kk_mine

Welcome!

Well I will admit, at first going in to this I had my doubts from the start. It was strange I have never heard of scams from Africa on TV. Not too long after we started talking I see a Dateline program about his very city and all the scams that come from there. I was like was it for me to see this program? It showed men at internet cafe and told of scams they run etc..

I heard from friends/family all these bad things and I was wondering if this was right for me. If you would have asked me then I would be unsure of our relationship @ first. I have openly talked to him about my concerns and things I have heard. My mom would say do you want to be with him or not? It would not be nice to string/lead him on if you don't want this she would say. It was tough!!! But in the long run I know how he feels for me, about Us, and we have had so many good things showing us this was meant to be.. that I know who I Love & Want to be with! You ask me do I want to be with him now, with confidence I say: Yes!

But as was mentioned a lot, the doubts will come as that is normal. I felt bad for doubting but he even told me he understood as his country and esp a lot of the men have made it bad for others. So lots of thinking on the matter and prayer in my opinion will help you! Or it has helped me a lot!! As for the bad things I hear from others: I will not let them get in the way of our happiness! In your case I see why there have to be a lot of things considered!

Oh yeah.. I'm making him a blanket in his favorite color! I can't wait till I'm done!

Before I post anything I want to make it clear that Im saying this about my suituation. In other words this is how I feel. Just telling you our story... & then my reply to you...

I am taking care of all the cost in my relationship. My mom always says don't take a man's pride away. So in my relationship I don't make him feel bad that I'm doing everything. It is overwhelming at times as I have a second job now and I work really hard!

I thought he was going to be able to help at first. But my childhood friend that introduced us ex what things were like in his country. Her husband is from the same area but when they married he was in Italy. There are times my fiance will not get paid for work he does. We talk about finances etc. Like he said his rent is less then $60.00. I was like WOW! I said to myself if I was there I would be rich. lol When he knew how much I pay for the townhouse he was shocked!

The most that he could do was pay for our rings (I have not seen them, my choice). But he paid a lil at a time. I like Silver better then gold so he had to get them made. This was great in a way as it cost a lot less for him to buy (being silver). He always tells me that he feels bad as he is the man and in his country he would be responsible to take care of everything. But I told him we are in this together and I am not going to look at who is doing what. I have ex to him that I will def need all the encouragement I can get. So he does lil things in his own small way. Like: he calls me everyday & he texts. But I know this costs him a lot. Compared to when I call and we talk for hours he can only talk to me for a few minutes each day. Unless he can afford to call me from a pay phone it may give us 30min. He always thanks me and shows his appreciation and concern for me.

He prays for both of us. When I call, before we end the call he will pray for us and at times we will read from the Bible. Even when we text we may include a scripture to give each other a lil boost to keep going and know that soon we will be together! In other words as (Im missin him and I can go on and on lol) he does what he can in his own lil way & that means the world to me!

He tells me and my mom that he will not have me working as hard as I do when he gets here. His parents understand that I'm working hard as well to get to him. His siblings etc.. we all know that he does not have the money to help me. But I'm ok with that. I know he lives in a very poor country. He has to get water in a bucket to wash up. He does not have a car. At times he has to walk or be out in the rain and he gets sick. Our six month anniversary just came up and it was so hard being without him!!

He ex that he wishes he could bring me over... As I tell him my love for him is SO STRONG! I will do whatever it takes to be with him!!! We have a long journey ahead and he and I have said we are willing to travel it together (no matter what may come). He is a wonderful gift to me! I do know that if he had it he would help me!

Now however: If you have reservations you are doing right by thinking things out first. I know my fiance can't assist me with airfare, wedding arrngmnts etc.. So for him to bring you over and ( I assume it was a roundtrip ticket he paid for) that is a lot! Then he is traveling abroad that is strange and he says he wants you to pay for him to be with you. Cause if my fiancee can do all that, I think I would have the same reaction that you have now. I'm more emotional now, tired etc.. I jus feel drained (two jobs etc)! As my mother says I'm exhausted!!! And if he had the funds to help out by all means he would be expected to help me! Without a doubt! I applaud you as you are thinking of a package (meaning you are not jus thinking of you, but you and your child). I hope all turns out well for you both. Wish you the best!

Well maybe I should have come to this when I first joined to get started on Vj on the right foot! lol

Who are ya?

lee,lee

Where did you come from?

MD

Where is your SO from?

Benin City, Nigeria

How did you meet?

Childhood Friend

Where are you in the process?

Just starting out. Have my passport. Will apply for my Visa next.

Welcome to vj!

Wow strange that you posted this as he just had an issue with this last weekend. He did not get paid for a job he did and he needed to pay his rent. He did not ask me for any money! I encouraged him and all went well as he paid the rent yesterday.

He called the client but they would not answer. I was so upset as I told him if the client did not have the money he could have used his time/energy working for a client that would have paid him. I was upset as he did the work for free. I asked him could he type up a contract to make sure he gets payment. But he laughed and said baby they will not honor anything like that here.. lol (I tried) I had to remember things are so different there!

He still has not received his pay. I felt that he should not do work for that client anymore, he agreed.

Sorry in the first post that is for cheap flights to Africa.

But you could try this site for flights leaving Africa to New York. Now I don't know but it says taxes included $USD 1283.80 http://fly.emirates.com/IBE/SearchResult.aspx (you can change the search of course).. Hope it helps, if not I tried.

You can try this site.. may not help juss passing it on.

http://www.bt-store.com/

I'm priting my phone records (voice calls & text) as we speak.

Congrats!!!

Oh yeah I had even looked up his cell phone carrier through the net. Its called MTN. So they have something called a MTN top up. So I put in my info paid over the web, they took my payment, but then (through email a few days later) the company said only people living in the UK could top up Nigerian accounts. They ended up giving a refund back to my card. I was sad.. I was going to surprise him!

Wow those pics are Wonderful!!! I have never seen those pics before or such beautiful places in Africa. They always show the poverty there. Thanks!

and the pics with the men holding the lil girl up.. wow! (im speechless lol)

Well I am not married as of yet and feel this is a great topic. My fiance was not the problem but his sibling. Once his brother (who I call my brother) told me in so many terms you need to hurry and get here to Africa so we can all be a happy family. I felt so bad and I was thinking WOW! does he not know I'm doing this on my own? Meaning my fiance can't assist me with the things I need to get to him (flight, passport etc, wedding arrang). And I have no issue with that.

So I def agree with the writing things down on paper so they See what the bills are! For me I had to text it. lol But I had to explain to my family in Africa what the cost is to get to my fiance and what I pay here in the US. When they saw all the cost they finally said (over the phone) WOW! that costs a lot. I ex that was what I was trying to tell them all along. Now they all are so understanding and say come when you can and take your time as we will be patient.

But my fiance and I talk about things like that now. I ex to him gas prices here and costs for me as I manage things on my own. We have open communication about cost and money. So I hope when we are together we don't have any issues with talking about bills/finances. Not saying that we wont disagree but know that we have the understanding that we will need to discuss things like this.

And I agree with others about the jacket. If he wanted to wear it I would just let him wear it. Im trying to as well work on the differences we have coming from different cultures but the small things I'm trying to just let go of. B/c something small can end up as a bigger issue and its not worth it. I do feel that a married couple should not withhold things from one another. So with the finances,bills,how much they bring home, or saved up I don't in my Opinion feel it should be something the other would not know about.

My fiance feels bad as he told me in Africa the man does for the women. My mom always told me never take a mans pride away (not saying that you have jus sharing what my mom reminds me of)! I know it hurts him as he told me I'm doing everything and he cant assist at all. He even felt bad telling me that he can't assist his elderly parents b/c he does not make very much. But I ex to him as a goal that we can assist his parents and my mom when we are together. I have even picked up a second job and he feels so bad. But I will do anything for him=4US and he knows that. So I make sure to praise him for anything he does (ie calls to me, txt), as I appreciate it. So once we talked over things like this he is more open.

I know your situation is a lot diff then mine...I think talking to him when you are not feelin frustrated but feel calm and let him know how you feel etc..

Hang in there and things will work out for you both!

Good points Taye500!

You are too much! lol Those are GREAT ideas as well!!!! I did not send to him, but I told him of a few songs that remind me of him (when I hear them I cry ). One is J Sparks and Chris Brown No Air. He finally heard it on the radio and he was so happy! He said all he could think of was me.

At my second job (big popular retail store) I saw some t-shirts on sale and I thought of that as well sending him some. They were only like $3.00. They were from the brand AXE but who cares a shirt is a t-shirt. I know it sounds crazy but I told him the scent I wear (Vanilla Sugar) I was even thinking of sending that for him to know the smell, and spray on his bed sheets (if he wants or whatever) to think of me. Juss a thought. lol

Boxes are very expensive seems my post office loves saying 60 dollar. Ahmed has two younger brothers all of them love american music of all kinds, i have made some cds, candy always goes over good, I work for a agency that does T shirts memoriabila as such so i have sent pens, shirts, things that have my company name...once you see how and where they live you will know more of the (small) things we take for granted that they dont know about. When i was there and went to cook there was NOT a can opener to be found, he knew to take a knife so next box one of the girls at work is getting just a small opener. Our instant coffee (seems) better ha, i sent a box of taco shells and they made, boys like the mom didnt. THey do have microwave (that i left) so i sent microwave popcorn..that was interesting to try to explain how to cook peanuts, hot chocolate, still thinking ha but i got go to work

Wow! I had not even thought of those things. As they say two heads are better then one. lol Plus anytime I can't send large things maybe b/c of the cost I could like you said send postcards etc.. b/c I have found out the thinner or less it weighs the less the cost is. Thanks again. I have a lot of things I can try.

I want to get the younger one a game system possbly handheld,but when I plan to go over. That would be so Nice to send something to his parents in the form of a gift! Yeah your right.. If I could give the world! But I know I can't.

All sounds good families do like to be thought of and included, how about a book or fold up map for the younger, i know once i sent a book of like travel and post cards from Oklahoma to show few things, his brother in law a teacher actually knew of route 66. I have sent parts of the Sunday paper if i had a box going overhe like reading the car ads ha.

We have a neice that will be 5 needless to say she is very spoiled, i do her birthday and just whenever also girls fr my work get her things. Ahmeds mom is diabetic so once in awhile she like to get foot cream and i usually do try to send something for (our christmas) which also falls on the babys birthday so its all good at one time. Once you know when your trip is plan to take everyone something small, that can get overwhelming because if like me you like to give, then you end up one suitcase just for others but oh well then you have a suitcase empty to fill with the things you want to bring back

On a lighter subject from the time I met my fiance I have tried to do all I can to get to know him and his family who in my heart is now my family. Like: He has a big family 4 brothers and 3 sisters. His youngest brother who I call my lil one, he is younger then 13 years of age. I try not to leave the baby of the family out as he is so young. We have something in common as I'm the baby of my family.

So I made it a point to change my phone plan (cell phone). I now have unlimited text on my plan. I was happy as I found out when I send text messages to any of them thay are not charged. So now I text away all the time! I have contacted some of them by text, phone, or email. But I have contacted all of the siblings in whatever way I could. Now for the lil one I will send him letters through email. My fiance will go to the cafe' print it out and give to him. I also do this for his parents. But now I text/call papa & mama vs. sending as many letters. But for the younger one I sent him pictures of games I like (ie Burn Out, Zuma) and my favorite football team (the Patriot's).

I asked my fiance if the youngest could ask his teacher where the US is located so he could understand how far away I am. But he ex that they don't have an atlas etc. in the schools. So I made an effort to write a letter and give a snap shot of a map that pointed from my city to Nigeria. I was so happy as not only the lil one but my fiance and his family could now see the distance & my location as well. Now that I'm a little more real to the lil one he asks about me all the time! My fiance says he will always ask when is she coming? How cute!

When I spoke to my papa this past weekend he made me cry. He said I commend you for taking out the time to always include us. He cont'd by saying I know you always have us (he & mama) in mind. He told me before our time was up I love you my daughter and I can't wait to see you. That meant the world to me!!!! Esp. that I lost my birth father and step father (my dad) in 2007. When my papa was sick I made it a point to call him as he was not eating but he took medicine and that worried me a lot. My fiance told me that he was so happy that I contacted him as it gave papa a boost.

I have mailed my fiance and his parents a letter, and to my fiance I put in 2 love greeting cards. I did not know the way I mailed it they would receive it 1 month and 2 weeks later. Next time I will send faster. I set up an email address for my fiance so we could send emails to each other.

I looked online and found a way that my fiance could text me. He has to send in the form of an email address to my cell number. ie 000-000-0000@message.(your carrier).com, I had to look online to see what it was for my carrier. We were so happy! When he sent me my first text I cried! I also looked online and found a dictionary in his language that translates it in to english. So when I text at times or write I will use the words in with english. His parents were so happy when they saw I try to use their language as much as possible. I have used it so much I can say a few of the words he taught me. Plus I know how to spell them (they are long words) without looking.

I know he can't afford much so I try to get a card and I will give the code to my mom for her to speak to him (as he always asks for her and tries to call her when he can). My fiance said I thank you for all you do, and that touched my heart!

Someone told me the other day that she sends her huband a care package. I had never thought of that before. Little small things (ie soaps, toothpaste etc.). If it is not going to be of great cost I would love to do this! So they may be small things but they mean the world to him & I!

So jus wondering what are some things you have done? If you don't mind sharing.

Im so sorry to hear that they would do such a terrible thing! I have heard that they like to bully pple over there. I have esp heard that they love making you pay them and the threats they give if you dont. Happy he was not harmed any more then what he was.

Good to know things like this as when the time comes we will know what to do or come up with a game plan.