speedo

It's clear that you guys are not ready to tie the knot yet. Per your PMs and replies here, he is looking for a submissive wife. He likes to have a total control on you. You are not even married yet, and he already asked you to resign. IMHO, I think he is too controlling and thats a red flag right there. Have a heart and heart talk to him and DO NOT be afraid to tell him what you exactly feel. If he doesn't respect your opinion or how you feel/ don't want to listen to your reasoning, you are in deep trouble.

Poor baby

don't worry what other people think. if ur not happy, just go. but remember. u r pinoy, and there is no divorce for a true pinoy. the shame is other couples are still waiting for their chance to be together. and if u just quit. ur time through the system was wasted time.

There's no divorce for a true Pinoy? What's that supposed to mean? Very idiotic statement. I sure hope you are being sarcastic.

i dont think you should feel lucky to be here just because other filipinas want to be here and they not given a chance to be here..

love matters i think, it's just a plus that you're SO is from the US..

I think she is LUCKY she fell in LOVE with an American...

What's lucky about falling in love with an American?

My boy Rob.

My girl Tiffany.

http://www.tiffanyrobertssoccer.com/

I don't know, maybe he's thinking that the husband should provide for the family while the wife stays at home and take care of the family.

Let me ask you this, before you met you fiance, what was your goal in life? to have a career or be a house wife/ SAHM?

If you're going to work does it mean that you're just using the other person?

- I don't understand your question? How can I be just using the other person if I'm working?

Or maybe he doesn't want me to step on his ego and his pride.

He don't wants you to work? what made you think that by you working, you will be stepping on his ego or pride?

I was thinking it was by percentage because if not, it doesn't make sense. India has over 1 Billion in population and atleast about 300 million is predominantly English-educated versus Philippines' population of 92 million.

What is the world's 3rd largest English-speaking nation, next to the USA and the UK? The Philippines.

I would think India's the 3rd largest?

Steven, I know where you stand on this topic, so I was pretty sure that you will answer NO.

Agree with you about the 2 factors: the perception and generalization. But I just want to comment on this

As most people know, divorce is not permitted in the Philippines so perhaps that's what is behind the generalization and perception by some American men that if they marry a Filipina, she is less likely to divorce him.

- Steven this not directed to you. . . . I'm just thinking out loud, so people please forgive me. She is less likely to divorce him for what reason? if he cheats on her? if he is abusive to her? because he lost his job? over younger more attractive guys? I mean even if the Filipina wife is no longer happy/miserable with the relationship (there's no way of fixing it) but still don't want to divorce the guy for whatever reason, why would the guy want to stay in the relationship?

I just actually voted: NO NO FILIPINA. I was trying to analyze the result. So far, there were 15 Filipina who voted. 17 people who voted that Filipinas make better wives, 10 mostly true, 3 somewhat. 9 people voted NO- You, me, 2 American female, 3 others = 7 (I'm just assuming here) which makes me wonder what are the answers of the other 14 Filipina? Are we tooting our own horns here ? 17-10-3 votes pointing that Filipina makes a better wife.

Great article Steven. Thanks for sharing.

I agree that one's ethnicity has nothing to do with it, but there are cultural traits or tendencies that we can at least recognize. For example, a high percentage of Asian immigrants in the U.S. are very successful in school. Pushing oneself to do their very best in school is something that is stressed among many Asian famililes while it isn't as prevalent here (...and I'm sure there are historical reasons for that). Now if someone were to then draw the conclusion that Asians are smarter than Caucasians, for example, that's when they're making a mistake - much like saying, Filipinas are better wives. However, I don't it's wreckless to recognize within the Filipino culture, families tend to stay together. From my experience with relationships though, I'd say a person's family and how they were raised has more to do with what kinds qualities they possess over which country they grew up in, but culture does play a part in shaping who they are.

I think a lot immigrants who come to the U.S. see a lot of negative cultural traits or tendencies within American culture and want their children to hold on to the positive traits of there own culture.

Now if someone were to then draw the conclusion that Asians are smarter than Caucasians, for example, that's when they're making a mistake - much like saying, Filipinas are better wives.

Isn't that your question if Filipinas overall make better wives than American women? I was a bit offended with that question. Is it because I'm Filipino American makes me not a great wife compares to Filipina Wife.

However, I don't it's wreckless to recognize within the Filipino culture, families tend to stay together.

- I'm not really sure what do you mean by the families tend stay together, so I'm assuming they have lower divorce/annulment rates. I don't think that families tend to stay together is not always a good thing.

I believe that being separated is still a taboo in the Philippines. There are numbers of reasons why Filipino families tend to stay together other than their love for their spouse. Here are some:

1. I know a handful of Filipinas who has philandering husbands. Instead leaving their husbands, they turn their head the other way and pretend that everything is just fine or they think it's the "right" thing to do to keep their family intact which I think is a big BS

2. For the sake of the children. I know some Filipinas that are not happy with their marriage or in an abusive relationship who chose to stay in their marriage for the sake of the children.

3. No divorce in the Philippines. Expensive Annulment.

4. The stigma that the mass cast upon separated/Annulled/Single Filipinas. What would people think? Oh my they are going to talk behind me back.

5. Cannot afford on her own. Life is hard in the Philippines. Again, I know some women who stay in their marriage because they don't have money (SAHM) or her salary cannot support herself and children. I don't think there's housing and money assistance, food stamp, baby sitter assistance in the Philippines.

6. ETC.

Those are really life examples from friends and relatives. I also encourage the USC to join or at least lurk over pinoyexchange.com. It's the largest Filipino Community Message Board.

From my experience with relationships though, I'd say a person's family and how they were raised has more to do with what kinds qualities they possess over which country they grew up in, but culture does play a part in shaping who they are.

- You are right.

Also, I need someone to name me trait or quality that you can only exclusively find on Filipinas.

Let's GO GIANTS!!!! I love you Eli!!!

Hmm.

I don't think race/ethnicity has something to do which one makes a better mate. Everyone has their own definition of ideal mate. I think my husband is a great husband. He has all the qualities I'm looking for a husband. It just happened that he is American. Well, he is naturalized. He was born and raised in Europe and moved to US when he was 16. Regarding the 2nd poll, my husband thinks I'm a great wife, but just like my husband, I am naturalized American. I am not your "typical/traditional/submissive" Filipina wife. To be honest, we both consider ourselves more American than European or Filipino.

I think the questions should had been: 1. Did you marry your ideal mate? 2. What makes him/her your ideal mate? 3. Is his/her ethnicity/race is part of him/her being your ideal mate?

congrats

Congrats

you know what? This mail order bride stuff is a bunch of bunk. Maybe ten years ago this could happen. but with the internet now there is no reason to pay to meet someone anymore. You can do it on many traditional type dating sites. But the mith continues.

I have been single for 15 years and all of my friends and me also have used dating sites, such as Match .com and others. What about e Harmony.com that site charges a huge fee to match you up with others. but because they just match you up with others within the US they are not concidered a marriage broker. C'mon folks. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE???????

You want to know why men form the USA search other places to find a nice girl to marry. For starteres maybe he dont want t a girl with a ring in her nose. maybe he dont want a girl whom is self centered and so leberated like many american girls. maybe he dont want girls with tattoooos all over thier body. maybe he dont want to listen to rap music. Do I need to say more?

fililpina's are traditional girls, much like the girls I used to know. Lets face it guys. We are very fortunate to have a filipina. Make no mistake about it.

I doubt very much you will find too many people if lucky to have a filipina. would abuse her in anyway. Yes I watch that ####### on TV it makes a good news story. but the fact of the matter is. its a very very small percentage. Most end up in happy marriages. Thats a fact Jack

Filipinas being traditional? in what way? Define traditional? Joining dating sites to me is not being traditional. Online dating is not being traditional. Also, there are tons of Filipinas who are pierced, tattooed, and who listens to RAP. I know this because I was born and raised in Manila. I am not a traditional Filipina nor my friends back in Manila. Some of my friend back there are more liberated than me. When I migrated with my family here in the US about 11 years ago, I fitted right in. Dude, where have you been? Maybe you are talking about Filipinas who live in the sticks and are so naive.

What's wrong being liberated? Not all women in the US has pierced or tattooed or likes to listen to Rap music. There are still plenty of American women or FOB immigrants from other countries that are traditional.

BTW, I am a tattooed Filipino American and, I used to have 11 ear piercings. I also listens to rap but not my preferred type of music. I love Linkin Park and Green Day!

Good read.

I have a stupid question. What do you consider a mail to order bride? Is there an actual website for mail to order bride? or Filipina dating sites like filipinaheart is considered as mail to order bride?

Please enlighten me. I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to this.

Awww...well, now that you're an honorary member here, you've got to add photos of you and your family.

SAHM is a great and sometimes thankless job. Although we can get by if my wife stayed at home with our little boy, she really wants to get back into a clinic and work towards getting certified to practice as full dentist here.

My wife is from Cebu but she can speak tagolog. I'll PM you here contact info.

Nahhh. . . I want to remain mysterious

I admire your wife for making that hard decision. and I wish her best of luck.

PMed you back.

hehehe...thanks. He's 4 1/2 months old. His mom has started to work again - has a distant relative nearby whose husband (also Filipino ...attended same university) is a dentist with his own practice. He's the sweetest little baby, smiles at everybody like he's a celebrity.

Do you speak Bisaya?

Awww. . . My son thinks he's a celebrity. He loves to smile and wave! They grow so fast dude. Enjoy every single moment.

Who babysit your son? I'm a SAHM since I was 5 months pregnant. I was gonna go back to work when my son was about 8 months, but I just couldn't do it. We are lucky enough that we can afford for me to be a SAHM.

I don't speak Bisaya Your wife speaks Bisaya?

Ah, ok...hehehe. Glad to finally meet a Filipina/American here. I hope one the Americans will answer my question - whether they see a difference between 'fresh-off-the-boat' Filipinas or ones that have been here awhile or perhaps even born in the states. In California, there's over a million Filipinos.

You should stick around at this site - we could use your perspective.

BTW, Speedo and Ronjie, my wife has family in New Jersey as well. I'll have to ask where though.

Jabberwocky your son is stinking cute!!! How old is he? I have a 14 months old boy.

I usually just lurk, but I've been sick since Friday. I've been summoned by my husband not to do anything since Friday, so I have some free time to post and lurk more. I think I'm going stick here for a while.

My wife and I were introduced by mutual friends. She's never used a dating service and never even thought she'd end up marrying a foreigner. There was this impression among her family and friends that girls who join those dating sites are much like the bar girls who were hoping for some 'kano to take them away to a better life. I'm not saying that's good either - obviously stereotypes exist everywhere. I realize that economic factors and education play into this - my wife was fortunate enough to go to a university and became a dentist - had her own practice back in the PI. That said, however, I don't think there's anything wrong with using international dating services as long as you're not buying into all the hype about Filipinas making excellent wives or Americans making better husbands than Filipinos....it's all BS.

Thank you for taking your time to answer. I don't really get the hype about Filipina making an excellent wife or Americans making better husbands. . .

I can't answer your question since it doesn't apply to me. I came to the USA about 11 years ago with my family. My grandmother petitioned us. I went to HS and college here. I met my caucasian husband at work. One of those office romance. Anyway, you probably asking what the heck I'm doing here in VJ. I'm here bec there's was a topic in PEx (pinoyexhange.com) discussing about American men and Filipinas and the stereotypes are left and right.

For the American men here who specifically sought out Filipinas, I'm curious if any of them tried dating a Filipina/American here in the States? Is there a difference between finding a spouse fresh off the boat vs. one who's maybe a second generation immigrant? And if you make that distinction, then won't the same Americanization happen to the Filipina spouse you are marrying? Think about it.

Do you mind if you answer your own questions? or it doesn't apply to you? If thats the case how did you meet you wife?

Ronjie: I'm curious. How did you meet your man?

NO PROFILE, NO TIMELINE, YOU DON'T EVEN EXIST, SORRY

I don't need a timeline. I don't really have any business to be here in VJ. I found out about VJ from a controversial topic posted in pinoyexhange.com. If you want to know that exact topic, I will post the link. Anyway, my curiosity got to me.

Ronjie: What part of Jersey are you from?

JERSEY? NW...new jersey

I'm actually from Bergen County

marry an american women? do people still do that?

sarcastic much?

not anyone on this thread, you must be mistaking

oks... I can't really smell sarcasm thru my screen, so I'm assuming you are being sarcastic again.

If you are not being sarcastic, your posts doesn't add up.

You met your wife thru single parenting website and has nothing to do with foreign spouses, but you made a bold comment about American women. Hmmmm