clueless55

Cover your butt. Start divorce proceedings.

You'll also want to send in a statement to USCIS,with her A# on it, and in detail tell them when she moved out and that you haven't been living together since whatever date it was.

We were married XXXXX

She moved out XXXX

You want to remind them she probably hasn't been updating her current address or status as she is supposed to. Cover your butt legally, that is the best revenge. You want to be through with her 100%, and move on with your life.

Keep away from her, and don't talk to her without witnesses.

I was in a similar mess a few years ago, minus the baby.

Be patient. Cover your butt. I think you have been. Make sure you keep putting copies of all evidence in her file, with her A# on each page. You can mail them to the local USCIS office, or handcarry them with an Infopass Appointment.

The people at my local USCIS field office weren't real helpful, but they did give me the direct number to the local ICE investigator, who attempted to do something, but the DA didn't want to prosecute the fraud case.

In my situation, my ex was older, not willing to work, and ran out of money and friends to mooch from about 5 months after her conditional green card expired, and about 12 months of surviving in the US on her own. (she had about $8000 of her own money when I cut off support and separated) She wanted to go back to China, and I gave a her a non-refundable, one way ticket home.

People that tell you to 'get over it' don't see to understand it's not over, until it's over. You have the added responsibility of the child to deal with. It's not going to be totally over for a long time.

Your wife will probably exhaust any free legal help she can find, I think whatever story she tells is so full of holes, even overly eager agencies with good intentions will see through it, and money for these agencies is drying up in the rough economy.

Good luck.

So, what are you going to buy?

She married you while she was here on a student visa, then left you, and she is working full time now?

I wonder how many rules and laws she's broken?

Get over her. Your love for her doesn't mean anything unless it is returned, and returned with sincerity, which I doubt is going to be the case.

Been there, done that, got the 'she just married me for a green card' t-shirt......

I hope she's OK, and has filed the abuse charges. She needs to do that,he may get some help as a result, and at least, he'll have trouble bringing another Pinay here to abuse.

Document everything. Copies of police reports, medical bills, etc.

Let him go. He is only making your life miserable, while you feed and support him. Let him go back home.

Smile, show up on time, and work hard. You'll be fine, and have some experience and a good reference when you want to move on to something else.

Sometimes the local Chinese community will help her out finding a low end job, particularily in chinese owned businesses.

We're talking retail, restaurants, etc.

If you find her an ESL class she'll probably meet ladies who are looking for jobs, also, and they network pretty well.....passing on job openings to each other.

I'll more or less second what Darnell mentioned, be very careful if she does find a job that taxes are being deducted, and overall it seems legit.

About offering her a one way ticket home....

Even though she cost me considerable time, money, and pain, from the time I first attempted to discuss divorce with her, I offered her a ticket back to China. She did give up a job of some sort, and an apartment. Initially, before I found out the depth of her infidelity and dishonesty, I offered both the ticket, and modest financial support for a year. (the length of time it takes to get divorce where I live)

She laughed, and told me the amount I offered, which was a slightly higer amount per month than what she was earning when I met her was 'not enough'. (she only earned about $150 US a month)

Later when I found out she had more money in the bank than I did, the offer of monthly support was withdrawn....but she was still refusing to do anything until after she got the ten year green card.

As far as placing documents in her USCIS files, I made appointments by INFOPASS, and hand carried folders of documents I had collected, with her alien number on top of each page, as well as cover letter that was more or less a summary and timeline of her activities, with a request for all to be placed in her files.

This was suggested to me by both ICE and the local USCIS office.

I packaged it all up so it would be nice coffee break reading for some bored government clerk, printed out love letters, photos of online romeos...as well as hotel reservation emails....travel plans, etc.

A friend suggested a steerage ticket on the proverbial 'slow boat to china', full of dirty, horny sailors, but she'd probably enjoy the attention, and I can't find a ticket.

I did find a ticket with a 19 hour layover..............

She is requesting I find her a ticket that doesn't leave too early, not before 10 am, and has no long layovers.

I'm getting ready to suggest she try the 'USCIS Travel agency' and use the coupon code 'Self-deportation'.

Did you help her with money along the way?

Some ladies are only after that, and have no intention to show up for the interview.

Good luck, no matter what this cost you, it's a lucky break if she wasn't sure she wanted to marry you, and she had no other intentions.

You did everything right, made multiple visits.....it's not your fault. There's always some risk in these relationships, more so than a relationship with a local lady.

Withdraw the petition.

Well, she didn't enter the marriage in good faith, and I placed copies of her emails in her USCIS files as soon as we separated.

Two emails were sent while she was in the US, a week before we married, stating clearly 'I don't like him. I'm only marrying him to come to the US and be near you..' (meaning a MARRIED chat BF)

I placed 200 plus pages of such stuff in her files. Print outs of screenshots of various emails, dating site profiles she maintained or created while we were married, emails arranging assignations with out of state chatmates, more stuff than you can imagine possible.

Unless some USCIS paperpusher stamped her self-petition paperwork...without ever looking at her file.....there is no reason she should have been granted the ten year green card.

I'd get the divorce finished if possible before leaving the US. The quickest legal state to get divorced is Nevada, with a 6 weeks residency period, and if your wife is willing to agree to a no fault divorce, and sign it, (only one of you has to be in Nevada) you can have it over with in two months. You can file on your own in Nevada, or a paralegal can do it for a modest cost.

Thanks, no mail for her shows up at my address, but I kind of doubt she has kept USCIS updated.

I can ask her about her current status, but I doubt she will tell me the truth. A one way ticket would be a modest expense for me, if I knew she couldn't get back to the US.

In a second email she told me she wants to go back because her elderly father is not well, and not expected to last long.

He was nice to me, and out of respect for him I'm considering it, if I can verify all the details.

The cheapest one way ticket I can find to her city has a 13 hour layover in Beijing.

I'm trying to find one with a longer layover, preferably in a worse airport.

She specfied a few day range she wants the ticket, 10 days from now, and of course, she doesn't want an early flight where she would have to get out of bed before 9 am.

Briefly...

Brought my Ex here on a k1, and we married in October 2008.

She got her conditional green card in May 2009.

We separated due to her infidelity in July 2010.

Divorce granted in Nevada, in March 2011

Her conditional green card expired in May 2011.

I have heard nothing from USCIS about her filing under VAWA, or attempting to get the ten year green card on her own.

I did fill her USCIS file up with sufficient evidence to prove that marriage failed due to her actions. There never was any abuse on my part, or even claims from her of it.

My question is, how can I find out if she attempting to file on her own? Can I assume if I have heard nothing, she is on illegal status?

I have not heard from her since April, but today I get a short email asking if I am willing to provide her a plane ticket back to China, as I told her during our separation. She said she wants to go back.

My thoughts are, if she leaves the US, my liability is over....as far as sponsorship.

No...I wouldn't give her cash, but possibly a non-transferable, one way ticket....IF I knew it was to my advantage.

Too many of the asian ladies seeking a western husband are primarily looking for financial support....NOW. Marry them on the first visit, where they live, and they'll be expecting financial support from that point on, and usually also for the extended family. Using a K1, and limiting the financial support (If at all) until you are actually married filters out some of the ladies who are primarily looking for an income, and also gives you more time to spend with the lady, actually together, before you marry.

This isn't going to be a popular statement on this board, but most of the marriages are not entered into with much actual time spent together. A few weeks here.....maybe a second visit? I'm just as guilty. These marriages are risky, riskier than marrying some local person, unless this is a person you have only spent 7-14 days actually together, with. The time you spend online, emailing, or on the phone, doesn't really count for much in reality. You don't really know each other.

It can still work out if both people have the same agenda, and are willing to make it work. You can't be sure what the other person is really thinking, until it's too late.

Take your time. Don't be afraid to pull the plug on the process.

I wish they'd do more spot checking and surprise home visits.

If somebody knocks on your door at wierd hours, claiming to be some official....it's simple. You tell them 'I don't know who you are. Please wait while I call local law enforcement and ask them to check you out.'

Don't marry in her country. Use the k1 visa. This gives you more time to spend with each other before you marry, you'll have 90 days from the time she arrives. There are various types of fraud surrounding marriage in the Philippines, also, along with screwed up documents, intentional, and otherwise. You probably want to read a forum like dragonladies.org before you go to the Philippines, and before you marry.

This happens more often than you realize. People in some Asian countries pay $20-30000 to be smuggled into the US, or for a 'fake' marriage. Why not use some dumb man to get here? ICE even asked me if my wife had paid me to marry her when I was reporting her for fraud. (Check my bank accounts you low level gumshoes....I was broke!)

Since more people than the original poster will eventually read this thread, and some maybe with the same situation, I'll ditto 'don't take her back' with some additional reasons. She may be pregnant from the other guy she ran off to meet. If she skips out before you marry to be with some other guy....consider yourself lucky, and you got off easy.

I didn't read his intitial post as he intended to be abusive to the lady. If he is seeking a more traditional marriage, and spousal roles, and she agreed, and there's no abuse, there should be no problem.

I read this more as the typical learning period for the new asian lady in a western country. They generally have no concept of western costs, bills, etc. Frankly, most of the filipinas I know, and I know a lot, have not been in a position where they live on a budget. What comes in, goes out. There's a serious adjustment to be made when they get here. The family also often has unrealistic demands on money they expect to flow in from the new Kano member of the family.

Where were you married? You are the US citizen? Is she willing to go back to the Phils?

Get out of this mess and stop his green card process. Your hell will only continue and worsen if you don't.

I was in the same situation. Get rid of him, legally. Do whatever you can to end this.

You can't assume the problems are due to cultural differences. He has a different agenda, he's using you. Get out.

Stupid question, but you've been to china and met her in person? Are you planning on marrying in China?

My take on it the bride price is not 100% adhered to,and depends on her age, if married before, kids, and how poor the parents are, and whether somebody involved is trying to take advantage of you.

She's from Guangxi? The first Chinese lady I met was from Guangxi and was introduced to the parents (Lower middle classish but doing well) actually gave me some dowry. (returned in a few days)

The evil lady I ended up marrying later from the same province told me 'You lucky my father no need money. You no need pay.'

If the family is of modest means, some money is cool. Remember, it's all somewhat optional, and negotiable.

Depending on how well you know this lady, and how much time you spent with her, don't forget...A few thousand dollars is big money in poorer provinces like Guangxi, and it's not unheard of, particularily in Nanning, for the financial support to be the primary goal of the lady....who maybe has no intention of leaving China.

Does the girl contribute financially now to the support of the family or the parents? Children are still retirement plans in most Asian countries, and expected to contribute.

OK, I'll necro this thread to give an update.

A few days before the lease on the house was up, I got a call from the landlord that my wife and a 'friend' had a rental truck backed up to the house, and were loading up furniture.

She knew I was on the way home, had a week off from work, and I had told her she was welcome to some of the furniture, and household stuff, but to wait until I got home, and we had mutual witnesses.

I was 300 miles from my home town, so couldn't do much.

When I finally got to the house, all of her clothing was gone, some of 'my' furniture, and quite a bit of the household stuff.

She wasn't in the house for a few days. The neighbor described who the man was who helped her move, and I knew where he lived. I drove by his house to see 'our' washing machine in his carport, covered by one of 'our' quilts.

I didn't go on his property, but sent some emails off cc'ing the sleazebags boss. He is a 'job counselor' for a non-profit agency, that used to come by the ESL class she attended. He has a reputation for sniffing around the female students, the sleazy little troll.

OK. She claims she was flying to San Diego to live. A local chinese lady friend would drive her to the airport.

I finished moving out of the house. cut off her cellphone.

She emailed me a few times. I tracked her email. She was in the Newark, NJ area, not California, as she claimed.

Sadly, she didn't make it the whole winter up there. She called me from Las Vegas in mid January, and asked if I would sign a Nevada 'no fault' divorce if she sent me the papers.

I considered the options, got some advice, and even agreed to pay half, to speed it up and get it over with.

The Chinese paralegal was kind of a pain to deal with, but later she told me my ex-wife was very annoying.

(really?)

I got the certified divorce papers in April. I had one more email from my EX (Praise god!) demanding half of any income tax refund I got for 2010, since it was rightfully hers.

I reminded her the divorce papers she signed stated there was no provisions for division of assets with this type of proceeding, and no chance of appeal. Since she used a paralegal who is a locally certified Mandarin translator for the courts, I would guess she can't claim she didn't know what she signed.

Her conditional green card expired in early May. I have no idea if she is attempting to change status on her own, under VAWA, or whatever. I assumed I would hear from USCIS if she was?

I did have some contact with fraud investigators with ICE, who prepared a case on her, but the Prosecuting attorney was reluctant to take it to court.

Life goes on.

Guys, and ladies, I wish all of you a happy and loving marriage with decent people. I wish I had installed the damn keylogger a year earlier. She wouldn't have had the conditional green card, and @##$% marriage would have been a distant memory of a brief period of my screwed up life, by now.

Tell her to put it in her checked bag, preferably in a plastic bag.....still in original container. I brought back a lot of tea in my checked bag.

Not sure they even looked at it?

I live in upstate SC. One of our local flea markets has some asians selling produce, and the prices are good. You may want to ask around.