Deina

Your patience is admirable!..but you are in a situation where your life and your husband life is put in danger; the fact that you live in the house with your own executioner doesn't put you on the run and find safety, it will just delay the inevitable when his mind will be completely dark.

If you care about him, as we all can see, than find a way for your husband sake and move out; ( from what I read and understood doesn't look like you value your life ) so if you value his life more than yours, don't let him end up in jail; what good is to protect him, putting your safety in danger, if anyway he will end up losing his freedom or life too?? Me, if I were you, I was already in Germany, protecting  both of us from his madness...

My advice is not to divorce, but currently look for shelter even if it is impossible to be together for the next weeks, months or years...

Can you not live with one of his relatives? Did you consider going back to Germany for a period, even if will affect your legal status in U.S?? Or both of you moving to Germany, it seems hard for you to help him in his country and he doesn't show much support either. In your own country will be easier for you, perhaps you may have family to help you?...

If you already apply for AOS, can you not leave U.S on parole? Did you get your travel parol?.. I'm not sure about the exact name of it! But maybe you should consider visit Germany for a month or two and see how he acts when you are not around him and also if " dir zur liebe " will seek professional help..and from there you will decide which turn your and his life will take, find a point to move on!!! I'm sorry I am not able to help you more but other users already show many information immigration related. 

My opinion is, it's her BF, she should decide if that behaivior works for her,, Why does it matter to the VJ'rs... Her descision has to be based on her experience with the guy.. I don't know him, I don't know her, I don't have a stake in whether it works out or not, and it's likely nobody at VJ has any direct insight either.. I don't understand why people come on VJ asking about relationship advise..

Now, how is this Immigration related? Please, enlighten me...

I agree with you on this!! I don't know if there is way of deleting the bible verse..but I will look into! So that this bible verse will not upset more people here on VJ.

You guys make me feel like is wrong a relationship to be based on love and respect! And instead of that screaming should rule...

Any way...

Oh my.. In God we trust is what you carry in your wallet! So,go make a complain about that too! Any way soon there will be no cash so maybe you can you endure until then! Can you do ignore the fact that it is a verse from the Bible, and do not offend my lifestyle for what I see to be a healty relationship fundamental.

Whom I treated with disrespect?

I paste the verse as advice, is my principle how a woman should be (and of course a man as you well said) I have not forced anyone how to live their lives, we are on a public forum and OP asked for advice.

What is wrong with what I said about woman role? Ah...sorry, is from bible! Ok, I get it!

Should marriage be based on love and respect?..Ok, OP..is not married but she carries a baby with this man..

Good for me what?? To be in a happy marriage.. Falling in love is the easy part, it's making it work and being committed that take effort!! Maybe I missed something in her post but I didn't read that she is taking emotional or physical abuse, due to his work he is not even around her, if I understood corect. The problem they have is over the phone by she yelling at him and she finds disrespectful that he hangs the phone, and starting a month ago they start argue more over little things and is a misunderstanding on who controls whom. So, just because of this, my advice should be to leave this man??And ban this man from the life of his unborn child?? Just because she is pregnant, her husband must tolerate her? I'm not saying that he should be more understanding!! But how can you keep a conversation if someone is yelling at you? Is not better to let that person calm down?! Due to her pregnancy she should be more calm and relaxing... ! Or that baby will come out all shook up and thankful for a tension hell of a ride in this world?If you advise someone to be calm, loving, understanding, etc. .. is wrong then I will keep my advice to me and I will not participate in this discussion.

How Elvis well said: “Don’t criticize what you don’t understand, son. You never walked in that man’s shoes.” maybe you can digest Elvis better..I don't know more about of her life than she has only posted. So if you walk in her shoes and her husband shoes than please excuse me!

And do you know her husband temper? And if he is a good loving husband and provider? OP wrote that her husband doesen't like that she is loud...

I don't use scripture for the reason you mention. She didn't ask for the role of the man! So, if she had ask for it. I would had told her.

I will never support a slavery relationship....So don't attack me on something I am not saying!! I give my opinion for the OP not for you! I wish people the best, to be happy...and I will never say to someone to broke up or run from the relationship. I don't know the OP, I don't know her man, he is not here posting his version...

So, dear OP.. is your life do what is best for you! I'm a woman that likes to take care of her man, talk nice, be sweet and loving, etc.. and what I give is what I receive. And if your husband point out some things we doesen't like at you than if you love him change that. You find disrespectful that he hangs the phone on you but is disrespectful to scream at him as well!! I see that wrong..

You wrote the argument you guys fight are petty and little...so I don't know your limit, or how much he hurt you or what bad words he said to you but from what I read he hangs the phone when you get loud so he is not engaging in this type of conversation. Maybe the reason he said he wants the baby after is born is because you are so loud and maybe easy to lose control...

Is also very easy for a woman to assume my man is controlling just because he will rather pass on something and would like for you to accept it. For example, first time I came here I went out with a friend of mine (that I meet thru my husband) and her friends, had a lovely time but they decide to go party in the club after we had dinner and I said no, I will go home. They all made fun of me going to my man home, and they give me advices how to run my marriage, you must make your man jealous, we go party take the marriage rings of etc. But I said I will not join and they start with this control think...

I know my man cares about me and loves me and if I know he doesen't like me go party alone than I don't go..I don't find that controlling. Any way, I just wish for you to have a clear mind and understanding and communicate nice.

You ask for advice, so I felt free to give mine. Nor you or others have to understand my way of thinking...

Here, maybe this is what he mean with you knowing your role..

Role of the Wife in the Bible

"encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:4-5

I'm sure if you would talk kind he will call you more often!! Don't act angry quick!! If you love him and he loves you and you are bless with a baby than maybe you can try work things out...

I think the word..."leave him"is used too easily! What is wrong with saying: a woman needs to know her role????? A man has his role too in this world. Men go to war, in case of emergency rescue, children and women are saved first, men work in mine, or as fireman etc...

Why some women want to be equal to men? When one hand washes the other and we are different creations and together form a union. Why not have the patience to listen, why raise your voice at him? I'd hang up too if husband would scream at me on phone!

I think you should give him credit he refused to leave the conversation than let to generate more outrageous....

Any way this how I see it! Is your man and your life... But control your emotions first and listen too!! That's why so many marriages are collapsing nowadays, for a woman not knowing her role in the relationship and want to be men. Let man be man and woman woman! Don't anger quickly...

Each person needs to be appreciated loved and respected and know their role.

Poor you, by how much you had to go thru and justify yourself just because some do not know other cultures or are not able to accept and can not believe the abilities of other people.

I, for exemple didn't learn english in school but from TV!!..just like you. Only that I learn to speak first, in Romania we have for every foreign films romanian subtitle and that's how I learn english by watching american movies...

Also in Romania, maybe in Russia too... police do not intervene in domestic violence! Is not like in America, till they really do something most of the time it is allready to late ... and most of the time the woman's try to complacent the situation, which led them to believe that all is well when it was not.

In America after I've notice women provocate their husbands and use physical force to have evidence of bruising and call the police. That is why many men endure abuse rather than be taken to the police station for violence against wife. But as for you, I can't even imagine how scary must have been for you to have police taking you just because the husband call first.. when there was maybe nothing going on..

I can also understand soon to be your ex-husband behavior... keep you in close with small pleasures here and there for you not to run away or making this small pleasures for the world's eyes so that in case of something he can put yourself in a bad light, or/and abusing your love and holding you in fear of taking the child.

My husband told me short after I came here that some "friends" told him, not to spoil me because they knew/hear other men got married to romanian womans and they left them short after. I am lucky my husband is not easily influenced, loves me, makes my life beautiful and fun and I love him.

So if your husband has this kinds of "friends" that try to depraved you in his eyes only because you are russian then is hard to live without "suspicion minds".. like Elvis said!

I am glad to hear you and your baby boy are in safe and things are moving good for you. Stay strong and God's love be with you always.

When I came in US with K1 visa via JFK, one of the officer told me, why to go all the way to L.A if I can stay in NY and marry him....

This will always be the case. Even if you know both parties intimately, there will always be details you don't know. What a person is thinking might be a crucial factor in making a truly objective judgment, but that presumes they're going to share that information with you, and that you can separate yourself emotionally from the situation enough to be objective.

People turn to the internet because they believe it's relatively safe. They don't personally know the people they're talking to, and those people have no emotional stake in the outcome of the poster's situation, so they're likely to be open and honest, even if they don't have all of the facts. Unless someone is a complete emotional trainwreck, they'll understand that the responses they get are individual opinions and not professional advice. More often than not, they already know what they should do. They just want some confirmation from others that they're not totally screwing up.

When love comes into your heart not everybody starts from a same principle! Everyone has the right to manifest love in his own way....

Some need more time to formalize their relationship and others not!

Some were part of disappointment when they discover that their relationship was not based on love but rather on a greencard or others foreigners coming here became house maid or even abused. And so, this relationships was not based on love but interest !!!! But for those who love truly does not matter that they were married after one week or after 10 years and for the love to not vanish you should work on it from the first day till the last. But in the end what is certain in life is that nothing is certain and everything has an end.

Personally I do not like to advise a persons decision who made an oath! And no matter how sacred marriage is considered if it's not respected and based on love and trust I do not see why it would be continued....

Yes, forgive is divine and to forgive is to renounce desire and/or action that may occur to make suffer who hurt you. But as for me if abused, hurt somebody anf if law was violated, nobody tells us to remain silent or complacent situation!! The world is run by rules...

......

Question: If still married is not illegal to change the door lock?

For my AOS everything went perfectly well. I, the beneficiary fill out all the required papers - my husband checked and send it out! NO RFE !!

I feel grateful and thanks God, my husband and I had a easy, quick.. painless K1 and AOS process We also register our marriage at the Romanian consulate in Los Angeles and I'm now waiting to receive the new Romanian passport with the last name change and residing in the U.S

If it's given attention and did some research on that matter should be no stress! When I have questions and my husband will not know neither the answer, I say: Let me ask my friend Google, or Youtube, etc.. ) and here on VJ are great example forms and smart people that like to help out!!

To the OP.

In my humble opinion. Love, respect and communication are the basis for any household. But sure each individual is perceived differently and if Russians are based on other princes I hope for you that your wife feels just very depressed and maybe chances are you two to be happy one day

If it's after our will would be nice to make our life happy but as was said by Rika: "I have seen this behavior in Russia many times, and in Russian to Russian marriages that were real and lasted many years, no fraud there"! You might not be russian BUT heyyy what we all not do for love

There were many variations made on why your wife's attitude... if is not one there is the other one but the point is: "Unless the OP is quite well off, living in a nice city and showering her with gifts, I doubt that her quality of life improved".

I personally like to speak from facts and not from fantasies but because I don't know the people involved and your wife has the right to express herself and here on the forum we are not infront of the judge nobody is obliged to justify and the lack of arguments on all assumptions that were made you have not respond I stop here wishing you and your wife all the best!

Jumping to conclusions? You're basing your advice purely on your culture, and not on what the OP has told us.

This quote was not about a Russian woman in love. Posters portrayed her as a heartless GC hunter and a user and didn't someone even call her a b-word? This quote was referring to the mega-b that you guys portrayed. If you want to discuss her alleged cold hearted fraud, then you have to consider what she lost and what she gained in material terms. That's what cold hearted frauds go for, right?..

What does she lost and what does she gain?? It is not to be with the loved person without obtaining an advantage and disinterest of the financial?

I think what you want to highlight is the material terms and what the OP can offer her. But as the OP had said: "About a two to three weeks before she arrived here our communications began to get strained"...

Did she not know nothing about OP's life here? If from beginning had a cold attitude.

Then why then she accepted got married and live here unhappy?

We all went through changes when we followed the one we love but together we have to adjust to the new life!!

And NOT!

"When laying in bed after waking up, if I put my arm around her and say "good morning", she takes my hand as if it were a dirty diaper"

"It has gotten to the point if I want to communicate with her I have to send an email"

"It seems the only time things appear to improve is if there is an appointment approaching with USCIS"

"I thought I was lonely before we met, but it was nothing compared to what I'm going through now"

!!!!

YES, she is only after the greencard!The reasons only she knows. But to tease your partner and to take advantage of his human kindness and love, that is b***

The respect is earned, not required!!

Love and respect, but if there is no respect - is there love??

There are cases where woman/man use american citizens to obtain citizenship, green card just that later to bring their dear love from the native country! Like someone else already said and I pull to reach the same conclusion: She is here for a mission to accomplished!!

One of Romanian old famous song sounds something like this:

Where is NO-LOVE, is it nothing! No sun and no life and you feel alone...

!!!!!!

Qoute: "Unless the OP is quite well off, living in a nice city and showering her with gifts, I doubt that her quality of life improved."

Well, then I don't see the difference between dating a russian or marry a russian! And this qoute is not seen as a quality or flattering for a (married) woman in love for any nation!

Qoute: Can we just be friends who have sex sometimes?

In my opinion this woman is considered a cheap piece of meat...

...........................................

Time will speak and the OP will find the truth!

I know everything going on in Romania...more than you probably do. Yes, there are cuts...and yes there are is unemployment, but the measures that where implemented in Romania 12 months ago are just now implemented here in the US (see budget cuts and spending etc.). I think you have a lot of guts to ask me all that you do, especially since you know nothing about me...and if I told you that I know what it's like to work hard for everything you have...or what is like to have a mother (who has a history with strokes) who has to live with a pension in Romania, maybe (just maybe) you'd cut the sarcasm. I doubt you had any of my experiences. I studied history in college...so I might know a few things about empty speeches, promises and demagogy in politics. I might also be tired of hearing people complaining about what Romania doesn't offer them, which makes me think of the famous "Don't ask what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country" (JFK, Fyi). To fulfill your curiosity, I'm here cuz I'm madly in love with my husband, not with America.

This topic is closed for me, as i think you've gone kinda far and the OP is sick of the monopoly Romanians formed on his thread. Enjoy your life here.

"Don't ask what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country"

This is also one of my principles!! Because of this is all this strife...

You know deina....it's one thing to express your feelings towards an ideea, or belief, and it's very different to imply something so dirty, especially since you don't even know me.

And for the record, just so you can sleep tonight, no, i didn't marry my husband because he is a us citizen. I just happen to believe and like the choices i made, at least it's better than beeing here and bit##ing and moaning about it.

If I said something about America, you come and say: we are not talking about romania vs usa but in the meantime you don't stop whining about Romania. You feel entitled to make remarks about our lifes here but if my doubts looks dirty is becoming something personal towards you , special when I don't know you, as if you thou know me! And what is dirty about feeling of love?! When: “Love consists in desiring to give what is our own to another and feeling his delight as our own.” by Emanuel Swedenborg.

Anyway.. I stop now cause' I don't like arguing words especially if you feel offended.

All the best for you and your loved ones.

I think you should apply for U.S presidency

Seriously, nobody disagree with you but you write novels about Romanian dark stuffs and in between you throw in a phrase about America is not perfect either..

at least when Romania is in financial crisis is not pulling the others countrys down!! And to say about a country that is dark without to develop the word "dark" so like just Bob it is not nice

You say you love Romania... but how can you love a country without to be proud of?? You are missing the point!! The problems that are facing romanian don't make Romania less beautiful from geographic point of view, culture, etc - I would also be able to get into details of americans issues but my pleasure of living here is not limited to countrys issues or the luck that I have to live in the promised land. I feel love for US too, don't get me wrong but to let a stranger put my country of origin in a bad light is like speaking bad about my ancestors. And living here for some of us is not because we are runing from the hard living day after day in Romania!!! Love is like the wind you don't know where you STOP!! I do not want to offend you or to be indiscreet but how you was advised me for free I also feel like recommend you that you should take a deep look into your heart, WHY you are here??? I doubt that because of love, cause' the way you talk about Romanian dark times you should not even like the cabbage(sarmale). Please do not feel challenged everyone is entitled to an explanation

oh...actually my eyes are pretty open, but we are not talking about romania vs usa.

I think it's great you are helping your country, but that wasn't the point of the conversation. Yes people die of hunger everywhere in the world, in some places they do because they are lazy, and in some places they do because the society is build that way...almost primitive where only the strong survive...

You say that you will be happy to live in romania, but be careful what you wish for, it might actually happen.

So everyone keeps on saying ...american dream not so much of a dream, they all ###### and moan, is that the reason why still to this day everyone is trying to imigrate in this country?

USA might not be a perfect place, but at least if you are hard working you have something to show for, where in romania no matter how many 90 hours a week you are working you still struggle.

This is only my point of view, we don't need to agree, we are all different with different ideeas. I respect yours, even if i don't necesarely agree with it

Ok, so we are agree now that is dark everywhere for different reasons... and this was not my point of view you start to show the "dark times" of Romania...

I only defend my home country that I love as it is and I do agree with you on the country's problems, but for someone to call Romania dark side of Europe it is very disrespectful!!! Thanks for your advice but I am not frightened about living in Romania and don't misinterpreting me and twisting my words - my exact words were: Who knows where the steps of my life will bring me but I know that if that will be Romania I will be very happy!! If my husband is by my side I will be happy everywhere. I am glad to know that you are also one of the lucky one and you feel safe and love here and I wish you all the best.

i think he was jocking more than anything else, but for those of you who haven't been in romania in a long time let me give you a summary of happened in the last 5 years, a more realistic aproach of the land of choice called romania:

We elected a drunk worthless, greedy president who brought us further back than the comunism ever did

Then we elected him again, like the first rape wasn't enough, so he raped us again, meaning they stole too much money and they couldn't cover it so they had to cut salaries(25%), pensions(15%), kids alimony, and the list goes on and on. Romania is the only country in europe with such low salaries, and on top of that they cut them again

Because of that, old people could not afford to buy their medicine, people could not afford to heat their homes in the winter, not to mention the most people could not buy proper food.

The median income in a romanian family is around 500 us dollars and that is if mom and dad both work, everything from clothing to food is AS if not more expensive than US.

SO...yes...i believe romanian people live in dark times. For the people who live here in us and go home every now and then, of course romania is bright, but when you actually live there and every day you wonder where will you get the money to pay bills and feed your kids...it's not a hunky dory situation. Most retired people in romania eat bread beans and potatoes, as they can not afford anything else...

I am not questioning or puting you guys down for beeing patriots, it's actually a good thing that you can still be so pasionate about it after the fact that your own country couldn't give you a decent life.

Let's be honest how many of you would return to romania to live there?

I know it sounds horrible what i am saying right now, i might even slap myself later, but it's the truth, the very sad inconvenient truth.

Well... then you should open your eyes around the world - and while we are living in US let's start with this: the economy, healthcare, salaries are also not part from the american dream anymore NOW it is american nightmare! People die of hunger every corner of the world !! Would you try to change that?? I will die trying making my life and life of others better. Who knows where the steps of my life will bring me but I know that if that will be Romania I will be very happy!! I prefer to live in US just because my husband's job is in the entertainment industry and together we are donate a lot of time helping others and beeing here will help me - helping Romania.

I agree with you somewhat. As I said, Romania is not a perfect country, but why shouldn't you take pride in the bright side of it and allow people to talk about the bad things only? This is what we, as Romanians, want people to know us by? When somebody asks you where you are from, what are you going to say?

ROMANIA

I am one of the very proud romanian but I realized when I first moved here! I lived before moving here in Germany and it is like my second home country but since I'm here I miss Romania more than anything...

I live in L.A and I meet a lot of peoples that have visit or live in Romania and they all love it ! Romania is beautiful, Hungary is very beautiful too about Bulgaria I don't know - cause I never been there.... America is also beautiful but it's kinda boring here around Holidays with no traditions - In this time then I really miss Romania!

Central Europe . . . hmmm

Nothing as exciting as a guessing game on Saturday morning.

Okay, I go first: you are from the dark side, Romania or Bulgaria or Hungary perhaps?

Excuse me but have you ever been in Romania to call it dark side??? And if then where in Romania???

This is a great post

I had the same problem when I first came in US!! Oh my, it was so hard for me to accustom to the new food.

I do the cooking and my husband likes it but he also doesn't like his food to spicy. So when I cook I use less spice in the pot and in my plate I put as much spices as I want

Sometimes I do cook separate dishes and I think it is okay, we should not force each other taste if we don't find it delicious

I'm in USA since 10 months, the first weeks have been hard for me but now I enjoy my new home country&city. My husband have give a welcome party when I came here and I got to meet some of his friends and I love his (girl)friends, I go out with the girls, hiking, shooping, dinner together, watch movies, dance classes etc... I also made two friend on my own via internet and they are romanian too living in America, they visit me I visit them.. talk on the phone, skype, sms.... and in summer my old very best frind will visit me from Germany and I am so happy she comes to visit me/us..

I do alot of entertaiming with my husband too and I also join him by work. He is very patience with me and I think that is very important cause many things was new for me and I was getting mad so quick in the beggining - for example, I buy Nutela and the Nutela here taste so different here in comparation with the original from Germany. And so many things I don't find here in the stores but I solve that problem - I order online european products

The first days, weeks, months here will be "hard" cause you need to adjust the new environment but with a lovely husband it will be easy and fun!! I love my husband so much and he is so sweet - he bring me flowers in the morning when he comes home from hiking,he sing and play quitar for me and I dance around him,(I do the cooking) but sometimes he cook for me too, last time he made me egg salad and it was delicios, he always come home with a surprize for me, small or big I just love it .. my B-day it is on 25 December and it was my first X-mas here with him and he give a big party for me and I had a lot of fun, and the Christmas it was all about me and I got 25 gifts from him like my age

He brought me into old Hollywood Tv shows, I like Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, I love Lucy, The Honeymooners this are my preferts, I am also a big fan of King of Queens and my first shooping day here I saw on the shelf Milano cookies and I was so happy and out of control OMG - Milano cookies, Doug from K of Q he eats in the show )my husband find that so sweet about how happy I am about the cookies ) lool

Another day I told him baby I will evacuate ) and he was all surprise, Ok - where is burning?? And I said you know Zzzz Zzztttt the floor ) and I show him what I mean.. what I was wanted to tell was vacuum ) but he adores how I pronounce the words sometime and make him smile

So, I can go on and on but I stop cause I allready wrote to much

my thoughts for you will be come here with a open heart, ready to discover a new world, have patience and stay in touch with your family&friends. It is easy to give advice but you get to have your own experience soon and I wish you a lot of luck and love.

P.S - Before we got married and apply for K1 we spend only one week together in Canada/Vancouver, I'm happy I find the love of my life in such a short time!