TravellingNomad

when my wife and i got married, we spent about $200. the priest married us at the kitchen table and we invited friends, families, and neighbors to the reception right outside on the front patio. we had around 8 or 10 dishes and fed about 40-50 people. all the food that was served we cooked or prepped ourselves the night before. oh yeah, that that amount also included our oldest son's baptism cost. although both of us wanted to church wedding, she did not want to have an expensive wedding. i'll tell you this though...it was the best $200 i've ever spent!

Mark&Fatima - your wife's from Montalban? i have cousins near there (Ampid & San Mateo) and we're from Parang, Marikina.

unless you're planning on leaving the airport, then that's when you'll have to go through customs. but if you're just going to roam within the departure gate areas, you won't even go through them. a couple of years ago i had an 8-hour layover in Narita and i just stayed in the departure area of the airport. did not go through customs.

ok everyone i got an update. i finally talked to her yesterday afternoon. and no...it wasn't a mexican stand off type confrontation. finally got an answer and it was one of those defining moments for me. i asked her yesterday afternoon why she was so unhappy when im around and seems like she's not into the marriage anymore. she told me that when she got here, it was because she really missed her family back home. i really do understand because this is the first time she's been this far away from them since she was born. then she said she started to get used to being here and trying her best to get acclimated with the way of life here. but one thing she hated was that i smoke. so she said that she thought if she made such a big change in life (immigrating to a new country for me), that the least i can do was make a small change myself. she's been telling me for a very long time to quit but haven't. so beginning of July she requested i stop and i did, cold turkey. about a week after i quit, i asked her why she was acting the way she was not talking to me . she said something and i guess i got irritated and told her "hopefully you work soon so that we don't see each other as much anymore". i told her i said it as a joke because of how she was not talking to me and that i felt she didn't want to be around me. i could've sworn i wasn't irritated but she told me that it sounded like i was snapping at her. then she told me that ever since i quit cold turkey, i've been snapping at her and she didn't know why. right when she said that, we looked at each other and i swear both of us saw the lightbulb come on. she then asked me if it could be because i was quitting smoking at that time. she said she only started noticing me having a bad attitude when i stopped smoking.

i feel sooo terrible at how i've been acting towards her. i should've expected a change in me when i decided to quit cold turkey and gave her a heads-up, but i didn't think i would be that bad. so to somewhat make up for it, i gave her a big wet kiss right smack on the lips and gave her a really big and tight hug! she told me that i was very cranky and snappy the first couple of weeks of me quitting and that im actually back to my normal self again. but even though i wasn't cranky and snappy anymore, she told me she just got hurt at what i said and every time she saw me, it comes back and gets her really down. she said she thought i didn't want to be with her anymore when i said that that's why she started mentioning divorce in a semi-joking way because she wanted to see where she stood with me. i know it doesn't make up for me being such a jerk, but i told her that everytime i think about her, she still makes my heart skip a beat like the very first time i saw her when we were kids. i also said to her that i still get excited and look forward to seeing her when she's out of my sight. now to surprise her by getting a dozen tulips (her favorite flower) delivered to her.

i am glad to say we were able to talk. im especially glad that she was able to get her sama ng loob off her chest. thanks everyone for listening (or reading for that matter) and giving advise.

DFH - there were other circumstances prevented me bringing her over here. not being employed for a couple of years. then we hit a really hard patch for a long time but we got through it. when we were going through a rough period, we hung on and was able to work it out. and it's not like i was able to take the trips back home every year. again, i did the best i could to go see her (and at the time) my oldest son. as far as "penny pinching", she knows very well what my monthly budget is, before and now. when she thought i was lying to her about how much i made, she realized i wasn't lying to her when she saw my tax returns because she needed to sign them. and the question about how i was able to provide for them but not bring them here. it was possible because for every dollar i was sending to them, it was P45-P50 in conversion rate. she knows now how valuable the exchange rate was when she was in the Philippines. when she came here, she realized that when it comes to our family, our spending is now dollar to a dollar.

kev_n_jena - she's actually set to go to adult school this month. at first she wanted to work in the care home as an LVN because her college friend's parents that live in seattle works in a nursing home. i asked her if she's sure and told her to talk to her friend to find out what working in nursing/care homes entail. she found out and she was a little unsure if she wanted to work in those types of facilities. so i told her the adult education school by our house was offering medical assisting with coding and billing. i explained to her that with that course, she can work in a doctor's office, in hospitals doing billing, or do billing and coding from home. at first she was excited and then she started talking to her friends again and told her there were a lot of things she needs to memorize. because she didn't want to have to memorize anything, she opted for the basic education class which teaches basic computer and math, english, etc. etc. basic education classes. i told her it was moot for her to take that class because she already knows how to operate a computer and that she's really good in math and english. but that's what she decided so i just said ok. as far as transportation, there's already a car she can use. she just needs to pass her driving test. her third and driving test will be later this month.

babystef - didn't mean to scare you. what you have to realize is that my situation may not be and your husband's situation.

Adam and Thet - i actually checked her email account yesterday and read what she has been telling her friend. one thing that sticks out is that she's always saying gusto nya ako layasan kse asar sya sa akin. she tells her friend and sister about how recently i got mad because i was asking her to do a couple of things for me. her sister told her that maybe i was just wanting her to make lambing to me like what her sister's husband every now and then. her sister was actually right. that day i just was just looking for her to make lambing to me for a little bit. but what does she tell her sister and friend? that she doesn't know why i was asking her to do things when i can do it. then she goes on about how she told me to wait. and then the last part of that sentence was her reason for telling me to wait...because she was fiddling with her phone to be on facebook. then another message she was telling her friend that she wanted to leave to go to either LA or Vegas to visit her friends. she just can't figure out how to get away because of the kids. she was saying that she's worried that our youngest son would look for her because "lagi nakabuntot" sa kanya. and that she could bring him along, but that bringing him along "might complicate" things. then she goes on to tell her friend that she can't wait to start working and get her driver's license so that "wala nang pakialaman". this was the first time i actually went into her email and read her messages. i didn't find anything in there that would say there's someone else. but then again, she could be communicating using text messages. she deletes all messages in her inbox, sent, and deleted messages folders.

so with that being said...i just don't know what to think about anymore. i know im not perfect and i know there are some things that i do that the wife don't like. but i don't think those quirks of mine isn't enough to barely speak with me. even when we're right next to each other, she doesn't say anything. more often that not, i feel that she'd rather not be sitting next to me.

i don't know...i'll have to have another talk with her. maybe i'll do it when i get home from work today. oh and yeah, this is not the first time. 2 months ago i talked to her about her being cold towards me. she emailed her sister about it and she told her sister that when i talked to her that time, she slept next to me but that she told her sister about just doing that once. almost like she was bragging about it. but then again, that could just be my interpretation of her email because of the current situation.

thanks everyone for chiming in.

if you don't have the vaccination records to prove what vaccines you've been given, SLMEC will give you the vaccines needed to meet the petition requirement.

thanks for the replies/input everyone. instead of doing a multi-quote making a huge post, i will just reply in order of the post.

Dex22 - i actually know the culture because i was born there (immigrated when I was 12) and spent a several years for college there. yeah she is unhappy and i know it's because she really misses her family, especially mom and sister. her and her sister was really very very close. don't think we need anymore time apart. we've been together since 1996 and was apart for 90% out of that time.

Rhenzhen - yeah we do have TFC at home. as far as travelling far, not really in the immediate plans right now. still trying to save up again after the petition process (i did submit petitions for the wife and kids...so it got a little costly). but i do have plans to take her and the kids for a little western states hopping next summer. she is actively looking for a job, but without a license yet and a very limited work experience (the last time she worked was before we got married over 10 years ago), a little hard to land even an interview call. when she asked if she could go back home to visit next spring, i did not hesitate to tell her she can because of the fact i know she misses her family there.

Ben&Romeliza - i do try to take them out during weekends as much as i could. i take them to the movies, do a little shopping every now and then, the drive-in on friday nights every so often, eat out every now, go to the park for the afternoon, and spend the day with friends sometimes. any thing she might think of wanting to do with the kids, im more than willing the pack them up in the car and take off. the problem is, whenever i try to talk to her, try to see is everything's ok with her, she will tell me she's fine and act like im crazy for even asking the question. i try to communicate with her, but she just doesn't want to talk to me. if i don't say anything to her, she will not talk to me. the only time she'll initiate a conversation is if when we both have to make a decision on things.

DFH - yeah been together a very long time. reason why they came here only this year was because of $$$. i didn't have it. or at least enough of it. i work for the state and i did not get paid all that much when i started (i still don't up to now), but the past couple of years, i've moved up through the ranks and started making enough to be able to set aside for the petition. about divorce, that was not even in my head until the past several weeks, she started joking around saying she knows how i wish i married another woman that is financially in better situation. that thought is actually her own thought. believen it or not, i did nothing wrong for her to think that. so with her bringing up the word divorce just about every other day, now im thinking she's not happy with me. and i would never use our children as leverage to make her stay here. if she doesn't want to be with me, im not going to force her to stay by using our kids. but just because she doesn't want to be with me, it does not mean the kids feel the same way. the kids have actually told both me and her that they like it here and don't want to go back to the Philippines to live. and i've never been in a power trip with her. i don't command her to do things or force what i think is correct on her. in our household, she makes as much of the decisions as i do. i don't, and never have, dominated her.

happyandinlove - what she always complain about is that instead of going to sleep the same time as her, i stay up watching the 10 o'clock news. btw, she likes to be in bed to go to sleep by 8 pm. and when i said "how i am", it's not because of having to be a "dominant alpha male". like i said the DFH, on everything both of us do, if it has to do with our family, both me and her have to make the decision. even in as simple as what movie to watch, she has as much say in it as i do. i actually give way to her when she does not think my ideas are great or she does not like them.

--------------------------------

again, i'm not into this to dominate my wife. i try to do what i can to help her not be homesick as much, but it's a little hard to succeed when she refuses to communicate with me about how she feels being here. all i really ask from her is every now and then, make lambing to me like i do with her. but at this moment, she thinks that sitting next to me and not saying anything at all unless i say something to her, is paglalambing. i don't know about you guys, but i don't see anything malambing about that.

well, it's almost 6 months when the wife and kids arrived in the US. the kids have adjusted very quickly to life here, but the wife has not. she has not even somehow adjusted (IMO). 2 months into being here, i noticed my wife...how should i say it, well not being a wife. what i mean by that is that she very rarely talks to me and we don't even sleep in the same room. every couple of days i ask her if she wants to call home or any of her friends. but she always says no. i know for a fact that she texts and messages (via fb) her friends. she actually communicates with them more than she communicates with me. she keeps saying that the reason why she's cold towards me is that she doesn't like my "ugali". but im not sure what she means because being together for over a decade, she already knows how i am and i have not changed.

last week we had a blow out and she told me that if i was getting stressed with her and the kids, for me to just send them back. if anyone's going to be flying back to the Philippines, it will just be her by herself. i told i was not going to let her just take the kids. later that day i made "lambing" to her just so she would know i wasn't mad anymore. but we got into a little spat again the other day. so now, i just gave up talking to her. i haven't said a word to her since.

i know she's depressed and she's homesick. what i am frustrated about is the fact that 24/7 i get the silent treatment. meaning that if i don't talk to her, she won't say anything to me. i told her that i don't mind her communicating with her friends and siblings all she wants, but all im asking for is that when i get home from work, that she talk to me naman. it doesn't have to be the whole night, but just give me her time so we can just catch up and talk about how each of our days went. but for her, sitting next to me when i get home from work is good enough. she may be sitting next to me, but she's fiddling with her phone texting and messaging communicating with the whole world except me. whenever i ask her if she's ok, she tells me she is and asks why i keep asking her that.

there are other things that i wont get into, but with our recent spat, it has forced me to step outside the circle and look into the marriage. i am actually at the point where im 50/50 about divorce. after everything we've been through in our relationship and marriage, the time when i thought both of us will be happy finally came February of this year. But, i am not seeing her being happy. i am not even seeing her have any feelings towards me. but maybe im just imagining it.

ladies...were you ever cold towards your husband when you got here? and how long did it take you to snap out of your depression?

AFAIK, there's only the standard form that they give you when you order it. the only long form version of it i know is the original marriage contract that was given to you as your copy after the wedding ceremony.

OP, when youre SO sent the documentaion, did he put on the documents your USCIS file number (WAC ? if he didn't you may want to tell him to re-send with your petition's file number. when i upgraded my IR petitions for the wife and kids, i called USCIS to let them know and then faxed my naturalization certificate to them. there's actually a form that you can get from USCIS to submit to do the upgrade. the form is actually just a fax cover sheet.

but it does take a few weeks to get notification of the upgrade. if you have not called them back to check the status since submitting the request, give them a call sometime next week just to ask if the petition is showing USC petition in their system already.

Thanks everyone for all of your help.

Bye.

Alberto

remember to review the info on your social security card to make sure your name is spelled correctly. if not, you'll have to go to your local office to get it corrected. everything we submitted for the petition had their middle names. but when my wife and kids arrived, their middle names weren't on the card.

my marinade is just a simple mix of soy sauce and vinegar with ground black peppers. filipino soy sauce like silven swan and datu puti white vinegar is what i use. marinate the meat in it overnight and while on the grill, just brushing the marinade every so often on the meat as it cooks.

Thank you much for your time to reply to my concern. This really helps a lot. I admire those of you who keep coming back to this site to help others who are going through this journey. Once I'm done with this whole process, I will make an effort here too, to help others. Again, many thanks and please include me in your prayers. My interview will be next week.

good luck on your interview. if the CO asks regarding the matter, just be truthful and explain again what happened. im pretty sure everything will be ok. let us know how it goes next week.

hi OP,

i used St. Raphael's earlier this year for my wife and two kids. IMO, they were very easy to work with. i initially made contact with them through email and the contact person was name Tess (if i remember correctly). she was patient and answered all of my questions. then i had my wife start calling her. wife asked all the same questions, but she did mind answering the same questions again. she also kept me in the loop by emailing me any changes that her and the wife talked about. they were easy to talk to. hope this helps!

Is it the same cost for a child under the age of 5?

Thanks,

Tony

yes it is. but you can get a reduced travel tax certificate for kids at the tourism office which cuts it by half. you can read about it here http://www.philtourism.com/ttax.html - it's the second question "Who can avail of tax exemption/reduced rate?", scroll down regarding minors from ages 2 to 12 (Section C)

I don't care whether you are married to a cute young Pinay, or an old cornfed hippo, the man is always wrong, even when he did nothing wrong when the fight started. Women go by the point system, and you just ran out of points. She is just evening the score, so you need to do all those things that earn you points. But remember, every act only adds or subtracts one point, so the little things she does to show she loves you count as much as the big things you do for her, and the big things she does wrong count as much as the little things you do that annoy her.

isn't this a bit on the draconian side? thank god my wife does not use this harsh system. if your wife is in-charge of keeping score and how it is earned, how will you know that her accounting of the points are equally applied on both sides? hell for all you know, you could be on the negative for the rest of the marriage and you did not even do anything wrong.

if she has both old and new, no harm in bringing it both with her. she can always just explain it to the reviewer and consul.

No, whoever typed my birth registration spelled it wrong! What are you saying?

lighten up...as previously answered, you're document is ok. and Sergi9 was (im pretty sure) making a joke. didn't you get his/her joke?

and since you have all those errors in your BC regarding your parents' info, if i were you, i'd start to get them corrected. getting info corrected on BC is easy. you just go to NSO and take all supporting documents. the earlier you get all errors corrected, the better when you start the process for your parents' petition in the future.

if wife and daughter are first time immigrants, both can get that fare. good luck my friend. hope they get here soon!

Those prices are really legit? That's a lot lower than what I'm finding online right now. Thanks for the link.

yeah they're legit. we called a few travel agencies and it was close between saint raphael and reli tours. saint raphael was cheaper by about $20 at the time and closer to where we lived in the back home. of course i was buying 3 tickets so those $20 added up.

is this for your spouse coming for the first time? there are many travel agencies in the Philippines that offer 1st time immigrant fares for one way tickets which is cheaper compared to going to the airlines directly (i.e. saint raphael travel & tours and Reli Tours).

J.W. woohoo!!...finally, they are coming. congratulations on finally convincing the parents. i know a while back you were saying that they wanted to hold off on coming over.

Hi,

I am joining this thread since I am also looking for the cheapest airfare for my parents. I prefer Philippine Airlines since it is direct flight and the cheapest in their website one way is $1.100.00 +. Any suggestions will be highly appreciated.

EthanJM...you can find cheaper tickets for your parents by having your parents call around travel agencies in the Philippines. there are some that offer 1st time immigrant airfare prices which are cheaper. for one of those travel agencies...looky here ----> http://www.santraphael.com/home.php - i bought the tickets for the wife and kids when they flew over earlier this year. they were a few hundred dollars cheaper than going direct to PAL.

OP...try these people http://www.atlasshippers.com/travel.php

the last two times i've gone home, i bought my ticket through them. their prices were cheaper than mango tours. their current promo for PAL ranges from $712 to $950. i can't quite make out the dates in the picture on the website, but it looks like it says flight date by June 30th.

PAL is more expensive than the other carriers, but to me it's worth it. especially when the purpose of the visit was to visit my wife and kids. for me, rather than fly cheaper and possibly on a stop-over for a minimum of 4 hours somewhere, i can fly PAL for a direct flight and have those 4 hours to spend with the wife and kids.

same here about the rumor about the visiting back and requiring CFO to return. if you went back to visit...why require a CFO cert and sticker to return to the country you came from? doesn't make sense.

don't forget...you get to eat isaw again. i love that! but of course, it helps kung kilala mo yung gumagawa/nagtitinda ng isaw so alam mo na malinis pagkagawa.

as far as what to bring back from Pinas....whenever a relative or friend comes back from the Philippines, i always tell them to bring me back butong pakwan for pasalubong. yung galing pampangga...they have the soft shells kaya hindi mahirap buksan.

I would imagine rules are the same for all countries. You need to buy you ticket in the same name as in your passport and you have to take your marriage certificate with you so when you come back to the US you can prove that you changed your name to the one on your green card. I traveled many times and only once they asked me why my name in passport is different than the on the green card and then I showed them my original marriage cert. I hope it helps.