childress_london

This seems to be a more common experience than I thought. Years ago I dated a guy named Gary. It wasn't for very long because he was very 'clingy' and wanting to get married and I certainly didn't think we were anywhere near that stage in our relationship. I eventually broke it off, he met another girl and got married very quickly. A few years later I ran into her and she told me the marriage had lasted for about a year - the time it took for Gary to realize he really wasn't male but female - and so they divorced. He later underwent the full sex change operation. You know, I'm really not surprised - but I have never seen him/her again and have no idea what she looks like now. Yes, I'm curious:-).

Ohmygosh, I would totally be dying to see what he looked like!

the part I don't like when people find out I am from Canada is when they say "oh it must be cold up there"

I got asked that the other day and I said "no, the weather is kind of like this" (it was raining at the time)

We were at a wine tasting a couple of weeks ago and there was one snooty lady there going on about how cold Canada was and I mentioned that not all of Canada is cold and she says "It is so! I've been there!" (She didn't know I was Canadian. LOL)

- was she 12 with that kind of response?!

Well all I know is summer in Ottawa is wonderful, but the winters are torture! I don't think the great summer makes up for the winter. I'm just not a cold weather/snow person.

Well, based on that you would totally be qualified to speak on the entire country of Canada.

Yeah, the difference in weather between Texas and Canada are like being on a different planet. LOL.

the part I don't like when people find out I am from Canada is when they say "oh it must be cold up there"

I got asked that the other day and I said "no, the weather is kind of like this" (it was raining at the time)

We were at a wine tasting a couple of weeks ago and there was one snooty lady there going on about how cold Canada was and I mentioned that not all of Canada is cold and she says "It is so! I've been there!" (She didn't know I was Canadian. LOL)

- was she 12 with that kind of response?!

Well all I know is summer in Ottawa is wonderful, but the winters are torture! I don't think the great summer makes up for the winter. I'm just not a cold weather/snow person.

Welcome back to Texas!

I grew up in Houston, TX. Lived there all my life and I really do like the city a lot. It has practically everything and anything one could want.

However... I feel odd visiting this time. Aside from the weirdness I felt when coming through Customs as a "visitor to the U.S.", I don't feel as comfortable here as I did before. I actually miss home, which as far as I'm concerned at this point, is in Canada.

Oh.. and something funny happened to me a couple of days ago. I was reaching into my wallet to pay for an item with cash and I almost pulled out a Canadian $20 bill. I looked at it for a moment and then realized that's the wrong currency and took out an American $20 bill instead.

My wife did that too, but even better. She was getting some coffee at Starbucks and without thinking, went to pay for it with Canadian cash. The guy behind the counter looked at it and asked, "What is this? A Euro or something?" My wife was embarrassed at making that mistake and quickly produced American money. The guy behind the counter started asking her questions about Canada (after he realized where she's from) and thought it was "pretty cool" that he had met a "foreigner."

Cool. I am in Houston. I love it here. :-)

Oh I hate it when kids are sick. I always feel so helpless! Hope he gets better soon Tasha!

Going for a mammogram at 2, then to the library. Whoo hoo. lol. I found this AWESOME site to get book ideas from. www.librarything.com . It has tons of reviews from real people about the books and you get recommendations based on the books you place in your virtual library. I liken it to netflix where the more movies you rate, the better the recommendations are for the next round of movies you want to rent. Anyhoo I am getting A Fine Balance by Rohington Mistry and A History of the Arab Peoples by Albert Hourani. I can't wait! I sooooo need a good book to read. I also want to get The Lions of Lucerne by Brad Thor. He's similar to Brian Haig I guess though I've never read anything by him. I have a bag that I've gathered together for when I go to the doctor's office or the hospital. I seem to be going weekly lately with different health issues that I have so I like to bring along this bag with different books, snacks, drinks, tissues, catalogs. I think Brad Thor will replace Brian Haig in my doctor's office bag.

There is a similar group called goodreads. com. That's where I am.

I WISH my husband was like this. He's quite the opposite. I can't wait to get him here and get my hands on him and fix him up. He wont wear cologne - he doesn't like "chemicals".

LOL - sounds like me... I have allergies and don't like most colognes and aftershaves because they make me sneeze. Bay Rum is a nice, natural aftershave, really old school. I do like essential oils and products made with them. I buy oils from the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab - they have hundreds of different blends. They even have one called 'Kathmandu' - I bought it and I think it would smell nice on Govi since it smells mostly like cedar. My favorite scent on a man is sandalwood -mmmmm....

Ohhh I never thought of essential oils. Maybe he would use that. That's not really a chemical.

ie arranged marriage and marriage in muslim world (thinking towards) esp for men is not marriage for love, its marriage for need and survival. societal as well as personal. Love in a marriage develops through time when the adjustment is done and repsect is achieved mutually and ya both grow up and stat serving and doing for each other instead of thinking of self and being hurt and Yada. To him the golden time is to come if youare the right person. keep nagging on him and he will have serious doubts. Go away together and enjoy tiem together to pamper and coddle each other sxytime. quit thinking soo much and putting hollywood ideals on romance and love. muslin marriage (or any other God based marriage) love grows, in western marriage it seems love is at the beginning and then fades. count yourself lucky instead of crying for what you though was then. Go to husband say sorry for your side of misunderstanding and how can you help him adjust and that he is doing a fine job with work and all so far. build him up instead of tearing him down Jeesh Qudah Hafiz

Fruitcake, her husband denied her health insurance when she has a serious medical condition. Do you really think she should go to him and say sorry I misunderstood you? Thank you so much loving husband for being inconsiderate and not showing concern for my health? Her problems are far beyond just normal disagreements and adjustments in a marriage. We're not talking here about whether to separate undies from the other laundry, or whether to sleep on top or or under the sheets.

I'm Pandora and I'm currently a criminal intelligence analyst. My life is so full of twist and turns, who knows what I will be doing tomorrow? LOL. I stayed home with my babies for eight years and I don't regret one minute of it! My husband Hesam just completed his degree in software engineering. I'm hoping he will find a good job when he gets to the U.S. :-) My ambition in life is to be a perpetual slacker some day. I hope the training is available online.

Wow it's so interesting to see what everyone does. Great thread.

wow! love to have that job! (CIA)

It can be interesting.

Im startin to get higgggggghly stressed with my parents.. Boo!

More info if ur bored.. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=174065

Hi Stiggy, I read your post. It seems it's not really about you or your new husband, it's about their grandchildren. They are feeling insecure about them. But rest assured you are not the only person going through problems with your parents due to your marriage. My mom wouldn't speak to me for several months after I got married and we are still on rocky terms right now. I am trying to bring him here (he is in Canada), but I know if I decided to go to Canada instead it would open up a new can of worms similar to what you are going through. Hang in there. I'm sure once things get settled, they will see that everything will be OK.

Great pictures Rajaa! Congratulations!

I WISH my husband was like this. He's quite the opposite. I can't wait to get him here and get my hands on him and fix him up. He wont wear cologne - he doesn't like "chemicals".

Our prayers are with you Amal. God gave him to you for a reason, because he knew that you would be the perfect mom to help him through this. I know you must feel that you wish you could take on his burdens so he would not have to suffer in life. I have often felt that way about my own son, who has spent his childhood in and out of hospitals due to asthma. <<hug>>

COOL!

Hi! I'm new here but I would be interested in meeting up with people who are going through the same process I am. I feel like a n00b, but what exactly is MENA?

Thanks,

-Ken Noland

It stands for the region "Middle East North Africa".

That's right, stay strong. Things will get better eventually.

soooo can i still check in on you ladies and gentleman from time to time.... I am sure there is an approval i have to wait for again ???

How was the homecoming?

Yes, it has been a rough time. Remember when I wanted to take a temp job (no health insurance though) starting January 19 with the accounting firm....

Well, while I was still with the bankruptcy firm (which has health insurance)I went in for a physical and found I had some kidney problems. I asked a few times to my husband about "letting me see his medical insurance papers" so that I continue medical coverage (I would pay the premiums) under his employer sponsored medical plan. Three times he ignored my request. The 4th time he said, "why should I considering how you have behaved over the past 6 months?" (TRANSLATION, NO).

I was shocked and deeply hurt. I called my friend Wendy (from the accounting firm that offer the job) and told her what had happened and that I could not go to their company as agreed because of this unforseen medical problem and inability to get signed onto my husbands insurance.

Then, my husband gave me his medical papers, but not with an open heart.

By then I lost the job I wanted. So I am still with the bankruptcy firm.

Typical Iranian male response. I think they all think they are Daddy or something. But seriously, to deny you medical insurance when you are sick is unforgivable. Obstinance is one thing, not showing care about your health is totally another. That is childish, immature, cruel...how many adjectives can I come up with to describe this behavior?

We are both not happy now. We argue a lot.

So we had a nice, calm discussion a few weeks ago when walking through the Forest. We were talking about the option of seperating. He totally unhappy with me now. And I am totally unhappy with him. I said, "in Iran I was 95% happy with you and our relationship. Sure, I had problems there. But it was adjusting the the rules and the family pressence/lack of privacy." He said, "well, I was only 50% happy with you then."

I was shocked. What would be considered our "golden time" the first months of really living together he was never really happy with me. Only partially happy. I later asked his if this was really true and he said yes.

It has really broken my heart by this. To think that he has never truely been happy with me. Only a little happy.

How would you feel if your husband said this to you?

I would be very hurt, of course, if my husband said this to me. I'm sure he continued in the relationship in hopes that things would improve. I think it's unrealistic to expect to be 100% "happy" in a marriage anyway. We are all human and have our ups and downs. The question should be, do you still love each other enough to try? What needs to be addressed is WHY he is not happy, WHY are you not happy, and WHAT can you do to improve those things? Maybe you should try counseling first?

There are so many things my husband points out as "cultural differences." However, I don't believe his excuses based on "culture" but rather, think these are his INDIVIDUAL MISCONCEPTIONS.

Sometimes I wonder when we meet other Iranians, if they think he is strange.

My husband tries to model himself after sufi behaviour. Tell this to your fiance/husband. It might explain a lot.

And my husband has refused counseling.

Sufi behavior? I'll have to ask SO about that one. As far as wondering if other Iranians thinks he is strange, I wonder that about mine too. But, he avoids other Iranians, so I'll never know. :-P

From being here a while and reading stories, we tend to hear about all the bad apples so to speak with MENA men. Now while I do agree there are many men that do use women for greencards, we don't hear many stories about all the "bad apple" women that treat their MENA spouses like #######. I've known a few here and just want to make a voice about it.

Is MENA and NAMBLA the same thing?

ok, i give up..what is NAMBLA?

google it

OMG. LOL.

This man sounds like he is being abused. Obviously. Isn't there some recourse for spousal immigrants in the case of abuse?

We are both not happy now. We argue a lot.

So we had a nice, calm discussion a few weeks ago when walking through the Forest. We were talking about the option of seperating. He totally unhappy with me now. And I am totally unhappy with him. I said, "in Iran I was 95% happy with you and our relationship. Sure, I had problems there. But it was adjusting the the rules and the family pressence/lack of privacy." He said, "well, I was only 50% happy with you then."

I was shocked. What would be considered our "golden time" the first months of really living together he was never really happy with me. Only partially happy. I later asked his if this was really true and he said yes.

It has really broken my heart by this. To think that he has never truely been happy with me. Only a little happy.

How would you feel if your husband said this to you?

I would be very hurt, of course, if my husband said this to me. I'm sure he continued in the relationship in hopes that things would improve. I think it's unrealistic to expect to be 100% "happy" in a marriage anyway. We are all human and have our ups and downs. The question should be, do you still love each other enough to try? What needs to be addressed is WHY he is not happy, WHY are you not happy, and WHAT can you do to improve those things? Maybe you should try counseling first?

Ahh Islam ideal if they all could be like Rasool Allah. however in the modern technological age very uncommon. Using examples such as Khadija and etc..very common for poor street wise boys to reel in the motherly foreign types..I wish they would all be sincere, often a new convert woman v devout will fall for this. Wrong as it is. Its common in all cultures religions for young men to sew some wild oats. If they were so devout and religious in such a young age they would help thier community and marry a widow and have some orphans within thier own peoples. Too bad UScis does not allow time to se ehow he acts and reacts to US living before marriage. Im sure its a real gamble with having a husband so young esp in this modern world. Plus is he helping you out by marrying him or do you have to shoulder the support the strenght and patience.Even Khadija was his servant, it was thier culture and same background so he was the chief of the house. Here whoever have the big job ande money seem to be in charge and knowledgable about life. Our prophet SWT had great knowledge above his age and guided Khadija and her children. If he is straight and happy and does by his older foreign wife on her home turf.well then ALLAH bless him greatly in the hereafter.

Kinda hard to be the head of household and have your wife be your servant when she's your employer, has more money and a higher status than you have. Stereotyping their culture doesn't explain how Khadijah became rich and independent with a much younger husband in the society she lived in, but she did. When she and the Prophet's uncle Talib died in quick succession, he was left with no protector, as he once again orphaned. Aside from the blssings from Allah, he was one with challenges in his time.

:thumbs:Whatever happens today between individuals doesn't distort the example of the Prophet that sets out what is allowed in the Islamic faith, which was the issue being addressed in my cited post.

This, as an outsider from the Islam faith, is how I see it. It appears that there is a confusion between what Islam preaches and modern day culture.

I think most religions are that way nowadays. Jesus spoke against fornication too, but how many Christians do you know are virgins when they marry? :-O

Not sure the extent of it --but I have heard of gc holders going after the terms of the affidavit from his beneficiary.

In my case, the way it affected me: I filed for my ex in 2002. When I filed in 2008 for Ibrahim, I had to include the evil ex on the affidavit as a previous filing and had to make enough to support us all.

jJ

:-O I had no clue!

I don't want this to turn into a debate, but...

I don't hate Obama. I really don't and I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's too early to praise or condemn him. However, what really bugs me is the "Obama worship" that seems to be almost everywhere.

So many people irrationally believe that Obama will "turn water into wine" or some such nonsense. He's not our salvation or the messiah. He's a man who's been elected as President of the United States. That may be a prestigious position, but he can't make bills himself. He can propose something, but ultimately, the decision is up to both Congress and the Supreme Court.

I suppose what really annoys me is that I've already seen coins minted with his face on them and "Obama stamps" as well. The U.S. has never put a sitting president on a coin or a stamp. I'm not being partisan here -- I wouldn't have wanted Bush on either.

I actually feel a little sorry Obama. He didn't ask for people to believe he can "solve all of our problems." That's a lot of stress for one person and I hope, that when he messes up (all presidents mess up somewhere) he won't get viciously attacked. I know some people will bash him; others will probably make excuses for him.

All in all, I'm glad I'm in Canada now and don't have to deal with this lunacy.

Yes he has a lot to live up to and let's hope that people are not misguided enough to think that he has all encompassing power. But you can be sure that every screw up will be attacked and ridiculed. It's not going to be easy for him. At least he projects a positive and humble attitude. I think that's why people like him.

In Islam, we are to marry chaste partners; adulterers and fornicators may not marry virgins.

In other words, there's no way to "make an honest woman out of her"?

I thought if they repented it was OK.

"Meeting ANYONE online either in the States or abroad already puts you at a disadvantage, in my opinion. I've had several friends try the whole online dating thing and most have ended in disaster. I've watched some of my friends really fall for a person (guys and girls) who they met online only to find that person to be a "serial dater". By that I mean, these people will never commit to a relationship because they are always looking for the better "fish". It's also VERY HARD to get to know someone online. I think people present themselves differently online than they do in person. I'm not AT ALL saying that true relationships can't be formed online, but it IS difficult."

I just wanted to comment that I found meeting my SO online was a huge advantage in my case. We talked for hours on end and got to know each other very well. That had never happened to me before when entering into a relationship with a man.

I had never fell in love with a man's personality and the type of person he happened to be inside, and had never connected intellectually before with anyone in my life before him. But, I must admit, I never had "dated" online, or seriously considered it. I just met him by accident and it blossomed from there. Was like a miracle to me, and very sweet memories our first times online. So much fun and so unique to anything I've ever experienced before.

Makes me wonder what was going through my head with alll my prior relationships. Because now I know what a real one feels like.

I did do some online dating and I can say that, yes, many men (and women too) are serial daters or just looking for easy sex. They will lie to you and tell you they are looking for a relationship or marriage when they are not. Makes me so mad. HOWEVER, there are the few online who are seriously good men looking for love and commitment. You just have to weed through the bad ones to get to the good ones. And some people will misrepresent themselves online, this is true. Like posting a photo that is ten years old when they were 50 pounds lighter. I mean, what do they thing will happen when you finally meet them? LOL. But I accidentally met my husband online (it wasn't any dating site or anything like that), but I was still very suspicious of him in the beginning because of my past online dating experience. Plus, what can be good chemistry online, sometimes is a dud in person! You just never know.