SterlingGirl

Can anyone confirm whether or not the TB test must be done by a civil surgeon?

I think the difference between the marriage license you received right after you got married, and a certified copy of a marriage certificate, is that your marriage license comes with a detachable portion at the bottom for the person who presided over the civil/religious ceremony to sign. So more or less, HE has signed off on it, but that copy is not acknowledged by your county as having been officiated. When the person who performed the ceremony sends in the detachable portion, they then process that and make a certified record that both parties have officially been joined in marriage. Up until that point, for all they know, you've simply applied for the license and received it, but have not yet actually been married.

It's almost like a tax transcript; any schmoe can fill out a 1040 and sign it, and that wouldn't necessarily prove anything about your income on a certain year. The TRANSCRIPT is what proves the IRS received it and accepted it as complete and accurate. That's what a certified copy of a marriage certificate is. It (in my experience) wasn't the fancy thing with the gold seal; it's just a county document that has been notarized by the county clerk.

So let me get this right - if I've got the DS-3025, then technically, I really wouldn't even have to involve a CS. I COULD send it in, and if they send an RFE over the skin test results, I can send them the results that we get directly from the health department where he had the test done?

If you are adamant about not wanting to delay the filing, then send the DS-3025 with the I-485... Then respond to any RFE that may or may not come, and/or present the final vaccination information, if you are chosen for an interview....

In the end it is your choice about what risks (if any) you are willing to accept

If they require the actual handwritten DS-3025, how would I take it to a CS for transcription onto the vaccination supplement? This business with the medical, to this day, still confuses the bejesus out of me.

Do you have the DS-3025 from the foreign medical?

Yes.

Well, the CS just needs to put everything on the vaccination form. We refused to do the TB skin test through him because they want to charge an arm and leg. The office visit is $79, not too bad, but the receptionist was actually quite nice and informed me that we should really get it done through the health department. Only $10, as opposed to some god-awful fee at the CS.

However, his I-94 expires on the 22nd of February. He's having his results of the TB test read today, and it will take a week to process. Our appointment with the CS is tomorrow. I can have him transcribe everything tomorrow, keep the form until we take the TB results to him, then have him complete it and we'll pick it up. But that's getting so close to the wire (which is honestly uncharacteristic; we've usually been one step ahead of everything during this whole process, but the medical BS just bamboozled us) that I'm wondering if it isn't wiser to simply send everything else, which is totally in order, and then just send the medical along once it's completed. At least they could go ahead and get started on the AP, EAD, etc. IF that's even allowed.

Okay, so basically the civil surgeon in my area (the ONE civil surgeon I could get to reasonably) was booked absolutely solid for months before we could get an appointment. Long story short, I'm not sure the medical stuff will be ready in time for us to file.

Would it be wise to just send everything we've got now, and then send the rest of it when it's done? Or, wait for an RFE and send it then? I'm not worried about the case being held up too terribly long, I just don't want him to accrue any out-of-status time.

How much Out of Status time does one have to accrue in order to earn the lowest ban (which I'm guessing is 3 years)?

I don't really know, but I entered on the VWP as well, so I hope and pray they won't look at that. Our marriage is legitimate, we have 2 kids together and enough proof to show that so I'm not worried about that part. I never entered with intention to stay, but I have no idea how to proof that, so I just pray it won't matter.

Do you still have any proof that, at the time you left your country, you still had ties giving you strong incentive to return there? If you can show that you still had a residence set up when you left, bank accounts, job/school records, etc. I think that should prove that you had no intention of leaving for good, but that circumstances changed and you met the person you wanted to marry.

I thought being out of status was grounds for removal by USCIS, though. Shouldn't that, by virtue of everything you worked for up to receiving the K-1, constitute a theoretical "time limit"?

I could swear I remember reading something about how you don't absolutely have to file for AOS within 90 days of entry - how that's just the time period within which to get married - but I can't find the thread, so I'll ask in a new one: what is the actual time limit within which your AOS paperwork must be postmarked? Is it by the K-1 expiry date? Is there no written rule as to when? Or is it, in fact, the 90 days after POE?

Banks and creditors will still loan money to people who are qualified borrowers.

While the economy IS in a recession and probably will be for a couple of years, lending and borrowing have only reverted back to their previous habits of including risk in their decision-making process (which, had they done that all along, may have greatly affected our economy's now-dismal standing for the better). It used to be that if you didn't have the income to sustain a loan or a bad credit rating/bad borrowing habits, they wouldn't give you a loan.

However, if you're a strong and responsible borrower, it should still be possible to get credit or a loan. I recently opened a revolving credit account with no trouble whatsoever because of a strong credit score. It seems as though your partner either has no credit, not-enough credit or bad credit (or doesn't have the income to sustain the kind of loan he's after). None of those have the economy to blame for them.

I can kind of see the guys point... he's generalizing & exaggerating but American women do tend to suck (and not the good kind of suck, lol). At the same time I picture an overweight guy in his 50's making about 30K a year, which isn't going to attract the best women out there. Basically the guy has champagne tastes on a beer budget & I'm pretty sure (based on his posts) some really bad personality quirks.

And how is what you're saying in any way different from what he's saying? "American women do tend to suck" is another broad generalization that, unless you've dated the entirety of women in the US one by one, could never be verified as actually true. And even then, one man's trash is another man's treasure, depending on who they are.

It depends on what a person is looking for, but I have never seen one specific positive or negative trait in a person that is in any way related to having been born in the United States. We have our psychos, our doormats, our battleaxes, our liars, our cheaters, and a whole plethora of good and bad people in between just like in any other country.

A woman of a certain nationality not being willing to date you doesn't make her nationality at fault, nor does it put HER at fault. Maybe she just doesn't find you very interesting.

The bigger point, keylogger being legal or otherwise, is how hypocritical is that, to offer forgiveness and then to monitor the partner's every move. I know, personally, if I had to go to such extremes to be sure that my spouse wasn't cheating on me, then the marriage is doomed anyway. Whether I wish to admit it or not, tracking one's partner's activities is indicative of mistrust.

The better approach is to reserve opinion as to the future potential of the marriage to such time that it becomes clearly evident that there is no cause for mistrust. If the husband is really remorseful, and wishes to restore the healthy status of the marriage, his OWN actions will be enough to show that.

Oh, certainly - I wasn't contesting whether it was wise in the scheme of the relationship, I was strictly commenting on the legal/privacy issues. It just struck me as a little absurd that, in ANY state, installing a program on your own property would ever qualify as some criminal offense.

As for the comments on the marriage itself . . .

I think it's hard, even in a situation like this, to uniformly advise the situation with "Girl, you need to just LEAVE and never look back!" or with "Do whatever it takes to repair the relationship and make him stay with you." Relationships are just far too complex; people are too different. For a particularly hotheaded or strongwilled person, the solution may be particularly easy (to up and leave immediately) and the aftereffects may be such that she could easily live with them and move on. Someone who is more reserved and thoughtful may find it is more suitable to wait and work things out even AT an emotional expense, because the aftereffects of simply walking away immediately would be such that she couldn't live with them. Only you, OP, have to live with the consequences of what you decide, and only you know what you can handle. So honestly, advice that points you squarely in any specific direction is probably not what you need. A more introspective approach is likely needed.

In my experience - and as a poster's wife seemed to have offered earlier - you truly cannot underestimate the power of feeling displaced. Now, some people may relocate and have little to no issues whatsoever. They may hit the ground running, or briefly stumble and regain their footing almost immediately. Again, people are too complex to paint with one brush - one man may not adjust very easily because, yes, he's just lazy and makes no effort. Another may not adjust very easily because he is overwhelmed, despite his best efforts to cope. Because any one person had a particular experience does not mean it is one-size-fits-all.

For instance, my husband did not have the immediate problem of having to find and keep a job; since he is self-employed with an internet position, his job can go where he goes. But, even with that advantage, he DID have a few rough patches in adjusting. Everything truly was quite new to him, not because he'd never been here before, but because his visits held no permanence in his mind. He knew he had a "home" to go back to. Accepting that -THIS-, this new country and home and living situation, is now "home" is sometimes a gigantic step. Because we, the USC's, are still within our element and in our respective environments, it becomes a bit difficult for us to empathize.

At this point in our marriage, I'm almost like a gatekeeper. I know everything about our area, I've lived in our residence for years before he even got here, I know where everything is, how everything works. I handle what gets bought for the week, I handle the money exclusively because I have experience planning a budget and providing for more than one person - experience he does not have. He recognizes that it's simply wise that I handle most of these things, at least until a later time when he learns and can chip in.

However, be that as it may, it still makes him feel confined and even somewhat like a child when I have to effectively veto purchases because of our budget. He knows I'm not doing it to hurt him, and in fact, I'm doing it for our betterment, but he's still just not used to being told "no" when he wanted something. He was used to not having a whole lot of money, but that money would stretch a good bit in the UK, his rent/utilities were minimal because of his house-sharing arrangement, so most of his money could go towards whatever food he craved and whatever entertainment he fancied. He's now in a situation where that is no longer prudent; we must save, we must conserve, and we must be wise about whatever financial obligations we take on.

So, honestly, I seem more like a strict mother to him at times than a wife.

Would that give him any real reason to cheat? No. Would it give him the right? Absolutely not. However, to even remotely understand it, it takes having ever been in that situation to some extent. Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like your input didn't mean much, or that the other person didn't seem to "need" you because they took everything on themselves? I wouldn't be surprised if my husband felt like that at times. And of course, I attempt to ameliorate this by including him in decisions and doing things for him as often as possible. But I still wouldn't be surprised if his unspoken feelings looked somewhat like that - if there was a bit of resentment, or misunderstanding. I do not assume that my husband absolutely thinks the best of me 100% of the time. There are things in my mind that my husband doesn't know, and never truly needs to know, and the same would rightfully be true of him.

However, some people lack the ability to confront this honestly, in a timely manner. Sometimes, when that thrilling feeling has worn off, and "real life" begins to set in with some snags they didn't see coming, they work hard to reacquire that thrill, that newness. Unfortunately, they might seek this with another person over the internet. Someone they know is inaccessible for all practical purposes, but still someone who can interact with them, someone who doesn't experience their terrible breath in the morning or see how he throws his clothes on the floor instead of in the hamper, or who could scald water when trying to cook. Someone who can appreciate everything good about them, while remaining oblivious to the less glamorous aspects of their personality.

People often use fantasy to escape reality. Some people choose to focus on the nature of the fantasy - and that's fine. Again, some people know precisely how they themselves would handle such a situation and could deal with the consequences. However, some people choose to focus on the reality from which their partner is trying to escape - what's gone wrong, how is he feeling and why, is it a product of the massive changes he's gone through, or is it just his ingrained self coming out? If this IS him and not just a product of the circumstances, could I deal with it for the rest of my life. If it IS only temporary, can I commit myself until such a time when things become better. Am I willing to BE that agent of change for the better, or should I expect HIM to make or break this by himself?

All questions you should ask yourself and answer based upon who you are. No one way is correct.

That's pretty broad advice you're giving. Certain states have privacy and electronic monitoring laws that might end someone in court.

Think about your phone. It's your phone, but if you record a conversation, you have to give notice, and in some cases get permission.

This is one of those situations where 2 liberties clash. For example, if I'm outside your home at 2am screaming the Pledge of Allegiance, my freedom of speech can not infringe your right to quiet enjoyment of your home.

Thing is, it would be happening on her computer completely - whereas a phone conversation may or may not take place into two distinct locations, one of which may be a one- or two-party state. I think those are FCC's regulations, however, and I don't think the same rules apply as much over internet connections.

I used to work for an online org that routinely recorded online conversations with people in other states - by virtue of simply being on the messenger service, you have the risk of having your conversation recorded (on the other end). If it is restricted TO her machine, and she essentially only "uses" the information to determine if her marriage is going to continue or not . . . then that's no issue. Now, if you put a keylogger on your computer, encourage someone to use it for something like managing his bank account, and then use his password to log into the account and steal his money . . . even then, the privacy issue would be a little vague, because the account owner used someone else's computer. A keylogger in and of itself in ANY state is not illegal, only the end to which you use it. However, logging into someone else's bank account unauthorized, THAT is a legal issue. As for privacy, well - you're not fishing information off another person's proprietary machine, like a spammer or hacker does. That person willingly used yours.

So the same would honestly go for this person and her husband. She has every right to install whatever legally-begotten software she wants to on it; he more or less uses it at his own peril. What she DOES with that info, however, is up for debate. Seeing as she's not breaking into a bank account or any other legally protected personal property, the privacy argument truly becomes sketchy at best. Even if it was taken to court, I have a feeling, "Your Honor, I used her computer to commit emotional infidelity on my wife over the internet, she found out by installing a program on her own computer that was able to record the things I said; therefore, I believe she has committed a crime and I'd like some form of reparation" isn't going to fly any further than she could throw him.

In short - could there, someway or somehow, EVER be a point of contention regarding privacy issues by installing keylogging software on your own computer that someone else is simply borrowing? Never say never. People bring stupid suits and grievances into the justice system all the time. Would *I* be particularly worried about them in this case? Not one iota.

I think you would be better served to look for someone closer in age and interests. By doing that you would be less at risk for attracting a scammer. It's a red flag for trouble when you petition someone way out of your league. We all know what is in our "league" so to speak. I too would never consider marrying another American woman after my personal experience and those of so many others I know.

Just about any person I've ever known who has blamed relationship troubles on something absolutely arbitrary and non-related, like nationality or race ("Man, I just don't date white/black/Asian women because ________") normally have the bigger personality flaws contributing to their failed relationships. Since it generally takes a pretty backwards person to assume that race or nationality has ANYTHING to do with the kind of person someone is and how they will treat you.

I suspect he thinks that he's going to get some sort of subservient wife from another country. At his age, looking at 19 YOs is another indication that he's got baggage -- he's afraid of grown women who might actually have expectations of him.

Spot on, this.

Awesome.

I've read a few other threads on this, but none ever seemed to state exactly how to process the results of a TB test done anywhere other than a civil surgeon (for instance, the health department). Do you take your DS-3025 to the health department and have them write on it, or does whatever generic form they give you with the results work?

I'm planning to use Dr. Arnold for the I-693 transcription since the civil surgeon out here is booked until February, and I have a bad feeling he's going to try to charge crooked fees for his service, so I'd rather avoid that. All I have as far as vaxes is a DS-3025 and my hubby's chest X-ray. I read something that a letter from a doctor on a doctor's stationary is needed to use Dr. Arnold? Does the DS form not work?

If that's an option, then I can certainly do that. Only one question beyond that - he doesn't get physical checks. His paychecks are all PayPal'ed to him. Can we print out a few of the emails PayPal sends detailing how much and from whom the payments came? As well as maybe a letter from the owner of the website, detailing how much he paid him this year and that his contractor-ship is meant to continue in the US?

I sincerely doubt you'll be expedited for a honeymoon.

My advice is offer up the tickets on Craigslist or eBay, try to sell them to someone who wants them (if you can change booking info).

To meet requirements, my household income needs to be right at $22,000.

My last year's total income was roughly $21,119, barely under the margin. That was self-employment income. The job I just got in July of this year would derive an annual salary of $23,920, per my boss' calculations. We also have about $3000 cash in a saving's account.

If I submitted: my 2007 tax transcript, recent paystubs from my new jobs as well as another letter from my boss, and a statement of our savings account - do you think that would likely be enough for the affidavit of support?

if he is working for a UK company in UK (but beeing in US, working at distance) I don't think there is a problem.

someone...confirm..

I do the same, and can't see it being an issue. As far as I am concerned, I am a UK citizen working for a UK company and paying UK tax. I am not a US resident or citizen, so US employment law shouldn't be an issue.

- Martin

This is not his situation. At the time most of the money was made, he was a UK citizen (and still is) earning money on UK soil for a US-based internet company (based out of Miami, FL). Which I suppose is closer to outsourcing, really. However, a lot of his money got deferred to me via PayPal. I'm intending to pay taxes on it, but I want it to be recognized as HIS money from his job.

What should you submit if you're planning to send this past year's return (2008) within another month's period? It takes about 6 weeks for a transcript to become available from the IRS after filing. Most of my jobs will submit W-2's, but we have two self-employment items to list that will not have W-2's; the closest we'll come is maybe a 1099-MISC, which is handwritten (therefore, what would stop someone from faking one?).

Any advice there?

Edit: What about letters from bank officers? Are those still usable for adjustment of status, or must they be tax documents?