glass doors, and caught the shuttle back to SVO1. Where I spent almost 24 hours waiting for the next flight to Kazan.

Getting on the plane to Kazan was an interesting experience in and of itself. It was some kind of Tupelov jet, and you board from the rear of the plane. So the shuttle drives us from the terminal out to the tarmac, and unloads us to stand in the rain, behind the airplane, because the steps haven't been lowered to board the aircraft yet. So there we are, about 50 of us, in the rain, when some nutjob who is also the pilot, decides to spin the engines up. In the rain. Now, it's one thing to be standing on the tarmac in Moscow while it's raining. I mean...you get drenched, and it's cold. It's quite another thing to be standing behind a goddamned jet that is spooling up it's goddamned engines in the goddamned rain. Literally one entire side of your body is not only drenched, but the rain has actually embedded itself about 2mm into your skin. ####### is blowing around everywhere, scarves fly past, elderly people lose their dentures which become extremely hazardous projectiles, small children take flight and are never seen again, and every single person standing around me is just stoically enduring this event because this is Russia and this is just how it is. When the steps are finally lowered everyone (except the small children, who are now gone) boards without a word of complaint. Because, hey! Sure, they're suffering from what amounts to being pelted with bird shot at point blank, but it could be worse. They could be one of those small children. So, you know, life is good.

Это Россия.

Makes my Ukrainian customs experience seem tame by comparison. Just out of curiosity, do they have airport employees you can bribe to get you through the lines? In Kiev we were approached by a young man who (for the low, low WallMart price of 200 hrvna) made our 2 hour check in process into a 10 minute process - plus an additional bribe because Vika's чемодан was too heavy (конечно - I think she put bricks in it).

[Brad and Vika 129]

Makes my Ukrainian customs experience seem tame by comparison. Just out of curiosity, do they have airport employees you can bribe to get you through the lines? In Kiev we were approached by a young man who (for the low, low WallMart price of 200 hrvna) made our 2 hour check in process into a 10 minute process - plus an additional bribe because Vika's чемодан was too heavy (конечно - I think she put bricks in it).

I seem to have the worst time finding people to bribe. I asked the manager guy if there was a "fee" I could pay to get on the flight, and he waved me away and said "there is no fee, the flight is closed," and then wound up putting me on it anyway without the bribe. Same thing when I was in Saudi Arabia, I found the only honest cop in the country when I was pulled over for running a red. He asked for my passport, which I had conveniently pre-loaded with a hundred dollar bill...WAY more than enough to see me on my way. He handed the passport back to me, Benjamin still nestled next to the ID portion of my passport, and had me follow him to the police station where I spent 48 hours in jail, which at the time was the standard penalty for running a red light.

I do have the same problem - knowing when to bribe. I usually just wait for them to ask. Usually they do.

[slim 1,533]

Makes my Ukrainian customs experience seem tame by comparison. Just out of curiosity, do they have airport employees you can bribe to get you through the lines? In Kiev we were approached by a young man who (for the low, low WallMart price of 200 hrvna) made our 2 hour check in process into a 10 minute process - plus an additional bribe because Vika's чемодан was too heavy (конечно - I think she put bricks in it).

I seem to have the worst time finding people to bribe. I asked the manager guy if there was a "fee" I could pay to get on the flight, and he waved me away and said "there is no fee, the flight is closed," and then wound up putting me on it anyway without the bribe. Same thing when I was in Saudi Arabia, I found the only honest cop in the country when I was pulled over for running a red. He asked for my passport, which I had conveniently pre-loaded with a hundred dollar bill...WAY more than enough to see me on my way. He handed the passport back to me, Benjamin still nestled next to the ID portion of my passport, and had me follow him to the police station where I spent 48 hours in jail, which at the time was the standard penalty for running a red light.

I know most of the visa processing companies and even the airlines have a "fee" you can pay for "VIP service" at check-in. It's something you pay for before you go though. I don't think you can do it once you arrive. However, one thing you can do is run to the front of the line and push everyone out of the way. That's perfectly acceptable, and encouraged, and it's free!

As for running red lights in Saudi, I thought that was also encouraged. I remember first arriving there and the brass having their panties in a wad because one of the civilian contractors who'd recently been involved in a fender-bender was being jailed for over 24 hours. They were calling senators and congressmen, embassy officials, hell, maybe even the president. We were just shy of a "rescue mission" when he was released the next day after "time served." It caused a little stress, to say the least. A few weeks later it came out that it was just standard practice for them to take the foreigner to jail anytime anything happened involving a Saudi. What a special place!

[Brad and Vika 129]

I know most of the visa processing companies and even the airlines have a "fee" you can pay for "VIP service" at check-in. It's something you pay for before you go though. I don't think you can do it once you arrive. However, one thing you can do is run to the front of the line and push everyone out of the way. That's perfectly acceptable, and encouraged, and it's free!

I use VIP all the time in Ukraine now. The experience I had in Kiev (posted above) was because I couldn't use VIP into Paris (it is not allowed by the French - presumably because the lax security caused a problem). All in all it is worth the price to me to avoid the hassle - particularly in Odessa. The customs officials there were much more predatory than in Kiev.

Edited March 6, 2009 by Brad and Vika

[Rob_Lesya 4]

I know most of the visa processing companies and even the airlines have a "fee" you can pay for "VIP service" at check-in. It's something you pay for before you go though. I don't think you can do it once you arrive. However, one thing you can do is run to the front of the line and push everyone out of the way. That's perfectly acceptable, and encouraged, and it's free!

I was curious to see what it was like, so I paid one of the processing companies for the "VIP Service" in Moscow once, about 7-8 years ago. I think it cost me about $100 at the time. The girl was waiting for me as soon as I entered the terminal. She escorted me past the huge line that was now forming to go through passport control, leaving a lot of people grumbling, 'Hey, what makes HIM so special!?" "Wow, who is THAT guy?", etc and making ME feel like a real VIP. I quickly get through passport control and as I leave passport control and enter the baggage claim, I'm thinking, "You poor suckers.... stuck in line behind me... don't you wish you were ME right now!!!" I then have to wait for my luggage.... and wait for my luggage..... and .... wait for my luggage. Before long, everybody I had passed up in line are all standing around me... and we're all waiting for our luggage together. Once I finally got my luggage I was taken to a special customs station that was opened up just for me, but most of the other people had already cleared the normal customs stations.

So much for the VIP service!

Of course, that was just my one experience with one company. There may be others who provide a true benefit for the "VIP Service", but I always plan my trips to Russia with the first 24 hours or so to be "dead time" anyway -- to allow for delayed flights, etc. So I'm never in a big hurry. And besides, spending huge amounts of time enduring hellish lines just adds to the story you can tell when you get back home!

[slim 1,533]

but I always plan my trips to Russia with the first 24 hours or so to be "dead time" anyway -- to allow for delayed flights, etc. So I'm never in a big hurry. And besides, spending huge amounts of time enduring hellish lines just adds to the story you can tell when you get back home!

That's what it's all about, the story!

So many good stories from over there. And when I say good, I mean interesting, not pleasant or heart-warming. More of a "WooooW! That really happened?" type story than anything.