rlogan

Oh my god. Agree with last poster. What a travesty. The woman is insane with petty power.

We had a woman in the IRS office that was a menace here for years. You would go in just to pay your quarterlies and she was a hysterical bug-eyed monster about everything. I mentioned in the other thread it is terrorizing to be under the thumb of someone likes this.

And if you don't jump on it immediately it becomes and entrenched bureaucratic thing. Immutable like the radio show host guy and his Filipina wife. Not sure how that turned out.

Hi guys, i'd like to post my story in this section as requested by an admin. (Also posted in the K1 thread)

I'm a Filipino girl, 21 years old from a political clan in pampanga. My loving fiance is an american, 22 years old, from stockton. We met in the states 3 years ago in a coffee shop in bay area where he worked at as a waiter, became friends and fell in love. I was 18 that time and in spite of his small disability (his left eye is smaller than the right one) and status in life, i knew he was my prince charming and the only guy i'd like to spend my whole life with. I always visit him in the states as i have the means to do so. If it's his birthday, i buy him a ticket so we could celebrate his day here in the philippines. My father didn't like him at first but things get better between them on his second and third visits. We're always happy and in love.

December 2008, i received a call from an unknown number and figured out that it was my fiance asking me to pick him up at the the local airport! I couldn't be happier when i saw him waiting for me and i was so touched when he said he's been saving up for his little surprise. We spent the holiday together and he proposed to me which i gladly accepted. We decided to apply for a k1 visa because we were told that that's the fastest way we can get married and settle down in the states. My fiance went home with all the necessary papers and started processing my visa right away. We're lucky because his parents are very supportive and they helped him since day 1. Everything went well due to my fiance's hardwork. I received the packet in the mail on october 2009 and was schedule for an interview on the 12th of november. Of course my guy wanted to come with me to show his support so i bought him a ticket and came here 1 week before my interview.

Ok. November 12th, 2009. The pre-screening was perfect minus that fat lady. I smiled with all my heart, gave the papers she needed and answered her questions. She then looked at me for few seconds which i found very awkward and i slightly got shy or intimidated or whatever so i asked why she was looking at me that way. She didn't answer, as if she didn't hear what i said but at least she was waken up and asked me to sit down for a moment. Well, i didn't have a clue why she was staring at me that way until a tall guy who looks asian but not filipino approached us and directed me to the CO.

This middle-age american CO, who looks like jack nicholson's skinny version with a half-blonde/half-gray hair, started it by alternately reading the documents n his hand and looking at me. He was in that position for a minute and yes i finally had a clue and felt something is not right. But i stayed cool and smiled at him like we know each other personally. He turned to his computer and started to type something. He's still typing when we proceed to the actual interview. Ok. I'm not exaggerating things here but 90% of his questions are weird, funny and pointless. His first set of questions consisted of my fiance's age, birthday, zodiac sign, school, previous relationship, siblings, pets, house, body tattoo. He stopped typing then proceed to the second set of questions. I noticed he started to speak slowly and changed tone and looked real serious and that made him look like he was confronting me for some kind of crime. Well, we eventually had a small confrontation when he asked (in a very sarcastic tone) if i am aware of my fiance's eye problem, his failure to reach the required salary in his affidavit of support, how low his average salary could be for being a college drop-out, living in stockton all his life which according to him is the worst city in america in terms of government, poverty and crime, and few more stupid questions that made me feel upset and mad i raised my voice to defend my fiance the best way i could. The old skinny man tried to calm me down and called another american grandpa who immediately came inside the room and started to type something in the computer. Well i don't really mind seeing two or twenty american grandpaps in corporate suit around during my interview so i asked the CO if there's anything else he needs to know about me and my fiance. He didn't say a word and requested if i could bring my fiance inside the room so i stood up and went out i'm not sure if the he was still saying something and then i saw my blonde guy at the same spot i was sitting at earlier. I dragged him and while heading back to the room i told him i was sorry it's not our lucky day.

This time it looks like the second grandpap was finished typing because he's already standing at the back of the CO and they were both looking at my fiance. I can't explain that kind of look i can't say if they wanted to cry or laugh or pass out or if they just happened to be gifted that kind of face. I felt my fiance was embarrassed (he's a very very shy guy) so still with a pissed tone i interrupted and introduced him to them. The CO asked him simple questions like some info about his family and their background. Meanwhile i caught the second grandpap looking at me every once in a while like he was checking out my expression and it got me irritated so i returned the favor and stared at him and his bald head until the CO is done with my fiance. He asked my guy to excuse us and when he's out, the CO turned to me compiled some papers and said this.

"Are you sure you're marrying that guy? I'm sorry young lady i'm afraid i can't give you a visa. We'll send you a letter.....".

I got so pissed and told him to stop under estimating my fiance's capacity i know him more than anyone else his eye problem is a result of a bike accident when he was a kid but if it's that big of a deal then i'll bring him to the best eye surgeon then bring him back to that embassy with or without their k1 and that my fiance's not a lazy drop-out he just had to quit college and get a job instead to support himself and if i would have to transfer everything i inherited under his name then i would be willing to do that within 24 hours no questions asked just for that embassy to stop humiliating my guy! Of course they tried to calm me down but i was too carried away to listen i knew it was the end of it and i may be banned from entering the states for the rest of my life and just when i was about to leave the CO suddenly said "Ok young lady i think the US changed his mind and approved your visa. Congratulations." Well, i was still pissed but i felt happy inside when i heard him say that. I thought they were just playing games on us but the CO looks serious. I didn't see them smiling or any sing that they were just joking and pretended that my visa is denied. He attached a form stamped on some papers and place them to my folder before handing it to me. The second grandpap said "You two will be monitored until you get married." I just threw them a look and left.

People, i swear it didn't intend to make a scene but no way i could let anyone humiliate my fiance like that. In the first place, my fiance had no business in that room. Of course we rushed to a legal consultant and he said that it could be a fraud interview. He verified my papers and confirmed that everything looks normal. The visa will be mailed and we can leave after that. We also feel relieved when we were advised by some forum members that the CO was testing and putting us in life-and-death situations like that in hopes that we would admit something.

To my fellow filipino fiancees/wives who are having their interview soon, i am sorry if my experience scares you. I assure you that there's nothing and NO ONE in that embassy to be afraid of. We know ourselves and our partners better than they do. It's funny how fast they speak and act as if they are superior and make us feel we owe something from them. It's normal to get intimidated at first but once we feel that something isn't right then don't hesitate to ask questions and speak up. And most of all, presence of mind, keep it handy. It helps a lot.

Holy mackerel. I think I know the feeling in the pit of your stomach as things start to cumulatively seem so wrong. Your premise is wrong. You think you are there for an interview. Dot the "i's" and cross the "t's". Complete the file.

And its barney fife with the 44 magnum is sayin' your husband is not good enough for you so therefore it's a scam? Under arrest? You are not acting enough like a gold-digger?

It's terrorizing when you don't know what is coming next. How bad it is going to be. Are they going to cuff me?

Isn't it proving your love rather conclusively if there is no financial gain for you?

Wow, so sorry! I hope you make it all the way with your dreams.

Ha ha what an interesting thread.

I have to call some people on envy, or allowing themselves to get baited by a little show-off.

I like for people to accomplish goals. Good on them. I mean some goals are evil like taking over other countries, but getting a really great house is on the OK list for me. Yea, you can work for that and it's cool with me.

And you can be proud of your girl. You can't beat a pinay and anyone thinking otherwise is stupid. Got an open mind on that one folks. Shut up, the Filipinas rule.

At the same time I can happily say you know, it's not my way of doing things and so what. So sure I agree with the people saying you got to put the relationship first. I made a lot of money and blew it on airplanes for the most part. Well, still throw money down the supercub rathole. It's frivolous and stupid but my money, so what.

I seen my wife in such terrible sickness. We thought she was dying. Again and again in the hospital and getting worse each time. All our dreams crashing. I mean we are talking about dying.

And sure, it puts all the material things in perspective. Good God we just rejoice each day we can be together.

But it doesn't mean we have to rain on a parade. The guy has a castle here and y'know by my way of thinking its absurd really in terms of overkill. Haw! Way to go. Like you are a senator or something.

And OK, so his manner can be offensive. Check out Mike Tyson. The guy is a goon but you still have to say he was the most destructive human being that ever stepped into the ring for about five years. You have to respect that.

So be balanced in your approach here. Yea, humility is a virtue. But also y'now we also celebrate success and in a way you have to marvel that as a people how rich we are. That an average american guy can do this. Isn't that something to still say woo-hah about?

It's OK you catch those dinky little fish there too, tallcoolone I mean that really. OMG talk about good eating. You get those STRAIGHT INTO THE PAN. Same day. Some breading you know and good hot grease. As a matter of fact, cook them on the boat if you can. Boats are way fun. Live it up.

We can catch these rock bass here that are about the same size. We use a red jig off really steep rocks and you zero in at the top of the kelp beds. And if you know what you are doing you can catch a hundred in a day. Might as well drop a seine net over. It's hilarious. But then then you go back to the dock and you have all this fish do deal with. It's like "who's idea was this..."

My guess is you live in a place where they have rules about what you can park where and so parking the boat is kind of an issue you have to figure out. Rules on storing vehicles. And zoning and all that. Some people store the boat in the water in a place like texas. Not sure how you are set up there to strike out for fishing. What kind of rigamarole you gotta go through. My recommendation is... as little as possible!

You know the stone is great in that house. I think the wood is best described as "rich" in the cabinets. The interior is elegant. Staircase and all.

Like a big hotel in some of the shots! So way cool.

Well, things have flipped right side up again...at least for me. Nothing is withheld from me. There is no taking away...only giving.

Isn't that great?

We try to continually remind ourselves we're a team. If you start thinking "I'll do this to her so she will stop doing this to me..." It's already cause for concern. Take care of your team member and they're going to take care of you.

Well, if they don't then you better think about whether you want them on your team.

You have to admit where you are wrong and apologize too. Right away. Everyone makes mistakes. Full, unqualified "I screwed up I am sorry". Don't get adversarial and try to argue your way out of it. Pass blame and get resentment. Justifiable resentment.

Try to live in a way that is a statement to her instead of promising the moon.

Ha ha lilajean.

I don't like make-up either. But I am not going to stop her from using it if she wants to.

But I also do not like to shave. 22 years running I had a beard. Nobody knew me when I returned from the Philippines. The men here have beards. Interior Alaska. Wow your face gets cold in the arctic without a beard and I am outside every day in the worst of it.

Even at only twenty below zero your cheeks get so cold you cannot form words completely because your cheeks and jaw are not working the same without insulation to keep them warm. That is my experience. At fifty below zero just forget about it. I was trapping at 82 below zero near coldfoot in the Brooks Range one year. I sure liked having my beard. I won't listen to any horse manure about beards not keeping my face and neck warm. You have to keep them dry though. Need to know how to keep frost from accumulating.

Of course I was single then because the population of single women on traplines in the Brooks Range is... zero. Kind of been static at that level for a really long time, like 400 years. I was doing 126 miles of line then and never saw a woman at all, in fact. You seem to find them in towns.

My wife likes a shaved face. So I shave. Think about what a little trifle that is in a day. For me to do that for her. Even though there are no people in the woods for me to impress. Not just the shaving part. The cold face part. The glands below my jaw. If I trimmed my beard like a little nancy-boy it would not keep that part of me warm. You want a bushy thing.

I don't need to shave for business. Showing up shaved to a bid is like "OK, who's the outsider here... he's probably from Seattle" I cut my hair so short people think I am an army dude. Jesus my head is cold.

So you know, this radar has to work both ways. OK hon, I get the message. Short hair and shave. You don't have to ask me. A relationship takes work and this is a small daily sacrifice for me to do for her. I see you there without make-up just looking so naturally beautiful. I'll just go shave now so you can feel the same way about me.

Ha ha! I am doing undercover arctic mountain man living. Disguised as an army dude.

I can do that. Cracks me up.

cheers to all. Best of luck.

when i took medical in st.lukes nurse said i still have 2 vacination need to get but here in u.s. any one knows this vaccination thingy? where and how i can get this shots?

ty

You should have a vaccination report from them. Ours listed all the vaccinations and whether she had them or whether they were inappropriate for one reason or another. I'd look that over first and see what ones they are talking about.

Such cruelty.

You seem to be really keeping it together, and that's great. Good attitude, and you're right. Good things will come.

Got to put even thinking about him behind you. It's not our place to think about vengeance and judgement for sin. We have to just do the best we can for ourselves once we realize the truth of it. Human nature dictates we ponder how they can act like this and think there is no accountability. But you just have to disengage from them as quickly as you can and get on with your life.

I have compassion for you because although I did not get as bad for me, I didn't see the warning signs because I wanted to believe the lies. But now I have a wonderful immigrant wife and a green card and family coming. So I wish you that kind of luck.

Always darkest before the dawn.

Upset? poor decision? Do you know what is sacrifice means? My mom has to-because I have to follow where my husband is based. I cannot just throw the blanme on my mom on a decision that I made for my life. This is my mistake that is why I am seeking advice & honestly I have no more room for blame now.I have enough already.Because If i want to.. I have lots of people to blame but i chose to stay in the problem and find for solutions. Sorry but i'm just pissed off with your comment. And even a 3 year old kid know that canada and USA are 2 different countries...

thank you so much but if I go home i'm afraid I will banned to come back here in the US. And One thing more my family is in canada, before my approval for my visa to US my mom cancelled her petition for me to go there so there wont be any conflict in my US visa application before.

Major mistake on you mothers part.

You should also be upset with her for making such a poor decision.

Canada and USA are 2 different countries.........

I felt so terrible for you as you related the story. I was thinking what a model of strength you were and to take any kind of abuse from someone over your plight is so wrong. And you stood up for yourself, so here again you have to be commended for keeping a straight head despite the adversity.

You get a lot of mileage from owning up to your responsibility and not playing on being a victim when... you are one.

Best of luck to you. It is hard just getting through the day and making sure to eat and get sleep but you have to reduce life down to a kinf of survival mode. One day at a time.

We experimented with mail, and good thing too. I sent letters, and my brother sent some. Letters and post cards. One post card arrived out of I think six things sent by mail to Mindanao. Iligan City. We did the letters, which never arrived, and then did an experiment with sending a letter and post card at the same time. My brother did that. The post card made it. So I sent a post card and letter at the same time and neither went through.

Nothing I sent by mail got there. One thing my brother sent got there.

Fed Ex worked fine and usually cost me around $75, got there in a few days. Under a week.

The comment about with holding bedroom privileges was in reply to Slim's comment that it was a two way street and either party could technically do it. It was said in jest. More along of the lines of, would a woman even notice if a guy was with holding bedroom privileges?

Mine sure would.

The strategy I've undertaken is I put together a large list of things that need to be done. And I mean it really is a large list of things. >40 things. I didn't say, you do this, I will do that. They were all things we had talked about in passing with no serious weight to the conversation. I made the list right before dinner and she grabbed the list during dinner and read through it. Asking what some of the items are on the list.

Some of the items were clearly going to be done by me, change the oil in the car. Some items could be done by either one of us. She mentioned, you never asked me to do, xyz. Ok, I will play along. I did but maybe I didn't say it like, "do XYZ NOW!!!" Not my style, never will be.

I put the list on the fridge. Friday night she asked me, "what are we going to do this weekend?"

I replied, "I was just thinking about that, I was going over the list in my head, and I think I will do a,b,c,d,e,f, and g."

She was like, "You are going to do all of that this weekend?"

I said, "Yes I am going to do all of that before lunch on Saturday."

"WOW!!!"

I kept my word and started cracking out the items on the list. For the record I finished A-F before lunch and was halfway through G. She got the point and was working on J, K, O, and Q.

So, I think some posters comments on communication were correct. However it wasn't specific enough. We had talked about all of the items on the list, except 1 or 2. The part that was lacking, was I wasn't clarifying what I was expecting from here. I didn't implicitly state I want you to do J, K, O and Q. It would have felt as I was giving her orders, and that isn't constructive to my relationship. I allowed her to come to her own resolve, she could see the list of things that I needed or wanted done. Mind you, many items on the list were things she desired also. And she then say I was completing things and if she helped, then we would have time to do things together.

I don't want my spouse to be my maid. Although I do expect her to contribute 50% of the effort around the house. And in some cases maybe 66% because you have more time than I do.

I'm really glad you wrote again. It clarified some things. Forgive my levity, but my first reaction was "wow, that's a defective unit there and you need to trade in for one of these Filipina units, which I find deleriously wonderful."

I thought she was possibly depressed, but that does not explain washing her own clothes but not yours. That is called selfishness in the context of the story you have related.

I had planned to immigrate my wife, have her get a degree in accounting, and be making more money than me. I thought it would make her independent, especially financially, and self-actualized.

And I see here in your post the same thing I was thinking: I am not marrying a maid. As if doing laundry for the person you love is actually an act of servitude, something beneath you. A lesser-class person because you make dinner.

I have had a revolution in my thinking. Because of my wife. She studies me. In two years she knows me better than I know myself. She doesn't give a darn about accounting or school or anything except that omnipresent meter: how is my husband doing. What does he need.

Remember how you said she gave a blank look when you said that she ought to be doing more work around the house? Yet she felt guilty about not working? And that she denied you mentioned it before? Obtuse!

Oh, there was definitely a huge communication gap that seems to have been partially solved by the list you made. But the fact you had to make one in the first place, and then the continued innate lack of husband-radar for lack of a better word. When I come in from the cold my wife has a cup of hot chocolate in my hands and crackers with cheese melted on top before I have my boots off. I can't list the things she does because decorum prohibits full disclosure. But it's amazing. Nuclear powered dynamo.

What it has done for me (us) is vastly increase my productivity because working at twenty to fifty below zero outside is so punishing you need a support unit inside full-time. Also my motivation. You put a loving woman behind a man, knowing his every little muscle ache, and then see what that man will do for his wife. I mean, sometimes I don't want to let on I have some pain because she's getting the tiger balm and ordering me to lay down. Going to put half an hour into rubbing it.

So she volunteers. Your wife. On the one hand I am thinking, OK so she isn't lazy per se, but she's OK with leaving the house to do things for other people at no compensation instead of washing her husband's clothes at the same time she is washing her own. There is still something here I would not accept in my own marriage.

I'd like to see the list of things women are prohibited from doing for a man because they are beneath her dignity. I disagree with that whole implicit thinking now. Because what my wife does for me is so priceless. What a relief it would be if someone took the time to observe what things you like or dislike and transformed your whole life from miserable to wonderful. Never before have I had the ability to just reach on a shelf and get a clean shirt. My God, I don't even do that much. The clothes are laid out for me.

There is some unspoken PC rule, almost, that they take the most valuable things she does for our household and says those are the very things she is not allowed to do. Anything but those. And so you, in conformity with that principle, ask if you are out of line for expecting her to pull some weight in the relationship. Well of course not if it means laundry, cooking, cleaning, or anything else on this unspoken list of what women are prohibited from doing for men. The PC list of banned work.

My immigrant wife could not get her social security card because the SS office is incredibly incompetent. But she helps me in the business too, and we call her my "sexitary". She is my door registration girl at meetings I have to do, and my girl Friday. Secretary with benefits. Personal assistant or whatever. We laugh about sexitary because in a way it is the same alleged subservient role the PC cops are wont to stomp out. I am exploiting her.

Before, I had years of marriage or relationships to the "independent woman" that in retrospect followed this idea. They were just living with me and doing what they wanted. No children.

My ex-wife came to me in a similar situation as yours. I was doing all the working, by far and away, she had what would be considered recreational things like bodybuilding competitions. Dance. Well, she demanded I do 50% of the housework, and the standard had to be set by her.

It was extremely stressful and I was working overtime, but Wednesdays I had to vacuum. I cooked 100% and did my own laundry and dishes. This "housework" thing was the toilet and sink and stove and yadda yadda yadda...

I was thinking to myself, and I was in anguish over how unfair it was - how can she not see what an outrage this is? I was working two full-time jobs essentially and she was just doing these body beautiful things. There is only so much time in a day. One person has time and the other doesn't.

So y'know to further the dark side of this sinister thinking there's your fear of withholding sex from you if she is made to stoop. No sex if you make me wash dishes. I would never have stood for that - not for a day - and that was not my problem with the ex-wife, nor is it now. I was voluntarily accepting the creed that she is independent of me and does not do things on the PC work-ban list. She went beyond that to demand I had the positive duty to vacuum on Wednesday night and all. No, as a matter of fact when I am working like I am, and you are not, then such a demand is intolerable. You're fired.

But she was not fired for failing to pull her weight in the bedroom.

It was not our plan to have my immigrant wife end up being this super-facilitator on our team. And now a mother. But it is how things have turned out, and they make by far the most sense for us. I have heard this kind of role-relationship referred to negatively: a "maid with benefits". I see now how unfair that label is. How it demeans what is actually a huge blessing and improvement in quality of life.

I never had a woman even notice what kind of pop I drank really, and this one has five cases of it, plus the one opened, in the kitchen. I don't remember what being hungry was like. I cooked every day for over 30 years. I never cook now. Never wash a dish. No laundry. No vacuuming. Nothing. You said 66% was OK. If she wasn't working. It's not quite half of what I am getting, which is 110%. And mine works for my company a little, plus I do some expedition type stuff. I have to put her on salary at mining camp. She absolutely earns that.

Hmmmm.... As a matter of fact I did have a 22 y.o. maid with benefits at one time. For about six or eight months. Less than a year. I hired her as a maid and the benefits were her idea. My wife blows her out of the water. She is uncanny with her ability to have completed what I need before I even utter a word. Watching. Telling me to remember my felt pens, already has something going in the kitchen for when I get back inside...

I think the bottom line here between us buddy is that this unit I got here is hardwired to make sure I am the happiest guy on earth. Women differ in that way of course. Communication is so terribly important, as you have found. But attitude too. You don't need to even tell them what you need when they are really paying attention. Making it their business to know.

3. And since I'm already here, and wasted much time and effort on this crappy marriage which I thought is my HAPPY EVER AFTER, and I'm not really ready to go home in the Philippines after all these mess, I would like to start my new life here. How can I Lift my conditions, coz i will just be here for 2 years, and I should lift my conditions with my husband. I heard of WAIVERS, btu I don't know how that thing goes.

I know he wanted divorce quick, coz he knows that having a babies and Hospital Bills are far expensiveif you don't have any medical benefits, and since he was not married to his mistress, his mistress and his babies can't get any insurance.

4. Can I lift my conditions alone? I never lived with him since I was here in the US. I don't have any proofs that we have joint accounts? So i don't know if the waiver will be approved?

Just wow, with the story. Nobody can put themselves in your shoes but it seems to me the first thing is to just end the marriage and get your independent life going. However cruel life can be you just do the best you can from where you are.

I don't know the CR-1, but on the K-1 you just have to prove you entered the marriage in good faith, and can do that on your own. Whatever the CR-1 conditions are, you'll have to meet them. Read tje instructions on the Adjustment of Status Application. But personally I would just be getting as far away as fast as possible from marriage to the guy.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START THIS BUT, I WANT TO SHARE THIS WONDERFUL, AND COLORFUL LIFE OF ME.... I MEET MY BF ONLINE, DIDN'T EXPECT THE LOVE THAT GROW BETWEEN US, I THOUGHT ITS ALL MY DREAM, AND ITS FAIRY TALE, BUT SUDDENLY I REALIZED IT WASN'T A FAIRYTALE NOR A DREAM. ITS REAL. AND NOW WE ARE ABOUT TO START A NEW LIFE TOGETHER....

TO THOSE WHO READ THIS MESSAGE. DO THINGS WITH LOVE.....WE CAN BE HAPPY IF LOVE IS ALWAYS THERE BETWEEN US....

HAPPY READING!!!!!!!!!!!

I know how you feel. I wish the best for you. It's been the most amazing thing that ever happened to me.

The only surprise to me was from people who showed some racism, or bigotry, whatever you want to call it - without realizing they were doing it. One person actually said to me that I had "given up". I didn't know ####### he was talking about so I asked him to explain, and he said I had given up on white women, as if that was something that was superior and I had settled for a lesser race.

I was so blown away by it I didn't know how to answer because it was completely backwards to my way of thinking. Here I had this exotic, intriguing and staggeringly beautiful girl - something I specifically sought out in fact - and I was giving up? I'm looking at superwoman, I just adore my wife, and he's thinking "mud person". Talk about a retard!

Then there was the more subtle "you can't love each other because..." bigotry out of supposedly more genteel folk. Different social classes, different languages and culture, different ages, education, radically different weather and seasons, etc. Well, you don't really love each other, because logically it cannot be so, and therefore you more or less tolerate each other's presence. Probably look the other way when you are making love. You know, the man thinking of a white girl speaking perfect midwestern dialect and the girl thinking about a young drunk smoker/gambler #######-fighting junkie from her Barangay. Someone who is guaranteed to run away if she gets pregnant. The girl pining away for a Typhoon and floods. The man barfing up his pancit 'cuz you know the only legitimate food is french fries. Rice? ick!

The people who are similarly situated can empathize. Holy Cow it has been more than we ever could have imagined. So we understand. It's wonderful. Pancit is my favorite food, just the way she cooks it. I know the Pinay ladies here love their men and make them more a priority than their US competition by and large. I cherish that. How much you love us.

Initially I did try to explain it to the people that had this bigoted attitude: no, look, you have it all wrong - I am totally digging the asian look and the cultural differences are attractive to me, it's an adventure to do things outside rigid class/race/nation boundaries...

but with some of them there's just no point in engaging with them. It gives me insight into how people in the pre-civil rights era could, with a perfectly sincere manner, say "***" to a black man and indeed mean "inferior race" by it. It's appalling, but there are bad people who steal and murder, rape, etc. too. You cannot logically convince a committed bigot/racist about something because that is who they are. The Master Race, you know.

Expect to run into some subtle or even not-so-subtle bigotry. Probably depends a lot on how cosmopolitan your new area is. I don't mean racism like the pre-1960's apartheid USA black/white type. But it's here in our society. Not just racial bigotry, but if you are cutting across several artificial human boundaries besides race like economic class, age, education, language, etc in your marriage, then expect some.

And, believe it or not, they take it as a premise that you can't love each other. Because genuine love only occurs between people of the same race/class/age/caste etc.

right?

Well since the time I oroginally started this.. she and I have talked this out and she now understands that once we register our marriage with the phillipine embassy here in the US then our marriage will then be recognized there as well.. and she is good with that..

btw thanks for your input.. and I totally agree!

Glad to hear you went this way.

We couldn't get a Catholic Priest to do a non-official wedding in her city. We went to a bunch of them and they all said the same thing. We had not applied for the K-1 visa yet and told them that was our intention. To do the official marriage in the USA. But I lived three months with her in the Philippines beforehand.

So we wanted to live together without the neighborhood being all abuzz that we weren't married in the eyes of God. So we went to three priests. Of the Catholic superstition. Nothing against superstitions in general. Just labellling accurately.

And all of them said no. I can't say there aren't any priests that will "marry" fiance's and have them still be legally fiance's - but we went to three. They would do official wedding ceremonies only, with signing of licenses, which we were not going to do on account of it would require us to lie on the k-1 visa. We weren't going to do that.

Sounds like BRB is getting more or less the same thing done that we wanted to do - an unofficial wedding but in a church. But his is after-the-fact and maybe that matters in this particular superstition. Is it the sex before official marriage that's the problem?

So... since three Priests in a row said no, we had our own Visayan ceremony with her father officiating. In Visayan form and language. But not in a church.

Am I the only one who didn't get the joke here? C'mon guys, let us in on the joke. What's so funny about getting the pink last night? I'll be waiting.....

You get this from people that know some petty acronym or code-word the "in" crowd has command over, but you don't. Like it is some great accomplishment of theirs.

Whatever.

We've gotten our third different notice of her green card approal.

Two of them were notices about the "document production" being approved, and both of those came before today's email notice that our I-485 (adjustment of status) had been approved.

various questions...

Moose is closer to beef than anything else.

Cabin bound? That is our preferred state. Deep winter sometimes you need a dozer to get the truck out, but we travel by snowmachine locally anyway so there isn't any emergency. Being snowed in is way cool with us. Bring it on. It's kind of backwards to the way we think I guess. We want to be home, alone, or maybe at camp. Heh. Got some absurd stuff going on with tree forts and all.

Forgive me, I think the pics are appreciated in this thread so just a few more. Here is the largest grizzly hide I have next to the largest deer hide:

I cut the trees and milled the boards for that porch above. Overkill to the max, but what the heck. You can do whatever you want with your own mill.

Think about three of those guys charging you. You need a cool head under pressure to take them down. But they've had me in trees and climbing out over cliff ledges those darned things.

I guess I have to run on my 20-year record of FAA fines and revocations to qualify as renegade bush pilot. My wife sat through the last little hearing with me.

I did a little time in the pokey for running bootleg liquor in a supercub and there’s a full page National Enquirer story on that. And a Reader’s Digest story years ago. Rescued some people on Mt. McKinley in that one. Too many stories to tell.

Personally, the landings on rocks as big as mailboxes, the ledges and bogs, what these planes will do is just crazy. Supercub with Alaska Bush modifications. With a little headwind it is nearly a helicopter.

I’m here ‘cuz I am immigrating this wonderful Filipina, and it is a thread that is hunting/fishing/outdoor related, and I hope you guys that like that stuff might find it interesting. I appreciate your pics too and understand why you like it.

My Filipina took to Alaska like a fish to water:

I knew she would. I would not have taken her here if she was not ideal to the task. I can't say enough good about the Filipina attitude. What a blessing.

Got to say lads that the best part of the dream is this Filipina. I wouldn\'t trade her for a dozen of the above.

We abut about a hundred million acres of wilderness. 30 miles to the edge of town. First gas station and stoplight anyways. Not city limits, but town-type evidence. I don\'t commute there. I work by internet. Some construction too, but only what I choose to. Self-employed.

This is outside my front door. His fate can be deduced without further mention. But he was a lot of fun.

We got a second email notice similar to the above. A second card production notice.

That's interesting about the "adjudicated review", HelloWorld. The officer doing the interviewing is the one approving, at least that is my understanding and was what we were told by our officer. She did not hand us any paper. But from what we understood, she was going to go through all the files one more time and make sure everything was complete. She did not have our marriage certificate for some reason, and our biometrics was the next day. She said she would need those two things to approve.

We had the marriage certificate in the glove compartment. We did the biometrics the next day on our little 900 mile trip, acquiring over a thousand dollars in alleged speeding and related BASELESS traffic charges.

I think it just means he will go over the file one more time and make sure you got everything. Might still have to do the background check.

I'm not a trophy hunter, nor a sport fisherman. In interior Alaska it's for food. A big part of our life. I dunno, I have so many pics...

This is not the biggest Salmon I've caught. I commercial fished for a while, and was bringing in nearly 100 salmon at a time into a drift gillnet:

This is called "dipnetting". I am tied off to a cliff with mountain climbing gear. There is a big basket-type net at the end of this 15 foot pole, and the salmon are headed uoriver to spawn. Our limit was 30, which is what we took home.

I swing the fish up to my filipina who is on a landing above with my dog, tied off so she doesn't go in. She's going berzerker on account of the fish action.

Some of the fillets:

This is my filipina with a herd of caribou behind her. This is close enough to our mining claim to where we can just run down and whack one of these guys for food.

Caribou in the Brooks Range. That's a 22-250. Astonishing what that rifle will do at 300-400 yds.

This is a black bear by the salmon smokehouse at about 2 am. It doesn't get dark for three months in the summer here.

This is my honey in a grizzly bear blanket. I had to shoot this one. Well, two at the same time actually. I had a moose down and was going back to the supercub after dark and three grizzlies came bursting out of the woods on a full gallop at me. I took the first two down with a .375 H&H magnum and the third stopped finally. He watched me skin up his buddies all through the night. Watching from a dry bank above me.

I used to do these crazy expeditions in the deep Amazon. Hunting my way from one remote village to the next using locals. Pretty amazing stuff, too much to tell here. But I shot this 15 foot alligator point-blank with a 20-guage in the head from a little 10 ft dug-out canoe at about midnight. It knocked him unconscious, and when he came to I had tied off to the expedition boat. You can see it in the back of this photo. I had it built for me to do this trip. The 'gator nearly sank it. A two hour battle with this thing:

I have survived a lot of hairy stuff, and this one my engine died in a really bad place and I totalled it 60 miles into the wilderness. I was hurt pretty bad, broken ankle and blood spurting out of my head, but I had an inflatable raft in the back. It capsized in white water and I spent the night at ten degrees wet and really, really cold. Limped away from two bad ones now.

This is a moose in the yard at the hot tub deck. My wife is five feet tall, and there is a reference there to five feet. So you can see how big these guys are. I've eaten more moose than anything else over the years here.

Before my wife came I was all about extreme supercub bush flying, and the hunting/fishing is unbeatable if you are a bushpilot with a tricked-out cub. But she's pregnant now and I think this is the end of the clinical madness.

Can someone explain to me the expectations and/or pressures placed upon a Filipina who has married and American and now lives in the U.S.A.?

TexPamp

As soon as I get to the USA, I expect my husband to expect that I know how to set the dining table with his favorite Ilocano goodies - pinapaitan and pinakbet. I also expect him to expect that I join him in his love for the outdoors, especially golf and fishing. But the most important is that I expect him to expect that I will never say “Not tonight, honey, because I got a terrible headache”!

I expect not to fail his expectations.

Ha ha! I got one like you! Pinay are the best.

And you know, I had the kryptonite before I met her. I knew the Philippines: Luzon, Leite, Samar, Cebu, Mindanao... Friends with Filipina wives tried to set me up with cousins, but in my very humble opinion it is better to meet in person. I went all over. Motorcycles, ships, jeepneys, planes and those little van things.

Anyway, the kryptonite. I knew before I met her how her mind worked. You can't stop a Filipina from caring about her family. And there are some important social/cultural distinctions in the Philippines too, but the OP is specifically about supporting the family.

What I did was make no promises about supporting them. Instead, the month after I met her I returned on kind of a surprise trip. I spent three months and built her family a house. They were extremely poor and she was working, sending money home - as Filipinas are innately compelled to do. Working as a housekeeper in Manila with her family back on Mindanao. Holy mackerel, talk about a Godsend around here!! She took care of infants and toddlers, and now we have a baby coming. Perfect professional training for us!

But again, I made no promises. I just did it. I don't have much money, but I can build houses. Filipino construction is more concrete/masonry as opposed to timber framing, but I can do both. So that's what I did. I returned to Mindanao with her and built a house. I said I would come look and see. And in a few days we started construction.

And during that time she was in the hospital, and since then too, with something we finally determined was horrific migraines. It took us two years, but we figured out how to beat them. I couldn't promise that either, but I just did it. Relentless research and experimenting. But it's over now. Complete victory, and I have to tell you she knows who cured her.

I might be white trailer trash, but I don't drink. Not a chance in heck I would fool around. With a Filipina, you are going to do pretty well with a program of no promises and just delivering the goods.

And she is like the ladies above. It's unbelievable, really, what a determined Filipina can do. And if you want that then helping the family better be a key part of your program. Not just money. Help them better themselves.

We struggled successfully through the fundamental problem of how to help the family without it backfiring, which it can certainly do. You can make them lazy wards if it is not handled right, and they will have no self-esteem. No incentive to behave productively. There can be infighting amongst extended family when money is not handled right. Money, in and of itself, solves nothing when it is handled wrong. It can bring out pride, envy, greed - bad things.

We've avoided that so far, but we see in other Filipina-Americano relationships some problems. Wasted money. Bad faith, bad dealings. Foolish "businesses" that cost twice the revenue they earn.

You have to know your people. Know their situation. See it with your own eyes. I lived with mine for three months so I have a really good idea of the situation. The neighbors used to come to watch a white guy doing construction labor for this very poor Filipino. I would not have considered sending money to build it. Nor would I have felt right just sitting on my butt watching someone else build it.

But I know the schools the kids go to and know about their school projects and other expenses. I can see on the webcam every day their general state. I forget the name of the poster above who said communication is the key. Absolutely.

Her father is working regularly, which is the deal with me. Don't tell me there's no work. And don't bring me B.S. about "crises" and "emergencies". Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

What is right for you will be different from me of course. They bring to me half-baked ideas on businesses, but unless they have a bona-fide business plan I can see with my own eyes - right down to the taco stand location if necessary - I am not getting involved in it.

My wife and I have an agreement on some rental property so she spends that as she pleases. I couldn't care less what she does with her own money. Hair-brained scheme or not, it's hers to do what she wants. So she sends money by remittence corporation. She budgets out things for them and is learning what I went through when I was sending her money from here. Heh. About accountability and trust. There are some decisions that take maturity and experience to make in this arena.

I see others here saying that too, and this is a good arrangement.

But anything like building a house or a business or a private school or whatever would require my getting involved in, and my rule is the "see it with your own eyes and never decide things quick" rule.

Good luck with yours. Yea, in the Filipino culture there is a practice of helping the extended family, most especially when they are in a poor state. If you are poor in the Philippines, then you are really poor.

To know how to help them the best you really have to understand their situation and how your skills or assets are best deployed to help. Going there sure was the right thing for me to do. Just throwing money at something isn't necessarily going to be the best thing.

And you know, a person can fret about the cost and missing work or whatever. Going there, and especially building the house. But who cares. They have a house, it's over and done. Nobody can take that away from them or us. No rent, forever. They watched me build it. With her father.

Filipina kryptonite.

We got email notification the green card has been ordered produced.

- we agree that the online status does not necessarily get updated. It did not for us. I think we actually had the interview and it still said "initial review" on the site. We got no email notices until the green card was ordered produced. That is the only email we have ever gotten to my recollection.

- At the Anchorage office we could just walk in with an appointment letter for the biometrics. We didn't know that. Fairbanks Alaska does not have a local office. They rotate in for a week every few months.

My wife could not get a driver's license without a social security card, which proved impossible due to the incompetence of the SS office.

Grateful though. It is over, barring any typographical errors.

Do you have a crawl space?

That, a shovel, and a couple bags of lime should take care of things.

Awsome Pics. Rlogan. My Negros mountain wife likes working the bulldozer also lol . I only let her push logs into piles for now, until she gets more skilled. I think I might have married a pyro-maniac because she loves to burn the piles of underbrush also. I have already gotten a frantic call out at work with her telling me she accidently set the forest on fire. After our discussion I explained it was okay that we have good fire-lines cut, and it was most likely just underbrush burning. When I got home she was crying, but I told her great job, because I had planned on a doing exactly what she did on accident once the temperature was right. She got lucky with wind direction but other than that it was almost a text-book prescribed burn . Mostly now to stay busy, she just picks up sticks (no burning), fishes in our pond, fills the deer feeders, and moves things around with the 4-wheeler (her motorized Karaboa). We float the Texas rivers, go camping and we generally both are nature lovers. I don't think she could make it up north though. It dropped down to 48 degrees in our part of Texas last week and she didn't like it one bit .

As far as mis-information on Birth Control, I could believe just about anything some-one might have been told. My wife thinks her twin at birth was an octopus, hence her name Kugeta. She also believes in Tappy-po and other run of the mill non-humans. Superstitions are just one of the fun parts of being married to a Filipina in my opinion.

Wyatt

Ha ha!! Isn't it just great? Experiencing that kind of life together.

Yes, we have gone to what she calls "quack doctor" for some things, and they have superstitions I view as intriguing and exotic. I respect her culture.

Griffin - you know in there you listed some things about knowing your husband, and in your case doing the sandwiches the way he likes them...

My wife keeps me going in too many ways to count. The two of us together are so much more productive because of it. Wow. What a blessing to have her. It is closer to traditional marriage roles for us than the norm in our country now. But we don't live like the norm. The traditional roles make sense for us.

I catch this wind occasionally of the idea that a wife cooking and cleaning, and raising kids at home is some kind of subservience. What a load of bullocks. It is a revolution around here - the ability to put on clean clothes, wolf some hot food down, and go outside in the snow and work...

She stays inside and keeps the place in excellent order for a work camp, rubs my owies when I fall off a ladder or whatever...

There's no words that can adequately describe how much appreciation I have for it. But I tell her all day, every day. I know what I got and I'm not taking it for granted.

Lira is a provincial girl. Mindanao. We built a bouse there together and lived several months together while doing it. You have a mixture of internet-age all the way to raw ignorance. You can't make generalizations. Except when it comes to Filipinas, which are the best. It's at the molecular level. Their perfection.

We do everything together, all day every day. Growing up in a hard-scrabble environment she's adapted perfectly to the adventurous life here. But still intelligent, well educated, and so beautiful they have not invented a high enough number yet to quantify it.

Fishing trip, but up here this is serious food production with salmon nets, not flyfishing for sport -

We have a mining claim together. Antimony, not gold. Here she is at our prospecting camp:

Which happens to be right across the valley from Mt. McKinley:

Clearing the road with a bulldozer:

Running a chain saw:

Been doing a lot of really interesting things together. At least we think so. It looks beautiful in pictures but it is a harsh environment. You have to relish the challenges.

Interview done. Went fine.

Biometrics equipment broke down when we went for the appointment.

So we drove 900 miles round trip to get the biometrics done in Anchorage.

Instead of waiting two more months to have them rotate up here again.

We were getting worried but eventually our notice came of the interview, and then the biometrics. Then duplicate notices.

They are both next week with the biometrics one day after the interview. We have 30 pages of stuff to turn over not to mention a blog with hundreds of photos. Most of them time-stamped. We kept a kind of diary of what we've been up to.

Good luck to everyone. I think walking in there eight months pregnant is kind of a lock on this deal.